My neighborhood brings this certain sense that I still love. Like how it closes in &wraps everyone tgth in a bubble, away from other humans, who not only talk alot, fuck pretty much too (tho i do that alot; talking i mean, not fucking; not yet atleast zzzzzzzzzzzz). I dont like carrying th whole world on my shoulders, but I do that often just because I find it very tempting &necessary I should say. Everytime my mind starts t wander off abit too much, th Earth seem t start shaking &rotating in this crazy axis as if it's trying t escape from a ticking time bomb planted right smack in th core. But we're just itching our pretty little asses; having less than important conversations about that which colour paint should we use (i still like th orange but my mum chose th blurgh yellow), which ring is more worth it (not exactly th big ones are, bt often do I choose th largest), that guy's a gay &that he shouldn't have been(what a waste) or throwing our money away on expensive meals or smothering each other on behalf of valentines day or like some countries, thinking abt which other bunch of ppl t kill. Humans being unaware, careless &carefree make every single one of us almost as vulnerable as an ant; defenseless to th bigger force, yet still we may think that only money makes th world goes round &through it, everything is in our hands. What bloody insights. Will we still be able to be permanent when some things that we care about, arent?

you aint all that. ▲▲

CRY ME OUT

I got your emails
You just don't get females
Now, do you?
What's in the heart
Is not on your head
Anywhere

Mate, you're too late
And your weren't worth the wait
Now, were you?
It's out of my hands
Since you blew your last chance
When you played me

Chorus:
You'll have to cry me out
You'll have to cry me out
The tears that I'll fall
Mean nothing at all
It's time to get over yourself

Baby, you ain't all that
Maybe, there's no way back
You can keep talking
But, baby, I'm walking away

When I found out
How you messed me about
I was broken
Back then I believed you
Now, I don't need you
No more

The pick on your phone
Proves you weren't alone
She was with you, yeah
Now, I couldn't care
That you weren't aware
We're through

Gonna have to cry me out
Gonna have to cry me out
Boy, there ain't no doubt
Gonna have to cry me out

Won't hurt a little bit
Boy, better get used to it
You can keep talking
But, baby, I'm walking away

Listen, I got the emails
I got the text
The answer's still the same
It's the way it is
I got to go

Labels: no strings attached.

run this town tonight ▲▲

When it looks like things are just unraveling, I often find myself back on th starting line. Its exhausting to have to always push myself to begin again. I ended giving up. I dont expect to kneel down all th way to th ground &scream to th sky, then run to a holy river &find salvation. But I dont expect to trust anybody who jumps up on me to take a chance.
I keep telling myself to keep on trying, but trying is what losers do. You'll see us fail again.

I know my words keep revolving around my big fuckups, my stupid affairs and my refusal to let life show me its incredible juice but what you didnt know is how fucking annoying my optimism really is, which I never wrote of. Expectations are one thing; but expectations accompanied by imaginations, are 2 ruthless companions altogether. They never made it to real life. Call me up &tell me when they ever did; &you'll find out its never accurate. &That leads me to this whole cynicism cover-up. I dont want to be disappointed over &over again by some built-up imaginary, dreamy situation in my sub-conscious; how dumb can that be?

I'm not here to find nirvana, not to ball up into Gandhi; & I'm not a simple person, no matter how I try to be but I know they are th little things that makes me happy &calm. Like when I can smell th rain when it hits th ground, when someone says "hey, I miss you" &not, "Oi, I miss you", when anybody at all acknowledges me w a smile, when he accidentally trips when he sees me, when I get to light a candle or a flame, when I get uninterrupted time to read, when I can listen to my favourite music, when I get to eat cheap &great food or when I take a walk w my bestfriend &feel th wind slapping against my skin. I'm not such a downer, but I wont be th most cheerful girl you'll ever meet.

I'm like a candle. Someone can light me up, someone can put me off; but I'll always have that flame in me. Always.

you worn me down. ▲▲

Need to set things clear before i go to sleep.
I am not in love; or falling likewise, &I wont be, not anytime soon.
If you have any intention, pls re-consider.

