Passion

Full moon again...

Look out. Things got so weird yesterday I thought I had I traveled to an alternative universe.  I want to go home.

Me and my stupid mouth...

I disappointed two of my heroes this past weekend.

I never confessed what I did to anyone, although I knew I would feel better if I had.  Me and my stupid mouth, again.

My problem:  I cannot contain my enthusiasm and say too much.  In this case, I didn't think enough about the ramifications.  I operate on feelings too much... as if purity and honesty and goodness rule this world. It must be okay to speak up when you feel these things, right?

Wrong.

This is a blog about thinking first and speaking later.  Do this, please. Do not be like me.

It is not always the right thing to do.  I will make this my mission from here on out.  As many times as I have said this, I never seem to manage to remember until it is too late. I had to recall this JM song that I used to listen to back in the early part of this decade, when I was going back to school and crying every Tuesday and Thursday nights driving home after algebra class.

I will make it up to them both.  Just you wait.  Here we go again.

This old Leon Russell song just appeared in my head...

Watch out now, take care
Beware of greedy leaders
They take you where you should not go
While Weeping Atlas Cedars
They just want to grow, grow and grow
Beware of darkness... 

No waves, more cat art...

Make that sandwich with JUST MAYO, please!

Back to the routine

Ho hum

If we hadn't had yesterday, today would have been milked for much more.  But, we had yesterday... so I was bored after one hour this morning and went on home.  If only we could have days like yesterday more often, my life would feel damn near perfect.

Finally, a good day...

I couldn't go in, even almost three hours later when the wind finally turned onshore.  It was green and glassy and breaking right and I did not have any obligations until 10:45 am.  Surfed with Andy, Mike G, Mike D, James, and a growing crowd.  David was shooting from the pier and caught a few of us on film.  Proof that it really finally happened...

James on his Doc Toy

Andy on his Sweet Tater

Me on my Dominator

Surfing or Exercise

I think you would call what I did this morning exercise, not surfing.  I walked out on the pier to make sure it would even be worth paddling out.  I am so tired of waiting for waves that even the crappy chop I saw from the beach was worth a closer look.

 

A walk out showed a few mushy peaks rolling in with two guys out and three coming in.

CLUE NUMBER ONE: More guys leaving than staying.

I went out, desperate.  I paddled around, got some exercise, the water was halfway clean and pretty, the water cool, but not cold.  The sun was out.  I stood up a few times, but that was about all you could say about it. The waves were bouncy with no real walls to them.

Then I heard someone yell, "Hey!  Locals only!"

Mike Davis was yelling at me. There was Mike Green, too, out on the south side, and then I saw James.  I paddled to meet them and we talked a bit.  James told me about his Doc Toy and offered to let me ride it.  I did, and the first wave I caught, the leash wrapped around my feet on a super late drop, but the board stuck like glue and I made it, unwrapping as I went along.  It felt pretty nice! I recovered just in time for the wave to end, and then it went downhill from there.  No wave came to me, or disappeared beneath me every time.  I told James I was cursed, but he said not to worry, that he had all morning. That was about how long it took for a wave to come to me, and it was a slow mo train to nothing. The waves were just a sorry bunch, frustrating and backing off, and whenever MG started talking to me, a big one came out of nowhere and we missed it for gabbing.  Mike Davis said he saw us talking and miss the wave of the day and it brought tears to his eyes.  Arrrrggh. I couldn't interrupt MG!  He was recalling our days back in '80 and said it was a poignant moment for him.

DAMNIT, this was a frustrating two hours... even with the TATER!

Let's hope for better conditions for tomorrow.... hahahahaha.

Just a stump in Norway

Between Hampton Creek and this...

I am feeling hope for the future!



And, I went surfing yesterday and today!  The last day of May ended, thank Jah, and on a high note.

Andy and I paddled out at Mary St. and had a blast in green water with bait fish jumping all around. The waves were tiny, but the tater made it fun. Just like that guy told me in CR (way back when I was walking back from Playa Grande during that disaster of a trip with an old beau), when he noticed my Firewire Dom, and said I should try a Sweet Potato, that for the days when you would not even bother going out, you will - and you will have fun.

Today was proof of that.  I pulled up, took a look at the one foot onshore mess and said, come on, TATER! I caught so many waves that I never would have, and did actual turns that I never would have otherwise.

Thanks, Andy, for preaching the gospel of the tater to me.  It just takes me a long time to convert, sometimes.

