That was the closest, most hotly contested race for a winner we've ever had!
I hope that means that my assistant judges and I made good choices for the finalists! :)
TheMarch MadnessWritingContest!
I admit it - I get all the fun. Sitting in the judge's chair, watching the votes come in, seeing first one person and then another in the lead, biting my nails when there are ties, waiting on pins and needles to see who will emerge victorious....
Normally I'd string you along and tease you for a while, but I'm too wiped out by this whole roller-coaster process.
Truly, it is not for the faint of heart.
Up one minute, down the next. Nerves stretched like bow strings.
A person less physically fit than myself (haha snort! - can't say THAT with a straight face after this winter :)) might suffer palpitations!
And speaking of palpitations, I had them aplenty when her royal highness, Miss Scouty Brown, came sauntering back in the house this morning having found something dreadful to roll in! "What is that SMELL???!!!" all the children shrieked!
Fortunately, we are in the midst of a small flood which, aside from making the basement a delightful place for canoeing, means that there is a lot of water outside. Scouty was able to enjoy her first swim of the year... twice... with the fortuitous result that she returned from our walk refreshed and smelling mostly like wet dog instead of Something Yucky.
But wait.
What were we talking about?
Oh yes!
The contest!
So, who won?
Oh! I'm supposed to tell you!
:)
Okay.
Seriously.
I'm really going to tell.
We had 75 fantastic entries, which we winnowed down by hook or by crook, to the best of our ability, to 10 fabulous finalists.
Y'all voted for your favorites.
And the winner of the 2014 March Madness Writing Contest, who gets to send the picture book manuscript of her choice to none other than the renowned children's literary agent, Karen Grencik of Red Fox Literary is. . .
Congratulations on a wonderful story, Wendy! I think it's clear that a LOT of people really enjoyed it! :)
Now, I wasn't kidding when I said this contest was hotly contested. I kept asking for votes this weekend, hoping the ties would get broken, but not all of them did.
So, for 2nd place we had a tie between
Mike Allegra
with the fantabulous Goldilockup!
and
Dawn Young
with the hilarious Goldibawks!
Congratulations Mike and Dawn, on two terrific and very different twists on Goldilocks! Lori and Cori have generously agreed to each give a critique instead of just one or the other, so you will each get a picture book critique by a fantastic author!
In 3rd place, guess what? Another tie! This time between
Pen Avey
with her delicious Sweetie Witch
and
Lauri Meyers
with her daring Princess And The Stinky Cheese!
Congratulations, Pen and Lauri! I will prevail upon Corey to tire her signing hand by signing copies of her books for both of you! :) And you may email me about your gift cards.
4th place goes to
Darshana Khiani
with her delightful Mongoose's Holi Party!
Congratulations, Darshana, on a truly original tale! You may choose the two picture books you'd like from the prize list. (I'll tack it on the bottom of the post for easy reference :)) And email me about your gift card.
In 5th place,
Jennifer Caritas (hope I've got that right...!)
with another forthright heroine in The "Princess" And The Pete!
Congratulations on a terrific story, Jennifer! You may also choose the two picture books you'd like from the prize list below and email me about your gift card.
And in 6th place,
Elliah Terry
with her fun southwestern Jackrabbit Who Cried Gila Monster!
Congratulations, Elliah! I bet that gila monster is still running from the coyote :) You will receive a personalized sighed copy of SNORING BEAUTY by Sudipta Bardhan-Quallen!
All the winners should email me to work out prize details!
But now, we are not quite done.
Because, like I said, this was a hotly contested contest. My assistant judges and I had quite a few other favorites that we felt couldn't quite make the finalist list for one reason or another, but we all thought they were worthy of recognition. So the following people (in no particular order) receive our heartfelt Honorable Mention!
Gaye Hemsley - Chocolate Muffins
Joanne Roberts - Goldi And The Three Squirrels
Vivian Kirkfield - Singerella
Katie Gast - Little Dead Riding Hood
Katie Cullinan - The Three Little Easter Bunnies
Jen Doherty - The Mischievous Fire Truck
Laura Shovan - The 12 Clumsy Princesses
Margaret Greenias - The Big, Bad-Mannered Wolf
Angela Turner - The Belle And The Sticker Burrs
Cheryl Secomb - Little Red Rider
Robert Schechter - Humpty
Erik Weibel - The Once Upon A Times
Rachel - Handsome And Gretchin
Congratulations to all of you on stories that were original, fun, and very entertaining! You may all choose one of the following as a prize: (titles are links so you can check them out)
Congratulations to everyone who entered a story in this contest. You all did an amazing job! My assistant judges and I loved every story for one reason or another. And I think it's fair to say that you entertained a LARGE number of readers!
