100 Years and 100 Days- Remembering Grace Lee Boggs

On October 5th, 2015 I received an email from cousin Tina that Aunt Grace had passed away.  She woke up in the morning, had breakfast, then after mentioning she was tired, passed away while asleep in the house on Field Street in which she had resided for over half a decade.

The sadness I experienced after reading the short message felt like the firm grip of a hand clasped around my neck.  When Aunt Grace fell ill just a year ago after having sustained injury resulting from a fall, I traveled to Detroit and had a transformational experience.  Prior to that point, I had not been face-to-face with that type of poverty.  I had visited Detroit, but at the age of 20, I viewed it from a different lens- one of naivety resulting from age, and obliviousness resulting from my limited and sheltered upbringing in Hawaii.  While I experienced a type of poverty, it was situational poverty as opposed to generational poverty.  Additionally, I had absolutely no knowledge of white privilege or systematic racism, and I was perfectly content with my limited understanding because until you're in a position to acknowledge and appreciate its vile presence, it is relatively simple to operate in pure ignorance.

People assumed that I was incredibly close to my aunt because that would have perfectly explained my quick response- I quickly booked a flight and flew from Seattle to Detroit.  It was not the case that I was particularly close with my aunt.  I had only met her several times over the course of my 35 years of life.  However, her presence in my dad's home, and his consistent and frequent references to their exchanges (both via phone and written correspondence) played in my conscience from the moment I first heard of the incident and has not waned in intensity or effect.

As it turned out, two formal events were planned to honor my Aunt Grace.  The first was a "family and friends" event.  The second, a community memorial with a program full of speakers illustrating the immense reach of her various pursuits.  While I'd be able to attend the "family and friends" event, with two young boys at home, missing Halloween (the date of the community memorial) was out of the question.

My knowledge of the size of our family informed how I pictured the "family and friends" event.  Since our family is a small group, I imagined a table or two of people at the local Olive Garden regaling each other with stories of our experiences with my Aunt Grace.  Envisage the expression on my face when I walked into the ballroom of the Hotel St. Regis on the corner of West Grand Boulevard and Woodward Avenue in downtown Detroit.  I was the first to arrive thinking I'd make myself useful by offering to set up the one or two tables sectioned off for the event.  As I entered, I felt as though I had been swallowed by a endless mass of banquet tables and chairs.  What a relief it was when I spotted Cousin Tina, Gary, and Raime checking in at the front desk.  

As people filled into the room, the actual scale of the event finally hit me.  In retrospect, I feel a little silly for expecting anything less.  Of course a life dedicated to such a worthy cause would manifest itself in a ballroom teeming with cerebral and erudite comrades.  The electrified current buzzing in the room was palpable and its power source was love.  Community.  Purpose.

The Lee side sat quietly and observed people joyfully embracing each other, and catching up.  Groups large and small congregated in pods liberally dispersed through the space like a well-choreographed dance.  We were all silent not because there wasn't anything to say, but because witnessing this camaraderie commanded our collective attention.

Once in a while, Tina would spot someone she knew, stand up, and greet them.  Chin and Esther Lee had 6 children- Kay (Katherine), Ed (Edward), Philip, Bob (Robert- my dad), Harry, and Grace.  Tina and her sister Jeanette were Harry's two daughters.  Jeanette once told me that Tina is the social being in the family, and that she is "much better at maintaining ties with family."  Tina would bring the person over to our table and introduce them to us.  Other than those brief interactions, we were mere spectators.

Our foursome was approached by an artist whom I recognized from Grace's film- Ill 'Invincible' Weaver.  She told us that her vision for the evening was to achieve a comprehensive cross-section of speakers to showcase the rich and dynamic life my Aunt Grace lived.  Someone at our table, she suspected, could provide insight from a dimension unknown by her comrades.  For some reason, Grace's personal life, it seemed, was not widely discussed.  Tina, our unofficial family representative and spokeswoman, hesitated.  There is an unruffled quality to Ill's presence and a disposition of warmth that is genuine and earnest.  I don't know why, but at that moment, an out-of-body experience caused me to nod agreeably and affirm our intention to share something with the group.  After all, I imagined that between the salad and dessert, I'd be able to muster some coherent thoughts worthy of this distinguished audience.  As it turned out, I didn't have the benefit of a full stomach or time to collect my thoughts to share with the group.

