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red as a turkey. so much for a tan. hee. ice skating tmr... ah the life. ! but too much of a good thing negates it. so im quite glad ive only one week of it; this wake up late and waste time lifestyle is beginning to pall. wonder how taitais stand it.
*
who says entries have to be long? words are empty.

food fevening, fave a fice fay!

had prayer and praise ys on saturday, could tell the ministries put in a lot of work. it was good. except the screaming in the mike [hee. no offence intended mate]
*
went out with woh woh today for lunch at cartel (: so fun hanging out with them. gerry seemed a bit quiet. ah but she rocks. cant wait for church camp, dont know which to forgo.
*
jing and i intend to set up an accessories shop. zx is our first official customer. haha. asked us to make sth for his friend's bday. ehh..? it'll be an online shop, stuff like earrings, necklaces, rings, maybe bags later. cant wait for A levels to be over then we can move on to things that really matter.
*
i can make myself eat most stuff, even mushy tomatoes (with much difficulty) and slimy brinjals (drenched in sauce), but i draw the line at liver! eeurck. the grainy galling beads cleave to my pallate and make me feel like puking. i shall ask them to leave it out of my mee hoon kuay next time. and iv developed a distaste for minced pork. the kind with alot of chewy fat in it pluurrgh. why am i talking about food? maybe cos ive got a blocked nose now i cant taste anything. talking about it makes me feel better.
*
how come for me fun cant coexist with work? fun and fumes, and the like! which is why im always so unhappy during exams. hannah remarked on the last day of the exams, when it was all over finally! that ive not looked so happy in weeks. quite stunning to have someone tell u that. like a knock in the jaw that makes you stop and think. we are going ice skating this wed (: whoopeee. in line with the "fun and work dont mix" theory, i cant think of anything but play for the moment. ooh lovely days.
*
thingum to remember:

cherie, on alee: "she has no patience what, how to be nurse?"

pun on patients, get it? (:

foolufickityfickudums. feli.

woh 

catalogue of a week, with left out parts.

the prelims are over.! econs paper today was madness. they are so out to kill us. i wonder why they have to set such difficult papers. maybe its a corporate pride thing. rafflesianism. national-ism. disgustum.

*

pau and belle came to my house today, supposed to watch some soppy korean show, but the vcds i had were too boring. we fell asleep. ah what better than sleep anyway, the doing of nothing without any guilt. for the past week i had this sullen sense that everything else i did apart from studying was a waste of time.

exams are bad for health.

*

we're going to arab street tmr! whee. lookng for the beads and stuff. then heading back to school to celebrate sir's birthday. i miss hockey. all the trainings and games, and sir. it seems so foreign, like a strange other country, now that all i breathe is words, papers, files.

my room smells musty and weird from the stacks of misplaced papers all over,

all that detail to unload and cram mentally, its like wading through knee high chalk rocks.

*

future. should i go to youth, or senior church camp? prom is unconveniently arranged in between both of them- and cherie would be in japan. no idea how i can get there myself.

Lord please provide a carriage/container/car for transport purposes. haha.and then, should i work in the chocolatecake place? or go for dpf. or tuitioning. or/

*

"she glanced on the mid-plains, walked the middle ground of life- moderation kept her aloof. she was an observer of life, as a psychiatrist to her patient, always seeking to understand its facets without partaking in life as a romantic mingler. and she saw, she saw, life in its shades and tones, life in its forms and silhouettes- but the etching dirt and detail- life's faces, its extremes of delight and excesses of dejection, this she missed."

*

miss the small picture?

maiden wild

woooot! havent blogged in a real long while cos ive got restraint! hmm. cos i ve got exams! cos.. i started revising late! (is that restraint?) cos.. there are only two exams left, econs n lit s! (still exams..) cos theres too much to study! (so i dint start late i just ended studying late?)

effective nullification. im going kooky. no 'going' about it, i am kooky.

this has been my life for the past week
study. til 2 am.
sleep.
wake. 5 am.
study.
exam 3 hours.
bus 1 hour.
study. til 2 am.

with slight variations here and there, like sleeping at 3 or examing for two papers a day.
sleep is the abberation.


i had lots of other meaningful stuff to say as i was going about my day. and i thought i would like to blog it down. now im here. and i forget, i forget.

if I fell in love with you/ would you promise to be true/ and help me understand/ 'cause I've been in love before and i've found that love is more

than just holding hands.

if I gave my heart to you/ i must be sure from the very start/ that you would love me more than her

if i trust in you, oh now please don't run and hide, if I love you too, oh please don't hurt my pride like her
cos i couldnt stand the pain/ and i will be sad if our new love was in vain so.

i hope. you'll see/ oh that i would love to love u/ that she will cry when she learns we are two
if i fell n love with u.

maroon five. it sounds really nice. though the words dont make sense, as always.

ah i remember. hurricane katrina, and the filipino maid murder. how could i forget? i dont know which is sadder, there's no telling i think. the maid case, in particular. its like the lit book we're doing now, Heart of Darkness by Conrad. where Kurtz moves over, solitary, to the tangled wilderness in Africa. without any restrictions, any police watchman, any whispering of neighbourly opinion, he gave in to his inner desire to possess. so since the imperialised black peoples thought he was a god, all the excesses of murder, savage torture, beheading, took place so Kurtz could get all the ivory he wanted. and the people in Europe still thought he was magnificent, that eloquent gifted genius, emissary of light and promise to the uncivilised world.

and they were wrong, because he falsified their belief with his wrong.

maybe anyone everyone, has that potential to be consumed by the darkness. so the maid, the maid.. she was just one of them.

do you like stories?

ah its been so long since i visited i have to dust off the drawers, clear out the unused files. empty space for more life. nothing much to say these days really, the only thing i can feel about is channel news asia news. i cant really feel alot for books. anyway, what purvis [or conrad] said about 'fascination of the abomination' strikes me as quite true. i saw the black guy who lost his wife, his home, all he had in it with one sweep of the waves. and it makes me feel so small and sullen and go silent, thankful, and inexplicably sad at the same time. so little i can do. so i prayed. and there are prolly so many more apart from him.. unseen by the world eye and suffering alone.

then i look at my books and they lose colour and taste [if they ever had them in the first place] and think about how i feast my mind on the melancholy like Dolly in Silas Marner, and think again how true the fascination of the abomination is.

funny how people like purvis and benuel are so unlikeable, how they're so contrary to my values my liking, and yet how often they creep into my thoughts. more often than any other nice person in school. i recently heard many uncanny stories about love. [ugh i hate write-over, if u type in Word u'l know what i mean.]

yes, love. purvis liked this woman in his twenties. one day she broke up with him, and he heard she was with this other guy. after a substantial period of time he decided to go look her up in sheffield, where their university was, where they first met. a professor had died, and he attended the wake. anyhow, he called her mother up in those red phone booths. she wasnt in, but her mother kept urging him to look for her, and said that she would change her mind, she would pick purvis. in fact, she said she should be in town now, in sheffield, since she just left the house. purvis turned around, and there he saw her, outside his little phone booth, walking with her fiance.

...

speak about coincidence. he didn't go up to speak to her.

and he has regretted ever since.

[he's married. still full of regrets. if there's sth u should know abt purvis, he lives in the past.]

like we all do. until something, someone that promises us the future leads us to look beyond.

newspaper forums crack me up. ever read that complaint about hawker centre seats too near the table such that when this guy's potbellied mother sat down she fell off and broke her arm?

dunno whether to laugh or roll my eyes. not too kind of me. ('.-)

have a think about freedom in captivity.