Thank you so much to everyone who visited blogs, read, commented, and voted - these contests couldn't happen without you!
And thank you to the generous people who donated prizes - Karen Grencik, Lori Degman, and Cori Doerffeld - you're what everyone tries so hard for and you bring out the best in the writing community!
It's been another fun contest, and I thank you all!
I was going to announce the upcoming first ever * Illustrator Contest * today, but this post is too long already, and I really don't want to distract from the winners' moment in the spotlight, so I will either write a special Tuesday post for tomorrow or tack it onto the Would You Read It post on Wednesday.
So congratulations again to all the winners for all their wonderful stories, and to everyone who wrote a story for this contest. You are all winners just for showing up, writing something new, and practicing your craft!
Have a marvelous Monday, everyone! :)
List of Prizes:
- 1st Prize is a read and critique by Karen Grencik of Red Fox Literary!!! (Unless for some reason you don't want a read and critique by an agent, in which case you may swap for any of the other prizes)
- 2nd Prize is a picture book manuscript critique (for rhyming mss only) by Lori Degman, author of 1 ZANY ZOO and the forthcoming COCK-A-DOODLE-OOPS! OR a picture book manuscript critique (for non-rhyming mss only) by Cori Doerrfeld, author/illustrator of LITTLE BUNNY FOO FOO and PENNY LOVES PINK as well as illustrator of many others.
- 3rd Prize is personalized signed copies of THE THREE NINJA PIGS and GOLDI ROCKS & THE THREE BEARS by Corey Rosen Schwartz PLUS a $25 Amazon Gift Card
- 4th and 5th Prizes are your choice of any two of the following picture books PLUS a $20 Amazon Gift Card:
- THE THREE LITTLE WOLVES AND THE BIG BAD PIG by Eugene Trivizas
- CINDY ELLEN: A WILD WESTERN CINDERELLA by Susan Lowell
- LITTLE RED WRITING by Joan Holub
- THE THREE LITTLE PIGS AND THE SOMEWHAT BAD WOLF by Mark Teague
- THE PRINCESS AND THE PEAS by Caryl Hart
- THE WOLF'S STORY: WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD by Toby Forward
- GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE DINOSAURS by Mo Willems
- 6th Prize (which just skated in under the wire - thank you Sudipta!) is a personalized signed copy of hot-off-the-presses SNORING BEAUTY by Sudipta Bardhan-Quallen
I know you've all been on tenterhooks, waiting with bated breath, counting the minutes until you find out which of the amazing fractured fairy tales entered in the March Madness Writing Contest made the finals!
Well, I'd love to tell you, but we couldn't decide.
TheMarch MadnessWritingContest!
Just kidding :) We decided... in the end... but it was nearly the end of us, and I'm not sure who will be living happily ever after!
We agonized.
Seriously.
We've done nothing but eat, sleep and breathe fairy tales for the last 3 days solid. (Well, not counting a school visit on Tuesday which took me out of the judging room for a large portion of the day.) And we stayed up WAY past our bedtimes last night (which is likely to result in a challenging school visit today!), evaluating and re-evaluating, weighing kid-friendliness, story quality, creativity, and originality, good beginnings, good endings, and clever twists, stories for youngest readers, middle grade readers, and teen readers.
We had entries that moved down out of the finalists short list and back up. We had entries that were incredibly creative and well-written but weren't quite stories. We had entries that were great ideas but their plots didn't quite hang together. We had entries we loved until the last two sentences. We had a couple that even the judge who usually goes for such things thought were a little too dark. We had entries we loved that we thought were a little too adult or that had elements of humor we thought were too adult for the rest of the story. And we had a LOT of entries that were great but we felt just lacked that certain something to put them quite over the top onto the list... and that of course is subjective to some degree, so another group of judges might have chosen differently.
Any of you who had a chance to read through the entries will know how fantastic they were. Across the board you guys should all be so proud of yourselves! Not only did you show up, you delivered! And like I said, the choice was incredibly hard.
So, without further ado...
