2010 has been a good year. More or less. I'm rather the optimist, usually. But it's been an incredulously long year, and I really just want to thank God for seeing me through the past three sixty-five days (and every other day that has passed for that matter). College life dries the life out of you some days, and it's really quite impossible to survive on mere human strength.
One word that best describes the year - growth. The Japanese have this yearly tradition of choosing a special Chinese character to sum up the year. Saw it in the news the other day.
Anyway. I really feel like I've grown a lot this year. In so many unexpected ways. It may be the process of going through college and getting to know people and seeing things and suddenly becoming exposed to a thousand and one things you never really knew before. Or maybe just a sub-conscious, continual, gradual process of growing. Whatever it is, this year's really taught me so much, among which, is that there's so much more to be learnt.
On Decisions
Decisions are so mentally and emotionally strenuous to make. This year's made me come to a gradual realisation that, "Hey, I'm pretty grown up." (And a reflection in reality, of course.) (Not like how we thought we were grown up in Primary 6. We weren't.) Kinda began to feel life wriggling into your own two hands and slowly taking control over it. Maybe I've been sheltered a wee bit too much, but yeah hey this year's required several pretty big decisions to be made. And these decisions have been made, some of whose outcomes are still slowly unfolding, but yeah what's been done has been done.
So... 'm flipping through my planner now and... it's been quite a year. January writes,
Jan 11 - Collection of Higher Chi O's results
Jan 13 - Hwach Open House, RJC Open House
Jan 18 - Report at HC Audi, 8:15am
Jan 25 - IP Week!
Jan 29 - OG14 Dinner!
A while ago I was just posting about how psyched and excited I was for the new year. And that... was about a year ago. One year's gone by in a flurry!
McFlurry is nice. (Flurry... geddit?)
Okay I digressed.
Decisions made this year included subject combination (Absolute headache, I remember.) (Of which I'm still questioning my decision to take Lit.) (Sigh.) (Lord please show me why I made that decision.), CCA (Positive decision, absolutely), and Cathechism class (after such a long time of considering).
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I... really didn't like my class at the start of this year. Had some trouble fitting in. Perhaps it was the culture, maybe it was just me. To cut the long story short though, it's been a year of getting used to the class. And hey, I actually really rather like my class. I guess it just took time. But thank God for 10A10. And for the closer bunch of friends in class like Tabby Phyllis and Phang. Lunches and recesses as a class are really fun too. I like the feeling of dominating three canteen benches and eating as a class. Canteen conversations are really fun too. There's philosophy, humour, bimbotic interjections, Josh's ridiculously loud exclamations, singing... All rolled out over Chawanmushi (Dom), Tom Yam (Zhijing) and really-could-be-improved canteen food. Speaking of canteen food, it's actually not that bad. I think it got better over the year. Just that it gets a bit boring sometimes though. But the food's not bad, honestly.
Feel like I've drifted away so much from NY and from NY Guides. But it's only been a year since graduating. Secondary school days feel so foreign and so far away. Spoke to several people and this feeling's actually rather unanimous. It's strange. And sad. I really do miss my juniors and my teachers. Some days I sit and stone and wonder how my juniors are doing. But life is about moving on. You get to know people and try to touch their lives and then when you job is done or when the time is up, you move on. Hmm that kinda sounded like some cheesy inspire-your-life lines. Oh well. I have this sudden urge to create a blogskin for the NYGG blog though. It's been the same since it's creation. And the t-shirt designs... I genuinely think photoshop would really help. Hah. History speaks.
Nationals period was a very trying time for me this year. Was so physically drained out that I really didn't have much energy and time for anything and everything else. Studies slid down the slippery slope like they never did before. "Studies slid down the slippery slope" sounds like tongue twister. Say that really fast ten times. Hahahahhaha. Okay where was I. Oh yeah. And so our plans of gloriously studying together at the tennis benches came to a screeching halt for Tabby and I. Was sleeping in lectures and tutorials and depending on her to help me take notes. Of which, can I add here how thankful I am for Tabitha Lee Xiao-en in my life. I know you'll never see this 'cos you're really uninterested in blogs and the internet (which explains why you're so noob IT-wise) (but hahahaha never mind I still love you), but yeah. Thanks. You're a really special and dear friend.
