My eyes, my feet have walked through things of all sort this week only.
I wonder what my whole 3 years will offer.

Monday, 9-5.
Sial ah, monday came as a shock to me. Still, yet to recover.
Orientation was seriously smooth; but apparently it wasn't th full view/ real first hand experience of Tp's culture. Met Nabila at interchange &it was like completely intensified with both tamp ite &tp's students. We reached school &kinda received some sort of a chill & a runover of warmth at th same time. We climbed th overdramatic stairwell &the Engine seniors welcomed us with theeeeee cheers :D So many familiar faces, purposely screaming into our ears; giving th classic cheeky faces! I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeee. Hahahahha.

As we walked through th concourse level, it was a sight I tell you! A refined, refreshing &major stomache flipping sight. Hahah okay; exaggerated. But yeah! Thats the word! Almost everyone is exaggerated. &Those who are not are uhmmmm th backdrop? Hahaha ok bad. But yeah; casual is like nothing; we saw this girl wearing shades, heels, stockings, thick make-up &we went like, "sial ah what's that? Unnecesary seh. She engine or design?" Oh, &tooo much eye candy around! (Turn drastically to Hajar). Hahaha Hajar unfair!! I can't pick one; besides none of them look human to me leh..Everyone practically looked too self-contained. Okay that might be too early to judge but oh-well, I've yet to change tt perspective.






Tuesday, 1-6!!
Sound very appealing right? Starting school at ONE! I was totally planning to be back th pig I was, once every tuesday but NO!!!!!!! It was Airil's birthday &fuck, I have to get up early, rush for newspapers &painstakingly READ them in th mrt, patiently waited for Shanice ALONE in mac while attracting attention, sticking up all th wishes to th poster, collect th cake, go to popular &wait for th fucking crowded 23! It was okay though; much more drama existed in Jurong; yeah thats what I thought lah! We reached, &we hoped that we grabbed some sympathy from th class, or any form of appreciation of that sort; but wow they're having lunch! &Mensa was like compact! So we shifted to open plaza instead...(Still no lunch okay, no presence of any food except for mac's milo!) Anw, betteeeeerr ventilation, less embarassment, more pressure for my blood to ever handle. Hegeh sini, hegeh sane, birthday boy could be fucking earlier lah pls. After Airil cut th cake w some photo-taking sessions, I kinda automatically shut up, &decided to let them figure out what th hell to do w th cake since lecture's starting in 15 mins time?

Nab, "You're pissed aren't you?"
Naf, *smiled and sighed.
Nab, "Woahh your mengamuk terok"
Naf, *crickets.
Nab, *Started to help me start bitching
Naf, "Fuck them"
Nab, "wooooaaaah"

Anw, it was like a birthday dare for Airil to wear th hot pink birthday cone-cap around tp for th whole day. Received quite a handful of responses. For FACOM, we ended an hour early so we went &slacked near tcc, waiting for CADS lesson at lab. Anw, we started like joking around, talking about like seriously random stuffs like mustafa center(i told th iman story to them too! lol), geylang gays &FDM ghost stories. Then we dared Airil to take pictures in th girls toilet &he did!
Th rest of th time, I chatted up on th phone w Ewee &Harris later, while walking around... &I discovered a mixed group of mly &chi guys playing takraw! Sialah cool or what! I was upstairs watching them, &obviously it was obvious. I am a total sucker for takraw players(hahha only Amalina know)(but somehow, if you reviewed my history, you might think its perceptible also). They asked me to come over &try but I was blushing like shit so I could only bring my whole body that went numb to crack a smile &shake my head. I told Nabila &sh went over to kepo around. Hahaha.







Anw Ewee fetched me after that :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Cause she ended rp at 3.30 so sh had plenty of time to waste.
Lol, when I saw her at tamp mrt, she looked pissed &amused, well that was because a second before I showed up, sh saw her etched enemy! Wooohoohoo! Hahah siak.
I bumped into Junko in th bus earlier &we met up back again in th train..&started talking abt regatta &practically all our days. After that, went to IMM &eat &catch up &maaaaaaaaannnn, I MISS HERRR!!!

