Yesterday night was one helluva of a night!
I rolled &laughed &eat &talked as if I was the same ol, same ol.
&I missed being that. Being th girl who's known to be spastic.
Th girl who's known to be able to be herself &be recognized.
Th girl who's known not to give up.
I want everything back; just like how we started.
&How we ended.

I didn't know beginnings was just so tough.
&Goodbyes take million years to digest.
I'm only me when I'm w you.

Anyways, next week is gonna be th last week of school.
&Man, I'm damn excited!!! -.- (Test first pls.)
Okay so I'm having Math's test tmr &Ummu had been a sweeetheart to want to teach me (:
I have to touch up my Rebus assignment cause I have 2 days grace due to my m/c (atleast I hope?)

Oh &can I give an advance standing? :D
1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NADRAH ROZMAN (!!!!)
2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO UMMU SA'ADAH (!!!!)
3. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LIM YEE HUI (!!!!)

*Separate posts on th day itself okay!

Now, am gonna mug my brains out! (?) Lol.

Losing game. ▲▲

This is gonna be a depressing post accompanied w very contrary peeektures because updates &photos make jiexin very happy :D

1.
Lets expose the freaking miserable one first okay.
Yesterday horr I got presentation for F writoral. The night before, I polished my speech &powerpoint slides like eff, know but everyone was worried about what to wear instead -.-
Wahh in the morning I feel so out of place! I stepped into the classroom &everyone asked me whether I'm presenting today because I dont look formal (!!!!) Its really not that; its just that they put in million dire effort than me; Fiona looked like a casino dealer (whatever they call it), Sheryl looked like she got her own business, Jovy looked like a successful mum, Elias looked like a property agent who has a car (-.-), Nabila looked like a lecturer (hahhah, cause sh was mistaken for one), &they dont want to label me because I looked too fashionable (!!!!) What kind of reasoning is that?
Okok that was not the point! I was touching on poverty for my presentation &received very very good remarks from the tutor &from everyone else. They said I have set th standard but I was reading too much from my cards :( But still I was expecting a high grade; I didnt know that kind of fucking reading could make me undeserving of an A!! Bloody B, I got. She even wrote that I made a special impact on th audience; giving them eye-openers &herself too but in th end, sh fuckingly rewarded me w a B!!Wahh damn pissed. I went to th tutor &sh said,
"Nafisaaaahh you shouldn't have dig your face into your scripts so much ytd!"
"&That was why I didn't get an A?!"
"Yes, I couldn't have given you an A for your lack of eye contact!"
BASKEEEETTT! Make me damn low lor!!! Everyone was shocked I got a B :(
Sigh.

Nevermind, pictures.


























2.
But I met Nadiah for lunch :D She kinda make me desert th topic for awhile!
&How happy I am to discover that there's TOMYUM in Flavours(!!!) ^^
*sings; I feel so good ah ah!
We talked about alot of things in an hour only! What a goooood bonding time!
So its time to sing agaaiinnn!
*I feeel......okay lah; not so good now.
Anw, yeah met Amalina after that to buy Ummu's present! (:
Shit but never take any single pics w Nad :( Dammit.




e


3.
I find my classmates a bunch of damn hardworking people. Altho they drill alot of pressure into me (at times unnecessary ones), I think they're th key driving force of motivation to keep me working. They make me want to be th best (: &I like that. So because of that; because I left a few freaking hours to term tests, I'm gonna make my term 1 worth it! Anw, what a speedy term, agree? I cannot believe my eyes, ears, when they said its june soon! &One thing that never ever did change is that; I LOVE JUNE!!! I already started planning my birthday week altho i know I said I didn't have th mood -.- but cause, I want to go to a thai food paradise &share my love w my friends who dont fancy it that much &still have to tag along because why? Its gonna be my birthday! (: &Fiona's birthday too!

