haha im watching spiderman in snippets. at the part where spiderman says to maryjane,
'i'll always be there for you. i will always be here to protect you. i will be here for you as a friend.'
mj (tearstained) 'only a friend?'
pp 'that's all i have to give.'
-
i remember reading this writer saying, 'i wonder why so many superheroes are obsessed with hiding their identities, especially from their loved ones.' ever thought about it? yeah so they wanna protect the WORLD, but the world is just an abstraction just a pool of faces which dont mean anything. if they're SUPERheroes it means they gotta be super for most but human for some, or one. because being human gives them a reason to want to be super- unless they're machines there's no reason why they should keep living for others, keep being super, super-efficient, super-strong, super-flyer-with-red-cape, super-muscular-and-can-stop-train, super-everything, super-anything. no reason being super unless you're human, and being super allows you to care about the humans you are protecting. no point being strong unless you're at some points, at some times, with some people, weak.
-
today's usp class was mind-blowing, as usual. dr don showed us the videos of infinitesimal nature at work. do you know there's this plant [called horse something] on a remote island, CROWDED with gulls, which has evolved to be like a dead gull carcass?? it has thick black hairs on its surface like the feathers of a dead gull, it smells like rotten flesh, it has the temperature of a FRESHLY dead gull, so as to attract flies to enter into them and pollenate the flowers inside them! its gross, yet so amazing at the same time. and there lies very powerful proof of evolution- but on a species level only, at this point. i mean, a specific type of plants evolve to become more effective at trapping flies- but still remains that species of plant. i am so bought in by dr. that science is the product of trial and error processes. even though we say that science eradicates all subjectivity and only looks at objective truth? the FACT is that science is itself built on subjective trial and error! if a plant leaf that colour doesnt work, it'll grow hair! oh, more flies come, but not enough. what if it warms itself up a little? oh bingo! more flies seem to be coming. say, i turn up the heat even more? uh oh. this aint working. flies getting burnt. haha kidding. so.. temperature down a little on the thermostat.. ahhh. *guess what? the optimal temperature a freshly dead gull carcass!!* of course, this happens over thousands of years, due to natural interactions between plant and its environment. the plant has no brain to program what step to take next- it is just nature's trial and error process to ensure that the fittest survives.
are u getting this? what is there to get? i find that i have to reconcile different blocks of knowledge within me that seem to conflict- how can evolution coexist with creation? what's truth, an extreme or a range? i wish i didnt respect my teachers that much! they win so much of my respect by being so darned intelligent. [like my sec 2 friend once said, don't question authority: they don't know either.] darn it. i have an authority problem. i goo into them too easy!.
-
im not sure about msg.. im very stingy with my time. because i have very little of it left over. and very sure that i want to spend it the best way possible. and because i have so many possible uses and such diverse interests, from running and swimming to reading to drawing to accessory making to playing the guitar to writing to watching tv to sleeping to shopping and meeting up with friends and watching movies to learning a new language or brushing up on chinese plus family commitments and all... is it wrong to be stingy? as of yet i dont detect a strong calling, any calling to step up, except from sheer obligation. i need wisdom, lord.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
torture!
time to tell you about my redletter day last week.abit belated but nvm. i happily trooped up bus 96 on my way to school, prim proper smelling nice and fresh. and i dropped my new pen, and it rolled under the bus. [aiyah, nvm. it was a free gift from the Navy i think.] so i ignored it and walked up the bus like nobody saw nothing. but when i got off the bus i looked back n saw my tutor standing near the front of the bus. so i pretended i didnt see him and rushed off to class!
i ran towards the lift, and guess what? the lift was under maintenance. so i climbed up four flights of stairs to my puny tutorial room, thinking i was late. i was! but guess what? the tutor was later than i was. and that technically makes me early. and i got a phone call from hazwan reminding me that i needed to submit my dratty sketching class sketches. so i trooped my way down the stairs to submit and marched up for Building tutorial again. and this time i was late. darn it. why do i troop here and there! sound so military. okay i glide. no. that's ghostly. i ...leap. YEAH RIGHT. whatever.
