sometimes all you rly need is a non serious, totally drunk, confusing conversation w a pal whom you nvr expected to stay (but who did anyway), &2 cups of decaf which you swore 2 years ago you'd nvr needed. sometimes you shouldn't expect yourself to be so tough &ambitious. freedom is to relatively be free of congested will. &that friendship shouldn't be suppressed by ongoing expectations.

There's a difference btw holistic & analytic thinking, my dear. We are trained for th latter. An analytic thinker won't only understand th meaning of a statement, but also understanding th limits of it. What they do not understand are th relationship of things put tgth, whereas a holistic thinker is trained to see fields of knowledge as integral parts of an interrelated whole. Analytic theorem touches on problem solving, observing stock markets whereas holistic theorem focuses in unifying fragmented knowledge of th world & of reality. We sit in sch &compare notes, we sit in sch & compare grades but we should have been comparing th morality of our action that supervenes certain energy which we conceptualize as action.

Who th fuck gives a damn how well you did when you do it within th contemplation of your lack of personality &your faint deficiency of understanding of how selfish &egocentric you are becoming! I'd rather remain a human, lack of money but still able t do what i want, rather than being a person who is wealthy w paper money but poorer in so many other imaginable things. I never want to be that. Never.

If i were to be brought into this world not to my desire, & not to my choice, than it will be a journey to unravel th person I was brought here to be, not who I think I should be. It is then a true gift when you find yourself, therefore I'm taking a break, I've bought 3 plane tickets to th Himalayas &will be leaving in a wk, where I will have th adventure of a lifetime & come face to face w danger & ofcourse, wise lamas whom I will convince to teach me th art of tao shu, &master th 5 strengths of a true warrior. Then maybe I will never come back.

hahahaha kay kiddddd dinggg! sigh!

try reading this in one breath!

skip if you cant hahah.

Just got back frm lia's house where we cuddled in her room t watch back t back full house til dusk breaks then drove to tamp's macs where I ruptured to satisfy my cravings for fast food since I've been diligently & gratifyingly fast for a whole week which reminds me am gonna get ljs &kfc &aunt anne's & 2 cups of frolicks tmr, not forgetting popcorns for inception &more ben &jerrys which will bring me to th yog trg just now before lia's where me &yu siang got lost & found 2 other girls who were all heading t th highway only t find a dead end &me being me, stopped on my tracks &got all of us to share a cabbbbbb which took us 10 bloody minutes flagging our hands & alas when we got into one &told th cabbie t take us t singaporesportssch he said its just ard a corner, don't you wanna walk(?) &all of us firmly chorused in harmony a freaking noooooooooooooo; but th main point is, we got uhm a small b&j strawberry cheesecake each after a whole day of hmmm same old briefing in th morn w an empty stomach, a mtg w th sports presenters &th spms, a very interesting vocal trg, th subdued learning of a hilarious swimming dance (!!!!), & rehearsals, sort of &then ended my day w lia driving me all theee way back t jrg where I unintentionally ignored her cause I was engrossed &determined t finish my bk, which i did, &is th reason why i am now obsessed w Himalayas &enlightenment. But now, lemme resign t designing furnitures on revit sighhhhhhh.

...........................................................................................................................................

..........................................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................................

.........................................................................................................................................

........................................................................................................................................

........................................................................................................................................

.......................................................................................................................................

........................................................... thats cheating

That shut you up hahaha thank gooooddd.

But you know what, I am not gonna wake up in th middle of th night anymore, believing I am gonna get married at 50 hahaha, however appealing th idea sounds like.

&Th ones others face are just conditions in their head.

Another mother gone, &I dunno why I'm still here when they still have a duty to unfold, positioned as heroines to many.

Some of us are nowhere near to live.

While I revisited "welcome back, but what th hell &where are you now" moments, I watch my country burn through eyes of a visionary. Or is that alw my excuse? Truth is, I hate it here, I rly do, however much rich or promising this place is, it wasn't made for me. We were alw taught to believe we were made for bigger things than just this town alone, but have we ever realised we are th beetle/frog/spider inside the jar, under that rock, in a safe procurement which was a stage up til this day?

I never thought I'd be trapped in this trance cause honestly, 2 yrs ago I saw myself conquering my vision; backpacking ard th globe, kissing cheeks of th Cambodian kids, drinking pure water from a river, meeting th man of my life who shares mutual interest in adopting a sudanese angel &exchanging conversations w some philosophical leaders alive, but I am only here sharing views of our failing agenda &pointing middle finger to th only one we can blame- th gov. I am so sorry, I know it is peaceful here, &it was a great pile of effort/ leadership blabla to build this 21st century singapore, &I should be thankful, but sometimes I do wish there's a meadow out there, or a riot, or a bunch of hippies smoking weeds outside my house, cause now evth feels processed &unalive, like robots under a range of commands dammit. It has been great for 16 yrs, but not anymore.

I should stop wishing I'd meet revolutionaries down th road who'd take my hand &ask me to come along. I'd be one, &I'd grab as many hands &legs as possible. That's a plan.

Right.