darkness

just spent several hours reading 'man and wife' by tony parsons. and now i wonder if i shouldn't have read it. there is a sadness to that book- despite the dry, pointed jokes (mostly about gender roles and sex). its about this guy, harry silver, a tv producer, who's into his second marriage. but the first marriage doesn't really end-- not while his ex-wife has custody over his son, whom he loves and tries desperately to keep by his side-- because every decision his wife makes about his son's life, like migrating across the atlantic ocean, turns his life around still. his current wife, cyd, has a snotty little daughter, peggy, whom he is a step-dad to. so they co-exist in this blended family. its about sadness of things past which leave an inerasible mark on you, about the sting of past relationships that doesn't release its hold, about struggling to balance life's commitments, giving in to temptations to cheat, about layered relationships- because a new wife means that woman you used to love is now your ex-wife, your new wife's daughter makes you a step-dad, and your ex-wife's new family makes you a distanced father (from a different family) to your son. 

i remember one part which said. 

step-dads try to make their kids like them, real dads don't have to try. they can scold their children for their misdeeds, and the kids love them anyway.

because every child wants to love their parents, regardless of whether or not they deserve it.

sort of gives a more human take to the victimized 'evil step-mother's struggle.

i think i should try to read more christian books, and if i want to indulge in fiction books, they shouldn't be about real-life. i mean, movies, books and art- they are all a kind of escape into another world right? why would i want to read or see something which reinforces the sadness and dilemmas i know exist in this world?  they just fill me with a more pessimistic view about life, which isn't healthy. 

like why do men have to cheat on their wives and partners? (the book makes it seem natural; and justifies it as a 'right to romance'.)

like why did the generation of couples like our grandparents- who married when they just turned 20 and stayed together, faithful and in love, until they died- dissipate and become a rarity?

when did 'purity' and 'faithfulness' become derogatory terms? 

why does every single female magazine have the word 'sex' printed bold on its cover?

everywhere i turn, in the movies, in books, even when i was studying the history of western architecture-- sexual promiscuity is indulged in, thought about, caught on camera, written about in books, celebrated, almost-- 

its disturbing, its overwhelming. i think thats why i'd rather read a book about fairies and watch old school disney cartoons- and stick to christian books--

because eyes are the light of your soul, 

and if the light in you is darkness, how great is that darkness.

true for any vice:

alcohol gives you wings to fly,

then it takes away the sky. 

-from parson's book.