Wednesday, 10-1
WRITORAL was th boooommmmmmmbbb!! I got a video! 2 actually. I'll upload when my vid cam start to coordinate wimme. Anw,we were handed th same strip of paper &we're suppose to recite whatever they have on it w th suitable emotions. Ms Charmaine told us our end term assignment; which is like a final speech where there're 30 topics to choose from. Hmmm so should I do blogging, poverty, strong Sporean women or Americanization?
Anw, after school decided to meeet up w my dearestt Sem! Went for pizza hut, then starbucks.
Awhile later, Afiq dropped by.
"I feeeell so goood ahh ahh, I feel so good ahh ahh, I feel so good, I feel so good, I feel so good ahh ahh ahh" *dancing.

Oh &there was Cca fair also!! What th fuck was that? Ppl sitting around under shades, complaining about th scorching sun, drinking cold water, &wiping their sweat, chatting thru their handphones? I thought they were suppose to put in effort to impress us, no? So apparently, we weren't impressed by any except for th one we wanted since day 1; floorball. I was actually on th way, deliberating in my head about dance &touch rug; but idk. Dance abit girly, Touch rug like super tough!







Thurday; 9-1
School &Sentosa!
Anw, lunch experience was awkward like hell. While I was walking back to our seat, Nab &Aizat kinda warned me abt very vague stuff. Me &Kelly were th first one to order &th first one to reach back to our table. So while we were alone, there's this guy who came up &sat steadily next to me while his friends got up to find th nicest view! Sialah, movie or what! Anw, he was like, "hey, just finish school?" Kelly was right opposite &we were astonished! Completely speechless. So we stared at each other, sending waves of questions through our face expressions ,like, "Omg omg what do we do?" Then, he reached out his hand &shove it to my face, while introducing himself. I looked away, ignored him &felt so uhmmm disturbed. Apparently his friends had already started laughing! &It grabbed a few head turns..it was so gawky i tell you!
Anw, after a few tries, he kinda ran out of ideas so when th bunch of them walked out, he passed me his no w his name on a tissue paper!!!!! Wtf. It became a joke after that!




















Friday; 9-1.
Dozzed off at maths lecture in th 2nd row; class was fighting over participation points in maths tutorial, EFFCOM (effective comm) was bloody interesting! It was a 100% online work. First project was abt pronounciation &we stepped out of th lab w a higher knowledge of communication (; Last day of cca fair so still had a few hours before deciding to sign up... I didnt &I kinda regretted not pushing myself abit further. Anw, met Harris for awhile &went home to ssslleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppp! Yeah like finally baby!

Dunno what to expect next week.
Seriously.

Labels: Call me in th night, I want you 24/7.

Love, save th empty ▲▲

I didn't know whether I screamed but I was shivering when I woke up. Th rain was already taking its course &my nightmare found its way to me. Everything was beautifully planned; like in a movie scene, with th slight whisper of thunder while I played back what happened in my subconscious; onlythat this was real. Th image of th guy jumping off th ledge &th screams were vivid. Th blood, th police, his dreams, his worries, all came crashing down, tgth with his soul. He thought this was th end. But it wasn't. I couldn't return to my sleep just thinking about why his fears had started to reach out to mine. What was I afraid of? Are these th kinda things Ummu's been mentioning when all I used to tell her is, "C'mon, you can think of happier moments! Try!" I used to want her to describe to me evth, but th only help was to her peace of mind, &now, to mine. Th only way of trying is when we're believing. But in our stories, believing might be th hardest thing to do. Anw, when he decided to end his life his way, he stopped believing did he? &Because we're all still alive, we're somehow still believing are we?

Forever. ▲▲

Damn good! ^^

I hope its gonna make you notice ▲▲

"And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"
-Goo Goo Dolls

I wanna breathe something else than this air I'm breathing.
Its stupid how at times I feel trapped but I know I'm free.
I am tired but I am ready.
Then there on the other side, they try to define me from a clogged up conversation which means nothing.
Encumbered, I feel holy &wounded.
No cause. It's self-inflicting, I guess.
I'd just bleed to know that I'm alive.

Shades of grey with tiny bits of rainbow. ▲▲

Everything's been a roller coaster ride recently.
&I get easily fluctuated, by some means, because I had put in some effort to try to resist wallowing in my state; which is how the mood swings worsen.
The music scene is similar too ^^
I have been roaming around on the internet, youtube-ing most of the time, receiving alot of recommendations of artistes I should least loan my ears to.
The genres I fell in love w is practically a whole 180, I should say.
Try not to listen to just mainstream; there are so much out there where music came from.
But for the moment, I love to keep them to myself xD
Oh &keep in touch; cause my video blogs will be up! (how soon I do not know).
Anw, these past few weeks were invaluable!!
Its so sad this sat is postponed tho :((
&17 might not be the perfect year (its not meant to be anw), but the whirlwind might be what we needed most.

