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Monday, February 25, 2008 @ 8:00 AM
The Oddly Early Monday Morning how can you not feel the least bit intellectually inadequate if for 5 times a week you're chained in a hellhole void of mental and emotional stimulant? as if being ridiculously stupid and blindly obedient is not enough, we have to, pardon me, lick the very balls of our superiors which shares a inverse proportion to the size of their egos. the only discovery after these 2 years will be that of self-discovery: the awareness of my sexual orientation. if only they had paid for a red army with the budget surplus. watching californication(courtesy of ccyk) has gotten me thinking about how i should live myself in my more adult-self(that is if i survive the next 10 odd years). i've come to realise that i survive better with short-term aims rather than looking far and ahead. of course it only means that i live by the moments and often have these lapses of time when i'm purely aimless. while i do not have a well-crafted and formulated plan as to how i'm going to SURVIVE the remainder of my life, i've at least got a rough sketch of how i'm going to LIVE it. without a doubt, at barely 20, i can hardly say i've embraced the flaws of humanity nor lived a life of woes. however it's all bollocks when people put themselves before others. wouldn't it be more logical if we all looked out for one another? but i guess the more vast the organisation, the lesser need for logic is in place (nsfs can clearly relate to this). when we're in primary school, teachers ask WHAT we want to be when we grow up. when we're in junior college, teachers should be asking WHO we want to be when we grow up. that way when we're dead, you're only left with the WHY. i don't wish to be tied down or held back when i'm older. of course to savour free will would be to embrace that of others, so i'll never be judgmental regardless of how much cynicism i'll be put through. i prefer the idea of being able to experience the wrath of many evils, that way you'll get temptation out of the way. after which you'll be more in position to make an informed decision. i'll never be a good parent in that sense i guess, given my open nature. but if i'm to be charged for showing how life can kill you in its many miraculous ways, then i plead guilty. basically i want to grow up without growing up. Sunday, February 10, 2008 @ 7:08 PM
everything is as it there are some thoughts i would like to put to paper, but on the other hand i have to be discreet about it. i have neither a degree in cryptology nor the art of a Eisner Award winner, so i'll just have to be content with the rusty vocabulary of a nsf. everything is as it should be a very ordinary chinese new year as usual so nothing to be discreet there. a very ordinary weekend as usual so nothing to be discreet there either. oh wait, couldnt find the adidas gazelle shoes i had spotted at limited edt. thought the outlet at queensway would have my size but no stock. looks like im back to square one. sometimes decisions aren't wrong till they're not right. maybe that's why we hope. but hope is so overrated. like i hope i do well for the test. or i hope i get into ocs. or i hope i don't get ditched within the week. but *newsflash* hope doesnt get you anywhere except where u hope you want to. regardless, i too hope i'll snap out of it. everything is as it falls apart Friday, February 01, 2008 @ 10:35 PM
If to relax was a sin, i'm going straight to HELL. I've been having exercises weekly, but on a brighter note it gives the illusion of a shorter week. as routine as it may sound, it sure makes ns less painful. looks like my wish for a quick and painless 2008 is materialising. we were let off earlier today out of the goodwill of our OC. then again 'goodwill' is too much of an overstatement. seeing how rare a chance i get to leave the dreaded Juroung Camp before sunset, andrew and I took this chance to play pool. actually it's been a few weeks since we last played so the decision was unanimous. we were talking about quite a number of things, in particular how his bank balance had increased by another digit. basically the entire time we were condemning the older generation for hampering the social and cultural development of teengaers. i've known him for a pro-arts enthusiast since we were inducted into the signal family in SAF and if i've learnt anything from him, it's never to be narrow-minded and kan cheong. as relac as i already am, i think i've taken it to a different level after conversing more with him. he's a man of ideals and purpose, something i lack after years of structured education. the system killed my desire. fortunate for me i have ns to stagnate these 2 years before i have to make decisions again. i ain't going to live my uni life like how i spent my jc years. while it's important to look ahead, sometimes it's the smaller steps u take that make all the difference. but like how the old people will always say, "ideals so what?! can ideals feed your stomach?". |