havennt blogged in so long! i think the appeal of blogs is not really fad-like, or temporary like yahoogroups but something that lasts longer cos bloggers are committed to updating their life stories onto the web on a regular basis: weekly for the regular lackadaisical whimsicals, daily for the sentimental and multi-momently for the feverishly devout. Blogging as a Religion! With a capital B for eMphasis. ! .!
yes, anyhow, i feel this sudden urge to be faithful in the recording of my life so when i am old[er] i can look back and KNOW what i did with my time and how i turned out the way i will be then. so, where do i start? life has been quite a frentic rush on the outside, but on the outside its not blistering, i feel an inner peace most of the time, esp after the ymlc stint in batam. yes, despite the busyness of architecture life, i took leave from friday to sunday to ferry over to the sunny island of Batam for a bake. [not really].
So what did we do at Batam durin the youth methodist leader's conference? we worshipped, we played some simple games with our mentor groups, made friends, enjoyed the food, refreshed ourselves. isaiah 55:1"you who are thirsty come to the waters and drink!" [but do check that out i hooe im not misquoting. that was the prayer verse the mentor wrote to me] What was interesting for me was i slept in a single room with Kingsized bed and attached bathroom all by myself! all grown up huh! -er hem. looks around with dignity- well, the personal space was great once i got used to it.. cos 4 people were supposed to share an apartment with two rooms, and two adults took the other room, but instead of having 4 we only had 3 people in our apartment. I was "it" since i didnt indicate anyone as my roommate in the sign-up form, so oh well, loner benefits apply. (: happily accepted.
whui and jingo have left for uk and us respectively. even though i've been expecting it the going still strikes me as quite sudden. and it hasnt quite sunk in yet. during lecture by kahwee today we learnt about the presence of the absence: we notice something all the more when it is removed from us. so jing and whuio, you will be missed and more felt in the void.? yes.
architecture has been a very varied experience for me, camping overnight in studio, standing for 7 hours drawing non-stop, trying so hard not to fall asleep while drawing produces squiggly indistinguishable lines, all these have been weaved into this pregnant experience. What are my dreams? i want to build homes for the poor in the third world, i want to build a house for myself that inspires a dignified stillness. i've never loved school so much, never been so caught up with it that i lose [gladly?] sleep and food over it, never been so attached to a common space like my table, t-square, eraser shield and rotring pens, never been so changed by what i learn that it becomes my coffee-table conversations and the eyes with which i observe trees and shadows, lightfall and wall lines, shapes and passing graphics.
"We need to give ourselves permission to act out our dreams and visions, not look for more sensations, more phenomena, but live our strongest dreams- even if it takes a lifetime." Hamilton Vijali. no idea who this guy is, but its one of the Words of Wisdom quotes Dad printed for sis n i. i thought that was sweet. this quote struck me because during ymlc i asked uncle david to pray for me n he prayed that i would continue to dream for God, and submit these dreams to Him to fulfil. its quite aptly stated, perhaps cos dreams are not miraculous majority of the time, they are yearnings of the unfulfilled. dreams indicate lack rather than abundance, the shortfall rather than the overflow. yet it is in this gap between dreams and reality that we are stretched, that i feel and hope and am inspired to move forward. it is an ordinary thing, yet it convinces me that the extraordinary is within grasp, and i am sucked clean forward until it truly happens. dreams are a quiet thing, a private thing- i cannot fully express it to another no matter how many words i wrench and exhaust, and all i can convey is an idea of it even if it is etched in my mind to the greatest detail. it is only in the fulfilment of dreams [where a dream loses itself and become reality] that others see what i see, and maybe feel what i feel, if we're lucky.
okay, i have become more abstract that i imagined i would. young men will dream dreams, and old men will see visions. appreciate the bed, sleep and dreams because they are the ordinary comforts that bridge you to the unseen. the unseen is secret and divine.
as i type a moth as beautiful as a butterfly rests motionless, high up on my brown wallpapered wall, blending into the background like a motif print. its wingtips are a pristine white, and stark distinct white lines streak down both of its amber wings in perfect symmetry, spelling a 'V'. V for what? i wonder. vapidity? vicissitude? vindictive?
it is large, the size of my palm, making itself a quiet guest at home.
we had dean's tea in the afternoon. couldnt wait for him to stop talking so we could start on the food. he went on, of course, in the way the things you dread seem to deliberately prolong themselves and press themselves into your face. its called The Dean's Tea for a reason you know. i told my friend it's his tea so naturally he is the [only?] one enjoying it. his cuppa tea.
