I'm faithless, intense, lost, clueless, damned, vulnerable & weak.
How th hell in th world could i figure myself as strong?
(yes like being called a fallen angel would help)
I'm hopeless & helpless.
I wait for life to come, for love to save, for dreams to come true.
Whats so demanding?

This coming last 8 trgs PLUS 2D1N is gonna be intensive.
&Please support me,
Cause i'm not strong enough without everyone putting in th effort.
& there's a few i wanna thank for persisting through all my stone-stress-shitmybrainblock moments.
& til now, do keep forgiving me.

"Cause nobody's perfect! I gotta work it! again&again til blablabla"
Anw, we're doing Hannah Montana's Nobody's Perfect song for competition :D
&i think everybody else is having a major breakdown in this year's comp new format.
Atleast i hope. *sighsighsigh

▲▲

I believe my life's gonna be short.
Well, don't ask;
Thats not th point anyway.
I've had too many expectations in life that i haven't live up to and i dun wanna leave,
full of regrets, or hearing voices in my head going, 'shouldhavedonethat', again&again.
I wanna be someone who could leave an impact in this world, giving everyone th invincible force of faith that would lift everyone up & GOFORIT; when their beliefs are wearing thin.

&I know i haven't been good, but trust me, how much my heart feel soft&delicate,
life has taught me not to expose all my gritty, little, emotions.
I was never close to my potential,
& Life is never reciprocal of my supposedly counterpart,
which is making things so much more difficult.
But i am never giving up.


&I do know too I haven't been a good leader.
Bibi lectured me& Syaf, for not being proficient enough.
&I have finally opened my eyes to see that we are, definitely not taking this comp seriously.
Sorry for shouting, well maybe you should be sorry.
I don't see you being adequate or virtuous anyway.
& So I have decided to make some changes,
&I'm gonna be hard on you guys for I strongly believe th squad is potential of more things to be achieved.

STOP COMPROMISING man!

▲▲

High-spiritedness achieved
Progress seen
Best training so far
Camp postponed to 1st& 2nd thanks to Mrs Chong, (Ummu's dearest)
[meant to be sarcastic shit if you don't have a clue]
Comp still 16th. scaredscaredexcitedexcitedwinwin!

:DDDDDDDDD End mood: Gratifying satisfaction

School was undoubtedly typical boredom.
Except for English :D ; sometimes lit,
&well, nothing else.
I'D DO EVERYTHING TO DRIVE MYSELF OUT OF THIS YEAR WITH TH SHEER storybook-movie-drama-parentsonly'wish'inthworld LOOK.
Why?
Cause i won't just suffer with no 'futurestartshere' type of thing.
It'll be more like 'Yaaayonemoreclosersteptomyfuture' type of thing.
(: (:

But, be reasonable with yourself,
Don't so zombie, life still goes on, only somethings are restricted because 'thfutureliesinth10months' scare. :DD
haha, enough of th psycho!
GOOD LUCK O's mugger :D

▲▲

I desperately wish that things would get better.
sighsighsighsighsighsighsigh.

▲▲

"Don't need to act strong in front of me and Mrs chong. Th water in your eyes almost dropping already...... yadda yadda yadda.........Welcome to th life of teaching."
Haha, ironic.

I won't result any of these in a messy aftermath,
cause i know i can find a great deal of security on my own
Though i won't abandon no one, not my friends, not my batch, not my team.
But i have to leave th warring factions and find myself.

If only i live in America, i would be long gone.
Not to make havoc but to make things much easier for myself.
Sometimes how much life seems so compact, its still so empty.
&though th world feels so tempting, and my feet, potential of where i could be standing,
I won't, but i'll face th music more than my yesterdays.
Cause suddenly, somehow, i found this courage inside me that was hidden at th corner of my heart.
So my enlightenment level took a step higher right?
Lols, &by th blink of an eye, i would be at Syaf's meditating level, without a doubt :DDD

Comp; 28 more days.
Camp; hopefully successful. Why? Cause i program it! Nolah, just so you guys won't march 24/7. So should thank me hor! (:

▲▲

I hate neutrality now.
Its meant to be secured and reassuring,
But it is nothing near
I thought its perfectly fine to expect things when you give th best.
I just don't think it works anymore.
So i've been rather deep in thought lately about commitments.
But I guess i'll find my way,
& where is it, i dunno.

See me change, then you'll know i try.
For fairies they once appeared in Shakespeare's times
Somethings they worked out then fall sprawling in failure
But you'll see me again sometime
You weren't, we weren't
For th disappointment come crashing twice as hard
I decided to shift my way
To something then just you squeezing always,
Cause i know its not what i need,
But what i've been most tolerant of
And i don't want to compromise myself any longer,
Or having this intensive thought of insecurities
Yeah, find your way through.

