Monday, March 25, 2013 8:16 PM
安靜了曲：周杰倫 詞：Selina、李姚 編曲：洪敬堯只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡夢想中屬於我們的婚禮卻成了 單人結婚進行曲在這場愛情角力的拔河裡 愛我還是愛你 你選擇了自己撒嬌的 可愛的 黏人的 愛哭的 照片裡 曾經的都是你喜歡的如今我還在原地 你卻走回你的記憶.你說我愛你太多 就快要把你淹沒你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落分開是一種解脫 讓你好好的想過我想要的那片天空 你是不是能夠給我你說我給你太多 卻不能給我什麼分不清激情 承諾 永恆或迷惑愛情是一道傷口 我們各自苦痛沉默是我最後溫柔 是因為我太愛你只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡夢想中屬於我們的婚禮 安靜了 在我枕邊的夢裡我知道相愛原本就不容易愛不是1加1 努力就有結局撒嬌的 可愛的 黏人的 愛哭的 照片裡 曾經的都是愛著你的臉頰的淚還溫熱 卻沒有人握我的手
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I never knew I am able to suppress my feelings for a person. I used to just pour whatever emotions I have on twitter even though the other party may see it. But now, in other not to hurt him and confuse him, I'm actually willing to keep these feelings in my heart. I suppose he won't read this blog anyways, so I guess it's safe writing here. :)))
I'm really sorry if I annoyed your yesterday... I didn't know you were busy. :\ Sorry. It's been almost one whole day since you last texted. I dare not text you first as I'm scared of disturbing you if you're busy packing and stuff. Gomen ne. I don't wish to be a burden to you.
雀です。
Oh hi there. Never knew I would use this blog again... but here I am.
Every since I started using Twitter, I would conveniently rant there. But now I can't because I do not want someone to see it and thus, I'm here to rantttt.
This isn't actually a rant though. But more of a post to pour my emotions in. You see... I like this guy. I do think he likes me too, but I really don't know what will happen in the future. He's leaving in a week's time for a 4 months to work overseas. I've only started having feelings for him for about a week or so. And he's leaving already.
Of course, I wouldn't want him to stay because of me. I'll be too overwhelmed with guilt. I happily say "follow your heart". Although there is a portion of me that wishes for him to stay. Nonetheless, I would rather he go.
I'm feeling vexed because I suddenly feel fear of the future. What if he forgets about me...? ._.'' I honestly hope something will work out between us, but I have no idea how that will happen. :\ I'm also afraid of liking him more than he likes me. I'm afraid of scaring him off, like what I did to swt. -_- I really have a phobia of doing the same mistake again. When I asked him when he was free to meet up (for a farewell dinner with the clique), he was busy and I think I was being annoying. D: Shitttt.
I guess we won't be seeing each other over the week because he's busy settling stuff for the trip. ): The next time I'll see him would probably when we send him off...? x.x The uncertainty scares me, and I don't know when I can text him again, for I am now afraid of disturbing him.
我害怕喜欢你太多, 把你淹没...
雀です。
Saturday, April 21, 2012 2:57 AM
Was just trying my luck, never expected you to agree so easily considering the commitments you have.
I was guessing you would eventually back out, but I was hoping this time would be different. I chose you because I believed in your abilities, because I knew that there was no one else like you. I wanted to make this OUR project, and not MY project with assistants...
I guess I failed badly... Again. I know nuts about leading, I know nuts about guiding people, I know nuts about letting people have a sense of belonging in the project. Even for Hands to Paws, although it was a 3 person project, but I know that the other 2 never really felt great ownership over the project. Cos I don't know how to make them take initiative, I don't know how to make them feel control over the project... I'm just a failure.
Talking about Hands to Paws, it's an animal project that
we I was under planning for sooo long... When you couldn't organise it with me, it was boss that told me. I rmb suppressing my feelings, telling him I didn't mind... I'll just organise it myself.
Like I said, I thought things would be different this time. Perhaps somehow you can make this project one of your priorities, something that you really would like to do. But I guess I failed again... I'm unable to make you want to plan this project... I'm a failure.
I'm hoping you don't read this, but if you do, I'm not blaming you, really. I'm just disappointed in myself. Today at Macs, I was so happy you were there, able to provide your valuable inputs to the project. I guess I just don't have this luck to have you around.
I guess... I'm on my own now.
雀です。
Wednesday, January 25, 2012 7:17 PM
I've now learnt my lesson.
Next time I will just buy the present and get everyone to split. Asking people to buy a small present each and combining them together is far too troublesome. Especially during CNY period, everyone busy with visiting and most shops are closed. How many actually bothered to get it? 3/8 people actually got the present. :\ I remember sending the message on Saturday, so I guess for most people there should've been time on sat to go out and buy. Although I myself was stuck at home doing assignments... Hahaha.
Sigh... All I wanted was to let everyone have more time to study since from past experience, shopping together will waste a lot of time. So from now on, I will buy the present and then get money back. Fast and easy, no complaints.
Where's the sincerity.
雀です。
Monday, December 26, 2011 8:19 PM
I've always believed that things happen for a reason.
