Maximum Happiness!

the final match of hockey in my life is over. and im proud to say we fought hard. real hard. being one goal down seems like a dejavu- of a dream i had last year, on the exact same date. but that's a lie. because this year it was different. last year we gave up and pretty much sank in our shoes the moment one goal was conceded. this year, nothing stopped us. we had possession most of the time. we didnt break or buckle after that one goal. every one of us on pitch held fast to the hope that we would claim it back. that we could. and we fought real hard. even the people in the stands could tell. we didnt think of giving up, not for one moment. we just lacked the finish. 3 attacking shortcorners, and zero conceded. that's a feat. 75% of the time in their half. that's a feat. sarah saved a 1v1 hit against her. that's amazing. our pressure on them was intense. so much so their final cry when the whistle blew was one of relief. RELIEF. not cold complacency. and im speaking the truth. not exaggerating because im bitter or upset or regretful. no hard feelings. because there was not one more thing we could have done. sure, there were mistakes here and there, but we worked hard to reclaim them. and the fighting spirit which we lacked in the beginning, it was HERE today. in every single one of us. sir is proud of us. surely.

when the whistle blew, the whole team was surprised. we were in the Zone. adrenaline rush pumping us forward. no exhaust. no mental lapse. just 120% all out intense sweat, effort and strength. as i walked toward the bench, i was all calm. no sadness, no tears, no angst, no bitterness. we lose like champions. because as a team, we have achieved the most in each of us. all this sounds cliche. but you have to be a sportsperson to realise it is true. all the 'you can do it' 'play your game' mantras, they are true. Hockey is not just a game. it taught me about Respect. about Sacrifice. about Calm Confidence. about Maximum Happiness. about Being Perfect.

We Are Perfect. i've never been so happy being second. im so proud of US.
as i stepped into the shed, Sir said 'you played well feli.'
'..but i couldnt send out the 16-yards.'
'doesn't matter. you played well.'

tackles, sweeps, channeling. it hasnt sunk in that my hockey stick will henceforth be unused. i dont want this to end. it means too much to me.

i cant stand supporters who go there to pick out the flaws in your game and dig their nails deeper into your raw sores. they are no friend. they just happen to be dad, bro and jac. i guess. they mean. well.

the final sixty minutes.

its monday. FINALS ARE IN THREE DAYS.
because of it i am so excited, so tense, so imaginative, occasionally fearful, so psyched up, so determined, so hopeful, so anxious, so confident, so everything. hockey absorbs me. so this is how it feels like, the last week of hockey, after having invested so much of myself in it. this is how its going to end. i love my team. i'm not thinking about anything else right now. there's nothing else i want more than this for the moment. its silly, but its sport. it has this sort of effect on people. that's the 'Spirit of the Olympics' if u wanna be lofty and toity about it. im just absorbed.
writing psyche up notes to my teammates psyches ME up.
DO YOU WANT THE GOLD?
Fighters show their aggressiveness in their hunger.
Fighters drive themselves and their team.
Fighters keep the pressure on others and off themselves.
Fighters make every second of sixty minutes count.
Fighters don't give up when they are down, and don't let down when they are up.
Fighters never stop believing.
We are Team of Fighters.

shut them down! be perfect. we're in the business of winning.

my mind is my battery, my engine and my steering will. only i have the switch. this team is my fuel.

God is Energy is Voltage is Power.

i want this so bad. its a great day to play hockey. :)

do you start off trusting everybody and

realising the truth in hurt.

or

distrust everyone and

wait long for them to prove themselves?

flossed guilty

There they were, close together and safe and shut in; yet so chained to their separate destinitews that they might as well have been half the world apart. -The Age of Innocence, Edith Wharton.

ah, its been dusty cobwebby ages since i last blogged. or came online. or checked my mail. THAT I ACTUALLY APPRECIATE IT. its amazing. maybe i should abstain voluntarily. using 56kb modem on my sisters laptop now. funny i always think its lab top.

WE ARE INTO THE FINALS! :D glee. celebration. ..reluctance? last match of my life. most likely. last match with my team. aye you wont understand. who's you?? :/ demented*
yesyes. watched the guys semifinals today. super psyched up., there's so much FLOW in the game. the rreason why im typing so much crap and 'ramdom' sentences is that im using a lap top that has a nice smooth soundless keyboard. u shld hear me typing at my comp. it goes on like a type writer. hahaha. hrm. tmr there's video session at 12, trng at 4-6, church at 730, home about 11. byebye saturday. u see thats what happens when u dont have mental depth. i just keep on rambling, empty floss air with no substance.

i feel guilty about not spending time with my kid cell. if you love me, feed my lambs. i really should i want to. but. there's always a but. ahhg. i think its a waste of money- watching movies. ten bucks a film. and if u hit the jackpot n pick a lousy show, that's a DOUBLE waste- of time AND money. costly. yikes. its so late. i woke at five plus this morning. unbelievable. had match at 745. against pjc. we won 3-0. (: sir rocketh. though we didnt play really well, and pau got kinda pissed at us, a win is a win is a win.

not really thinking much these days, just want to leave things as they are, i need to leave them more in God's hands. and stop letting tiredness n busyness catch up on me with a net. pouf.
expended too much, cautious approach, plant of a sickly, feeble nature. there're too many things we dont know.