Sunday, January 22, 2017
Active Passive.
It does seem like daily posts were too much to ask. I have the attention span of a rabbit.
2017 has been a year of risk taking- of learning to make decisions. Of speaking about my work- learning to defend, craft my story. Not there yet for sure. But I'm seeing the importance, not just to be part of a consensus- but to create that consensus. Not just to be well informed, empathetic, but to create empathy- to inform and sketch the outlines of perception. After all, people are gonna judge you anyway. Why not give them a more accurate picture.
And that is only through sharing your story, opening up your narrative. Stringing it together in the first place.
One thing bugging me is- craft the vision, or walk by faith? Lorinne cautioned against a take it as it comes model. HonLeong said in order to chase, there must be something to chase first. If there's nothing, just relax!
Opportunities come from God. In a sense, uncle HL's approach feels much more relaxed and removes fear. Because as a service provider, I have to wait for opportunities. I can put up a website, Instagram, talk about my work. But it's a passive role in that I don't initiate these projects. I can make myself easier to find, but I get found. I seize opportunities as they come- I pitch, share, convince. But I don't cold call and knock on every possible door to ask- hey, you got project? The very thought of that disgusts me.
There are, other aspects where I'm not the passive recipient. Where I can drive. Eg. Workshops. Liaising with MY on the soap project. Research. To categorize knowledge. Administration. Setting up QP systems. Learning computer programs. Refreshing knowledge on A&As. These however have less to do with the core business- of design projects. They are more of the ecosystem around the core- facilitating and enriching the possibilities, the web of ideas.
To wait in hope, to find rest between battles, to attack the day with every given opportunity.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Doorkeeper.
He asked, "what does being a door keeper mean to you?"
Silence. (6 days and counting)
I'm not being rude on purpose. It just is a very important question to me, and I don't want to give a cursory response.
22 All these, who were chosen as gatekeepers at the thresholds, were 212. They were enrolled by genealogies in their villages. David and Samuel the seer established them in their office of trust. 23 So they and their sons were in charge of the gates of the house of the Lord, that is, the house of the tent, as guards. 24 The gatekeepers were on the four sides, east, west, north, and south. 25 And their kinsmen who were in their villages were obligated to come in every seven days, in turn, to be with these, 26 for the four chief gatekeepers, who were Levites, were entrusted to be over the chambers and the treasures of the house of God. 27 And they lodged around the house of God, for on them lay the duty of watching, and they had charge of opening it every morning.
1 Chronicles 9:22-27.
Being a door keeper means:
1. You hold a key. The key opens and closes doors to the house of God.
2. You greet. You are acquainted with the people coming and going; because you are the first face they meet before they enter, and the last one to lock up and leave.
3. You stand at the threshold. Your duty is to stand at the point of transition between in and out, holy and worldly. To be at the intersection of things.
4. In the bible, the doorkeepers had duties. These included:
- Watching.
- Charge of utensils for serving.
- Charge of furniture, holy utensils, also over the fine flour, the wine, the oil, the incense, and the spices.
- Mixing of spices.
- Making flat cakes.
- Preparing showbread.
- Singers: on duty day and night.
You are in charge of the holy things of God.
5. You stand at four gates, facing four cardinal directions.
That doesn't seem to make personal sense to me, God.
2 And I will place on his shoulder the key of the house of David. He shall open, and none shall shut; and he shall shut, and none shall open.
Isaiah 22:22
Please reveal your understanding on this.
--
What do I want to start doing, stop doing, and continue doing?
Silence. (6 days and counting)
I'm not being rude on purpose. It just is a very important question to me, and I don't want to give a cursory response.
22 All these, who were chosen as gatekeepers at the thresholds, were 212. They were enrolled by genealogies in their villages. David and Samuel the seer established them in their office of trust. 23 So they and their sons were in charge of the gates of the house of the Lord, that is, the house of the tent, as guards. 24 The gatekeepers were on the four sides, east, west, north, and south. 25 And their kinsmen who were in their villages were obligated to come in every seven days, in turn, to be with these, 26 for the four chief gatekeepers, who were Levites, were entrusted to be over the chambers and the treasures of the house of God. 27 And they lodged around the house of God, for on them lay the duty of watching, and they had charge of opening it every morning.
1 Chronicles 9:22-27.
Being a door keeper means:
1. You hold a key. The key opens and closes doors to the house of God.
2. You greet. You are acquainted with the people coming and going; because you are the first face they meet before they enter, and the last one to lock up and leave.
3. You stand at the threshold. Your duty is to stand at the point of transition between in and out, holy and worldly. To be at the intersection of things.
4. In the bible, the doorkeepers had duties. These included:
- Watching.
- Charge of utensils for serving.
- Charge of furniture, holy utensils, also over the fine flour, the wine, the oil, the incense, and the spices.
- Mixing of spices.
- Making flat cakes.
- Preparing showbread.
- Singers: on duty day and night.
You are in charge of the holy things of God.
5. You stand at four gates, facing four cardinal directions.
That doesn't seem to make personal sense to me, God.
2 And I will place on his shoulder the key of the house of David. He shall open, and none shall shut; and he shall shut, and none shall open.
Isaiah 22:22
Please reveal your understanding on this.
--
What do I want to start doing, stop doing, and continue doing?
2017. The Thing.
Wow. Not a single post in 2016.
I was contemplating starting a new blog somewhere, lost in the Internet of things, unsearchable. Then I remembered there was this space.
And in light of 2017 - fraught with new anxieties, new hopes, the turmoil that is an existential crisis - I have decided to continue this blog, daily. To resolve, to complete, to push myself further. Rather than to open a new box of candy, and leave it rootless, endless, abandoned.
