Mads is napping in her room, which is a good 30 feet away from me. I just heard her fart, a nice juicy one. Always makes me snicker. I'm so proud when she makes good use of those diapers... challenging their capacity...
I need some support/advice/thoughts on childcare. At some point I need to work more than 8 hours a week. Since I don't technically work over the summer* I am ok with letting my lab kind of go to hell for a few more months while I enjoy my baby. (*Such an ironic twist to the professor job, we work just as much over the summer but are technically speaking not being paid unless you are really lucky and have a grant that pays summer salary. Since I'm in evolutionary biology and funded through NSF and small non-profit foundations that ain't happening.)
Starting in late August I need to be available to go to school during the work week. I don't necessarily have to be there full time since I have leave from teaching for another semester, but I do need childcare that is more accommodating. I have a wonderful nanny for Mads right now who comes on Wednesdays and Fridays, but the most she can do starting in August is 4 days a week.
Surprisingly, we got Mads into the university's childcare program. It is a wonderful program and really hard to get into. I didn't think we even had a shot but applied anyway. I think the fact that dh and I both work at the university and have been here so long amazingly pushed us to the top of the list. Mads got in right away.
It is a really good program since it is "child development" rather than day care per se, but it is still a situation where there are nine infants in her class and three teachers. It isn't the one-on-one attention that a nanny can provide.
All of the baby instruction books I read go on and on about how one-on-one care is the ideal and a day care situation is acceptable if absolutely necessary.
Do you all know of anyone, or do you use a day care type of childcare and are there any success stories?
When I think of the logistics of our day-to-day lives I really like the day care thing. This place is about 5 blocks (about 600 steps, I counted) from my office. I can park my car right beside it, drop Mads off and then walk to work, stopping for coffee along the way. The place is open from 7:30am to 5:30pm so I can drop her off and pick her up with a lot of flexibility. I envision her being in daycare for about 4-5 hours a day, giving me a good 3-4 hours of work every day of the week. I can do email and other things at home when she naps and at night and get in another 2 hours each day. This will be enough to keep my lab running at a decent level for the next academic year. And, will give me a nice amount of time with Mads.
The nanny situation sounds like it is probably the best for Mads, but it commits me to working full days 4 days a week. I can't decide not to go to school one day when I don't have any meetings and stay home to play with Mads if the nanny is showing up. Plus, it leaves me unavailable for school things one day a week, which I know will be problematical. There is always shit that comes up that I need to deal with, and not being available at all one day during the week will mean that it will always be on that day. I am pretty against taking Mads to school with me regularly as I really want to avoid ever feeling like she is keeping me from doing work things. Better to keep them separate so that I am "all there" wherever that happens to be. And, I will never ask any of my students to babysit. That just feels like a big, big mistake.
And Mads has a really easy-going personality so far. She seems to really like new places and people, is happy to be held by anyone, falls asleep easily, likes to eat so much that she's not really all that particular (but see my adventures in nursing 1 and 2), and is basically a really easy baby. I don't know if that is good or bad for a day care situation, but I think it is good (or does it mean she'll get ignored, you know "squeaky wheel gets the grease"?)
Plus, and this is probably not inconsequential, I have to be honest and admit that I have a bit of a jealousy issue that I am working hard to contain. It is hard to explain but let me try through an anecdote. The nanny has taken to trimming Mads' fingernails all the time and keeping them very short. Yes, this is a good thing for Mads' sake but I want to be the one who gets to trim her nails. It bothers me. You know what I mean? Does that make sense?
And the other very selfish reason I lean towards the day care thing? I will make friends with the other parents, something I have been longing for for so long.
But I angst over the guilt. Do you decide what is best for the baby, what is best for you, what feels best for your relationship? Financially it is a wash, four days a week of nanny is about the same as five days of day care. What would you all do in my situation? Any success stories with day care to share?
I have been taking my almost four year old to daycare since she was 12 weeks in a child care center with a 4:1 ratio for infants. She is a very smart, well adjusted child. So I think it is a success. To be honest, now that she is so social I think they do a better job than I do sometimes. I am taking Parker there in a mere 3 weeks. There are definitely some things I don't like but overall I do like it.
ReplyDeleteOur center is also at my work. Like on the first floor and I work on the second floor, so I can go and BF Parker or eat lunch with G.
Email me if you have some specific questions or you can call me. email me for my number.