trot. okay enough. anyhow. then after my bu tutorial i went for usp class, which was normal and normal means intriguing for dr don's classes. :D and i went to the IRC which is like the archi library which is very resourceful and well-stacked, but kinda retarded cos they only lend books out for 2 hours and the photocopy machines are always jampacked with people. so.. i waited and waited to photocopy books for my ideas essay.. and finally FINALLY! i was done with that. so i, once again, happily trooped out with the books. DIDIDIDIDI! yes, happily, until i realised i was holding the books in my arms after the borrowing time had closed. and i carried it outta the library and the bloody sensors which no one ever believes works just rang away. and the books are the uber heavy bulky old and impossible to hide kind. omg. like i will steal books in such a blatant way. i mean, like i will steal books!! this girl at the entry sensors threw me a dirty look. so embarassing. i told the librarian i forgot to return the books (sounds like such a lame excuse but it is HONEST. honestly stupid.)
so what did i do today? public holiday. i slept it away. i amaze myself by my capacity for sleep. oh you know you know, dr don told us that keeping a person awake without sleep is one of the most ingenious torture methods? like whenever a person nods off, knock him awake. do that for 5 days and the person loses his sanity. and also, if a person is placed in a TOTAL pitch dark black room (and we seldom are. even when the lights are off. especially in singapore with all the streetlights or carlights or lift lights or night lights and building lights or neighbour-just-one-meter-opposite-you lights). yes put him in a dark room, make him stand still and not be able to touch or feel any surface, just TWENTY minutes and he will start hallucinating like crap. cos we're all sensorial creatures. sensual creatures. without the use of our senses our mind loses it. scary cool stuff huh! yeah. see?? This is why USP isn't nonsense. Lesson #122: never get yourself stuck in a black room.
it's scary how many aki dreams i have. i know i had loads of dreams last night. i cant stand dreaming sometimes. i wake up more tired than i will be if i had a dreamless sleep. and my dreams are seldom pleasant. most of the time i just forget my dreams though. i remember them in the morning and if i dont write them down they just float away, intangible and forgotten.
you know those people who keep telling you: "finish your food. THINK of the starving children in Africa!" ? don't believe them. finishing your food isn't gonna help them one bit, and the purpose of eating is for sustenance. so when you're full, you're full. you stop. (or if the food is gooyukcy.) THINK of the people in America! or Singapore, for that matter. whoever says Overeating is not as bad as undereating? okay. dunno why i suddenly wrote that. food for thought! :)
i ran towards the lift, and guess what? the lift was under maintenance. so i climbed up four flights of stairs to my puny tutorial room, thinking i was late. i was! but guess what? the tutor was later than i was. and that technically makes me early. and i got a phone call from hazwan reminding me that i needed to submit my dratty sketching class sketches. so i trooped my way down the stairs to submit and marched up for Building tutorial again. and this time i was late. darn it. why do i troop here and there! sound so military. okay i glide. no. that's ghostly. i ...leap. YEAH RIGHT. whatever.
trot. okay enough. anyhow. then after my bu tutorial i went for usp class, which was normal and normal means intriguing for dr don's classes. :D and i went to the IRC which is like the archi library which is very resourceful and well-stacked, but kinda retarded cos they only lend books out for 2 hours and the photocopy machines are always jampacked with people. so.. i waited and waited to photocopy books for my ideas essay.. and finally FINALLY! i was done with that. so i, once again, happily trooped out with the books. DIDIDIDIDI! yes, happily, until i realised i was holding the books in my arms after the borrowing time had closed. and i carried it outta the library and the bloody sensors which no one ever believes works just rang away. and the books are the uber heavy bulky old and impossible to hide kind. omg. like i will steal books in such a blatant way. i mean, like i will steal books!! this girl at the entry sensors threw me a dirty look. so embarassing. i told the librarian i forgot to return the books (sounds like such a lame excuse but it is HONEST. honestly stupid.)
so what did i do today? public holiday. i slept it away. i amaze myself by my capacity for sleep. oh you know you know, dr don told us that keeping a person awake without sleep is one of the most ingenious torture methods? like whenever a person nods off, knock him awake. do that for 5 days and the person loses his sanity. and also, if a person is placed in a TOTAL pitch dark black room (and we seldom are. even when the lights are off. especially in singapore with all the streetlights or carlights or lift lights or night lights and building lights or neighbour-just-one-meter-opposite-you lights). yes put him in a dark room, make him stand still and not be able to touch or feel any surface, just TWENTY minutes and he will start hallucinating like crap. cos we're all sensorial creatures. sensual creatures. without the use of our senses our mind loses it. scary cool stuff huh! yeah. see?? This is why USP isn't nonsense. Lesson #122: never get yourself stuck in a black room.
