cupboard-Maker

i miss them, i miss them. i miss them. moses sachin! luke. i miss the life there. but while God called me to india for ten days, i am placed in singapore, plmc, in my family, for a lifetime. every day is a mission, and you are my ministry.

"i lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." psalm 121:1

this is the recurrent verse this season as luke calls it. i first got it when i was locked out of my house door but inside my house gate for one hour. those of you who's been at my place before know i have this approximately 1msquare gap outside my house door, where we put the shoe cupboards? anyhow, my house door locks automatically from the outside once its shut. so i happily let the door shut behind me before realising i forgot to bring out my keys. THEN, just then, i thought "heng, at least got my phone." and guess what? [was it murphy's law?] after making contact with my mum the batt died [despite me charging it the whole night.] so. i was stuck there feeling kind of stupid, wondering who would come home first at what time, trying to hide behind the shoe cupboard and be invisible so nosey neighbours wont come a-sniffing.

THEN this verse floated into my head: where does my help come from?

haha. nope, not from the handphone [which failed me. -.-], not from a neighbour, not from my family members because at that time i didnt even know what time they'd come back. i was actually on my way out to church so i thanked God for having the bible to read and just sat there and prayed. and momma was back in one hour. holah! haha. [just realised 'holah' is a multilingual term. it sounds like hallelujah, or some hawaiian exclamation, or ho4 la3 which in hokkien means 'good la'. cool eh?] hehehe.

oh yah, getting back results tomorrow, i can't say i'm not nervous and a little flustered. i mean, what do i think or expect at this point in time? i think the real test is being able to say "Thank you God. You are wonderful." no matter what the paper shows tmr. i'm afraid just thinking about it. i hope people won't ask me about my grades- even if they're good, if i want to tell you i would, without you needing to ask. it's funny how when the results come out people i've never spoken to for half a year will suddenly msg to ask how i did. does it happen to you too? i mean why do they bother.

but all i know is that my help comes from the Lord-
"the Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

it comforts me, in a way only Truth can comfort. i hope it does the same for you.

"God weeps with us so that we may one day laugh with him." Jurgen Moltmann

+i'm reading 'disappointment with God' by philip yancey now- it is brilliant watering stuff of substance.

the indian record.

the indian record. #1

there is so so much to say, but i feel a need to write it all down, in case i grow old and forget, or in case someone wants to read it, in case someone chances by this and is blessed by it the way i was blessed in India.


+open pages.
so. have you ever met a person you've never met before, but strangely you can talk to him real easy like you've known each other for years? well it's something like that with the Rays of Peace church: pastor, wife, staff, members, orphans alike, just that its not just ONE person, its a whole host of warm people. and they're for real! so genuine in just opening up their lives to you even though they don't even know you. after the first day with the boys we felt like we'd known them all our lives- within a day we taught them to stop calling us Aunties and to call us Akas instead [sisters], we played with them, ate with them, talked to them, lived like them. and it's not only the children who are so unguarded and genuinely friendly- i remember this man coming up to ask for prayer, because he was jobless and because he wanted a wife. a wife! it was definitely the first time i prayed that prayer- a wife for a man. i started wondering 'do they have arranged marriages still? or do i pray he'll meet a good woman, or that his mother will come to know a good woman..' and i felt ashamed because in prayers its not so much HOW God answers prayers that matters, but WHO God is. By virtue of that, when we see that God is so big and mighty, we dont have to worry about the how anymore- he takes care of it. so why am i talking about this man. you see, he didnt care what i thought about him or how he would appear, jobless and all. he didnt CARE how God would answer his prayer. all these decorative considerations, all these appearances were shaved off- no they didnt even exist, and right at the core all he knew was this: if i only Ask, i will receive. because my God answers prayers.

+mirrors
it's funny how the more affluent society becomes the more our masks grow thick. yet the more wrapped up and concealed we are, the more mirrors we surround ourselves with. why are most of us afraid to raise up our hands to worship, why are we afraid to press up close to the front and be EAGER, why do we shrink from showing interest and prefer to appear nonchalent, unruffled, impermeable? isnt it because we are painfully self-conscious? isnt that just what it boils down to- simply, basic-ally, really? 'cynicism' and 'guardedness' and 'sarcasm' and 'being cool' - aren't they just offshoots of a basic plant of self-consciousness, we are so afraid that our masks will wear off, that we will reveal something of ourselves, we are so afraid of getting hurt that we become so thickly wrapped: we criticise so that we ourselves won't be criticised. it's so much harder to praise something, because someone else will just slide along and shoot it down. you down. and the amazing thing is that that was not a single mirror in the Rays of Peace orphanage- we had to content ourselves with the reflective window surfaces! i think that's reflective of the complete image-ignorance of the Indians we met there. nevermind bout the mirrors, nevermind bout what others think of me: without this distracting pride, they fix their gaze on God and leave it there! if you think about it everywhere you walk in Singapore there's a reflective surface to 'check yourself out': the busstop boards, the MRT doors, the shopping centre walls, the lift walls, the silver dustbins??