Well..I don't have kids yet, so I cannot speak from experience. From reading what you have said though, it does sound like the daycare will work best for you. In the daycare there will be 3 people watching out for your little one. Sure she will have to share them with a bunch of other babies, but even a SAHM with more than one baby will be sharing herself around.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like the daycare will fit in with your lifestyle a bit better too. You said you won't be going back full time, so there will still be plenty of one on one time for her with you.
Sorry about the anonymous..blogger won't let me sign in.grrr. kez71
I have a friend who had her daughter in day care from 12 weeks, and she is just fine. She is very well adjusted, understanding sharing, was toilet trained early and has great language skills. I think it helps to be around other kids and adults.
ReplyDeleteAnd my neice went to "preschool" (basically day care at her age) beginning at 2.5 years 3 mornings a week, after being with nanny 3 days/week and mom the rest, and she really blossomed there. Her language really took off, and she began much more socially engaged.
So if you have such a great day care available to you, and it sounds like you do - don't feel bad about it. Use it as much as you need, and know you will also be with her quite a lot for a working mom too. Best of both worlds, I'd say.
Here's a study about it:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/seccyd.cfm
And I had read a different one as well, but cant find it again. I am sure you can search it out if you are interested.
I think a nanny would drive me INSANE. A friend of mine has one 4 days a week, and her child is now almost 2, and is SUPER attached to the nanny. She is totally bonded, and gets really upset when the nanny leaves, and especially if they go on vacation or something without the nanny. This is great for the child, but is so hard on my friend. I don't think I could take it, even though it might be better for the child. The other issue is when to quit the nanny-- you can't just take a child's beloved nanny out of their lives without incurring hard core psychological scars. So you have to think about maintaining that relationship until the child is old enough to let go of that relationship and that bond-- and when would that be? Age 5? 8? 12? 18??? You know?
I guess you see what I would do!! :) But I am thinking entirely selfishly. I guess if I were you, I'd read the studies. Very tough decision.
You are so very lucky to get a university daycare spot, you must, must take it. The waitlist at mine is 2.5 years and there are currently a couple hundred families waiting for care. My son is in a home daycare (has been since 11 months) and absolutely thriving. I had a nanny for 8-11 months, and Dad was on parental leave when I went back to work full-time at 5 months. There are two main advantages that I see to the group care situation:
ReplyDeletea) Skill development. I love that he learns both practical and social skills at daycare, just from observing other kids his own age. Sometimes I am sad that I wasn't the one to teach him new things (like using a fork, for example) but we connect in other ways. My son is very affectionate and simply loves being with other kids - this is something that a nanny just can't provide unless you are doing a nanny-share situation.
2) Independence. Of course it tugs at a parent's heart strings, but it is amazing to see your child RUN into daycare and not look back because he is just so freakin' happy to be there. Some mornings there are tears and crankiness, but this is now the exception and not the rule.
The only thing I would caution about is that developmentally, if she starts in September that is going to be very close to when separation anxiety kicks in - it generally starts at 8 months and even the most easy going babies can be very attached to Mom and cry constantly when she's not around during this phase. I learned this the hard way, but there are a lot of strategies to deal with it. Hopefully the centre you are going to has the "graduated entry" thing, but I also liked Pantley's "No Cry" separation anxiety book. It helped me immensely. And of course the other big issue is getting yourself ready to get out the door in the morning with a little one under foot. How I long for the nanny days when I am scrambling to get dressed in the morning while trying to prevent my toddler from flushing things down the toilet and generally wreaking havoc on the household.
I think all of this is very personal. I never considered using a nanny; frankly it freaks me out. LG was in home-based licensed daycare from 4-15 mo and then in a center. (I would have started her at a center but the only reputable one in our very small town didn't have a space.)
ReplyDeleteCenter-based care is reliable in a way that other situations are not; for me, particularly as a single parent, that has been critical.
This is coming a little late but I wanted to chime in. Babies love daycare. They love to see other babies and they love the attention they get. I believe very strongly that the way we raise children in this generation goes against our evolutionary behavior strategies. It is not healthy for one adult to care for one child and have no other social outlet. Even when I was a kid my mom shared "parenting duties" with every other mom on the block. They all watched each other's kids and socialized. That rarely happens now so the nearest substitute is daycare. My daughter has always been a social butterfly and did very poorly when it was just me and her (I did too). I would imagine the situation would be similar with a nanny. Of course, if you have an easy going baby that might be different but I still think early socialization makes a big difference for young children. My nieces never went to daycare and they all have a hard time in new social situations. Sorry if I sound preachy, obviously I'm opinionated about this!
ReplyDelete