haha.. this is my 201st post!!! Today is a day I was wondering should i laugh or cry. haha..

I went out to pass Ian a gift that I made for our 1st month Anniversary. A photo frame that i design and a photo cum card.

The little card looks like that:

Words content.. haha.. I cannot say=p

But guess what, he wanted to take a walk in the park. The time was 1545. Do you know how hot the sun is?!!! haha.. But I agreed. I must be mad. Haha.. but yup. i whined whined. I sounded so unromantic even though I know he is trying. Then he wanted to sit down. Where? Right under the bright hot sun and in front of the dustbin. Haizz... That is how cute and innocent my boyfriend is. Haha.. i was not angry actually. I kept laughing. All I know is that he got a long way to go for being romantic. haha.. But that's what I currently like about him i guess. Innocent. Currently his temper is really good. Every week I am throwing "stunts" but never did he get irritated.

Mummy saw his pictures and her comment was worrying. She says he is somebody who looks like he cannot let go of things easily. I do not know how to react. If he cannot put his emotions down easily, does that mean his feelings will not change easily? Moreover, mummy is afraid that my feelings may change easily=( I want to prove her wrong, but for a mother to make such a statement, she must have understand me very well. Haiz.. I will prove her wrong...=p

What so nice about University life? haha.. Everything. Nothing is nice without a comparison. I finally realised it. Year 2 is kinda of fun except the fact that time passes real fast, my last lesson of Week 5 just ended. I got 12/15 for my MA quiz, 41/50 for CAT , A- for BP report and two more results to be taken back next week. Business Process Mid term is next week sat(29/09). Crazy prof!!!! haha on sat and it starts at 1500 to 1700. I guess that why I love and hate this prof so much. He really cute! haha.. always wear the same clothes to class.



I guess i really love my school life even though it is getting crazy each day. I found a bunch of friends here that we can joke lots. Though it is very competitive, I am always the one contented with results. People with 14/15 are throwing temper, A for report are screaming and people with 44 or 42/50 for CAT are asking for marks!!!! Sometimes I wonder should I do that? If i don't I'll be losing out. haha.. But my dear results are dropping. How.. should we go out less often? Sometimes I think that I really do not have much time for revision, but I also wanna spend time with him. But he has many commitments too.. By the time he meets me, he is lacking sleep and homework time. How I wish everyday there is extra 2 hours for us. Haha..



Crazy pictures of me during boring times...

Now typing away while waiting for him to finish his project meeting....^_^

Mummy says I am petty. I do not deny. I am angry with everyone recently, especially myself. Relationship seems so hard to handle. Sometimes I wonder how my friends handle it. The disappointment that you get when you realise both are actually different in so many ways. Da Jie say I jumped into a relationship, I corrected her, I walked into a relationship. Now, I think she is right. I am spoiled, not very understanding and very possesive.

Mummy says it is not right to control and lay rules three weeks into the relationship. But it was all to prevent me from getting hurt. Selfish i am. All he wants is to study, but I got angry when he say he planned to study today so cannot spend 3 hours with me. I begged so hard to get the three hours. But when he said he cannot make it, I do not know how to react. I cannot concentrate studying the whole afternoon, thinking since i cannot eat breakfast with him, maybe can take a walk at Punggol Park. But I guess it is all my stupid thoughts. I should be happy that he had planned his timetable to study hard for next week test. But I cannot take the disappointment.

Daddy say if I so easily can quarrel then don't bring him home. Haiz.. I am serious with this relationship but I don't know why i react like that. Maybe it is my defensive mode, when I am disappointed I want to be alone. i could have spend more time when he fetch me home, but I chose this route.

Study hard i guess, atleast if one day he don't want me, i will be Singapore's influential banker or marketing agent. haha..

That is something that i seek from Sarah. She had been throwing tantrum for the past few weeks. Today she did it again when we were shopping. I cannot take it anymore. All I wanted is to have dinner with him. All she has to do is to shut her big fat mouth up. But no she did not. She whined so much on how many nights i spent out. Let me correct her, i am only out on thurs and fri night. Even though how angry I am, I know if I had to make a choice I will always choose to stay by my family side. Daddy allowed me to go, mummy wasn't super unhappy or angry, she even asked me what I wish to eat tonight with him. But because I dote Sarah so much, I stayed at home facing my laptop, feeling depressed and lethargic. All I can do is to blame myself for loving my family so much, putting them in the first place.

Sometimes I am so afraid that I mayreach the point where I have to sacrafice my happiness for theirs. I am so tired today, but the thought that I may meet him I'll look forward to it. I don't know why, but since staying at home I got nothing to do why not I go out to do what I like? They never understand. Now while i am typing off my keyboard, Da Jie is reading story book, Sarah is angry that now I am at home, sitting quietly and like on the verge of crying. Daddy and mummy had roughly guessed why am i so lifeless and left me to face my laptop, but occassionally asking what i would like for dinner.