June holidays were spent almost every day studying with Nicole and Pam. Incredible times. I miss. Next year Nicole would be as free as a bird and there probably won't be similar chances for us to mug together as we did. But it was really awesome possum. Great memories. Heh. I know the two of you will read this. But yeah, thanks buddiez. Hahahaha! And all our escapades. And moriji and mooey and
Okay it's getting a bit too formal and weird but never mind. I told you I've grown up this year, see.
Hahahahaha, I'm flipping through my planner by the months to try to recapture and chronologically record down what's passed. July 20th reads - "First time public speaking in Hwachong! (Morning bridge announcement with HL)." Quite fun. So glad that Huili joined Council and enjoy herself so much. I would think that the both of us left NY last year with people's last impression of us as TDC'09 emcees. And as Barbarella and Eugene. (Oh gosh I miss those days.) This year was kept rather low-profile the whole time. My classmates thought I was an introvert and a mugger. Hmmm. (I think one of the reasons is my being Facebook-less. Hah.) But yeah, July/Aug was a rather fun period with quite a few events. JYOF and SYF emceeing were pretty cool and fun too. Thank God!
Have you realised, by now, that this post hasn't had a single smiley face or emoticon? Heh. An attempt to upgrade my writing style. Emphasis being in the word attempt. Anyway.
Hmm what else has happened in the year... Oh. Capt. Some days (like yesterday), I really just want to wield a white flag and surrender and play floorball and quit being capt. I rem talking to Nic (on our bus rides - so long never take bus with you already) about insecurities and fears/worries. People keep assuring that the capt doesn't need to be the best player on the team. Some times, it's true. But on some occasions, I really feel like crash-and-burning 'cos I really do feel so incredibly incompetent. Joining floorball was a rather major decision to make, but I thank God for leading me in this path anyway. Considering that I've never been in a sports CCA and that I suck at sports, it's been an incredible year. Really do enjoy floorball as a sport. And it's opened my eyes to a lot more too. For one, I've def. improved fitness-wise. Used to hate running. Dread running. Fear running. But now running is actually pretty enjoyable and fulfilling. Not that I'm good at it, still quite bad in fact, but I think I've improved and I'm actually really proud of myself. Hehe. Secret. Shhh. But yeah, it's a long way uphill till next year's A divisions. Am thankful for the chance that we had to play this year. Am thankful for the change that we have, with the new coach who just came to our team. Am hopeful for the upcoming year. Am prayerful, that His strength and guidance will lead the team to a Top 4 next year.
I get a fewling this post is very long already. It's been a long time since I blogged like this. This post is rather raw. It's 12:59am in the wee hours of the morning - the last day of 2010 - and there are so many thoughts running through my head.
Speaking of head, (If you haven't noticed, I make very good links and I can digress very well) I wanted to cut my hair today. Yesterday rather, since today's already 31st Dec 2010. I'm in a dilemma (Yessssssss! Spelt it correctly!) as to whether to cut my hair or leave it long. Seriously. Oh this year has been full of hair cuts. I think I cut my hair almost every month or two months. Friends who know me well know that I love hair cuts. They make me feel like a changed person. When I'm in a bad mood I like to cut my hair. After the cut it's like a makeover yknow. Renewed being and renewed spirit. Hah! My hair's pretty shaggy and shapeless now the awesome cut I had a long time ago is fading away. But long hair is quite pretty. But long fringes give you pimples when you perspire during trainings. (Oh. Another point of information I learnt in 2010 - Humans perspire, pigs sweat.) (Not like anybody cares, really, we're all still going to use 'sweat' in everyday conversation. Hah.) I think I'll just keep my hair till one fine day temptation knocks me over and I'll run off to get a hair cut.
(See I really digress very well.)
Okay coming to the main point of this post... The greatest and biggest thing I'm most thankful for and happy about for the past year is my growth in church and my growth as a Christian. This year hasn't just been a maturity in terms of age-wise and general knowledge-wise, but in terms of spiritual growth as well. Going back to YF and really getting to know people/fellow youths in church really fills your heart with an unexplainable joy. It's like a bubbly feeling full of His love. And well, looking back, I think He put me through the period of awkward, clumsy years so that many others won't have to go through the same. It's quite strange finding yourself suddenly already being one of the older ones around, but it's nice. YF's going through a transformation, and I'm pretty sure it will grow as its people grow too, younger ones... and the older ones. We've all got plenty to learn.