+worship
i finally know what true worship is. after 18 years of 'worshipping' i have now seen and known the truth about it.

worship is being awed beyond our being by the infinite greatness of God.

it's saying WOW God, you are beyond me, yet you chose to come and live in me. it's mind-blowingly, eye-poppingly, gut-burstingly unimaginable that GOD should reveal himself to us. and by definition, being in AWE is this: A mixed emotion of reverence, respect, dread, and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great beauty, sublimity, or might. [dictionary.com]

being in awe is like a shrimp staring into the eye of the Great Blue Whale, into that eye that is bigger than you, and that eye alone is all that you can see for as far as your vision stretches, yet you are told that there is much, much, more to this huge being. i cant even begin to imagine the size of God.

and thus being in awe stretches beyond myself, beyond the limits of my imagination- all i can do is praise!. WORSHIP. being in awe requires all of me, and more, because it extends beyond me! because it says i'm giving You all of me, yet all of me still aint big enough a gift for You, logically. [yet by grace God says it is] do you get me?? that's why when we say "i worship God, but not wholeheartedly" its simply untrue because worship is being awed beyond myself, it requires all of me! i can't be half-awed. we're talking extremes here.

shout and sing and clap and dance like King David did- undignified!

>> incredibleindia

bathwater

ever realised how bathwater drains out so much faster than it took to fill up?

the natural state of things is
to be empty.
which is why being filled all the time
is supernatural.

go figure.

hours of difference.

in 25 hours i will be in Changi Airport Terminal One.
in 27 hours i will be on Jetstar Asia Flight FX 573 to Bangalore, India.
in 31 hours i will step off the plane and breathe Bangalorean air.
in 36 hours i will arise to indian sunshine
i will share one toilet with seven other females
and eat chapati.
i will eat dinner at 9pm India, which is equivalent to 1130pm Singapore time.
i will watch and pray together with my other six dwarfs.
i will talk quietly and practise life as a gentle indian lady.
i will be amazed by the freshness of the cool air, the brightness of the stars, the majesty of the scenery.
i will see many cows.
i will probably get sick of curry- curry in my sweets, curry on my prata, curry on my rice and in my soup, curry in my yoghurt! [they call it lassi.as if by changing the name i wouldn't know they put curry in it. ha.]
i will get very high on car journeys and start singing songs.
i will hope to milk that cow.
i will be roused by the sound of chickens, dogs, cows, birds, pigs in the morning. riot!
i will pray for my family.
i will understand what it means to worship with depth, in all simplicity, in the absence of instruments, in the bareness of the music and bareness of the soul.
i will think of wohwoh [k fine this is for you amanda..]
i will eat my haw flakes and smile.
i will experience God's mercies every morning!


you.
will you pray for our safety and health?
will you pray for team togetherness?
will you pray against distraction?
will you pray for love, submission and patience?
will you pray for open hearts to minister to?
will you pray for sensitivity to God's guidance?
will you pray for our families?
will you pray that we may have joy when we're challenged, strength when we're weary, hope when we're disappointed and peace when we're afraid?

because every prayer left unsaid is a shield left unwielded.
because a hole in our spiritual defence would cost us so much.
because every word you utter in prayer for us is heard by God, who will bless us through you.
because you matter, just as much as we do, and they matter, just as much as you do.
because we will return in ten days and tell you what you prayed for us- and how it all came to pass. perfectly.
await the news.

be excited.
the journey's not yet started.
be stirred.
by the Spirit's fire.
be bold.
his kingdom's worth more than gold.
be-loved
upon you rests God's favour.
to each other humbly serve,
then you shall be lifted above.

+lights in the recesses of darkness.

bull

you know what? it's time to get your bibles out and flip to GENESIS chapter 1 verse 1. God moves, God is involved, and God speaks.! i dont care if i sound churchy or preachy because somebody's gotta share the good news. the God News. and tcs news or Straits Times News or Newsweek News, the common thread is that News is based on facts. The same way God is tangible, real, something you can grasp hold of.

He healed me of the ache on my left shoulder! hallelujah! he removed Every condemnation! Hurray! He spoke,speaks and will speak to me! holah! Thanks for using me God. Thank You. Can you believe it? I am God's child and i am in love with him! I hope you are too!

"Words of the wise
From the choosing of pies:
Always mistrust,
What's under a crust."
hahaha.

i'm in gp bull?! gerry showed me the mag today. so funny.

i've got no dis-ease.

"GOOD MORNING!!!" Ah lee's affectionate [and sometimes plain annoying] greeting every morning, afternoon, night, midnight.. so yes. good morning! to you, and let me ramble on abit about dpf. its really a multi-disciplinary course, in that we nourish our spirits, souls and bodies. First, we learn that the word PSYCHOSOMATIC actually makes sense, even though most long words do not. yes, that mambojumbo actually draws connections between your soul and body. "Dis-ease of the soul causes illnesses of the body" according to wise Rev. Wee Boon Hup. So, at dpf, we aim to take a holistic approach about all rounded well being of the person. so TV MEDIA-ish huh. anyhow. we dance til our legs are sore, we bake all day til we smell of pineapple tarts, we share so personally til we cry, we sew til our fingers cramp and blister, we eat til we're bloated, we bible study until we go eyes-mouth-wide-open in wonder, we suffer ahlee's whining until we'd rather lose our ears, we worship until a complete peace fills the room and fills us.

and what's the key word in all that? WEE. [uh. no.] WE. the perfect seven of us! seven GIRLS :) woot. anyhow our days are always jam packed with stuff and more stuff. so not much time to think about much else except about us and God. God and us. which is good. sometimes busyness without harried haste may just be a good thing.

TODAY! we went out! WOHWOH! to city hall for Kenny Rogers dinner and Haagen Daaz icecream. yummmy. eheh. its just SO much fun being together, upload some pics soon.

"yes! yearn no more! its the exclusive wohwoh outing once more! book your tickets now for a time of fun and cream, its gonna be just like a dream!"

*beeyootifull.

in the silence,

the dancer prances

a secret dance

in the dark.

i like being in the dark, because in the light others see you but in the dark only you can see yourself.