Meanwhile, it's just another day in Nicaragua...

Another example

...of why we are in so much trouble.

I overheard someone talking heatedly on Sunday at the Farmer's Market about something Obama had said. The person they were telling this to proceeded to rag on Obama, too, so my ears perked up.  I asked the guy to repeat what he had said, that I had overheard him.  He proceeded to tell me it was a fact, that Obama had said "the American people were too simple-minded and needed to be ruled by a sovereign government."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes," he shot back, "Go on youtube and search for Obama's Brussels, May 15th speech, and see for yourself."

Of course I wanted to say, "Do you REALLY think Obama would say that - and in a SPEECH?" It would be all over the news, for one thing, I thought, and anything can be taken out of context.

But, the guy was kinda spooky weird, had an NRA vest, one big red flag, and I didn't want to further rile him.  So, I looked for the clip on youtube, and there it was.

But watch the entire speech that follows, and you will be as scared as I am about people. Like this ranting guy spouting nonsense and all those who nod and shout nonsense in agreement.






Oh, I did actually go surfing this morning.  If you call it that.  It was as small as it could get, and not pretty, but I am desperate.  This month, I have racked up only THREE days in the water and they were all only one or two star days.  Pathetic.  Move on out of the way, May, already.

 

I apologize...

The lack of waves has driven me to revisit KEYBOARD CAT...

Surfing blog? What is surfing?

It has been so bad for so long, I don't think I remember what surfing is.

But probably not as long as it will take for us to get waves again...

This Magic Moment...

From dawn until about 8 am, it was a return to happiness for me.  No one around on the south side of the pier at dawn and the wind went offshore!  There were some waves to go with that favorable wind, small, but the waist/chest high sets that rolled through every fifteen minutes made the day a joy...

GT paddled out on his SUP an hour later only to quickly realize, in his words, that it was "shortboardable!"  He raced back to get his board and we shared the waves for about a half hour before the wind started to turn ever so slightly to the NW, marring the perfection.  I caught a right that just reeled off, and when I paddled back out he was shaking his head, saying, "Unbelievable!"  What, I asked. "You still rip!"  Thanks, I said, then reminded him about the time in CR when he told me to just continue on down on sections I was hitting and then cutting out of.  I never forgot that, and it made me try harder, and I made sections I never thought I would.  He smiled, embarrassed that he had ever said that, but I thanked him for making me charge harder. Then Andy showed up and scored the best and biggest right of the day, of course!  But, the wind started picking up then, killing the joy, and I headed in with hopes for the swell that is reportedly on its way...

Going BATTY

When we will ever surf again around here, for crying out loud?

May is a bust

Not one single good day of surfing here for the month so far.  Today was another disappointment to add to the big pile of others for the month of May.  A cold front rushed in last night and turned the little swell we had into a whipped up mess of brown chop.

I hate everyone in Nica right now!  Just look at it, every damn day, the same thing, while we wait and wait and wait...

Kitty Big Boy Stretch!

Slow down, you move too fast

Gotta make the morning last...

Feels kinda like this...

I start baking in a certified kitchen tonight after work. Robyn, at CITY COFFEE, thanks for believing in me! No more cottage food labels on my cookies.

The test is June 25th, when I will hopefully pass and add another certification to the other ones that make me sound official.

Lately, it feels like I have been luckier than I have been in a long time.  Is that you, Mom, sending a message with every cardinal I see, at those moments of precise good luck, that you are all around?  I choose to believe...

I found my match on E-Harmony...

Happy Mom's Day!

The Game of Life

A turd in a punchbowl

Reflecting on Wednesday...

Sheesh, glad that's over.  I made 80 cookies, a carrot cake (that rates 10 out of 10 on the difficulty scale), do a one minute speech in front of a women's networking group about my new business, then go to my nanny job.

The cookies were for two separate women's luncheons.  I dreaded doing the speech about my new business, THE BLUEBIRD COOKIE COMPANY, most of all.  Of course I blew it on many levels. For one, I never even mentioned that the cookies they were swooning over were made by little old me. Luckily, the moderator added that fact when I sat down.  I didn't say half of what I planned, and ended up getting sidetracked and goofy, getting them to giggle, at least, with my antics that I am sure must have seemed pathetic.  Imagine how I preached about the fact that you can treat yo' self! That it has been proven if you deny yourself treats, you will binge. Just look at me, I eat dessert at every meal, I said.  Oh, shut up and sit down, I could hear them saying. And, every lady there looked dressed to kill, make-up, dresses, from plastic surgery clinics, fitness clinics, wow, I thought, as I heard them talk about the aging process... wouldn't they love to stick a knife in my face!  I felt like the terd in the punchbowl, for sure. I gave up on makeup long ago and have accepted my wrinkles. I just avoid mirrors whenever possible and carry on.

