i get my blog unavailable for 12 hours,
i though it must be the 1st and the last time i did this,
but it seem that,
there are tons of ppl which are there who wishes to help me,
but, i had closed the heart from them.
And NOW,
i officially announced that, i had reopen my blog.
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the elderly said,
Where is the money, where is the heart.
when the amount of money was invested in there, the heart is following after.
the children meeting in church taught us,
we should test God's grace,
by offering an amount,
and God will fulfill us with experience towards Him,
so that we are able to grow in our spiritual life, and have a bigger faith in Him.
in my experience,
i appreciated God had given me a lot of helping and this make me having a really big trust in God,
which was happened a year before this,
when the church is demand for offering for Miri Big Meeting Hall,
for God's economy,
i had tried to fill in the amount of offering in a form,
and i was found to helping in doing business,
and i had achieved my BIG AMOUNT which was written in the offering form,
this make me gain my faith,
as God is hearing to me.
this time,
my money was not spending on God,
and i had not yet pray to Him,
on anything little things,
i feel bastard,
i feel down,
i feel annoying,
i feel disgusting,
i got no idea,
why is my thought got a 180 degrees changes after i paid the bill,
and this lead me to a weird situation.
i had totally NO confidence in myself,
all the bad thought coming after me,
all the bad experience makes me cant breath at all,
boy and girl should have the same cultural, and background, come after me...
all the rubbish lead me towards erotically uncontrollable.
i wish to hide in my bed,
and say leave me alone,
But, i had spoken something nauseating to her before all the thing happened,
i couldn't even speak a words,
i wish i could told her my background,
i wish i could had told her that i am into her,
BUT there are something which i need to let go before i can have her on my back,
but,
what only come out from my mouth was,
"en,yeah,yup,o,...."
i am in a big sorry.
*give a bow*
i should had told you something about myself.
God,
I do need a Big Hug from you.
I need an answer from you.
is this the girl?
A girl which i was demand for life?
who is growing up from church family,
who is suitable for me,
who is the best choice for me,
who is the one that u had picked for me.
I am blurred,
wash my eyes,
clean my ears,
talk to me,
appear to me,
God,
lets let your spirit lead me through this situation.
Lord,
i pass everything to you on my faith.
Please help me solve this,
i am sure Satan is the biggest annoying person behind all of this situation,
i am sorry that i had failed,
i am sorry that i was lost,
Lord,
i need your guidance,
i need your leading,
i need your spirit keep boosting me up.
LASTLY,
i would like to conclude,
i got totally no idea what was going on. :(
it was like there are 2 person is acting the same characters.
LORD, I NEED YOU TO LEAD ME~!
