原来的自己

不要为了别人，放弃自己的生命。不要为了别人，悲伤一辈子。你的生命比她更重要。 你自己才是生命中最重要，你要回来啊。不要为她牺牲自己，毁灭自己，堕落自己， 放掉自己。你要为自己而生活！你要不断地进步，达到自己的目标，自己的未来！

习惯了悲伤？不想离开这种心情吗了？还是上瘾了？连一个决定都犹豫不决，哪你还能做什么呢？身体不断地糟糕，精神也是。。。我到底还剩下什么？为什么会搞到如此地步？每次爸妈都担心你呢，你知道吗？你很自私，你知道吗？不断地让父母担心，忧虑。。你只为自己的“头脑”着想，你有关心一下爸妈的感受吗？我的心已死。。脑已死。。不懂得要怎样挽救了。。我每天都想着同一个问题。。我到底为什么会搞到这样。。。有谁能帮我吗？朋友吗？我有朋友吗？还是整天只会嘻嘻哈哈的朋友？讲心事？电话里找不到半个。。。没兴趣。。没斗志。。没方向。。没心跳。。 我什么都没了。哈哈。。。四大皆空了吗？尊严，思考，希望，主见 都没了。放个屁都没资格。。还要给人指指点点。。这算痛苦吗？还是比别人幸福？你有手有脚有钱有书读有爸妈。。还想要什么？总是从别人的角度来衡量自己的状况，很开心吗？累？不，我已经习惯了。

6 days left

only god can help me..

12 days left..

struggling hard in living hell!

15 days left..

yesterday mom told me she had a very sad dream and she said "it's worse than death if you have a very sad secret but you couldn't tell anyone or nobody understand your feeling. you can't forget it unless you have a memory loss." it resonated me but i was acting cool. so i tried to use this to trace back my brain ability. i act as self-psychologist and comforting myself that everyone understand how i've felt. i keep telling to left brain "i can bear the suffer if you release it,don't hold it alone." it works slowly. but now i have triggered the psycho button. just now i drove rudely and i saw anger in the person's eyes. the feeling of guilt just cannot go away. is it the way to recover my brain? how much fear i need to encounter next? kinda pissed off when thinking all of this happens because of a girl..damn fucking pissed off

17 days left..

it can't work this way!

left exactly 20 days..

What the hell? i am still playing bejeweled around.it seems like i have a holidays last 3 days.tomorrow i will have a class party some more ,where can i get time to study? wake up kai hsiang! god don't help you if you don't help yourself! (quote from suppa)
how to awaken my brain?god please show me the way!