SO, that is over.  Now to the next stage of going into a commercial kitchen.  CITY COFFEE here I come...

If one more person asks me for a gluten free cookie...

I am asking them this.

Spiders in the kitchen

May... yes, the worst month for surfing in Florida

This May is proving, again, my theory that this is the worst month for surfing around here.

I think I have forgotten how to even ride a surfboard.

But... there now is time for things like this...

Poison profits

Paint Away!

It happened again this past Thursday night at Puddy Mud.  I wish I could do this every day.

Up today... a new farmer's market that happens on the first Saturday of every month at Vilano Beach.  I will be there, selling my cookies again, from 3 pm until sundown.  Let's see where this leads...

How about...

More for the soul...

And now...

My stock went up today!

And, by that I mean my stock of feeling like... WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?

I went to talk to that local coffee shop this morning, the one that seemed very interested in carrying my cookies in their shop after trying them at the Farmer's Market, and was blown away by the owner who seemed more than positive and out of some fanciful dream I had conjured up.

She showed me around her establishment, obviously proud of it and of the business model they are trying to follow, which in her words was a "difficult" one.  They are all about inclusion, free trade, local products, and... she is letting me use her kitchen with no strings attached, despite my allowing and offering a few, and BOOM, wish granted!  This has just opened a realm of possibility to me that has me spinning.  I came out of that meeting to a phone message from a woman interested in ordering my cookies for her woman's luncheon May 7.  Plus, I get to give a one minute pitch about my product to a room of 30-35 business people who may need some cookies for God only knows what. Holy crap...

On the downside, my sweet buddy boy Joe fell down the stairs Sunday night and broke his clavicle.  I nearly passed out when I got the news this morning.  He slipped and went all the way down a flight of stairs, crashing into the corner of the wall at the end where he landed.

Now this seems like an almost crazy unfair bit of luck happening to one so sweet, gentle, and pure of heart.  It really makes you wonder about things, and I think Bob put it best this morning when he said something about how things sometimes line up for you after a bad string of so called bad luck - and you have to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. Poor little Joe...

But, I am riding that good luck train at the moment, and I don't want to get off.  My favorite restaurant, Back 40, wants my watercolors on their walls. I went there on Saturday after the waitress told me the owner got my letter asking, and BOOM, wish granted.  She said to bring three of four in, and I loaded up the car with seven for him to choose from.  He took a look as the waitress gasped and said, "I LOVE these!"  To which he added, "I would like to hang every single one, if that's okay."  OKAY?

YAYA!  Thank you, universe change or what ever is happening.

I am fully riding this train as far as it will take me at this moment in time.

Ho ho!

I guess when you want to be busy, be fairly certain you won't be.  Today I expected it to be pretty dead at the Lincolnville Farmer's Market, there was so much going on this weekend that I felt sure no one would be inclined to wander down there, but it definitely surprised both Leisa and I.  She had told herself that if it was as slow as last week, she would not be returning to this one again.  But, every time I looked over she was selling some more of her lotions or soaps and was smiling and as happily as could be.

I really like her.

We had some time to talk in between customers, and she told me about her life.  It was similar to mine, she is four years younger, and I was reminded that no one is that unique and it is always comforting to meet a kindred spirit out in the wild beyond.

Yes, we will return next week.  I sold out of two types and only came home with 6 cookies.  Just enough for dessert until next week.  Perfect.

I need this

We are in the doldrums here... unlike NICARAGUA.

What fun!

This group of artists, that I "guide" through a painting project once a month on a Thursday, simply amazes me. They take a theme and run with it, creating under my nagging of "PAINT LIKE A CHILD!  Take the pressure off yourself, who cares who sees it?  Free yourself from the pressure of taking that first step, which is, of course, the hardest."

They probably would never even paint, there are always other things to be done, but they HAVE to do it here. They are paying me, for one thing.

So, they forget everything for two hours, and lose themselves, and the results have been amazing.

