Saturday, February 12, 2011

297th entry> Daily rumblings of life

When globalization sets in and you start travel, you'll have a tendency to compare things. So now that I have just came back from Vancouver and Taipei, I start to compare them to Singapore.

Top 3 things I hate about commuting on MRTs:
1) People who refuse to stand on the left hand side of the escalators if they are not moving forward
2) People who refuse to say 'thank you' when I give up my seats for them
3) People who wear Apple earpiece, blast their music and sit next to me

Line says people in Singapore are brought up differently, that's why they do not naturally want to stand on the left side. Oh what a good excuse to fall back on! "Yes no one told me that I must stand on the left." So in London, someone can just shout at the idiot in front who is not standing at the correct side. How about in Singapore? I think I might get stabbed to death for doing that.

Being pregnant doesn't mean you take things for granted. Being old doesn't give you that privilege as well. You jolly well say thank you to the kind soul who is giving up seats to you. What's more, look at this scenario: parents push an ultra huge pram to take up the space, carry their child on hand, the pram filled with their shopping goodies and start to squeeze to the reserved seats area to 'request' for the seat. This is definitely not uncommon in Singapore. Hey you what the hell!? If you are bringing your child out on your shopping trip, just buy lesser things, its not like the shop won't be there anymore? Maybe the sale won't be there but who cares, you kiasu Singaporean. Goodness.

To all Apple earpiece users, save up and get a better earpiece that keeps your music in. You don't have to broadcast your music to the rest of us. You think its cool, but I think you are a nuisance to the society. I'm not saying all Apple products aren't good. Its just the earpiece, which emit half the volume directed to your ears, to the surroundings.

I'm sure my list of frustrations on the MRT will further lengthen.

Talk about Nation Building, talk about retaining Singaporean. What exactly did the government do to provide all people with comfortable lives? Leopard can't change its spot, can it?

What happens when I can't change the culture and I can't leave with it? Migrate.

Monday, November 22, 2010

296th entry> Is that the only option?

I always remember how I used to resent my grandfather smoking at home. I will purposely walk towards him and wave my hands around my nose to show that "hey this place stinks of your smoke!" And then I will remember his dying face at the hospice, both his eyes blur and unable to see us, hands tied down bcos he will start pulling the tubes on him.

He died of cancer. Tumour in his brain.

And so I totally detest smoking. Well, I wouldn't walk on the street and scold every single person who is smoking, but I really don't like it. Friends who have smoked in front of me always get this from me "Can you eat a fresh mint before talking to me?"


So it really pains my heart, when I learnt that he smokes. I was angry at first. Becos I immediately thought of the promise he made to me and my family, that he will never ever touch smoking, even after he enters army. But even before he enters army, he is starting to smoke. I was furious. Like how can one turn his life just after a few months away from his family?

But now, I feel sad. I feel disappointed. I feel sorry.

I really wished, I was in his environment and he is in mine. I would rather be in his shoes, surviving in an unfamiliar island and trying to strive. I would rather be the one facing the stress that he has to deal with everyday. If I could choose, I would give up my space for him.

Because if its me, I should be able to deal with it. I should be able to cope with the stress. I should be able to cope with the social life. I would not have to rely on smoking to relieve my stress. Nor use it as an excuse for my social life. I know I can do it. And that's why I am disappointed.

Rebellious in nature, I know. But some things are worth a try, and some are not. Smoking is not worth the try. One puff, if you are fine with the smell, the taste you are doomed to take more puffs. Addiction will follow.

Why do you not have to determination to follow your own route? Why must the crowd pull you along, just because most people there smoke doesn't mean you have to follow suit. If they are friends, whether or not you smoke, you can hang out with them right? Why were you not able to save yourself from falling into that pit?