Should i have remain single? At least I will be the only person feeling lonely at times and needs a shoulder to cry on and hug. Now i think i just drag another person into this pit. Isn't it great?

Now I have another person to worry for. Gosh, why do things get so complicated?
Being too longwinded, maybe it will soon become irritating.

Maybe till then, it is the end of this?

2 more days to MA quiz. 60% done. Hopefully i do well. =p

hee.. This week I am having Managerial Accounting test on wed=( but I am kinda prepared. Except haven't finish the theory reading part. Spent friday doing project in school and had dinner with Ian's family at the airport. Emilyn has the same problem as me. Irritable bowel syndrome. Eat something wrong, our tummy will not be able to take it. diahorrea and stuff.





Sat I went for an extra MA class. Hee.. Learnt something. Spoke to another Ian about his recent problem in relationship. Can you believe it, a girl actually have the guts to play with his heart? But I guess this friend of mine is really deeply in love with her. Actually gave her so many material needs while she is two timing him. Gosh! When he found out and confronted her, she had the cheeks to deny it. Guess what? she got slapped. Filed a report against my friend at the police station and many other court order to protect herself. Crazy, isn't it? She was at fault for two-timing. Sold the mp3 Ian bought for her as 21st birthday present on eBay. Don't want it, then return it. Go through such action only make girls look like slut. No wonder this friend of mine was so lost. Haizz... luckily i found new confidence again. =p

This month would be his turn to meet my parents. Haha.. his turn to get nervous. =p haha.. yun read my blog and know about my relationship. Hey gal, if u are reading this, thank you for ur blessing. I really want this to work out. He's treating me very well. Next time I find chance to introduce. School barely started and i think we are all super busy. Can't bump into you often too since u moved to hostel. Take care, yeah?!

How am I suppose to react? Today I watched No Reservations with Da Jie. Great movie.. hee.. very romantic. very very sweet. A woman with rules mets a guy with charisma. Cried when Kate's sister died, leaving Zoe with her. I will i could be as strong as Kate. Haha... But i guess all women need a shoulder to cry on. Nick was the guy for her.

But I kinda disappointed with the ending. Haha..

Today i felt real weird during class. I dunno why. I miss him more than usual. So wanna see him, touch him, hold his hand and walk down the street. During MPW class, he and vivian played lots. How am I suppose to react? Charles asked me whether are they steady, how am I suppose to answer? No, he is my boyfriend? People must be thinking which girlfriend would allow her boyfriend to do that. Haha.. dumb right? Then Ian asked me whether could he go supper with Vivian. Can I say no? I really wanted to, but to be a girlfriend that my boyfriend will not be restricted, I said yes. But my heart is hurting so much since. I had regreting after doing something. As i part with him, I missed him. Da jie say is infatuation. But I know it is not. I hardly get jealous over guys that I idolise.

Since we go steady, Vivian reaction towards me changed slightly. I really hope I was just sensitive. But my six sense never fail me till now. The most it never detect, but it never detect wrongly. Since day 1 I know Vivian, she never stop talking about Ian. Never once. She does not talk about Bern or Bee Ling. Sarah felt it too. Will a girl ask a guy out for supper alone? Suddenly, I feel like I am the third party. She knows him so well. Me? I only know him for such short while. Am I posessive? But I am fine with him going out as a group of friends. I think I am going nuts because of love.

Sometimes, I really feel that I am just a fresh item for him to explore. When he is tired of it, I will not exist at all. Haha.. Maybe before this relationship ends, i should really enjoy my new found love.

Today, I, again, feel the fear of losing him. This time, not because of me, but a worthy competitor.

Ratatouille is a great movie. Hee.. Before that my mood was pretty bad, it cheered me up together with a caring reassurance in the morning. Sound dead in the morning, but now it is an hr to midnight(usually my sleeping time) I am still wide awake.

Happiness, happiness and more happiness. But BP hw is killing me... don't understand what the prof is asking. Damn!!!!

Last night I slept badly. No nightmares but heartbreak. I still do not know why my heart hurt so much. haha.. Damn right. Jie jie say looking at me, she is afraid of entering into a relationship. A month ago, both da jie and I say if we are able to be like lynette, then we are ready for relatonship. But I took off first. Did not even think about that matter. But I told jie jie in relationship means being stupid and heartbreaking sometimes.

Stupid because you will grin at the thought of ur love ones. Heartbreak when you know the relationship is fragile. Yesterday, I was grinning all my way during lunch at kovan due at the thought of what he replied me regarding "pillow". My sis thought I went nuts. My mood was super good since last week. But last night, suddenly I felt my heart sinking . I hate that feeling. I was like a year since I felt this. Not talking much, Sarah realised. She thought we had a tiff.
"Will we?", I asked her.
Her answer, " Won't have a tiff lar, the most is Er Jie scold him." She laughed.
Precisely, he really has a good temper. Me? damn bad. haha..

