Saturday, August 13, 2011 11:42 AM
Had my review with hh yesterday. This year's review came early...
For some reason I didn't really want to share what I was going through. Cos tbh, the problem lies in me. I'm not exactly trying my best, I'm just waiting for the motivation and commitment to come back by itself.
She said this to me, "You are much stronger than you think, even stronger than I think you are."
It made me feel so guilty. I'm not trying, I'm not being strong, I'm just wallowing in my own misery which I HATE. I just look at things happen, not doing my best in helping out... I got to say, I can't even settle my own businesses, how can I settle others? All I wish to do now is to just concentrate on myself, but life doesn't allow me to. I have responsibilities to bear, things to do.
Hh also said that if anyone wants to leave at anytime, they can. Which made me quite tempted, actually. But I can't be so irresponsible...
If I leave, Bella has to settle finance by herself which is really pitiful. Finance is really a pain in the ass.
If I leave, MA would have one organiser less which really sucks, cos there are just so many things to do.
If I leave, "Leaders need no title" would have no mentor to guide them along, although I can be easily replaced.
If I leave, I would not have fulfilled the thing which made me want to join CSC in the first place - to organise an animal-related project.
I can feel my motivation slowly coming back already, which is great. (: But I'm just feeling so tired everyday... I need energy and something to constantly keep me going. I guess it's time to visit the shelters again...
人生。
雀です。
Thursday, August 11, 2011 1:13 AM
我慢して。
It's about time to get some control over my feelings. Over the course of 2 months, I've went through infatuation, missing someone and developing feelings.
I feel so cheap, being swayed so easily. Where's my determination? Where's my self-control?
Suzume, endure your feelings... You have more important things to concentrate on now. Exams are coming up, MA is coming up. Love yourself.
Go to sleep.
雀です。
Friday, August 05, 2011 10:23 PM
Getting random requests from people lately...
1. My classmate suddenly asked me if I was interested for some flexible part-time job. He said if I was then he will bring me to see his workplace. Sounded interesting so I agreed. Turns out I have to go with him 1-to-1 because he said it's better if 1 person go at a time instead of 1 whole group?! O_O... Later he sell me away how?! ):
2. My online friend whom I have met briefly for one time for I dunno what (forgot already)... and has not talked to me for YEARS, suddenly msged me if I wanted to play pool with him. LOL WUT?! Of course I rejected him. He wanted to meet badly so I suggested meeting him for a little catch up during natsu matsuri.
Seriously? What's with guys lately. -_-
雀です。