The room soon quieted and two young students stood at the podium and welcomed everyone to the evening's convening.  They proceeded to introduce two speakers, one from the Boggs' side, and the other from the Lee side.  We were guided from the safety of our table to the front of the room by the podium where Jimmy Boggs' son (from a previous marriage) was skillfully sharing his beautiful recollections of Grace and Jimmy.  The anxiety bubbled to an almost unbearable level.  In what seemed like a mere moment later, Tina and I were being introduced, we were at the podium, and in front of the microphone.

Tina shared one of her favorite quotes by Aunt Grace.  The vigorous head nodding was a strong indication of an attentive room.  When she finished, I approached the microphone, and introduced myself as Grace's niece.  I began by stating my objective- to provide a perspective I alone had.  I intended to share what little I knew of Grace Lee Boggs as a sister (to my father), and as an aunt.

Then I said, "My father was a single father.  He raised my siblings and I on his own."  At this point, I could physically feel the previously repressed emotions surfacing.  The sadness of never having known Aunt Grace as well as I should have, never being active in the cause, never calling her from college to discuss my ethnic studies or Hawaiian studies courses, and the overwhelming remorse resulting from those missed opportunities.  The incredible loneliness I continue to experience, while not as frequently, but as acutely, because of the loss of my beloved father.  The desperation of loss by my failure to connect with Aunt Grace as the only remaining link to his history.  I began to suffocate with grief and it manifested itself as silence.  Silence in front of over a hundred people patiently waiting to hear me share some morsel of insight, and I was again, failing.

I stood there, choking on the quiet, looking around as if the answer were displayed on the wall somewhere.  Then, just as I was about to withdraw my participation by absconding, I heard several people call from the audience.  While the fog of my panic prevented me from understanding what was said, I felt a rush of support and the loneliness that paralyzed my body drained immediately allowing me to release the thoughts from my heart, my mind, and my spirit.  I think I cried through all of it, but the majority of it was intelligible.

I shared a story about the time I stayed with Aunt Grace after having attended camp at Interlochen.  She picked me up from the Greyhound station in her purple Dodge Neon.  I recall with perfect clarity the strength of my grip on the passenger side assist handle, and the troubling number of lane changes performed WHILE checking the blind spot as opposed to after checking the blind spot.

After I had settled in at her house on Field Street, I opened my diary and began to record the day's adventure, and out of nowhere, Aunt Grace asked me to relinquish the notebook so she could read it.  I shared that knowing my teenage self, it was likely laden with vapid and shallow prose about progress I was making on a particular musical scale, or my crush on Mike, the talented saxophone player from Arizona.

I shared that there were many times my father mentioned his conversations with Aunt Grace.  Many times he begin a story with, "My sister Grace..."  While my father was a single dad, he was never really alone because he had his sister Grace.  She was a fellow intellectual and someone who also shared his colorful family history.  She was his sounding board, his outlet for frustration and hopelessness, and his connection to family outside the young children he was laboring so fiercely to raise.

I concluded by thanking the group for their support and love of my aunt Grace.  It was that support that allowed me to continue on that night.  It is that support that will ensure the legacy of my Aunt Grace will live on infinitely.

(From left to right) Raime, Cousin Tina, award-winning film-maker Grace Lee, and myself.

Sharing memories I had of Grace Lee Boggs as a sister, and an aunt.

Listening to Cousin Tina share her favorite quote from Aunt Grace as well as the book she recently created at a calligraphy retreat "up north."

Dr. Emily Lawsen took this picture of me from the back of the room during my speech.  There were far more people present than I had expected.

The four representatives from Aunt Grace's side of the family.