Waste of Time

I tried to salvage what I could of the swell this morning, but it was hopeless.  It was only exercise, as the waves were so small and closing out that I only felt stupid for even paddling out there.  Ugh, wish I could have scored the point with Andy yesterday.  Sounds like it was an epic day, and only a few got to experience the wonder...

Dream Day

This is the kind of day that you wish you were free, free to be able to go surfing until the wind turned onshore.  Life is truly short, but I was lucky enough to be able to have at least the morning today, at the pier, in shoulder to head high waves that actually barreled for once. Andy and I had a blast.

There was one right that jacked up, one of those bigger sets that came up out of nowhere and unloaded on the sandbar with some kind of energy not usually seen around here.  And it was mine.  Late drop, sketchy drop over the ledge, but the Unibrow connected, and then a long tapering green wall stretched out before me in complete magnificence.  I touched the wall as the lip cascaded over me and was in heaven. I told Andy it was my best wave since Jamaica.  Then there was that left that reeled off all the way inside that I sat in forever, amazed... what a day.

But, then Andy took my advice and headed for the point (I had to go to work) where he scored even better waves than we had in out earlier session.  It makes you feel cheated, a bit, when you are working and something so rare is unfolding that you live for and wish so desperately to experience. It couldn't have happened to anyone who deserves it more than Andy.  Can't wait to see those photos.  Until then, here are a few shots of the pier this morning...

Goodbye, Miss Daisy Mae

While I was surfing with Andy, Mark, and Mike yesterday morning, Daisy Mae passed away.

I found out as I was driving along 1-95 south, on my way to see my sister for her birthday. When I got the news, the depth of my grief surprised me. The road became blurry and I cried and cried. All day my eyes ached, thinking about that sweet dog that I had taken care of the past couple years on and off.

Poor Renee, I can only imagine how she must feel. Daisy lived for thirteen years, a long time for a dog, they say, but to me it seemed much too short. All I could see, in my mind's eye, was the way Daisy looked at me on Friday when I stopped by to bring Renee some Easter cranberry beans and a loaf of my bread. I started to close the door on my way out, but paused to look down and into Daisy's eyes and tell her goodbye. The way she looked at me made me say to myself that it wasn't like the other times, that there was a sadness there I had never seen before.  It was as if she knew that it would be the last time she looked into my eyes.

It was.

Goodbye, dear Daisy, I loved you more than I ever thought possible.

The Last Station

Watched this film about Leo Tolstoy last night and got a shocker.

The guy who played his assistant, Valentin, looked for all the world to me like someone I know...

A great, great film.

There, I said it

The Light

Yesterday, when I was playing with the kids, I kneeled down on the floor and smashed my knee into a marble as hard as you could possibly hit it and in the worst possible spot because the pain had me seeing stars. I felt tears stinging my eyes. I almost cried like a baby.  I sat there, grasping at it, moaning in pain, unable to do anything else but collapse in agony.

The room went quiet.  The kids had never seen Miss Nancy like this before. Then I felt two small arms wrap around me that became a reassuring hug.

Joe, you are truly a gift.

A whole lot of work!

The wind was whipping out of the south this morning, but Andy, Beth, and I braved it for a few murky, waist to chest high racing walls at Mary St. We were the only ones there, and it was more exercise than actual surfing, but we all got a few that made it worth it in the end.  Plus, the two teenage dolphins swimming around us - and the one turtle that poked his head out of the water to say hi to Andy - added to it all.  Next up, a mini-Nor-easter and more waves to come, hopefully...

If your job sucks, find a way to make it fun

Fun Morning

Didn't expect much, and there wasn't a whole lot on first glance. But it ended up being a whole lot of fun at the pier this morning.  The water has warmed up to 70, and that means spring suits again, yay!  It also means crowds, boo, and there were so many people in the water by 9:30 that Andy and I decided to go in. But, for awhile, the tater team was having a fine time, in the green one to two footers that rolled in with some nice walls to glide across ... and it was a good day.

Then it was on to the Farmer's Market, something that is really growing on me.  The people I am meeting are really interesting, and it sure is nice to have adult conversations again...

Coke!

Never had one in my entire life, it's true.

Maybe it is time.

This pig gave me a flower today

I don't get flowers from guys anymore, so it was a moment.

You cannot say no

Thought for Today

House of Cards favorite quotes

"I despise children... there, I've said it."