it's scary how many aki dreams i have. i know i had loads of dreams last night. i cant stand dreaming sometimes. i wake up more tired than i will be if i had a dreamless sleep. and my dreams are seldom pleasant. most of the time i just forget my dreams though. i remember them in the morning and if i dont write them down they just float away, intangible and forgotten.
you know those people who keep telling you: "finish your food. THINK of the starving children in Africa!" ? don't believe them. finishing your food isn't gonna help them one bit, and the purpose of eating is for sustenance. so when you're full, you're full. you stop. (or if the food is gooyukcy.) THINK of the people in America! or Singapore, for that matter. whoever says Overeating is not as bad as undereating? okay. dunno why i suddenly wrote that. food for thought! :)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
gooey yummies
its been so long since i've been here, and ironically im here when its the busiest for me. [no, stop it felicia! -resist the urge to number and rethink the number of assignments i have on hand..] somehow i always feel its almost sinful to be typing here, because time is a precious commodity. every second i spend online is a second detracted from reading time, essay writing time, sleep time, tv time, quiet time time, thought time.. yah there's so much thinking to do it freaks me out. like design concepts and everything, very intriguing, and like a vacuum cleaner cos it sucks me in and before i know it its gasp! 2am or something.
-
in a kinda frazzled and irritated mood this evening.. now im fine i guess. just needed time to be alone and. i dunno. i need my 'shrine' as my tutor calls it. i need alot of personal space. which i barely get drops of most of these days. hmm. still, school has never been this enjoyable for me. i do feel i was meant to be here at such a time doing such things. -beam of content- thursday's worship prac.. feel like changing the first song but wonder if its too late. ayae.
-
oh! yesterday night i finally met up with erica and adele, after shamefully rejecting their offers for 3 consecutive times i think. cos of work mah. we went to bakerzin and tried their main courses, like the pasta! is decent n affordable.. i ordered the beef meatball one, which was so-so. BUT i liked erica's mushroom linguine!! its heavenly. i have a thing for mushrooms. people call it a 'soft spot'. funny eh? why not a 'chewy spot' or a 'red spot' why is it a SPOT.? for goodness sake. there is no spot. just a thought. hahahaha. THEN we did the most amazing thing [my proud recommendation]- tripped down to coffee club express and had their muddy mudpie. it's the most satisfying thing you'll ever crave, seriously, no kid. coffee and chocolate ice cream on a chewy biscuit base, that melts in your mouth and is covered with thick laps of oreo crumbs and chocolate fudge. haha. the three of us shared it. oohlala.
-
tempted now? hee hee. i can be their mascot. [oh yah why are mascots animals?] i change my mind. i'll be their delegate. more pompous.hmpf! haha. today i catched up with lydia for a while after usp class.. at the arts canteen and we just talked about what dr don told us during class, that all our choices and preferences are the result of repeatedly sending neuro-electric signals down a specific path. like chocolate = :D! because, over and over i choose to eat chocolate, over say, marshmellows or sth [input] i get that warm feel good feeling [output] and my brain cells note these repeated neurosignal path! like the way rainwater gradually carves a river down a mountain. interesting huh? so if i ever wanna change my preferences and 'program' myself to love say, tomatoes (urgh! :P) i just need to condition myself by practising it! until my tomato-repulsion factor is overpowered by the opposite connection : tomato-gulper path.
-
oh and, you ARE unique. there are 100 000 million synapses in yr brain, so the permutations between them are infinite, and only YOU have your mind, shaped by choice and experience and all those other factors that influence you. finally you can believe the trite gooey phrase you are special.
-
in a kinda frazzled and irritated mood this evening.. now im fine i guess. just needed time to be alone and. i dunno. i need my 'shrine' as my tutor calls it. i need alot of personal space. which i barely get drops of most of these days. hmm. still, school has never been this enjoyable for me. i do feel i was meant to be here at such a time doing such things. -beam of content- thursday's worship prac.. feel like changing the first song but wonder if its too late. ayae.