Its abit selfish for me to always want things to stay; how I talked too much whenever I am around any of you but then ended up being rotten and bitter because I automatically turned sentimental.
Our 4 years had been like a movie to me; it was too good to be true &too bad that it was sooo good.
It was dramatic all year round but I had been attached; that when I ran out of feelings, I tend to desperately wish for a storyline because it had marked out as our lifestyle to just be impossible &dream big. Somehow, Jurong had taught me that, (without them knowing, themselves); esp esp Red Cross ( that, they are aware of). But there comes a time where every bird has to fly, &at some point every rose has to die; so I'm gonna let down my guard &Imma take a chance. I dont wanna be a stupid chicken up front to th big stupid world now. They didnt teach me that. Nobody did so, I'm gonna make my life worth it.

Labels: no safety net

Stop haunting. ▲▲

These are like one of those nights when my heart is in a lighter note.
Did I say nights? I meant mornings.
Just now, in the afternoon-ish, me &mya we were like playing dress ups..
We went to salvation army beforehand, so we had a handful of good bargains.
Then Azri insisted on fetching us so otw, we headed to get some frolicks before gg to arab street to get murtabaks.
We had th house to ourselves but we didnt know what to do.
What we HAD to do was definitely snapppp awaaaaaaay. So am gonna upload pics soon!
Then helped her finished her sculpture-.-
After that, we tuned in to hallmark channel.
Before her mum came home, we kinda set a bon fire in her kitchen.
Hohohoo.
We nak konon2 Rachel, Monica &Phoebe in FRIENDS' episode during valentines day.
But we wrote stuffs before we burnt them; like what Rohani instructed us a year ago..
Her mum kinda nagged after that.
Hey but it was cool shitzxzxzx. I felt replenished.
I shall make th pictures do the talking..

anw, this was pics from a few days back when i accompanied ames to th lib (:










Wokaaay! ~
Tmr meeting them again ^^

Now, if you're curious, its close to 4 am.
&I am alive talking to the people I love most.
While watching football. It's a draw now :(
Anw, shall do a mini shout out..
To you guys out there, you despo, motherfucking guys, who had completely nth better to do other than wanting girls to hook up on, lemme tell you, do think twice before adding/ talking to me yeah.
You ppl just showed me the dark side of strangers.
I always liked strangers in a way anw. I always liked to had a sneak peak of their lives &I loved talking to them on random.
I didnt know it was just black &white on th other side.... ON YOUR SIDE.
Pls, when there's no chemistry, there's nth okay.
I know its not wrong to want to open up your social circle, but thats not me.
I liked the long way, thank you.
Catch me in real life, its more ideallic :D

free falling. ▲▲

i.

i’m no savior, i cannot fix you.
i’m barely mended myself.
i’m no hero, i cannot save you.
i can’t even save myself.

ii.

i’m not a concept, not an ideal, there are no rainbows in my veins.
i’m not flawless, not absolute, my life is woven of mistakes.

iii.

do not look at me for answers,
i will reply in questions.
do not look at me for hope,
i will reply with emptiness.

iv.

i am not a dream,
no perfection can come from me.
i am merely a pile of bones,
coupled with a heap of recycled flesh.
my eyes are dull and my mind is numb.

my fingers tracing non-existent lines
of the words i wrote every night.

vii.

i am nothing but a human.
like you.

viii.

you had faith in me
how could you?
you couldnt see it in yourself.
we were similar in all ways.
our own desires,
our own dreams

except i'm ready to chase mine
but you're ready to erase yours.

Say you'll stay ▲▲

i.

I turned off the music
&seethed in the dark.
I knew I was ageing pretty bad.
But my face shows no signs of wrinkles,
my hands never trembled.

ii.

So I caved in,
&you,

you reemerged,
resplendent from the rubble,
while I die slowly inside.

iii.

the always
perfect stranger,
playing consistent bait
but it's the silence
I'm still hooked on.

iv.

last night
I dreamt about a parasite
gnawing on my only survival.
I was the serpent
but I was helpless.

vii.

today
I splayed myself on concrete
concerned about explanations.
I just need to know why
my soul is in agony.

viii.

I didn't need you to be here.
I just need to move on.

you know what?
you weren't the parasite.
truth was.

I'm tired of shedding my skin.
I just need another lover's clothing.

Labels: don't come and go, like you do