... let me give you a few statistics that I'm sure you'll find thrilling :)
In case you were wondering (admit it, you were), the fairy tale entries broke down as follows:
Goldilocks:
10
Red Riding
Hood: 8
Cinderella:
5
Jack &
Bean Stalk: 5
Mash-Up: 5
Princess
& Pea: 4
Billy
Goats Gruff: 4
Hansel
& Gretel: 4
Nursery Rhyme-related: 4
3 Little
Pigs: 3
Little Red
Hen: 3
Boy Who
Cried Wolf: 3
Sleeping
Beauty: 2 (one of which was submitted by my husband and was therefore just for fun)
Gingerbread
Man: 2 (one of which was mine, so technically not an entry :))
12 Dancing
Princesses: 2
Emperor’s
New Clothes: 1
Snow White: 1
Rapunzel: 1
Shoemaker
& Elves: 1
Frog
Prince: 1 Tortoise
& Hare: 1
Also, the human eye blinks an everage of 4,200,000 times a year... since we're talking statistics :)
And now, without further ado...
Wait. One more thing.
There were so many great entries we DID after much tearing of hair and rending of garments come up with a finalist list, but in order to do so we had to be incredibly picky about minute details. Many of the stories we cut were fantastic... but for one tiny detail which dropped them out of contention. So on Monday, when we announce the winners, we will also announce a list of 12 Honorable Mentions (a nice even dozen :)) who almost made the list and truly deserve recognition, and they will probably qualify for a little prize of some kind which I will think up over the weekend :)
VOTING: Please read through these 10 amazing stories, choose the one you think most deserves to win, and vote for it in the poll below. Stories are listed by number and title only - author's name deliberately omitted to help with objectivity in voting. If you'd like to share this post on FB, twitter etc. so that the deserving finalists get more reads and votes, you are encouraged to do so, but I ask that you please not attempt to influence the vote by requesting people to vote for specific numbers or titles. That is not in the spirit of the competition, and if I find out you've done it you will be disqualified.
And now, really without further ado...
...here are the 10 Finalists:
#1 The Three Wiggly Worms Bluff
“Melting
snow is swamping the soil! Time to head to higher ground,” said Papa Worm.
Papa,
Mama and Baby Worm squirmed to the surface and wiggled up the grassy slope to
face—
the
dreaded sidewalk.
“Ow!
It’s rough,” said Baby.
“Go
as fast as you can.” Mama gave him a pat. “And keep a lookout for birds.”
Baby
wiggled as fast as he could.
But
he was only halfway across when a robin swooped down.
“I’m
going to gobble you up and take you to my babies!” the robin squawked.
“I’m
a baby myself. Barely a bite, and not worth your flight. Mama is coming, she’s
more than a morsel. Why don’t you wait for her?” said Baby.
The
robin thanked Baby and sent him on his way.
When
the coast looked clear, Mama wiggled as fast as she could.
But
she was barely halfway across when the robin hopped out from a bush.
“I’m
going to gobble you up and take you to my babies!” the robin squawked.
“I’d
make an adequate dinner, but if you want to treat your babies to a feast you
might want to wait for Papa worm. He’s coming next,” said Mama.
The
robin thanked Mama and sent her on her way.
Papa
did calisthenics, warming up his wiggle. Between the birds and the pavement
heating up, He needed to be fast!
Papa
wasn’t halfway across when the robin landed in his path.
“I’m
going to gobble you up and take you to my babies!” the robin squawked. “You are
plump perfection!”
“Is
it true that the early bird gets the worm?” asked Papa.
“That’s
true.” The robin opened wide.
“Stop!
How do I know you’re the early bird? Maybe someone else is supposed to
eat me,” said Papa.
A
second bird saw its chance. “I was here first.”
“No,
you weren’t!” the robin screeched.
“I’m
the early bird!” they both insisted.
The
two birds went beak to beak, pecking and pulling feathers.
While
the birds quarreled, Papa wiggled,
across
the concrete and—Ploop!—down a hole in the grass.
“No
worm for the early bird today.” Papa hugged his family.
They
wiggled down to enjoy their damp, but not flooded, springtime home. .
until summer heat baked
the soil and they had to return across the sidewalk again.
#2 Sweetie Witch
A sweet old witch named Hilda
Lived deep in Toffee Wood,
Weaving magic, casting spells...
Some bad, but mostly good.
