mindless therapy

havent blogged in a real long time, on the spur of the moment [nah, not really.] i have this list floating in my mind, this list which contains all my very favourite things, this list which now defloats itself and leaks out onto this page.
1. 'bossanova' orange covered jazz cd
[listening to it i can just imagine my future home around it, yeah, like building a space around the music. it will be an airy house, with lots of open spaces, large green leaves in selective amounts, light streaming in, white natural furniture, all with a very rustic feel, white and brown wood maybe pine doors. and the music plays when i wake in the morning.]
2. passion fruit body spray from the body shop
[smelling yummy. why not?]
3. biotherm face cleansers, moisturisers, all that jazz
4. a funky skirt- check out far east level 4 and an siang street [howdya spell it?]
5. chunky necklace, brown gummy stone. from holland v big bead shop
6. famous amos cookie recipe! my cousin makes neat imitations. ha.
7. office-appropriate tops

alright, my covetous list has exhausted itself and now recoils back, rested. i wrote that down so i can check it off, and cos now since my bday is over no one can say im fishing for presents. there.


did something stupid today, i had 15 minutes to spend while waiting for the shuttle bus, and so i dawdled into Venus the soap and cosmetics store at Clementi central and decided to buy shampoo. this lime green loreal thing appealed to me so i just bought it, purely on impulse, and when i came home to use it i realise it wasnt even shampoo, its conditioner.! not that it matters very much because anyway i need conditioner just as much as i need shampoo: not in the least. now, am i getting stressed out or what? like when i get stressed and brainless the cells leak out from my wallet in the form of cash.


then i came home and ate Nuts About Chocolate my favourite ice cream in a tub, notwithstanding Ben n Jerry's, but i dont eat that off a tub, only from the suntec outlet. haagen daz too. i'm getting so restless, i have so little time for myself that i dunno what to do with the time. oh i read this cool quote on the cat high school wall:

"Most people spend half their lives wishing for what they could have,

if they did not spend half their lives wishing.' -So-and-so.

i spend one hour eating dinner, two hours watching chinese serials while marking, some time playing the guitar, some time doing qt, some time writing,

i want to use june to do what i really like, like sports, and baking, and drawing and reading

oh! i want a sketchpad, think i'll make myself one!

and i want to wake up to the freshness of God again, though i know its rooted in the soil of prayer, solitude and stillness. alright, i'll go into the mud if that's where life originates.

all i want for christmas, is you.

broken guitar string.

uncle allan advised us to attend a talk called:
ten deadly keys to finding a life partner.

haha. first of all, they're not keys, more like locks! or hurdles. cos you can never find the right keys for the locks or a jumper that jumps high enough to cross over.

now.
1. LAUGH someone whom you can laugh with.
2. PRESENCE someone you'll never feel bored with. [come on, sometimes twenty minutes with someone is torture. twenty years?!?] and this category broadens out alot: someone you can talk to, share interests with, gripe with at the right times and in just the right amounts, be happy with without being superficial, be sad with without being dramatic, someone you can blissfully keep quiet with without feeling uncomfortable.
3. CLINGWRAP someone confident enough not to be insecurely clingingly dependent. or insecurely self-pitying. or insecurely run-you-down sarcastic.
4. TRUTH someone you can conflict with squarely-in-the-jaw yet amicably. that's much more honest than back-biting or bottling up resentment- those are just painful and surefire ways for something to die.
5. BALANCE someone who likes you as much as you like him/her. if not one party will buckle first, or one of em will feel jealously insecure. the test is not being afraid or embarassed to be seen out with that person i think.
6. KNOWLEDGE someone you know enough to know what you like about her/him. someone you know enough so you know what to do when she's moody, or what it means when she's quiet, or what makes her delightfully high, or what irritates her [insert him where appropriate.] so it's not a crush, not just warm affection. notice its knowing enough, not knowing everything, and it sounds like a footinthemouthful already. everyday is a learning experience yadayada yeah yeah. right.
7. GODLY not just christian-ly, but really in love with the King. so that you believe the same things and the same Person. now that's hard to find.
8. PATIENCE someone you expect to get irritated, frustrated, impatient with. if dpf's taught me anything it's that people really knock each other up. over the smallest of things, kinda like hitting at each other with toothpicks instead of hammers, and that's REALLY a whole lot more irritating.
9. SELECTIVE MEMORY someone to remember the good things with, and to forget the bad things for. someone to remember anniversaries and awkward dates for because those days are just more reason to celebrate good company.
10. LOVE THE BIRDS. ai wu ji wu. get to know the Other's family and friends, appear interested and ask questions even if you're not really. maybe as you find out more you'll want to find out more. well. maybe not but do it anyway.


