Reflections on the trip back home

1) I am very grateful that I am older and more comfortable with my life choices.  By the time I left I had had about enough of the sideways comments from my mom about breastfeeding (she actually told several people that I missed my calling as a wet nurse, in front of me; talk about awkward).  I had also had about enough of people implying that I was torturing my baby by not letting her eat anything but milk.  Luckily my parents' friends are much more supportive of breast feeding than my mom is so there were some supportive conversations, and ones that they initiated in front of her.  Oh, and I was getting really tired of not having a chair to sit in in my room.  It is really hard to nurse hunched over on the edge of the bed six times a day.

2) My sister.  Oh my sister.  She is amazing.  I don't think I've shared much of her story here so let me give you some background.  She had her son when she was 29 and at 31 started trying for a second baby.  That was 12 years ago.  She has been through more infertility treatments than I could keep track of.  We stopped talking about it for a long time because she wanted our relationship to be an escape from all of that.  So I never asked, she just told me things when she wanted me to know.  And she called me a couple of months ago to tell me that their third surrogate is pregnant!  She was SO nervous about telling my parents.  Neither of us was sure what their reaction to the surrogacy thing would be.  Let me tell you, my sister made the announcement in the most eloquent way that it would have been impossible for someone to not be excited and happy for them.  I was really really impressed.  And can I tell you that she is *glowing*!  I think the pregnant lady glow is more from happiness than pregnancy hormones.

3) Mads did not realize that adults prefer babies that sleep on planes.  Needless to say, she did not make many friends on the plane ride there.  And then she totally lost it on the drive to my parents' house from the airport (which is about 2.5 hours).  Luckily it was just family in the car...  The flight home had all the makings for a nightmare.  The flight was delayed about 4 hours and we were stuck at the gate just the two of us.  But Mads was happy to watch all the people and to play with me.  There was a little nursing nook in the bathroom right near our gate so feeding her wasn't awkward.  And when we got on the plane she fell right to sleep.  BUT THEN... 100 french teenagers on a school trip got on and sat all around us.  They were all simultaneously shouting and talking and, of course, Mads woke up and wanted to know what was going on.  This was now an hour past her bed time so she was pretty tired.  We sat on the tarmac for another hour listening to the french teenagers.  Me trying to keep Mads from getting too crazy.  Luckily, once the plane took off the lights went out and all of them (the french teenagers and my baby) slept for the entire flight.  BTW, if you can afford it I strongly recommend getting a separate seat for the baby.  It would have been a nightmare having her in my lap the whole time (it was a 5 hours flight).

4) It is wonderful to be home.

5) My husband has been out of town since right before we left for my parents house and he won't be back until the 19th of August.  I have even more respect and awe for you single moms out there.  It is really hard always being the one on call and I haven't been doing it for all that long.  Dh isn't even that involved of a dad; I do about 95% of the childcare.  But having that fall-back for the 5% really does make a big difference.  You all are AMAZING. 

being back home

On Sunday I flew out to visit my parents for the first time in a long, long time.

I was really hurt over their lack of a reaction to my miscarriage and avoided them like the plague. It was as if I had told them I found a yummy new ice cream at the grocery store, and then called later to say it had all melted on the way home and I couldn't eat it. In fact, probably worse, becuase I bet my mom would have asked the next week if I had gotten another carton of the ice cream...

It has taken me a long time, but I have gradually moved past this. I am not sure I forgive them, but I have learned one too many times now to not expect much emotional support. This lesson has maybe finally sunk in, and so I was emotionally strong enough to come for a visit.

My family is big on martinis and coffe and exercise, so I was confronted with not really having an option of not telling them I am a little bit pregnant. They would have been suspicious, and I would have felt mean by lying.

They are really excited and happy. And have been really nice and supportive. I am a big baby about some things, as I have mentioned to you all that I feel like this pregnancy is made of fine crystal and might break. They seem ok with this, even though it is so not their style.

My mom's yoga instructor had two miscarriages before her first baby, and is now pregnant again. Mom made a comment about how this woman acts the same way, and in fairly understanding way (for her). That has been nice.

We'll never be a touchy feely, share your emotions kind of family, but its been nice to be home. And nice to be around people who have the worldview that if you get pregnant, you have a baby. But also, very very scary. I so don't want to jinx myself.