Sometimes, I wonder am I good enough. I am rather naughty, good at playing people hearts, bad temper and a wonderful history. So 'wonderful' that I hope I can wash it away. So when he said, "As long you know what are you doing, it is fine with me." I was delighted. This means total trust. But yesterday night, I thought hard. I know what am i doing, but does he?

Total Kelly Clarkson songs seem so nice...

Sometimes I wonder whether I made the right decision. Sometimes I wonder whether allowing somebody to enter my complicated life is right or wrong. All I wanted was him to be happy. I was happy. I never thought that I would be so lucky, finding somebody to share my thoughts and days.

I thought I was the most love unlucky girl on earth since two years ago. This week I led a life that I always wanted. Hugging my love, letting my parents know he exists, holding hands walking down the streets, meeting his parents etc. I thought it was safe to share my past. But now after s short talk I felt fear. I so wanted to cry, my heart hurts so much.

Hearing his voice, I was lost. I wanted to assure him, telling him I had let go of that feeling that holding onto me. I can't deceive myself. I don't know since when I kept thinking of him. I don't wanna lost him so I took the move. Trying every way to secure this. Instead of assuring him, I feel like I am losing him suddenly. Letting him know my past when the relationship just about to flower. Brushing teeth was lifeless, tears rolling down as I type- are these all because I am in love again? Why is it so difficult for me? Why does my heart hurts?

Just wanna be a girl...

Famous play and story. But a bad name. Why? It is so hard to pronounce. Today at Kovan, the three sisters are laughing while waiting for our train to take us back.

Sarah:"Le (s)- Mi-se-rab-le (s) "
Jie: "No. It is "Lay - Mi-ze- ra-lay"

Then both began to argue. Over a stupid pronunication. sarah apparently had heard her primary school teacher pronouncing this way since her P6 years. So both do not want to admit that they may be wrong, I said, " why they chose such a difficult name!!!!! Just say Less- mi-se- rab-less!!!! Done?!"

Both started laughing loudly. Verdict? Sophia can never pick up French. -.-'' all of a sudden I became their common target. Today is raining cats and dogs. Got stuck at hougang mall for 1 hour, spending $40 on sarah. Earrings, body shop, storybooks and others. How nice to have a sister who will pamper me that much when i was in sec school. =p but da jie changed lots already. She treat us to lunch. So I did pedicure for her once we reach home.

BP is killing me. Now I am off to complete it. argh.... stupid 60 marks question!!!!

Yesterday was my daddy's 54th birthday. Gosh, time flies real fast. Still remember those days when daddy had jet black hair and cycles round the neighbourhood on the bicycle. Now I am 20. Few years time, I will be the one supporting daddy. The fear that my daddy is going to retire is not scaring me anymore. As long my daddy is well and happy, i am fine with it.

Been busy with studies and projects. Barely two weeks in school term, i had 3 tests already and one project due next week. Crazy, right? Year 2 is not as relax as Freshmen year. Envy those new freshmen. I met Karen Teo, Xueshan, Amanda and Sharon at SMU. Finally some familiar faces. Now i have blend into the environment, life seems to pass so quickly. Met a great guy who will pamper me to little details, great group of friends who will stand up for me and many people to say hi too. Of course there is always the group of populars who treats you transparent though they know u. Gosh, life change lots. Met my TWC groupmate, Ho Xinyi, on tues. She lost 6kg during hols. Now she practically so thin that I'm afraid she is having some eating disorder.

Groups have been formed for project and this year I escape the lazy bums. hee... let's say two terms of gossips can cause those lazy bums to have a hard time finding group mates. It is what happen to a girl I know from my term 1 financial accounting class. Her name is Jacky. From China. Term 1 she was practically incooperative and quiet. This term I am having MPW with her. She speaks on an average of 4 times in three hours unlike the "mute" girl we know, but she still cannot find a group when come to grouping. Before we left for break, the class was filled with shouts from all corners asking friends or friend's friend to join as group. I had no problem coz I had Charles , Vivian and Ian with me. All I need is another person. Then Jimmy came. Cool, we settled in 1 minute and left for break. At the same time, I saw Jacky going to group and group of people to ask whether they need a member. By the time I came back from a 20minutes break, she was still asking. There is sure to be a team that requires to take her in. But who wants? I saw her being rejected again and again.

I felt kinda sad for her. But deep in my heart, I know I will not take her in too. Last two sems, I had friends that were forced to work with her. Their grades were bad not because of the final exams but the project. They are always one man down. Now, surviving in University is to choose the best team you can work with. So though it is sad to see her being outcasted, there is nothing we can do or blame but herself. A bad reputation for two sems is able to kill.

Off to study now^_^ I am juggling with 5 mods this sem. Every two weeks one CA. Gosh, my hair is turning white!!!!!