the gulliver petal story

posts shouldnt be so very long,
else they could go quite madly wrong;

'something stupids' playing in the background
handphone beeping makes me frown.

-
i miss liulong. God please raise him up to be a leader, who encounters you and swings people around him toward you! For your sake O God, please do it.
-
petal

the quiet petal trembling, shivers
in the windy soft rain showers.
raises its small face toward pale skies
drinking in cool autumn vapours.
but when the petals drop their guise
and curl into dry flakes, brown papers
it seems the story always was:
torrents burst upon a bed of lies.
-
GulliverTheyCrucified

Gulliver was a second Christ,
crucified-
by millions of small hammering people
nibbling their threads of burdens
wheedling to pin them down
on a bigger being.

and succeeding, some walked over him
half-blind to the bloodied carpet of pins
stashed voodoo-like into flesh;
pins bearing their own initials.

yet others wept over him,
the purple punctured wounds
and when they awoke from their mourning
found themselves riding, on his shoulder,
a living resurrection of a willing compulsion.
-
"a bundle of stories interested in stories, that's what human beings are."

chase

i'm back from china. but i am reluctant to start describing it because i know i can never finish describing it here, and that mutilates the memory. if u want to know please ask me, and i will talk. piecemeal. what do i miss about china? gerry as my roommate, ahlee's devotion insights, rachel's comforting wisdom, the weather. what do i not miss? the wannabe toilets at Liulu village: two rectangular holes separated by a mud half-wall , chock full of years of accumulated shit, maggots, sulphur-ammonium-suffocating stench, clumps of flies, revolting darkness.
-
i do realise though that i have begun to pick up the threads of my life and continue the pattern of weaving. i am picking up the bible again, and beginning to see that they contain seeds of life. i have come to see the journey as gruelling but moulding [after the 6.5 hour trek up on narrow dirt/mud/stone/river path along the slanted slope of the mountainface], a journey i cannot tread alone. i have come to realise my mere foolishness especially at times i feel i am most brilliant, my laughable weakness at times when i feel strong.
-
i realise now a need to be interested about people- strangers, acquaintances, instead of remaining cold, because a single word can impact impressions, which influence attitudes, which shape actions and ultimately changes lives.

that means on the third level every sunday morning i should try to take a look at what others around me are doing, talk to them if need be. because that was what jesus was concerned about, people, their souls, his relationships with them.

- in the remotest of places.
in the absence of graces,
i see through the silence -
a lingering trace,
patient and pining,
of a Lover's fervent chase.
-
i have been chased, i have fallen,
i am Being,
picked up.

green malady.

a six by six by six cube space. freedom of ideas, untramelled ideas, creating matter in space. that would be my first architecture assignment. ` i woke up at 945a.m. this morning and toasted a butter croisant, plus a mini curry puff. went back to room/bed, checked my phone. shock horror! realised that i had an archi talk this morning at ten and so rushed like mad to get to NUS by 1030. its quite amazing i realise i live 5 stops away from SDE. which stands for school of design n environment. school of design! aint that cool :)
`
the day before i went shopping with cherie at bugis street and bought a shirt and a jacket. i realise i have been overshopping this month, and i do agree with pastor b. that it is a endless, sub-satisfying cycle. you know, only things that are sub-satisfying are cycles. because they don't fully satisfy, you need the same thing again and again, or variants of the same thing, but because they partially/temporarily satisfy you are tricked into wanting more of it. but with the very BEST you constantly bask in that ONE thing, and discover endless amazing 1001 facts about It. Him. God.
`
what do i expect out of the kunming mission trip? everytime i get a glimpse i feel fallen. last week i think i heard God speak, that the closer to him i am, the clearer the calling becomes. and today, it was like the sequel, that it is not so much the gifts he has placed in me that matters, but the Giver. regarding the thing that i want to do most, the thing that i want to do each week but am kept from doing by fears- of overlaiding my schedule, overstretching my skin, of being a buckler to personal pride, i recall an sms my friend sent me:

God does not call the justified,
He justifies the called.

i found that strangely comforting. that i dont have to make sure all is right before i commit, because that Perfect Day will never come. Step-by-step walking.
`

green apple. the malady of prejudice.

i realise my prejudices run deep.
they are like green apples,
plastic waxed smooth and envious,
until i take a knife with its cool sharp blade
and slice beneath the surface
scraping off the years of clogged misperceptions
shaving, cutting off distortions,

and i am left with a nakedly white
blindingly pure and pristine
inner orb. containing the seed of life.