-
oh! yesterday night i finally met up with erica and adele, after shamefully rejecting their offers for 3 consecutive times i think. cos of work mah. we went to bakerzin and tried their main courses, like the pasta! is decent n affordable.. i ordered the beef meatball one, which was so-so. BUT i liked erica's mushroom linguine!! its heavenly. i have a thing for mushrooms. people call it a 'soft spot'. funny eh? why not a 'chewy spot' or a 'red spot' why is it a SPOT.? for goodness sake. there is no spot. just a thought. hahahaha. THEN we did the most amazing thing [my proud recommendation]- tripped down to coffee club express and had their muddy mudpie. it's the most satisfying thing you'll ever crave, seriously, no kid. coffee and chocolate ice cream on a chewy biscuit base, that melts in your mouth and is covered with thick laps of oreo crumbs and chocolate fudge. haha. the three of us shared it. oohlala.
-
tempted now? hee hee. i can be their mascot. [oh yah why are mascots animals?] i change my mind. i'll be their delegate. more pompous.hmpf! haha. today i catched up with lydia for a while after usp class.. at the arts canteen and we just talked about what dr don told us during class, that all our choices and preferences are the result of repeatedly sending neuro-electric signals down a specific path. like chocolate = :D! because, over and over i choose to eat chocolate, over say, marshmellows or sth [input] i get that warm feel good feeling [output] and my brain cells note these repeated neurosignal path! like the way rainwater gradually carves a river down a mountain. interesting huh? so if i ever wanna change my preferences and 'program' myself to love say, tomatoes (urgh! :P) i just need to condition myself by practising it! until my tomato-repulsion factor is overpowered by the opposite connection : tomato-gulper path.
-
oh and, you ARE unique. there are 100 000 million synapses in yr brain, so the permutations between them are infinite, and only YOU have your mind, shaped by choice and experience and all those other factors that influence you. finally you can believe the trite gooey phrase you are special.
Friday, October 06, 2006
wimpy rain
hahahahaha. i just heard the funniest hokkien thing ever.
this is paul's hokkien post,
xim yam de
xim yam di
kua zi le
kua zi le
wa gai xim tio lai tio kee
which i didnt understand.
this is the english translation, courtesy of ah beng.
heart itchy
heart itchy
look at you
look at you
my heart jumps here and there
hahahaa oh my gosh. apparently its an english song they wrote which they later translated into hoookien. way to go man, Hokkien Idol!! gah.
CRIT is finally over!! as expected, i didnt like it. im not sure if anybody does. but i dont like things which last too long. too much hot air and stifled hoity-toity talk, and mostly no substance. gota sit stiff numb and quiet, and plagued by incessant headaches prolly caused by the haze for a frickin 5 hours. anyhow, over dead buried. one less crit i gotta sit through in this life.
oh yeah oh yeah! :D i wanted to share the spontaneous one-minute-poem-competition i had online with a friend on the topic Wimpy Rain cos he said it was raining (wocky?) weakly the whole day.. and i said, oh, wimpy rain, and felt it was such an interesting title for rain it deserved two poems to its name. (this rhymes!) hah. and no one else will be crappy (creative) enough to write a limerick on rain except joel neo, or luke, or maybe gerry. so anyhow, you can guess who wrote this.
there's a ring to it right?? haha. i like it. who wants to develop it into a song, now?
and this was mine
forgive me the drabness. it was pre-crit day. hahaha. okay all, good sugary dunkin donut dreams!
this is paul's hokkien post,
xim yam de
xim yam di
kua zi le
kua zi le
wa gai xim tio lai tio kee
which i didnt understand.
this is the english translation, courtesy of ah beng.
heart itchy
heart itchy
look at you
look at you
my heart jumps here and there
hahahaa oh my gosh. apparently its an english song they wrote which they later translated into hoookien. way to go man, Hokkien Idol!! gah.
CRIT is finally over!! as expected, i didnt like it. im not sure if anybody does. but i dont like things which last too long. too much hot air and stifled hoity-toity talk, and mostly no substance. gota sit stiff numb and quiet, and plagued by incessant headaches prolly caused by the haze for a frickin 5 hours. anyhow, over dead buried. one less crit i gotta sit through in this life.
oh yeah oh yeah! :D i wanted to share the spontaneous one-minute-poem-competition i had online with a friend on the topic Wimpy Rain cos he said it was raining (wocky?) weakly the whole day.. and i said, oh, wimpy rain, and felt it was such an interesting title for rain it deserved two poems to its name. (this rhymes!) hah. and no one else will be crappy (creative) enough to write a limerick on rain except joel neo, or luke, or maybe gerry. so anyhow, you can guess who wrote this.