This is a picture of our family when Aunt Grace and Uncle Jimmy visited us in Hawaii.  Circa 1986, Kuapa Isle- Hawaii Kai

Aunt Grace with the kids- Sondra, Jonathan, and I.  Circa 1984, Halemaumau Street- Niu Valley

Regional Coordinator Retreat in Leavenworth, Washington

Katie, Kathy, and Trinelle

Tilman and I

Vasilya, Monica, and Rebecca

Caroline, and Elaine

Myself, Michelle, and Mandy

(From left to right) Michelle, Trinelle, Caroline, Mandy, Vasilya, Elaine, Monica, Katie, Tilman, myself, Rebecca, and Kathy

I sound like a broken record, but if it were not for the incredible people with whom I have the tremendous privilege of working, I would not have survived and grown to absolutely love my current position.  It is also not lost on me that the opportunities afforded to me in this capacity are extraordinary and that any morsel of growth I have demonstrated is due to the strength and leadership of those around me.

This group of women have been an endless source of encouragement, wisdom, and grace.  Each and every one of them is so talented that I labor to keep up with their greatness.  Truthfully, I always tell people that I'm really not sure how the universe aligned in such a way that has provided this once in a lifetime opportunity, but that I'm grateful that I was selected among a large pool of applicants, and that I have managed to, despite occasional feelings of inadequacy, hang in for the long haul.

Retreats aren't always my favorite thing.  They usually include some sort of diagnostic tool for identifying areas of strength and of growth, or some insight into why interactions with a particular type of person are more challenging than others.  This time, the tool employed was from "The Platinum Rule" and it categorized individuals into one of four quadrants of leadership: There's the thinker, the socializer, the relater, and the director.  Based on an individual's responses to a series of questions, followed by the assignment of two tiers of personalities, the respondent can hope to gain a wider appreciation of their natural tendencies as a leader and strengths or behavior they're less likely to demonstrate. 

For example, surprise surprise, the responses I furnished resulted in being identified as a relating thinker.  This was of little surprise to me and those around me.  What was a bit of a surprise, not because it didn't feel correct, but because it wasn't something any of us ever thought about with the intention of identifying and labeling our colleagues, was that a couple of people fell into the two categories that were not common to the rest of us.  The majority of us (6 of 8) fell into the "socializer" and "relater" quadrants.  Of the remaining two, one fell into the "director" quadrant and the other fell into the "thinker."  

This explains why I've always sought out those two particular people for guidance.  The "director," in particular, is an individual who has functioned as my professional as well as personal mentor.  Her strengths are definitely my areas of growth.  I wish I had the ability to take a firm stand on a course of action, and effectively delegate tasks to realize my vision.  The "thinker" is someone whom I've always admired immensely for her ability to thoroughly examine every facet of a situation to generate a thoughtful and appropriate response.  In contrast, I generally operate in a reactionary manner- one that by virtue, affords far less time to reflect and, well, think.

It was a productive and enriching retreat and I am looking forward to acting on the goals I set for myself as a result of this experience.

BUILD at National Harbor

Every year in July the BUILD Initiative organizes a QRIS conference.  In 2014 it was in Denver, but since I had attended the 2014 Child Care Aware of America Symposium in March, our Executive Director had asked that I select a few other staff members to represent our agency.  

This year the conference was in National Harbor, Maryland.  Just before the opening presentation, I was breezing through the participant materials and found a comprehensive roster with contact information of all attendees.  I spent the next 30 minutes studying hundreds of names and addresses looking for representation from Hawaii.  I found a handful of individuals and I emailed them to see if they wanted to meet during one of the meals or networking sessions to "talk story."

Out of 5 emails, I received one response, and the above picture is a result of that connection.  It was super fun to meet with these ladies from Honolulu.  While they were not associated with the University of Hawaii QRIS project (because it had lost funding shortly after I had connected with that coordinator in Manoa July 2014), we still had such a great conversation.  They shared some of the details of what they're currently working on, asked a lot of really informed questions about our Kindergarten assessment system (WaKIDS), and the P-3 alignment work currently underway in Washington State.  All together, it was a fulfilling conversation that helped me connect a bit of home with my obsession with QRIS.  