Maybe you shouldn't have gone overseas. Maybe it was a wrong decision. Maybe we should have followed what the gods have hinted. But you left thinking you can change your own fate, you can build your own path and not follow what is predestined to you, and now you are falling into the arms of dangers. And it hurts the hearts of those who are so dear to you. Is that a reasonable trade-off? You always say you are old enough to make your own decisions, but apparently not all decisions you made are wise. And what about this?

It is time you have to bring yourself to stand on your own two feet again. It is time you realise your own mistakes. There's so many out here who love you so dearly, how could you do things to break their heart? Get out before its too late.

Monday, August 30, 2010

295th entry> A fresh start

After the dreadful long flight from Taipei to Vancouver, my luggages and I reached safely. Can't believe I spent about 1 and 1/2 days travelling. And guess what? The 12 hours ride from Taipei to Vancouver does not have any on board entertainment! Almost got bored to death! But not too bad, I just slept, wake up for meal, then back to sleeping. Meals can make one really drowsy...

Thankfully for Aisyah's family friends, we were able to settle down fast. Uncle and Auntie gave us a lot of useful information about Vancouver! They even drove us to TimHortons for supper when it was alreadey 11pm and they need to work the next day. Thank you very much! Had a great supper!

Bad thing is when you are in cold countries, you start to wear covered shoes day in, day out. Its not like I don't wear socks! But my shoe still stinks like ****. Gross. But what to do?! DAMN.

Vancouver looks like a really good place to be staying at! And I can't wait to pon some lessons to go on day trips! HEHE!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

294th entry> Calm VS Tense

Ever since quarreling with Barbara at ComGateway, my fate with companies has gone from bad to worse over the years. Following this was BreatheRight at Parkway Watsons. Then the most recent of all, Robinsons at Expo with Peter Lim. Temper rising as the rebellious genes inside me get activated with age and I'm having trouble controlling my anger. I can't believe myself that I would explode to my family as well. I tried so badly to pinch my own hands to stop myself from bickering with my mother. Well, it worked sometimes, but at times like today, it didn't.

Prawning incident on Thursday night. When I reached home, I knew whatever I say would not simmer my fuming mad mother, therefore I went to bathe and sleep the instant I reached home. Supposedly things would get better the next day, I thought. Well, it did. But all went well up till 9p.m. when my mother got home from work. She talked to me about yesterday, about prawning, about reaching home past 12midnight. And it started. I shouted at her, asked her why I should not go out just because of the Hungry Ghost festival. Its not as if I went out every night and return only in the wee hours. I am still planning on having a supper trip with the hubbers cos now Mong can drive and will be able to send us home. And this would surely be a past midnight event again. I don't understand why she's so overly sensitive and anxious.

I guess I would not be able to understand this until I'm a parent myself.

Suddenly miss Line a hell lot. Because at times like this, I would usually meet her up and start complaining to her. But now I can't, cos she's over at Norway (or somewhere in Europe). Haven't been clubbing ever since Line left. Same for pool. I miss having a buddy to pool with as and when I like. Belle has school, same for most of the hubbers, work and school.

Yea I know I shouldn't be mad at my mother. Because I only have 2 weeks left in SG and I won't see her for another 4 months. However, precisely because I only have 2 weeks left, I want to do many things with many people.


ARGH I'M SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED NOW.

And I feel like going out of house now.

Friday, January 22, 2010

293rd entry> My fresh beginning.

Who doesn't want to go via the easy way? Everyone wants a guaranteed route, everyone aims for the faster track. What rights do I have to stop someone from thinking about all this?

And I think the tide has gone down. Like what I ranted, I am not that heartless to totally exclude you out of my life. When I get angry, I would just say things like, "I'm gonna ignore you." But how could I bear ignoring a friend whom I used to be so close to? How could I possibly leave you out of my life? If you're crying, I would still let her cry on my shoulders. If you're being bullied, I would still rush forward and take the blow. This is how much I treasure you.

And my mum says, the people who can hurt you the most, are usually those who are the closest to you.

I totally agree.