It was quite a good start for ngee ann's open house with Fara &4-1
Turned sour later on
I really could've gone different ways, Still no one was thankful
Which is okay until i have to lead th way through.
End no voices, so i just continue my way through.
Making th way, i'd laid th plan, still nothing ever broke through
Hastily finding something to find, but the rest just mind their own mind.
Instead of finishing th way,atlast i decided to mind my own mind too!
Yes my tolerance abit low right?
Shit you.

▲▲

I know its hard to accept how people so close have to disappear from th world one day.
& whatever we can help you through, we will.
But i know you're very strong for you're th on who's been my pillar of strength, when everyone runs away.
&ofcourse, soon, this phase of life will pass so fast that you won't even realize it had.
HOLD ON :D

▲▲

Friends are very important in anyone's lives.
They make up majority plot of th story.
Its easy to want to be a good friend but its not easy to be one.
When there's nothing else to look forward for, they're the ones who give this upright spirit that's not prominent at all;
&Thats when it gets all tangled up.

"Do not underestimate what your friend feels about you, for being too temperamental may lead to emotions that weren't real at all"
For THEY know what i am.
But i myself isn't sure of why i have expected too much out of life itself.

Relationships do not actually matter by th duration, though it means alot for people who have held on to it; ofcourse sometimes its a pride for its an achievement.
Anw, chemistry's always th main thing.
Th most theoretical expression that's been described of love since BC is that,
its like this magnet which no words can form what it means.
How much you try to like a new friend, sometimes things may turn you down.
I've encountered lots of times when i find asking myself what to do next with the new someone.
Like for example, you're heading town & though th conversation's compact & all, there's just this something that isn't at rest in you.
You know like "oh god! find next topic!" or "aiyoooooo, lets get out of this" or "shit, why am i judging myself" type of thing.
There's this awesome, unexplained gut feeling when you know th person is meant to be.
You know....... i mean you should know.

But what's best for now, i should say.
Be what you wanna be.
DO NOT try to please anyone at any point of time.
Because when you first had made an impression, it would be an expected get back later again.
but when you had lied to what you are its this double-wth-you-are-fake or double-what-are-you type of thing.
&its not pleasant i swear.
Humans are humans; we can see through some, sometimes they're so so obvious evenacowcouldtell. But some put a good mask on BUT eventually, honestly everything would uncover one day until everything in th world just stop breathing.
Thats when discoveries stop too.
So don't make it something people could end up knowing later on but make it what they've known; even if they hate you.
Isn't it better for people to hate you then like you afterwards then like you at first then dislike till ever?
Think about it.

▲▲

Red Cross brings you to tears very often.
Okay no, more specifically, footdrill.
Especially if you're in-charge with someone who's particularly isn't doing what he is supposed to.
I expect my job to be quite easy, assisting th dear commander,
but its th other way round.
Its difficult to be someone who's strong in her stand, knowing whatever that's best for everyone.
Maybe i should've known better but again, perfection is not what you've always seen in a person,
but what you've always wanted to see.
I know pretty well things don't really fit nicely to my own accord &how much i had put in th effort to just re-arrange th fate, nothing worked.
&this is so obvious that one-sided commitment isn't strong enough to make th dreamt storyline.
All you ever afford to do is just watch as everything flies by in your eyes; like it or not.
Just selfish& cowardly.
Worse, you would turn all others mistakes to cover your own.
You expect me to change yayayaya for th better,
Until you've discovered whats meant to be, then you could jolly well hope for th ending you've been dreaming of.

Competition's in 1 month's time.
& no iAM NOT GIVING UP.

▲▲

I'M VERY-VERY HAPPY SHIT.
WHICH IS VERY ABNORMAL,
LOLS,

1. BLOGGG DONE IN ACTUALLY 3HRS ?
(with th help of semaa :D)
2. &EVERYONE'S HAPPY!

Even though there's school tmr,
But i've been proffesional about it ever since.
(haha, what's to be proff about school?)
NoNo i mean i can handle th thought of going to school to actually study.
Not slack or sleep or flip through mag or just to get out of home or just to see friends.
BUT ACTUALLY, HONESTLY STUDY.
Haha, lies again.
Don't mind me :D

Anw, its been a great opening year.
Except for th damn& th beaten,( i've always wanted to use th phrase).
RED CROSS -.-
I would skip trgs if i wasn't in-charge with derong yah that guy.
& i would slack damn shit if i do not have to choreograph steps out.
Which now demoralises me to going to school.
Siggggggggggggghhhhhhhh.


************Not looking forward to school.