4.
TESTSSSSSSSSSSS!
-Facom
-Rebus
-Maths
-Writoral -.- (bloody hell, i'm starting to despise it, i tell you!)
-&CADS (which is done yaaayy!) but we were deprived of time during th lab test (!!!) because I wasn't sittng beside Elias (-.-) who's th autocads genious! &I didnt have ruler to measure th bloody internal walls!!!

Anw, next week, am gonna go to school for 3 days only since other days I have no papers so yippeee life is back! Gonna party damn hard :D

5.
Everyone around me looked happy in all sorts of good way &again I feel so out of place.
Somedays I tried to smile even though my heart's wrenching but somedays my eyes had the desire to burn than having to put up with another pretence. Sometimes, somebody out of th blue, gets all so sweet &nice to try to turn my frown upside down. But everyone else stood at th sidelines watching because they were afraid to take that risk; to know me, to listen to what's troubling me, to see that I had dark sides too; just like everyone else. I know I had tried to deceive myself that I am different but fact is; we're all th same, our pain, our strengths &everyone had a history to who they balled up to be today. I want to be as nicely treated &cared for; I hate those eyes staring at me every second, thinking they want to know me, asking for my numbers, not knowing who truly I am inside, it's disgusting, its not a respect a girl should get. I couldn't gave them th liberty, th chances because I know too well what I'm exposing myself to. Because I grew more fragile every second; I needed intensive care because I'm bleeding profusely. I couldn't just accept anyone, know. I couldn't. Then when can I? When?!! I'm losing too much.

6.
I'm sick of trying. I want to glide to th aftermath. I want to be a success story of a happy ending. School just taught me that impossible is nothing.

Labels: pacesetters?

Home sweet home ▲▲

Alot of things have been progressing lately; everything except for my work load & uhmmm the voices in my head. I told you before right that I get pissed off easily? Yeah apparently, I scold ppl as easily. &Then I got categorized as this girl who got some attitude issues &after awhile I got plenty of invitations from strangers to smoke tgth during lectures.
I went like, "Uhmm I dont smoke..hee"
They went, "Omgosh are you serious?"
I was like, "Urghh yea.. Anw, which class are you from? I really like your hair, know."
Then finally, "Ooops Wong's watching!!"
Am I suppose to be embarrassed or be proud? Or should I confess that I do?

Anw, I scored one of th highest in today's real estate's test :D
Because..........instead of slpg when I reached home from camp, I decided to turn on my laptop &went to ole-bb &study til 2am. Which is very rare I swear. What th hell was I thinking. Guess it paid off? Lesson was suppose to start at 9 &I was so irritated when my sleep was continuously disturbed so I decided to tell my parents it starts at 10 instead? Yeah so missed cads. &I actually planned to uhm be completely emo today; but i reached school & everyone became a laughing gas. It's like a reflex of being tired or smth.

screaming for second life ▲▲

Eventually all th gritty, little details caught my eyes &instinctively set its footprints all over my heart.
I grow obliged day by day, despite being more existentially irritable, I could slowly regard life as a seed. My own seed. It seemed that I had tried to outfox it; to question the nature of presence everytime they decided to be my long-term company. Taught to believe in causality, this was what doubt had a hold on me; life didn't really work well with karma, instead they prefer making rules of their own game. But I know all the rules, I just didn't know who else does. I didn't know whether we're supposed to play by the rules because it doesn't offer the sedation I was looking for.
Living in the moment, they provide you with temporary pleasures, ones that overtire you just by accepting them. Having wanting the impending future itself, is starting to taste so sweet. Hell to what I have now, or what I don't. Life's starting to make sense, but sometimes I like them, senseless. Whatever it is, I wish you were here. You guys too.


p.s Referring to no one.

They wanted it. ▲▲

Dear readers,

Its getting pretty warm over at th east, both literally &otherwise. My first hand perception is fading into multi colors; but I'm still black &white no doubt. My aim there, is to try to help myself find ANY spark/ lightening bud inside me that will continue to bring me to life. It seems that everyone is shining/glowing with this new chapter while I'm charred black all over. But, like I said, clouds are SLOWLY clearing & faces are slowly showing insights. I just couldn't take it how they look at me as if I have everything to offer. I want my heart to resurface; like how theirs can. Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster?