One day while dipping in a stream
To catch a moonlight pearl,
She heard a sob, and in a bush
There crouched a tearful girl.
"I beg you Miss, don't eat me!"
Pleaded little Gretel,
"My bones are dry, my flesh is thin,
My blood tastes yuck, like metal."
Hilda laughed and shook her head,
Though Gretel was suspicious.
"Why would I eat you dear
When my house tastes so delicious?"
The witch led Gretel through the trees
Into a fairy glade,
And Gretel's eyes grew round as hoops
At wonders there displayed.
A cottage built from gingerbread
And cake, instead of oak.
Up from the chocolate chimney pot
Rose cotton-candy smoke.
Brightly colored lollipops
In pots beside the door.
Honeycomb for roof tiles,
And sherbet on the floor.
A table made from liquorice,
With soft marshmallow chairs.
A rug of woven apple-whips,
And jelly-beans for stairs.
"The best part's round the back, my dear,"
Hilda trilled with glee,
"My sweetie tree makes anything - look -
I'm growing a muffin settee!"
When Gretel saw she gave a gasp
For on it her brother sat,
His mouth crammed full of muffin crumbs,
Stroking the witch's cat.
"Hello there, my name's Hansel,"
The foolish glutton said,
"Could you get me some milk to wash this down?"
Suddenly... the witch... saw RED!
"Oh, greedy boy!" yelled Hilda,
"You really are a hog!"
With that she waved her candy wand
And turned him to a frog.
Poor Gretel started weeping,
Which softened Hilda's heart,
And she turned her to a frog too
So they'd never be apart.
Now Hansel and Gretel live happily
In Hilda's little stream,
Diving down for moonlight pearls
And eating fly ice-cream.
#3 The Princess And The Stinky Cheese
"If you don't find a princess to marry soon," the
Queen said, "I'll be forced to give the crown to the dog."
"Mother, your ridiculous "true princess" tests
are the problem," Prince Plumbottom whined."Let's
see. Merida didn't feel the grain of rice in her pillow."
"Snored like a bear."
"Fiona couldn't taste donkey snot in her soup."
"Gobbled it down like a dragon."
"Even if a princess passedyour
test," Prince Plumbottom said, "Princesses are so boring. I want to
marry a daring lass!"
"Very well, son. We will look for a true princess who is
also daring. I know just the right test."
"Here comes a girl now, and she has a branch in her
hair!" he clapped his hands. "This young woman has had an
adventure."
The prince skipped over to the soaking wet maiden.
"Hello, I'm Prince Plumbottom."
"Hello, I'm Princess Peabody," she said. "I was
tracking a rattlesnake, but I fell into the river and now I'm quite lost."
"A rattlesnake? How daring!" the prince
squealed. "Won't you join us for lunch?"
Princess Peabody wiped her muddy face with a napkin. She was
about to blow her nose, but stopped when she heard the Queen whisper
"Stinky Cheese Test" to the prince. She had heard of queens like
this.
"Cheese, dear?" the Queen asked.
"Oh, it's a lovely green," Princess Peabody said.
"But it's not nearly stinky enough."
The prince beamed.
The Queen thumped on the table. "Cook! Bring the stinkier
cheese!"
The cook held a handkerchief over her nose and presented the
stinkier cheese.
"Yummy. It smells like an ogre's shoe," the princess
said. "But my Kingdom has much stinkier cheese."
The Queen's face turned red. "Guards! Find the stinkiest
cheese in the land!"
The knights returned with a metal trunk which smelled like a
dragon's armpit.
"Open it!" the Queen commanded.
The knights closed their armor masks and reached with a sword to
open the chest. The stench was so horrific, so terrible, so...
stinky that everyone fainted.
Everyone except Princess Peabody.
She fed the stinky cheese to the royal dog who didn't mind the
smell at all. Then she blew her nose, finally clearing it of river mud.
The Queen came to and saw the empty cheese plate. "A true
princess!"
Prince Plumbottom declared, "A daring princess!"
Burp! The dog agreed.
And they all lived stinkily ever after.
#4 The Jackrabbit Who Cried Gila Monster
Torito’s brothers were sound asleep,
but Torito . . . was as perky as a cactus.
Naps are no fun, he thought. He twiddled his ears until he got a
wonderful idea.
“Help!” he cried. “There’s a Gila monster under our bed!”
Torito’s brothers jumped so high, they bumped the ceiling. Mama
burst into the room, broom in hand. Torito giggled.