now i wrote that i wonder what the crap i did it for. what a complete waste of time. ha.

prodigal truth.

yesterday i met up with the dpf girls and went to zhon's house: revival weeklies! we are still trying to think up a better name for all of us cos DPFers just sounds wrong, sorry uncle blu. i thought of liliputians -cos we're all so small but when God uses us it'l be to his glory!- but they rejected it. of course. hmm. i know! what about zeroes. i think its such a cute word my mind fills up with little bubble circlets when i think about it. "zeroing in on what's important." hahahaa. or like, as long as u have The One in front of us, we make a gazillion! 10000000000000...

anyhow, will call xinmin up and dEMAnD a job now! haha nah pray for God's grace. yep. and i doodled this morning: see!>> its a scribble drawing.



AND guess what, at 1130 i shall go and prepare my brunch, which was yesterday's dinner "hair-like fine spaghetti with swedish meatball sauce!!" yummy!!! i cant wait. hm. yesterday at DPF we snacked on too much belinjau and lays chips, plus we ate zhon's granny's beehoon with curry that i could not stuff mum's spaghetti down anymore. HAH. just wait.

revelation running revelations!
why is there so much evil in this world?
God isn't pleased with this world either, but after Noah and the flood, he promised never to wipe out mankind again. Often, answers can only be found in questions. i read snippets of Job today, and Job notes that "what He tears down cannot be rebuilt; the man he imprisons cannot be released..." When God intervenes, he does so ONCE and for all. like at the cross, Jesus didnt and wont die a second time. It is Finished. Evil in this fallen world coexists with sin- and when God comes to restore justice and punish those who deserve it, and reward those who do, he does it once and for all. Yet "the Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance."


whenever God steps into our time-bound world and changes something, that change is eternal. if he steps in now and judges and punishes, they will be forever punished- which is the equivalent of eternal death, or hell. it is not in his nature to be unjust, and he is not just sitting there smiling on all the unfairness of this world, but he is being patient with us, we should be THANKFUL that we are not just getting zapped dead the moment we steal or commit adultery or murder. the whole earth would be dead, dying and in ashes then. like Sodom and Gomorrah.


So whats the revelation? Whenever we gripe about the existing injustice and human misery, we are like the older brother in the Prodigal son parable. We wish for God to cut off the rebellious children: those who do wrong, those who cause hurt. We don't think they should be rewarded even when they return, we believe they should be struck down even as they're frollicking out there. But who are we to prevent God from being gracious? Right now, we have all the privileges of being by God's side as the elder son, "everything I have is yours!"- think about it. God waits for the prodigal son to come back, so right now the 'waiting' time is the time of grace; it is also the season of impatience for those who are already in the right place. We want justice now, we want peace now, we want an end to suffering and cruelty NOW- but we do not realise that God loves the errant child just as much as he loves us!

sums twenty-tree.

a modern singaporean take on psalms.

oh God, like superglue crusted on my fingers,

Your commands are stuck onto my heart;

day and night i mutter Your words under my breath

even while your enemies [many of whom are my colleagues] curse in wrath.

oh God if only You would be the bowling ball

that pins down your enemies!

they brazenly sway around, doing evil in brightly lit alleys,

thinking "i will never be struck down"-

oh God, do not let them stand firm!

oh God your love is higher than the tallest skyscraper or HDB flat

i look through the office windows and see a polluted city-

how we have vulgarised your love! there is no one pristine, not one!

how we have cluttered our lives with

so much ongoing traffic that we have jammed up our minds!

yet, your love endures forever, beyond the longest toto queue.

oh God You are my Great Boss.

in your pocket i shall never be in lack

you lead me beside newater,

you promise i'll never be sacked.

even though i drive through the belly of the Courseway for gas,

i will fear no evil. for you are with me.

Your nod and [some of] your staff: they comfort me.

Surely promotions and teh-breaks will follow me all the days of my life,

and i will work in the office of the Boss forever.

**

see if there be any offensive way within me,

and lead me in your way everlasting.