Labels: I dont.

▲▲

I woke up this morning w aches all over my body; still, I decided to have a morning run.
I mean I have to. Like die die have to.
Anyway, yesterday, had floorball training. Met Nabila at tamp int first, then went over to mushroom to meet Priscilla who was abit late (!!). Thank god we reached th sports hall on time, if not we would be running 4 rounds instead. We did 2 around th tracks tho. Then, we did warm ups or so; which consists of some ridiculously humorous moves like super mario (which i can't really do lol). Then, finally we get to train with the floorball sticks &did rounds of dribbling, shooting &passing. All of that was nothing until our games itself. Everbody was like a dead tyre, even when we only have to play for 2 mins til line change. It sounds very lenient &lame right (??), but oh well, we need to run like mad cows to &fro ard th courts to catch th ball. All of us was 'pancit' so we didn't care about how we faired. Hahahah &I can't stop laughing at Rochelle &Fiona who gets tackled almost everytime by this fucker tomboy from the opponent's team. You should have seen their pissed off face when they got tackled (!!). One time, Fion got nudged like eff, she practically mouthed CB when she thinks no one was watching. I stopped in my tracks &laughed for a second or two until I got screamed at. Anw, talking about vulgar, we aren't suppose to say any, cause they believed, "if you can't control your mouth, you won't be able to control your temper." Luckily the seniors didnt heard that. Anw, during debrief, coach said we played good (!!) "her heartbeat almost jumped off her chest!" that's what sh said lah. But most of us are still 50-50 or 70-30 abt floorball. Its tough lah, thats it.

Anw, I injure my both legs (!!!!). Tuesday's trial got my toe black but apparently ytd's got my both legs! So since wednesday, I was limping around all over singapore actually &singaporeans are heavy fuckers i tell you!!!!!!!! They all stared at me as if I was a natural (!!!!) since I have like no obvious evidence that I was wounded or smth except for my blue blacks. Anw yeah. Starting tmr, I'm gonna bandage any part of my leg as long as everyone knows I'm TEMPORARILY injured &so I could get seats in mrt rides ^^ &not be expected to give up my seats to elderlies (!!) which was what I have to do ytd. It was so painful because I had to stand 3/4 of my journey which is 45 minutes okay!!! Anw, yaaay school tmr &my whole week planned (: Oh ya, what to get for mothers day?

Keep me warm. ▲▲

How can you come to me talking about something else, then turn around bullshit otherwise? It isn't surprising I suppose; everybody slowly unleashing what they're potential of; even th closest of th closest becoming th opposite of what you expect, its not crazy right? Yeah its not. So by all means, find substitutes, friends who're cheerful 24/7, who's ready to laugh at your jokes all the time, who doesn't trip over their emotional debris, who can think of nothing else except entertaining you, &whom you find very FUN every single second of th day. Because I can't be that; &you can't be around when I'm not that. Thats not friends, is it. No its not.

Most people come in neat little DIY packages, contents all illustrated &accounted for in detail on th back of th box. No surprises. Read the instructions &assemble. &You do get what you bargained for...most of the time. Maybe you do get shortchanged on a screw here, a nail there. &Sometimes, it doesn't look as good as the display piece. But you don't get too upset, because you kinda expected it.

DIY furniture is, as a rule, a dime a dozen. It is not for the discerning, not for those looking for a family heirloom. Then why do we end up owning so many of these ordinary, average-quality things?

Convenience, if you ask me. Lack of foresight &insight. &Just being plain cheap, unwilling to pay th price for real, top-quality stuff.

Think about it. Do we pick friends like we do furniture?

Do we look for real unique, one-off pieces that might cost more, whether in terms of legwork or how much we actually pay? Or do we just settle for smth, convenient, popular &easy-going?

&What do you think you are? A DIY package or an antique?