I was talking to Belle yesterday and made her guess who could have hurt me so badly. She guessed it within seconds. You have such great significance in my life that almost all my friends know who you are.

Nevertheless, I have came to understand that these are just little tests in my life. And when I pass them, I get to live my life more beautifully. Today, I see the light on the other side of the tunnel. I've never felt so relieved before, because finally we were able to talk about it. I was still wavering in the afternoon. What if after I told you my situation, you still gave me a blank reply? What if you try to change the topic? What if I don't get to hear what I've been longing to hear? I was really scared. I didn't dare to take a step back to look at things.

But now, I am thankful it ended peacefully. No cat fights down the alleys, like what good friends always do. No bickering and "I don't want to friend you", like what little kids always say.

I wouldn't say seeing you won't remind me of this incident, but lets give ourselves time to heal all of these. Scars are there for sure, but they are definitely better than thorns.

Please all pray for me, for Monday to be a wonderful start.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

292nd entry> Wake me up when september ends.

Once again. My anger has not subsided.

What awaits me in the frightening morning, is V and G.

Just one sms. I just needed you to console me. Tell me that its okay. Tell me there's always miracles. I do not need you to give up what you have to be in the same boat as me. I just needed you to show that you care.

But you chose to ignore me. You chose to leave in the lurk.

Okay if that's how you want to play the game.

I think I waited for you reply with eagerness. Bcos I wanted to give myself a chance to accept who you are. I wanted give myself a chance to mend the holes in my heart. The scars of your stabs. I wanted to make an excuse, so that I don't have to be so angry or upset.

But the sms didn't come.

And you want to know how disappointed I am in you?

Its indescribable.

You make me waver regarding a lot of things. I do not lose faith in all my friends just because of you. But you did make me think twice whether or not to trust my friends so much ever again. You make me see your true colours and its quite scary to think that people around me might be like that. I've encountered people like you before, I got hurt before. How stupid am I to fall for this again. Not learning from my previous mistakes. Not opening my eyes big enough. Not being able to sieve out the good from the bad. Not able to spot, at one sight, potential friends.

But you are my friend. Up till today, I still can't forget the times we spent together. Or maybe, you WERE my friend? So its all in the past, when I sleep and wake up tomorrow morning, you would be a complete stranger?

The best would be to say, you are a friend, with flaws.

And all I can do now, is to accept you as who you are. If I were to blame someone, I would blame it on myself for not being able to see it fast enough before getting hurt. We can't be good friends anymore. The most you can go in my heart, is just friends. You didn't keep the chance that I gave and I gave away all my chances.

I just hope that you would not make someone disappointed, to the extent of completely lose faith in you, anymore.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

291st entry> Changing life?

Getting a little tired of dramas lately. They are happening all around. Just when I feel that I'm all settled and ready to battle one semester of school, the drama just had to set in. Tried ranting it out to as many people as I can, but still felt quite troubled by it. I feel like the incidents are harbouring me like wandering ghouls. And when I think about it again and again, I thought it shouldn't have happened; its the last thing I thought would happen to me.

But that's what life is about, I guess.

Meeting people of all sorts. Meeting situations of all sorts. That's probably what people means by 'the ups-and-downs' of our lives.

Oh just kill me please.

Please god, give me the strength and energy to endure all these. Just for one semester! I promise I would be a good girl for that. I promise! And trust me, my promise would not be broken!

Even though shit happens, I would still like to thank god.

Thank you for blessing me with my family and friends who could see me through this difficult period. Thank you for blessing me with people who trust me in whatever I do. Thank you for blessing me with great company. Thank you for not letting me down whenever I pray silently for you. Thank you for letting my sorrows be heard. Thank you for turning my sorrows into rocks and sands, paving a better route for me to walk. Thank you for blessing me with a big heart. Thank you.

And to think about it, my life is still not that bad afterall!

On a side note, I suddenly thought of the YueLao balloon! Please please please send it to YueLao! :D Its for the happiness of Taiwan 7 and people I love! :D