The BUILD conference is scheduled to be in New Orleans and that is reply exciting because I've actually never been there before.  I was asked to co-present a breakout session around improving data systems, and data literacy.  If the proposal is accepted, I'll have the opportunity to share a bit of the innovative work we're currently doing in Washington state.  This might be the highest point of my career thus far!  I'll find out in March 2016, and I am hoping and praying for a positive outcome.  Either way, it's sure to be a learning experience.  

Retreat at Seabrook Resort

To assist in ushering in a new fiscal year in addition to celebrating the tremendous achievements of the previous one, I organized a retreat for the Early Achievers team at Seabrook- a Washington Coast vacation destination.  

We had an aggressive agenda.  The days were full of imagining and planning for the next year.  We laughed and cried.  We deepened and strengthened both our working and personal relationships.  It was an incredible experience, and it was yet another reinforcement of the knowledge that I have so much for which to be thankful. An utterly fulfilling career, talented, inspiring, and intelligent colleagues, and being driven by the promise of improving thousands of children's lives.  Luckiest girl, EVER!

One of two master bedrooms in this oceanfront cottage.

Here is the living room.  We used it as a meeting space.  The view from the oversized windows provided wonderful inspiration for completing our tasks.

This was the bathroom downstairs that I used.  It was so pretty I didn't want to use it.  This feeling subsided shortly after realizing that the summer heat accompanied by my aversion to deodorant wouldn't make me a popular roommate with my three co-workers.

Bunk beds on BOTH sides of the room!  I was on the top, of course.  It was even more fun than it looks.

Here's the living room downstairs next to the room with bunk beds.  A foosball table, Play Station (no thanks), arcade-size pinball machine, flatscreen television, and family-friendly DVD collection make this an attractive prospect for future family rentals.

Here is the view from the porch outside at sunset.

I loved that we took turns cooking meals.  It provided an opportunity for us to deepen our appreciation of each other's non-work talents and interests.

Summer of Camping 2015

This is a picture of Joseph and Jacob at Faye Bainbridge Island State Park.  It was an absolutely gorgeous day.  For all of the gray and rainy days in western Washington, they are easily redeemed by the clear, not-too-warm, sunny days.

This summer, we went "dry" camping with Joe's family in Oregon.  We left the comforts of home such as showers, toilets, clean hands, warm beds, and television to brave this waterfront campground.  My favorite part was seeing the shared joy in both Joe's and the boys' faces while taking part in the many adventures afforded by this type of disconnected adventure.  The absence of the Internet (terrible cell service), television, video games, and other modern distractions afford a release from the tether of burdensome technology.

Another highlight was meeting Don and Jean Stuart, Joey's aunt and uncle.  I had known of them (particularly Aunt Jean as she is Joe's father's sister) even prior to legally joining the Stutesman family.  I heard tales of Jean's domestic prowess and amiable disposition. Even after hearing such high praise from each and every one of Joe's family, I would never have imagined that she is as enjoyable and utterly pleasant as I found her to be.  She has a keen understanding of children- elevated beyond even a seasoned mother.  She is compassionate, endlessly patient, and gracious.  I found both Jean and Don to be truly beautiful people.  I've never met their children (although, I've also heard equally positive things about her brood of 4), but I imagine any success they experience can be explained by their empathic and nurturing disposition.

From left to right: Joe, Lory, Joseph, Jean, Jacob, Don, Aunt Judy, Hailey Jean (dog), Joe, and Uncle Jack.

After camping with extended family, the boys and I explored the Oregon coast and hit a lot of great  sights.  My favorite was visiting Yaquina Bay Lighthouse.  We spoke with a delightful gentleman with the Oregon State Park internship program, Fox Avery.  He was knowledgeable of marine life, but also exhibited tremendous skill in interacting with little children.  When I asked if he was studying Marine Biology at the university, I was astonished to learn that he is still a high schooler.  True to form, I called the U.S. Department of Interior (local office) to share the stellar experience our family had just had.  I suppose it is very common to hear from guests wishing to file complaints, and not as common to hear from individuals wanting to share positive feedback around any particular aspect of their experience.  I wanted to ensure that the director of the training program their effort is easily identifiable in the performance of interns like Mr. Avery.