“Torito,” Mama said, grabbing the stuffed Gila monster he’d
hidden, “YOU are supposed
to be asleep.” She handed him the toy and left.
Torito and his brothers snuggled into their bed. Soon his
brothers were sound asleep, but
Torito . . . was as restless as a tumbleweed.
Naps are boring, he thought. I know . . .
“Help!” he cried. “There’s a Gila monster under our bed!”
Torito’s brothers cowered in the corner. Mama burst into the
room. Torito laughed so hard, his sides ached.
“Torito J. Jackrabbit,” Mama said, grabbing the stuffed Gila
monster, “YOU—”
“I tricked you!” Torito teased.
Mama crossed her arms. “It isn't nice to trick. Now go to
sleep.” This time she kept the toy.
Torito and his brothers snuggled into their bed. Torito was as
tired as a tortoise.
He closed his eyes.
Scritch-scratch!
Torito tore off his covers and peeked under the bed.
He gasped.
Two beady eyes stared back at him. Five sharp claws flexed on each hand. A
long, purple tongue flickered out.
“Giiiiii-laaaaa monnnn-sterrrrr!” Torito yelled as he leaped
into the closet.
His brothers didn’t move. They covered their ears and rolled
over.
“Mama!” Torito screamed.
But Mama called back, “Go to sleep, Torito.”
The Gila monster stretched its jaws. Torito’s heart raced.
Suddently, he got a wonderful idea—he knew Mama wouldn’t like it—but he
didn’t know what else to do.
“Watch
out!” Torito cried, “There’s a coyote in this
closet!”
The Gila monster scoffed. “I’m not falling for that.”
Torito pulled the string on his stuffed coyote. Yarooooooooo!
the toy howled.
The Gila monster hissed and scurried out the window. When he was
far enough away, Torito called out, “I tricked you!”
“Torito . . .” Mama’s voice drifted from the kitchen.
“I know—it isn’t nice to trick.” (Unless it saves your life,) he
thought.
Clutching his stuffed coyote, Torito snuggled between his
brothers.
Soon, he
felt as calm as the desert sand and drifted off into a peaceful jackrabbit
slumber.
#5 Little Red Riding Hood And The Tiny Rude Bunny
Once upon a springtime, Little Red Riding Hood encountered a
bunny nibbling grass near the forest path. He said, “Good morning, little girl.
Where are you going?”
Now, Red knew she should not talk to strangers. She had talked
to a wolf once, and had almost been eaten! But this was just a tiny bunny, so
she said, “To grandmother’s house.”
“What’s in your basket?”
“Fancy eggs,” Red answered, showing him. The eggs sparkled like
beautiful pink, blue, green, and gold gems. “We’re going to share them with the
village children.”
“I want them!” The bunny grabbed at the basket. He was not a
very polite bunny.
“No!” said Red. And off she went.
The bunny was angry. He wanted those eggs! He would trick her
into giving them to him.
Over the river and through the woods, the bunny raced to
Grandma’s house. And, because bunnies are very fast when they want to be, he
got there well before Red.
Bunny knocked on the door. No one was home. So he ran inside,
put on Grandma’s clothes, and jumped into her bed, just as Red got to the
cottage.
She was suspicious immediately.
“Grandma, you look so small today.”
“People shrink as they age,” the bunny said. “It’s not nice to
point it out.”
“What big ears you have.”
“Ears never stop growing. A polite girl wouldn’t mention it.”
“What big whiskers you have.”
“How rude!”
“What big teeth you have.”
That was the last straw for bunny. “The better to eat your eggs,”
he said and jumped from the bed.
Red wasn’t scared. After all, this wasn’t a big, bad wolf, this
was a tiny rude bunny. She picked him up by the scruff of his neck. “No,” she
said. “In fact, as punishment, you can deliver these eggs to the children for
us.”
“Good idea,” said Grandma, coming in and pulling out a wand.
(Ever since the incident with the wolf, Grandma had been studying witchcraft as
self-defence.) She cast a spell to make the bunny deliver the eggs.
But the bunny was tricky. Instead of giving the eggs to the
children, he hid them around their houses. The next day he went back and stole
the ones they’d missed. But the kids had so much fun that Grandma let the bunny
keep his eggs, so long as he promised to hide more again next year.
#6 Goldibawks And The Three Pairs
Once upon a time there lived a mama duck, a daddy duck and
junior duck.
