I can't really put into words the feelings you get when you hear a doctor or medical professional tell you your child is not developing typically. It is like trying to explain what it feels like to be a parent. There just aren't the right words to describe it.
I am a big, big believer in a mother's intuition. It is so much stronger than the words of the best specialists in the world. Even when you know deep down in your stomach that there is something just not right, it is still so very painful having those feelings confirmed.
My very first concern for Jaxson was when he didn't smile until he was almost 5 months old. I remember trying like hell anything and everything I could think of to make this boy smile. He did eventually smile and I shrugged it off as nothing. He was at the very tail end of "normal" for most of his milestones. I thought that was fine since he did eventually meet them all. I was also so proud of him as he learned all of his letters, upper and lowercase, before he was 2. (And I am still so amazed by the imbalance of abilities that comes with Autism.) When we moved to Phoenix, I joined a playgroup to meet new friends in this new land we are living in. I soon realized that my son played and interacted different than the other kids around his age. A light bulb went off in my head at a particular meetup when most kids played on the playground equipment as my son circled a bush over and over. And so our journey began as I had Jax tested through the school district first and then seen by a developmental pediatrician. This led to a long, long line of research on my part and further appointments and testing. Jaxson was officially diagnosed with Autism in November 2010, and my question mark was answered....somewhat....
Once you have a child with Autism, there is a 1 in 4 chance that subsequent children will have an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Given Jaxson's Autism diagnosis, it is only natural for me to be suspicious of every move Avery makes. With all of this said, I can now share with you that I just hung up with Avery's pediatrician, and it totally sucks having your fears and suspicions confirmed once again. They are no longer just possibilities and question marks. They are now truth and fact. It is too early to know if it is Autism, but the statistics are screaming at me. And so is my intuition.
And so I set forth on this well-traveled road with my head held high. I will continue to be a Warrior Mom with my fists up high, ready to fight for my little boys.
My wonderful husband said it best...
"I have faith that our boys will be great adults. They are perfect. They just need our help now. That's all."