Felt so at peace and assured when I got re-affirmed on the 19th. Pretty symbolic, like I've really grown up and am assuming this faith to be my own. And it's a decision that you make for the rest of your life. Like marriage. Something you commit yourself to, full of struggles but meets itself with uncountable returns. So... yeah. Am really looking forward to the new year ahead, for His direction and for God's will as to how He wants me to serve and use these small gifts I have to bless others. (:
Okay I couldn't resist the smiley face.
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Well... here comes the part when well, new year resolutions are reviewed. (2011's for a later time.) So... I scribbled these new year resolutions for 2010 in my diary at the start of the year. For one, I didn't expect to stick through with my diary in the first place. (Homework diary ALWAYS dies out mid-year, without fail.) But hey, somehow I did. Grown up. Hah.
1. Have a closer walk with God, prioritise Him in my life and regain footing spiritually.
Quiet times can really still be improved, honestly. But yes, 'less timid and more pro-active in church'. Yup. 'Go for Cathechism class?' Yup. And I wrote the word 'growing' (complete with a nice little squiggle of a tree).
2. Fulfill ideal studying envision... Hardworking + disciplined
Hah! This sounds so funny. So... big. But yeah, I think after the close shave with getting retained and performing like crap academics-wise in Sec 4, I was really quite sick of doing badly in school. Well honestly I still am not doing well as in well (like WOAH kinda well) but I'm contented. I think 'best' is not what society or the teachers pre-define, neither is it being the top (thought that would really be a bonus), but best is what it is to you.
So yeah, here's to next year. A-level year. Will really need to find the optimum balance in terms of studies. Well at least now there's church where the environment's pretty conducive and I don't have to stay in school till 10pm and take bus back home on my own anymore. Still, late nights studying with Hazel this year were really effective and (Y). Doctor Teng is awesome.
And yup, that is 'MOE Scholarship?' written there. We'll see how that works out! And the 'Er beat Monghun's As'... that's my cousin. Whom I really adore. She got 4 As at As. Hmm... *groans at the thought of Lit* (I can't even pass Lit la please.) Okay moving on.
'Re-learn how to interact with boys' and 'Steer away from relationshippy stuff'.
Boys... are strange creatures. I think male and female are just wired differently. This year's been full of eye-rolling moments at the strangest things guys seem to be able to do/think. Still, all's well. To juniors reading this, there is hope in the Hwachong population, really. But you need to keep your eyes peeled. Afterall, they are, allow me to quote Ms Teo, our husband school. 4 years in a girls' school made us used to people of the same frequency, so it took quite a while to really get them. Quite strange to see some girls change 180 degrees in a co-ed environment.
Relationships alter people too. So many couples around school. Some people whom you don't expect to get attached... (you guessed it) get attached. Oh well. I guess love is pretty irrational. (If it is love at all.) We're but seventeen afterall. Seen too many broken hearts this year and the power they have to break people down, completely. It's sad when relationships break down. Like two superglued pieces of paper torn apart from each other. Makes you really pause and think about what you look for in a relationship and in a partner, who could potentially be a lifetime partner. I'm quite the sappy and sentimental sort. I want to marry my first love. I think it's cool. And romantic. Hah! Oh well. Praying that God will keep my heart until the right guy comes along. Wonder how he'll be like. Friends always say they pity that guy. T_T Nahhhhhhh but I know yall are joking right. :D Have to say though, that some couples are pretty cute together. Like, you genuinely wish they could and would stay together forever kind. Quite fun seeing them around school. Hah!
Okay 'Be healthy and happy' 'Exercise'. Yupz. Snacked a tad less than last year. But I think I haven't gone sub-50 yet. I... want to fall back into the 40+kg range. Sigh. 9 kilos put on since end-'09 to '10. Madness. And yep. My room's tidy-er. A bit. Hee.
That's about it. I'm tired. It's the last day of 2010 and I feel so strange and funny and full of emotions and thoughts that are bubbling over. What's left is the remainder of holiday homework and more life-draining trainings to come, but what lies ahead is the start of a brand new year. Great company and friends whom you know 've got your back anytime.
Here's to 2010, thanks for teaching me so much. So long, farewell.
Hello, 2011.