In addition to the lighthouses, we also visited the Tillamook Factory.  We watched the production of various dairy products including an assortment of cheese and ice cream.  After a lactose-laden lunch comprised of grilled cheese sandwiches, cheese curds, and macaroni and cheese, we topped it off with Tillamook ice cream.  Despite knowledge of the adverse biological effects lactose has on my gastro-intestinal system, I indulged so enthusiastically that I was met with profound regret (read- gas, and acute abdominal cramping) the entire drive home.

All in all, it was a thoroughly enjoyable opportunity to stretch beyond my comfort zone, and I'm proud of myself for surviving.  

Great Wolf Lodge

There are many benefits to living in beautiful Washington state.  One of those is our proximity to Great Wolf Lodge.  I don't know if the kids will ever tire of this place, but it always seems to get better each time we stay there.  I think it's a result of Jacob not being as fearful of engaging in water play independently, and watching the boys play together with greater skill and a more equal exchange of idea-sharing.

Maiden Voyage Aboard the Seven Smurfs

Joe has ALWAYS wanted a boat. I've never understood why since he works on a boat. I'd think it'd be the last place he'd want to be.  However, a friend of his is moving to Tennessee soon, and paring down his household poundage so he offered to sell his boat to Joe for a reasonable price.  Here are some pictures from our maiden voyage at the Brownsville marina. 

Fro-Yo to Celebrate the First Sign of Spring

Now that the weather is more spring-like than ever, it's the perfct time to take the kids to get Fro-Yo for a nice refreshing after-school treat!

Matthew & Anna

Joe's cousin Matthew invited us to his wedding in Palo Alto. We (I) was slightly intimidated by the duration of the car ride- 8 hours to Southern Oregon followed by 6 more hours to San Jose and another 5 hours to Anaheim (how could we resist ththe temptation to spend time in the Happiest Place on Earth?).  

It ended up not being as bad as I had imagined. The boys were sufficiently entertained by the movies we had downloaded to the iPad.  It was certainly a fortunate coincidence that Big Hero 6 had been released in time to add that to the boys' options. 

We took the opportunity to meet up with Julie- a friend from middle school. We worked together in high school for student council planning various events. I had last seen her at a wedding in Hillsboro and had the pleasure of meeting her husband Richard and oldest child, Devin.  She now has a daughter named Kaylee and it was so nice to see how much Devin had grown. It was a very nice reunion!

Here we are at the wedding. We sat with the bride's sister and her family.   Hannah and her husband turned out to be lovely conversationists. We learned about her husband's career from enlisted soldier in the army to Dentist reservist.  Hannah went to the University of the Pacific and earned a degree in Pharmacy. It's interesting because I've never actually known anyone who loves being a pharmacist. They all remark that the money is good, but that it isn't hugely satisfying. Her two boys, Caleb and Gideon got along famously with Joseph and Jacob. They spent the evening playing hide and seek and running around the beautiful estate. 

Happy Birthday!

This was a pretty big year for me as I turned 35 years old. Joe made sure that it was a special one. He arranged for child care over the weekend and planed a fun stay in Seattle. 

This is our view from the suite at the Fairmont Olympic in the heart of the city. 

The hotel was conveniently located right across the street from Louis Vuitton where I dropped off my Tivoli for repair. Joe said, "Now you don't have a purse; what are you going to put your things in?  Looks like we have to get you a new one." He let me choose any purse I wanted. That was so much fun!

I ended up with the Neverful bag and I love it! 

Joe then took me shopping at all my favorite stores and never ONCE made a peep about how long we stayed in each store.  When we were done shopping, we went to dinner and got sushi during Happy Hour (half off). When we returned home the next day, I was completely relaxed and blissful. I'm so fortunate to have such a thoughtful husband, two healthy and happy boys, a fulfilling career, a comfortable home and friends I love.