Wimpy rain, i treat you with such disdain
you bare shower, and then you scower again.
there's a ring to it right?? haha. i like it. who wants to develop it into a song, now?
and this was mine
wimpy rain, why do you bother
to pelt half-heartedly on this empty house-
in a tug of war between unrelenting downpour and refrain?
perhaps when the heart is less heavy i shall invite you
to enter in like streams through a plain.
forgive me the drabness. it was pre-crit day. hahaha. okay all, good sugary dunkin donut dreams!
wimpy rain
hahahahaha. i just heard the funniest hokkien thing ever.
this is paul's hokkien post,
xim yam de
xim yam di
kua zi le
kua zi le
wa gai xim tio lai tio kee
which i didnt understand.
this is the english translation, courtesy of ah beng.
heart itchy
heart itchy
look at you
look at you
my heart jumps here and there
hahahaa oh my gosh. apparently its an english song they wrote which they later translated into hoookien. way to go man, Hokkien Idol!! gah.
CRIT is finally over!! as expected, i didnt like it. im not sure if anybody does. but i dont like things which last too long. too much hot air and stifled hoity-toity talk, and mostly no substance. gota sit stiff numb and quiet, and plagued by incessant headaches prolly caused by the haze for a frickin 5 hours. anyhow, over dead buried. one less crit i gotta sit through in this life.
oh yeah oh yeah! :D i wanted to share the spontaneous one-minute-poem-competition i had online with a friend on the topic Wimpy Rain cos he said it was raining (wocky?) weakly the whole day.. and i said, oh, wimpy rain, and felt it was such an interesting title for rain it deserved two poems to its name. (this rhymes!) hah. and no one else will be crappy (creative) enough to write a limerick on rain except joel neo, or luke, or maybe gerry. so anyhow, you can guess who wrote this.
there's a ring to it right?? haha. i like it. who wants to develop it into a song, now?
and this was mine
forgive me the drabness. it was pre-crit day. hahaha. okay all, good sugary dunkin donut dreams!
this is paul's hokkien post,
xim yam de
xim yam di
kua zi le
kua zi le
wa gai xim tio lai tio kee
which i didnt understand.
this is the english translation, courtesy of ah beng.
heart itchy
heart itchy
look at you
look at you
my heart jumps here and there
hahahaa oh my gosh. apparently its an english song they wrote which they later translated into hoookien. way to go man, Hokkien Idol!! gah.
CRIT is finally over!! as expected, i didnt like it. im not sure if anybody does. but i dont like things which last too long. too much hot air and stifled hoity-toity talk, and mostly no substance. gota sit stiff numb and quiet, and plagued by incessant headaches prolly caused by the haze for a frickin 5 hours. anyhow, over dead buried. one less crit i gotta sit through in this life.
oh yeah oh yeah! :D i wanted to share the spontaneous one-minute-poem-competition i had online with a friend on the topic Wimpy Rain cos he said it was raining (wocky?) weakly the whole day.. and i said, oh, wimpy rain, and felt it was such an interesting title for rain it deserved two poems to its name. (this rhymes!) hah. and no one else will be crappy (creative) enough to write a limerick on rain except joel neo, or luke, or maybe gerry. so anyhow, you can guess who wrote this.
Wimpy rain, i treat you with such disdain
you bare shower, and then you scower again.
there's a ring to it right?? haha. i like it. who wants to develop it into a song, now?
and this was mine
wimpy rain, why do you bother
to pelt half-heartedly on this empty house-
in a tug of war between unrelenting downpour and refrain?
perhaps when the heart is less heavy i shall invite you
to enter in like streams through a plain.
forgive me the drabness. it was pre-crit day. hahaha. okay all, good sugary dunkin donut dreams!