~ Tore my diary; left some 5 pages (out of 40?)which was filled w rage; I just want to remind myself why you're not worth it. Cant even force myself to cry anymore. It was all gone. With you.
~ I'm 17, not 71 for crying out loud!
~ I'm definitely sort out. I am more than defined.

Now, I'm on hiatus.

60's pls. ▲▲

Will be on hiatus.
But I have some huge news; unsure if its good or otherwise.
Cant seem to find time to share it.
Will/Wont be back?

Anw, its growing up season; road has been rough.
Horizons have changed along th way.
People got into my ride; a few dumped out, some disappeared, th rest stayed.
I've been under many skins. &Sometimes it aint so pleasant.
But when life gives you lemon; its better if you try to make some lemonade th least.
Its suffocating down here.
But I've been stronger, I guess.

Call me up guys! I wanna know how yall are doing!
Perhaps a letter would be better.
Letters where you write on paper w an ink pen, fold them, tuck them in a recycled envelope (i wont mind), find my address, write it down on th front, lick a stamp &paste them on th stupid tiny box on th upper right/left corner &drop them in th mail box. Yeah not quite simple compared to EMAILS or MESSAGES ON FACEBK. Buuut, so much more appreciated (:

you could use somebody. ▲▲

boys and girls ▲▲

wish sh's more 60's tho.

counting down th days ▲▲

Mendaaaaaakkks.
Restless I mean.
&Nobody wants to layan me tonight; except for Ewee hahahhahahahhahahha ok cant stop laughing!
Basket tt horny girl!
~
Anws, I dont wanna go to sch tmr, soooooooooooooooo should i uhmmm?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm
Ok zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Hahahahaha ok maybe not.
Maybe I should.
Fran's a bad influence afterall.

(I've been resisting to write properly; can't seem to anw)

yesterday's fantasy ▲▲

It was as if I had abandoned a part of me; leaving those beliefs behind.
Those beliefs that had survived me through all these years.
Those beliefs that gave me strength in my faith as life passed me by.




















I feel hollow.
But I know I have a world of chances before me.
I'll take them as they come by.

familiar. ▲▲

I crossed my legs, hugged myself tight, shut my eyes, held the tiny national flag on my right, my cam on my left &let Isabel &Shanice played with my hair. I opened my eyes, watched as my fingernails turned purple, turned my cam on &turned it off, checked my phone &then slammed it shut. I can't hear anything but his voice. My definitions are all wrong. I needa know what's enlightenment. Cause I gotta find it.

may i get a second chance? ▲▲

All in one day, I can just die &resurrect all over again.
How perfect can this imperfections be?
I must be lucky.

shallowest ▲▲

Fran "Wow I didn't know my friend's a trendsetter!"
HM "Hahah look even your ****** are copying you!"
N "Hmm ok I care? "
F "Oh come on! There must be smth you care abt! You like fucking hate her lah!"
N "Hahaha that, I can't deny! But there's zero chances of you keeping things to yourself. Fran, it's a semi free world!"
H " It's semi, Naf. Gettid?"
F "Oh come on, can we bitch her up th next time we see her?"

It does appear to make me feel abit uneasy but come on? Maybe they're looking it up to MKA like I am too? But at any chances that they are uhmm following me up; gosh I'm flattered *rolls eye. There're more significant things for me to care about. Fran &Haz tried cheering me up til they were so bum, they took a 10-mins nap at RL's starbucks. Ahhhh peace~

Oh, should I go to school today?
Whats th point? Lol.

goals ▲▲

I was gasping for words. Now I'm gasping for sleep!
Anw, screwed up as usual; its as though my first year was jinxed inside out.
There was no beauty in anything I can find.
I need to re-evaluate &take th front seat.
I've been chilling for way too long now.

you behave th way you believe ▲▲

when all else fails? ▲▲