One day after mama fixed seaweed stew they went out for a waddle
while it cooled.
Meanwhile nearby, Goldibawks, a young chicken as yellow as the
sun, who had just wandered out from the countryside, spotted an ad.
WANTED:
BASKETBALL
PLAYER
FOR NCAA
MARCH MADNESS BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT
TODAY AT
CHICKERBOCKER ARENA
c/o
National Chicken Athletic Association
Wattles wiggling, Golidbawks was eggstatic. Back on
the farm, the roosters refused to let her play. This was her chance to show those
roosters in the coop that this chick can play hoop!
In a shirt, skirt and heels, Goldibawks needed gym clothes but
she was too far from home. Just then she saw the ducks’ house. She knocked. No
one answered. She tried the door and it opened so she let herself in.
Goldibawks looked around for gym shorts.
She found papa’s pair but they were too boring.
She found mama’s pair but they were too bright.
She found junior’s pair and they were just right, so she put
them on.
Next Goldibawks looked for socks.
She found papa’s pair but they were too dingy.
She found mama’s pair but they were too white.
She found junior’s pair and they were just right, so she put
them on.
Finally, Goldibawks looked for some cool kicks.
She found papa’s pair but they were too heavy.
She found mama’s pair but they were too light.
She found junior’s pair and they were just right, so she put
them on.
Then the ducks burst in. Goldibawks hid.
“Somebody tried on my shorts, socks and sneakers,” quacked
papa duck.
“Somebody tried on my shorts, socks and sneakers,”
quacked mama duck.
“Somebody tried on my shorts, socks and sneakers, and
still has them on,” quacked junior duck.
With that, they spied Golidbawks, dressed in junior’s gear.
“I can eggsplain,” she clucked and told the ducks the whole
story.
Eggcited for Goldibawks, the ducks escorted her to the arena.
Goldibawks joined the team alongside Charles Bawkley, Larry
Byrd, Mag-chick Johnson and Michael Jord-hen.
She had a stellar game, with a dozen dunks , half a dozen
assists and went twelve for twelve from the fowl line.
Her signature Goldibawks blocks and the team’s peck and roll
offense led them to the NCAA championship game, which they won when Goldi
tipped in the winning shot.
#7 Mongoose's Holi Party
#8 Sleeping Beauty: Burn The Wheel, Spare The Barrel
After waiting a really, really, really long time a
king and queen had a baby.
“To celebrate we’ll invite everyone in the kingdom,
especially the fairies!” But not the Dark Fairy. It could be that they
forgot, or maybe she was a downer and no one wanted her there.
If you are the only person not invited to a party,
it’s not difficult to notice. The Dark Fairy could hear music at the
castle and see bonfires, and crowds. Can you blame her for being mad?
“Curses red, yellow and green, she will prick her
finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and DIE at age 15!”
“I change it to a nap that ends in a kiss,” said
another fairy.
“Burn every spinning wheel in the kingdom!” cried
the king and queen.
The spinning wheels were burned.
“But how will we make clothes?” asked the king’s
subjects.
You see, spinning wheels are used to create yarn
and thread. Yarn and thread are woven into fabric, and fabric is made
into clothes. No spinning wheels, no clothes.
“What will we wear?” asked the people. “We
can’t afford to buy clothes from other kingdoms!”
Soon everyone was wearing the strangest things.
“Does my wine barrel make me look fat?” asked a
maid.
“I wouldn’t recommend suits of armor without
underwear,” said a chaffed knight.
Storekeepers wore pots and pans. Subjects
grew out their hair.
“We best wear pots and pans too, so everyone will
stop being mad at us,” said the king and queen.
When the princess was 14 years and 364 days old the
king’s subjects had had enough.
“Our barrels give us splinters!”
“Pans are too heavy!”
“Let’s smuggle in a spinning wheel,” someone said,
no one remembers who.
“Where do we hide it?”
“The one place the king and queen won’t look… the
castle’s attic.”
The smugglers had forgotten about the princess.
The king and queen had too. On the princess’
birthday they went on a date.
Exploring, the princess discovered a strange
contraption in the attic. “What an interesting machine, I think I’ll
touch this sharp point.”
The princess pricked her finger on the spindle and
fell into a deep sleep.
“We are in so much trouble,” said the smugglers.
“I’m not going to kiss her, I’m married.” one said.