I have many abandoned children. They are thoughts, lying tangled in a box - strings that are half unfurled, undone, knots that lie untied.
Questions of: what am I doing, really? Who am I? What is the ultimate vision I want to pursue? Where do I exert my will, energies, focus? What is this end goal I need to hone into?
Is it in writing? Becoming a fiction writer?
Is it in art? Honing my photographic skills, creating a photographic travel commentary?
Is it in design? Hustling for jobs and partnerships to grow this practice?
Is it in missions? Doing the community some good, building the kingdom?
2016 - God laid it out for me. I spent March to December finishing up the tasks he literally placed into my plate in February. 9 months. It was easy, compared to the start of this year. This year he doesn't seem to want to do the plating. But what will he have me do? Firstly, stop meandering.
I am frustrated for many reasons, but chiefly because there is a sense of an unarticulated vision.
Without vision, people perish. That is painfully true. I feel it in my bones.
I CAN pursue many things, but not all things. I believe if I set it out - I can find ways, with God's favour, to accomplish them. But the hardest thing ever is to SET IT OUT. To sketch the outlines, the shape, mass, form of what this Thing is. This next season of my life - this next chapter. It seems pivotal, epic, almost. Jesus started his ministry when he was 30. Here I'm doing a freak out. When maybe his was somewhere on a mountain with God, alone, before the sky turned light.
Maybe He had a freak out there. Maybe in his freak out he heard a voice say - You are my Son. Boom.
I need that boom. Because the Thing is not just a thing. It is closely and inseparably tied, in the deepest of places, with my identity. Yeah yeah, my identity is in Jesus. I am a daughter of God. But He also prepared good works in advance for us to walk in them, right? What you want, you have to go get. There is a co-walking involved; and I don't think this existential crisis is a bad thing. In fact it is essential to anyone who wants to lead a life that makes sense. That has purpose. It is asking yourself the big questions that nobody has answers to, that nobody can find except you - that causes the freak out. And not asking them doesn't solve anything. It doesn't do you any favours. Coasting along doesn't ANSWER anyone. And Coasting Along seems to have been the tagline for 2016.
I had a taste of what it was like to start a company. Wow, entrepreneur. To finish 2 high profile projects that were featured in the newspapers. To have my name and quote appear in the newspaper.
Hah. So. what.
I am grateful. This is not a lack of appreciation for the insane opportunities that have been given. I have said THANK YOU GOD countless of times, in private and public. This is about the next page. This is about resolving and finding the ends of the string balls that have gotten all knotted and tangled. And tidying the mess that is in my soul - the unanswered questions about what my deep gutted core purpose in life IS.
GOD HELP ME.
I was contemplating starting a new blog somewhere, lost in the Internet of things, unsearchable. Then I remembered there was this space.
And in light of 2017 - fraught with new anxieties, new hopes, the turmoil that is an existential crisis - I have decided to continue this blog, daily. To resolve, to complete, to push myself further. Rather than to open a new box of candy, and leave it rootless, endless, abandoned.
I have many abandoned children. They are thoughts, lying tangled in a box - strings that are half unfurled, undone, knots that lie untied.
Questions of: what am I doing, really? Who am I? What is the ultimate vision I want to pursue? Where do I exert my will, energies, focus? What is this end goal I need to hone into?
Is it in writing? Becoming a fiction writer?
Is it in art? Honing my photographic skills, creating a photographic travel commentary?
Is it in design? Hustling for jobs and partnerships to grow this practice?
Is it in missions? Doing the community some good, building the kingdom?
2016 - God laid it out for me. I spent March to December finishing up the tasks he literally placed into my plate in February. 9 months. It was easy, compared to the start of this year. This year he doesn't seem to want to do the plating. But what will he have me do? Firstly, stop meandering.
I am frustrated for many reasons, but chiefly because there is a sense of an unarticulated vision.
Without vision, people perish. That is painfully true. I feel it in my bones.
I CAN pursue many things, but not all things. I believe if I set it out - I can find ways, with God's favour, to accomplish them. But the hardest thing ever is to SET IT OUT. To sketch the outlines, the shape, mass, form of what this Thing is. This next season of my life - this next chapter. It seems pivotal, epic, almost. Jesus started his ministry when he was 30. Here I'm doing a freak out. When maybe his was somewhere on a mountain with God, alone, before the sky turned light.
Maybe He had a freak out there. Maybe in his freak out he heard a voice say - You are my Son. Boom.
I need that boom. Because the Thing is not just a thing. It is closely and inseparably tied, in the deepest of places, with my identity. Yeah yeah, my identity is in Jesus. I am a daughter of God. But He also prepared good works in advance for us to walk in them, right? What you want, you have to go get. There is a co-walking involved; and I don't think this existential crisis is a bad thing. In fact it is essential to anyone who wants to lead a life that makes sense. That has purpose. It is asking yourself the big questions that nobody has answers to, that nobody can find except you - that causes the freak out. And not asking them doesn't solve anything. It doesn't do you any favours. Coasting along doesn't ANSWER anyone. And Coasting Along seems to have been the tagline for 2016.
I had a taste of what it was like to start a company. Wow, entrepreneur. To finish 2 high profile projects that were featured in the newspapers. To have my name and quote appear in the newspaper.
Hah. So. what.
I am grateful. This is not a lack of appreciation for the insane opportunities that have been given. I have said THANK YOU GOD countless of times, in private and public. This is about the next page. This is about resolving and finding the ends of the string balls that have gotten all knotted and tangled. And tidying the mess that is in my soul - the unanswered questions about what my deep gutted core purpose in life IS.
GOD HELP ME.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)