Friday, June 24, 2011 10:55 PM
How did things get to this stage?
I know I'm not supposed to compare... But it's just so much harder now.
CSC used to be the place where I find my true self, where I am able to express my true self freely without people's judgement. I had my equal chance to speak, I found the place I belonged... I was accepted.
However, now everything seems so foreign. I know I can't expect the same, but it's like a 180 degree change! CSC is no longer the CSC I knew. We now have half the committee which are the "rah rah" type, and scolds vulgarities like there's no tomorrow. Worst of all, we're starting to see signs of conflict already. Sigh, CSC used to be so innocent. We NEVER bad-mouthed anyone. It was our priority to remain as a family.
And you know what? I'm not those rah-rah type. Tbh, I can never get along with the rah-rah type. As friends, maybe yes. As family, never.
God, save me, save us.
雀です。
Wednesday, June 08, 2011 5:17 PM
MORE THAN HALFWAY THROUGH!! 4/6 papers done!! :D
Left with AIMM and ACM. I'm seriously damn sian of studying already. Gahhhh. Why do we need to have so many papers?! Zzz. -_-
Sighh... Studying AIMM now in the living room with Yuki sleeping so soundly on the sofa. T.T I also wanna sleep my life away!! Tsk, I can't believe I'm jealous of my baby now. LOL. My life suddenly seems so sad! Hees. Jkjk.
Haven't touched ACM at ALL. So screwed. Can just go and bang wall and die now. The end of this torture is like so near yet so far! Although it's just 2 more days, but when I look at all the information that has to be squeezed into my tiny and useless brain, it feels like I still have a century to go. ):
Okay okay, enough of ranting. Time to head back to the notes! Press on!!
Ganbatte kudasai, Suzume.
雀です。
Sunday, June 05, 2011 1:18 AM
Gosh, I'm missing CSCAY10/11 so badly now. ):
I'm allowed to miss you guys right? Cos all of you are awesome friends to me and I never EVER wanna lose you guys... T.T
Even if there'll be another "tpcsc family" with the new AY committee, I hope all of us will never forget AY10/11, whereby wonderful memories were made, friendships were forged. MISSING YOU GUYS SO BADLY!!! ): If I had a time machine, I would reply the past year again and again.
Unforgettable.
雀です。
Saturday, June 04, 2011 1:13 PM
I'm currently addicted to short posts. Doesn't take up most of my time and gets my feelings sorted out.
Which is a better choice?
A committee whereby everything is done quickly and well, but at the expense of the members' welfare. It's sad when everyone starts running in their own pace and not as one. Some run far ahead, not thinking of the ones that are left behind, struggling to catch up.
Or a committee whereby everything can be accomplished, perhaps not as well, but everyone is happy. The committee grow as one and move forward as one.
Personally I prefer the 2nd choice. And I miss it, real badly.
"It's more than just a club, it's a way of life"
雀です。
Thursday, June 02, 2011 11:15 PM
If you really love me, let me go.
I can't handle this anymore. I have term tests coming up, CSC projects on the way, Yuki getting thinner and thinner each day... I've had enough. I know it's my fault that all these happened, but I'm not strong enough to take this anymore.
I guess I've been emitting so much negative energy that even Yuki is affected. It is said that dogs and cats can feel the negative energy 10 times more than us. Imagine your bestfriend walked into the room feeling all miserable. How would you feel? Imagine that feeling x 10. When Yuki slept with me one fine night, I placed her by my side, with our bodies touching each other. She just laid there, with her head on my upper arm. I stroked her like my precious baby... I can't believe I let my mood affect her. She's so innocent, she has done nothing wrong... But yet she's suffering with me.
Gomen ne, Yuki-chan. I love you.
雀です。
Wednesday, June 01, 2011 11:56 PM
While I walked home today, I was mesmerized by the after rain mist. It was as if I was in a fairytale, in a far away land... Something I wanted to be in for past few days. It was a little chilly especially when I wore a shirt, shorts and slippers (typical singaporean wear). But with a deep breath of the fresh, cold air, my head was cleared.
All the troubles, all the worry, all the guilt. They disappeared for that moment. I was happy. At that point, I was living for myself. I was able to look at the nature, look at the innocence. I realised how corrupted and disgusting I was... But it didn't matter. All I wanted was to smile at that time and enjoy the present.
Today, my eyes were opened.
雀です。