“She’s already asleep so we can have spinning
wheels now.” agreed the others.
And they
did.
#9 The "Princess" And The Pete
Late in the evening, in cold April showers A maiden on horseback approached Prince Pete’s towers “I hate to be forward,” she said, “but I’m beat!” “Would you have a place I could hide from this sleet?”
Her warm, friendly smile... Her natural glow... Now here was a person Pete wanted to know! He asked her inside His mom piled the bed up To give her the test that had Pete truly fed up
“This pea stuff!” Pete spluttered. “You’re always so pushy!” “Who cares if the girl has a sensitive tushy?!”
But he knew that his mom glorified the elite So to marry this girl he might just have to cheat So just when his houseguest was washing her face He took out the pea... And put a squash in its place
But next morning, weirdly, the girl simply said “I’m really enjoying this mile-high bed!” The queen looked annoyed. “Not a princess, I see.” The worried prince begged her for leniency.
And later when evening was starting to fall He switched out the squash for his dad’s bowling ball
But next day, more thank you’s! Our poor prince was shaken And knew that this night drastic steps must be taken
So just as the girl said good night to the queen He lifted a mattress and squeezed in between And all through the night, hardly taking a breather He wiggled and wriggled and kicked underneath her.
The prince felt her toss Heard her groan "What the heck?" In the morning he noticed her rubbing her neck Still, when asked by the queen if she’d had a good rest The girl simply beamed and said “It was the best!”
Prince Pete was confounded. Confused! Mystified! He decided to fess up and ask if she’d lied. She looked disbelieving. “Of course! I’m a guest! When asked if I slept well I always say yes!”
Prince Pete couldn’t help it; he asked for her hand She shook her head sadly, said “Please understand...”
“Someday I might marry (right now I’m all set) But I’m not going to marry a guy I just met And even a girl who’d get hitched in a hurry Might find your MOTHER a real source of worry.
But I could use a friend, and some laughs, and a talk So how about this... Let’s start with a walk?”
#10 Goldilockup
“Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” exclaimed Papa Bear.
“Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” exclaimed Mama Bear.
“Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” exclaimed Baby Bear. “And
there she is!”
At that, Goldilocks awoke with a shriek, jumped out the window,
and ran away as fast as she could.
But it wasn’t fast enough. Before she could disappear into the
forest, a large hand clamped down on her shoulder and slapped on the cuffs.
The man was in uniform. He scowled at Goldilocks and spoke into
his crackling walkie talkie. “I got her,” he growled. “I’ll be downtown in
ten.”
Then he turned to Golidlocks. “You’re coming with me, blondie.”
“What? Why?”
“Breaking and entering, grand theft porridge, vandalism,
squatting… You’re a regular crime wave, kid.”
And into the squad car she went.
“You punks are all alike,” the officer said once they arrived at
the station. “You always think you’re the hero.”
He pointed to a boy getting his mug shot. “See that kid? He
thinks he’s a hero, too. But he’s been charged with murder, burglary, and
chopping down a giant beanstalk without a forestry permit. He ain’t no hero,
girlie, and neither are you.”
Goldilocks was shoved into a holding cell. She was terrified by
the lowlifes who surrounded her. There was a woodsman who practiced stomach
surgery without a license. Pigs who attempted to boil their dinners alive.
Prince charmings found carrying unregistered swords and daggers. Billy goats
accused of assault and battery.
It was a motley crew.
“What’s going to happen now?” Goldilocks asked the officer.
“Well, first we gotta catch up with Cinderella and Snow White,”
he replied.
“What are they wanted for?” she asked.
“Oh,” the man replied, “we’ll come up with something.”
At that moment, another officer shouted in triumph. “We got
‘em!”
A joyous “Whoop!” went up throughout the precinct as Snow White
and Cinderella were booked, photographed, fingerprinted, and tossed in the cell
with the others.
“A good day’s work, gentlemen!” said the police captain emerging
from his office. He wasn’t exactly a police captain, though.
He was a Big Bad Wolf.
The officers then pulled off their masks.
Giants!
Ogres!
Stepmothers!
Goldilocks and the other prisoners shuddered at the sight.
It was official: Fairy Tale Forest was under new management.
Please vote for the one you think deserves to win by Sunday March 30 at 5 PM EDT. Winners will be announced on Monday March 31!!
Thank you all so much for reading and voting! I can't wait to see who the winners are!!!