Monday, October 02, 2006
hua hee!
i did a usp essay in 3 hours!!! its kinda disorganised but i hope its fine. this afternoon i went with granny for her water baptism! she was kinda scared of water as most people are but it was over before she knew it. i mean the time when she was in the water. the time when she was on land and all of us were waiting to enter the water was forever. hahaa. i left the house at 8 and reached back at 4+pm. that's how long both services took. and they were in hokkien!! so funny hearing the pastor saying "si beh". so vulgar like that. and their songs "ye sua, le gia wa eh bak sai" also bit crude huh. but i think they mean tears la. (oh yah translation, it means jesus took away my uh, eye.. shit.) ANYHOW. they had a song just as i told luke
at 90 you're at peace with the world
80 its not uncommon
70 you're at your prime
60 you're young and healthy
50 you're a child
40 you're an infant in a crib
30 you're a new born
and i was clappy dappy along.. you can imagine the truth in the words that old people are more and more childlike. so people are truly old when they are middle-aged, bell-curve type, cos below 12 and above 60 people's minds slip into something called "Child Like Degeneracy
Simplification Syndrome"
yeah. so during that song i sung away my existence.. like.
-clap- i dont exist yet -clap- yay. -clap- i feel.... -clap- young.
listening to juwita suwito's cd now she has a good voice. (: i prefer her slower songs like you in me and only in the dark. but the lyrics to sms are quite cool. makes me feel like writing songs! haha. anyhow.. pastor mark is coming next week. he's the pastor from india. i hope people wont be rude n make racist comments. and i hope people from our church and his family will bond well. God have your way!
yes to all those who are feeling crummy because of army or school starting.. Yesoa si li eh hua hi!
Jesus is your joy! haha. still so funny saying things in hokkien. by definition hokkien- is for vulgar swearing or simple non-thinking questions like jia ba buay (eat already?) jia hor liao. end of conversation. i just realised i probably cant find the time to play floorball. hopefully the girls have too many people [so they dont need me] or too few [so they cant even form a team so we dont need to play] sorry im so unpatriotic. pastor mark,erica, cherie, parent's wedding anniv, usp essay, bu test, more important.
you make me smile
i cant even begin to explain how
all i know is you consume my every waking thought
and i cant even begin to separate thought from you-
each time i try to i think about you.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
circle of truth
today's my parents' wedding anniversary! AH its late, but im kinda relieved cos this morning i was just panicking over BU and now hazwan helped me sort it out. at The Next Change today we had Juwita and Liang, she's the vocal trainer for malaysian idol. i thought it was kinda OTT but it reminded me that worship takes on many many forms. yes, tomorrow i have a usp esssay to write and more bu to study for.. but im still relieved. one day at a time! -take a deep breath-.
had dinner with shihui today, tried speaking in chinese to her cos she's more comfortable with it, but kinda failed. hahaha. as usual. i sure hope she'l fit in well in zhonyun's cell. i found this poem when i rummaged to my old diaries. cant remember if it is directed at anyone in particular, actually, its God. but it can be read secularly too.
locket.
you hold me together from the inside,
like a locket under my shirt
with pictures of us pinned firmly on the inmost halves.
you are anchoring truth,
even if surface waters travail and gallop
like horses skidding past
deep down i feel rooted and secure.
you are entangling like seaweed
around my ankles in green sea water,
thought of you encircles my mind
-and circles do not end.
you twirl, and my world spins,
you sit, and i am still.
you touch me, and my insides are awash with flames of colour.
at night i close my eyes
and reach for your hand,
and in the spread of darkness
you are my comforter dousing all my fears.
had dinner with shihui today, tried speaking in chinese to her cos she's more comfortable with it, but kinda failed. hahaha. as usual. i sure hope she'l fit in well in zhonyun's cell. i found this poem when i rummaged to my old diaries. cant remember if it is directed at anyone in particular, actually, its God. but it can be read secularly too.
locket.
you hold me together from the inside,
like a locket under my shirt
with pictures of us pinned firmly on the inmost halves.
you are anchoring truth,
even if surface waters travail and gallop
like horses skidding past
deep down i feel rooted and secure.
you are entangling like seaweed
around my ankles in green sea water,
thought of you encircles my mind
-and circles do not end.
you twirl, and my world spins,
you sit, and i am still.
you touch me, and my insides are awash with flames of colour.
at night i close my eyes
and reach for your hand,
and in the spread of darkness
you are my comforter dousing all my fears.
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