i search the archives on the left, and find that i used to have much more to say. or much more time to say what i had to say. ive been in prague for 4 months now. kehni n i reached here end of august or so, and we're here til the end of december.
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my favourite definition of a tourist comes from Edmund Chan.
"the tourist busies himself in the conquering of space but not in his understanding of it".
in that definition, i would like to think i am not a tourist.
i would like to think i see with new eyes.
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prague has been a space. a bubble from the rest of the world. it buffers me from the familiar, and distance leads to a questioning of the things that used to run clockwork in my routine. the shuttle bus back into my condo. the thought that tampines and clementi are so far apart. the smelly coffeeshops which are so insanely cheap and desirable now. free toilets. the huge and affordable shopping malls conveniently littered all around. hordes of people compared to the quieter prague streets. multi-racial society, versus homogeneity (from which i stick out from a sea of sameness). traditional chinese reservedness. attitude towards people who club and party. (they used to be classifiable under a group with specific, normally undesirable, traits. now i understand at least part of their motivations to party, because i finally have some faces to pin to this group. faces of persons i know and care for.) the idea of fun. being open in public. being friends with your mother. earning your own keep soon as you graduate, even if you may be 19. the privilege of knowing and understanding English. the safety of singapore.
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i could go on, but i believe getting to know Ondrej's family is one of the things that i appreciate most here. it has certainly challenged the way i see things most drastically. the idea that his father's mother could be friends with his mother, even though his parents are divorced, is shocking. im too used, perhaps, to the korean-drama-cliche of evil mother in laws, and too accustomed to seeing mother-daughter in law conflicts in real life to question otherwise. the idea that his mother is so strong and brave and optimistic, after her second husband passed away from a heart attack last year. the fact that she's so open and puts on no airs. her striking honesty, when she told me in the forest that she bought her current house in Louny with her deceased husband three years ago; they had so many dreams about the home, and now she is alone and has to form new plans due to the new financial situation; above and beyond that- the new emotional situation. the landscape of obliteration, when one is forced to start anew.
start from scratch. three small but very fragile and frightening words when you're alone on a large, blank canvas. i wish i could help her in some way.
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many reflections bubbling to the surface, but not enough time. submission looms large this Thursday, Czech quiz/presentation on Wednesday, where i will need to babble about myself in Czech in front of the class. Building Construction exam on Friday. Lord, show me how its done. Each time, you pull me through.
do it again. i want to love you again.