I've been wondering why things turned out this way for me in CSC... Over these past 7mths, I've been through phases of giving up and motivation to go on. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. This month, I think I've found the reason.
I got selected as a Meido Ambassador for EOY and after the event, there has been some plans going on behind the scenes for further growth for us. It's exciting and it's like getting a super flexible part-time job.
I've also joined a Jpop dance group. It is just made up of girls who love dancing, no biggie. But it's my passion and that's what matters.
I now question myself if I should even bother considering re-running for next year in CSC. With so many exciting things going on around me, I ask myself why I should make myself stay in a group I'm so uncomfortable with. I once said that my reason for staying in CSC is to inspire people...
But then again, I don't HAVE to be in CSC maincomm to be able to inspire right? So why torture myself?
The decision is becoming clearer as each day pass... But I guess I will only make my final decision when the AY is over. If I leave, I'll definitely miss being part of CSC. It has been a meaningful and amazing journey. I do worry about CSC's future, since it's dynamics has changed so much. It may change for the better or the worst, no one is sure. But change is definite. Among all the uncertainty, what I know best is that I no longer belong in CSC. I'm unable to blend in and I always feel so out of place. :\
Even if i choose to leave CSC, I will still continue this passion of mine in another way. I will still contribute in the society and I no longer have to "do things for the sake of doing it". When you're in a club, sometimes you have to do things even when it's against your own principles... Well okay not really cos I just ponned the tree decorating thingy. LOL. I'm sorry but I really don't see how decorating a damn tree will help the environment. Furthermore, printing quotes on PAPERS to decorate it. Contradicting much?
Okay enough ranting. Hope you had a happy christmas.
雀です。
Saturday, November 26, 2011 3:44 PM
I created a new blog! (:
www.suzukisuzume.blogspot.com
I'm not gonna ditch this blog though. This blog will be more of like a personal blog whereas the other one will be on events happening in my life and pictures will be included too. :D
Hahaha. Too free ah.
雀です。
Let's face it, I'm not a music person.
However, regardless of that fact, at least I still respect music which I'm not into. For people who know me, I'm obviously a jpop (or H!P fan to be exact) fan.
Honestly, I'm unable to appreciate kpop. I don''t hate them or whatsoever. I know that some of them even had 10 years of training before debuting which is really admirable. However, I usually don't chase after music that's in the trend. Or more like I'm not the kind of person who follow trends. I lead life in my own pace and I usually give my support to those that are left behind.
By saying 'left behind', let's be honest here. Morning Musume or any other H!P groups' popularity is slowly dying down. They no longer perform on suuuuper big stages as before and they are obviously lagging behind in oricon charts. Yet, somehow I'm still a fan of theirs. Strange, yet true.
H!P produces some really meaningful songs. Such as 'Tomo' and 'Namidacchi'. It's not the usual lovey dovey or cutesy songs they do, but it's songs about Friends and being strong. I also learn a lot from the artists themselves. Take Ai-chan as an example. *Refer to previous posts.
I really appreciate my poor friends who watch all the youtube videos I spam them with. Hahaha. They didn't have to, but most of them watch the whole thing. Well I guess that's simple respect right? I mean when people share with me music, I'll give the music a chance and listen/watch the whole thing. It's really hard to make me go crazy over something but at least I listen to the whole thing.
All music is beautiful, it's just a matter of whether you can appreciate it or not. Basic respect is to just listen to the whole thing and keep all criticism to yourself if you can't appreciate it. Especially if you're talking to a fan. I know I can't control anyone's mouth/way of thinking, but it really hurt me when people just... do things they do.
Let's be direct here. I'm not a kpop fan, but yet I finished watching the whole video that consisted of TWO kpop songs. And yet, you can't even finish watching one jpop video that I wanted to share with you. By 'sharing', it doesn't mean that I'm forcing you to like it. I don't know how to phrase this anymore, but I was just really hurt and disappointed. Apart from this, I find it so hard to talk to you now... I sincerely want to talk to you but I keep feeling this barrier between us. We say we love and miss each other, but is that really true? ):
Sigh.
雀です。
Saturday, November 19, 2011 1:26 AM
CSC = whatsapp users + the rest.
Unfortunately, I'm under the category of "the rest".
Oh, I love my life.
雀です。
Tuesday, November 15, 2011 12:29 AM
Everyday it's just CSC, CSC, CSC.
Duty, briefing/preparation for next event, finance. There's no break. I don't even have the time to stop and take a breather, let alone study for my upcoming THREE tests.
Let's be honest here... If this happened last year (3 events in a row) which wouldn't happen in the first place, I won't be so stressed. It's because AY10/11 had synergy. I'm sorry if I'm mean but this is my honest thought. Plus I was able to get more mental support from AY10/11. They are an understanding bunch whereby everyone put in their all. This allowed us to invest the least time to get the best results.
I'm really very tired... Mentally. Everyday when I go home, even when I'm not the organiser of any of the 3 projects, I still have pile loads of finance to do. When I reach school, I have to run about getting signatures for finance paperwork. I have to juggle this together with the duties I have at events.
I have not touched ANYTHING at all for my 3 tests and they start from Wednesday onwards.
Wish me good luck.
雀です。