FPIES Update

My son has "passed" his ground beef trial!  With corn, beef, and lamb (along with his previous fruits and few vegetables) his diet is getting to be pretty well rounded!

I'm going to have to face off with dairy soon, but that's too terrifying to think about right now.

Sometimes being an FPIES mom makes you feel crazy.  When they do good, you think you imagined it, and when they do bad, you wonder why no one else believes you. (that it was caused by food)

I feel like a double minority, lol.  I'm an American Muslim (which is apparently not a good thing to be right now with this ridiculous mosque controversy) and I'm the mother of a child with FPIES (which is equivalent to being crazy in the eyes of many medical professionals and family members).  I feel so strongly about both causes that I just want to like proclaim the truth of Islam from all social networking sites, lol, and post FPIES information all over the internet so that it is more well known and diagnosed more often.  I think their belief that it is rare is a load of crap.  I see all of the mother's I talk to online that deal with it every day and I just know that we're a small handful of the people really dealing with this syndrome.  I get so gung ho about FPIES awareness sometimes that I'm ready to go Jehovah's Witness style door to door spreading the news.  (no offense to any JW, I think it's cool that they get out and share, at least that leaves less room for completely baseless stereotypes to be formed.  My husband actually likes it when they visit, lol, good interfaith dialogue.)

That's it, I'll hand out FPIES articles door to door while wearing hijab and spreading dawah!  Two birds with one stone?

Or I'll hide behind my computer and try to change the world from the couch in my pajamas.

Going Around Like the Plague

So, I know you've seen it on other blogs.... but I couldn't resist sharing my own answers.  :)

Bold if true:
I am a cuddler.
I am a morning person.
I am an only child.
I am currently in my pajamas.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently single.
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to my myspace.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first.
I bite my nails.
I can be paranoid at times.
I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy jazz music.
I enjoy smoothies. (I had one today!)
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I have a car.
I have a cell phone.
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school. (yet I somehow got great grades between all my doodling...)
I have a hidden talent
I have a lot to learn
I have a pet.
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl (or at least I did in high school...my husband actually fell into that category as well because he was Muslim, heh)
I have all my grandparents
I have at least one brother
I have been to another country
I have been told that I am smart
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor
I have OR HAD broken a bone
I have Caller I.D. on my phone.
I have changed a diaper (more like a million diapers)
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have done something illegal.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
I have had major/minor surgery.
I have killed another person (really?)
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have mood swings (terrible at times)
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy. (and surprisingly enjoyed it)
I have seen the television show The O.C.
I like Shakespeare.
I like the taste of blood.
I love to cook.
I like to sing.
I love Michael Jackson
I love sleeping.
I love to play computer games. (It's been awhile but I get totally hooked on Roller Coaster Tycoon)I love to shop. (notice the emphasis)
I miss someone right now.
I own 100 CDs or more
I own and use a library card
I read books for pleasure in my spare time. (LOVE reading)
I sleep a lot during the day. (because my son doesn't let me at night)
I strongly dislike math
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I will try almost anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
I have had/have a broken heart
Smoked cigarettes
Rode every ride at an amusement park. (every roller coaster at least...we were totally on a mission)
Collected something really stupid. (pencils, erasers...yeah.  Also cabbage patch kids, and now I collect Miss Piggy/Muppets stuff so...I'm sure many would consider it stupid but obviously I enjoy it)
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.
Watched four movies in one night. (slumber parties, yeah?)
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.
Been dumped.
Failed a class.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself. (accidentally)
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
flown on a plane
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Cut yourself. (on accident)
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.  
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Had an online diary. (kinda)
Fired a gun. yeah it knocked me on my butt!
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale. (LOVE 'EM!)
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for Pop Idol. (only if this includes American Idol...I'm not sure what pop idol is?)
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once. (back in middle school, oh yeah)
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight. (almost! and I'm like, the weakest person ever so it wouldn't have gone well)
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

It's been a sorry two days...

So yesterday I had a BIG mishap with the deep fryer...  I ended up with a greasy, smelly, messy kitchen, some melted containers, and NO FRENCH FRIES to go with our iftar cheeseburgers.

Today I woke up to the mess, still waiting to be cleaned up.  Which was enough to make me grouchy anyway.  Well, to make my day brighter my son locked himself in his bedroom.  Yeeeeah.  We're in a second floor apartment building.  Meaning, a) I totally can't climb in the window (believe me, I would have tried) and b) we don't own the little stick keys that come with the door knobs for situations like this. 

I call my husband, he's in class.  I call my mom, she tells me to get a metal hanger and fashion a key myself.  She also recommends calling my dad.  I call my dad, who tells me he'll come straight from work and recommends calling the apartment office.

I call the office.  And the woman is ridiculous.  "I'm in apartment 2*** and my son has locked himself in his room." "Oh"  "I was wondering if you had the keys that come with the doorknobs..." "...yeeeah, we do.  Could you walk over and get one?"

WHAT!?!?  Can I WALK OVER AND GET ONE!?  "That would leave my son here alone................."  "Yeah." 

Uh-huh.  Helpful.

"Who am I talking to, this is K**'s wife, Nikki, right?"  (it's dawning on her that our son is not even two years old and she's asked me to leave him locked in his room alone while I walk to the office and back which will take at least 15 minutes if not more)

"Well, I'm in such pain today." (uh, okay, sorry bout that but my 1 YEAR OLD SON IS LOCKED IN HIS BEDROOM)  "I guess I'll send the maintenance man over."'

You guess?  Grrr.  By this time I had fashioned a key of sorts out of a wire hanger that I managed to straighten out without any tools (because, of course, none to be found)  I'm messing with this thing when the maintenance man shows up...WITHOUT A KEY.

He tries my hanger contraption, as well, and it doesn't work.  He says "well, I guess I'll have to walk back and get the key out of my tool chest."

Great. 

Time passes, I try the hanger again and again, my son cries and cries...the maintenance man reappears...WITHOUT A KEY.  So, there are hundreds of these doorknobs in this apartment complex, yet, there seems to be not one key for any of them.  He apologizes, and thank goodness, is able to use a screwdriver to let my son, who by this point is hysterical, out. 

On top of all of the door drama, my dad arrives while the maintenance man is at my apartment.  This means...

I have on a hijab.  I told him I was Muslim last October.  And he knows I wear hijab when I'm not around him.  BUT, he's never SEEN it on me before.  I opened the door and you could literally see his repulsion.  (that's a word, right?)  After the maintenance man left I took it off, for there was no reason to keep it on, and my dad went OFF.  "That's so stupid, and unnecessary, and etc. etc. etc....I'm NOT going to put up with it!"

"Well, you'll eventually have to choose between putting up with it and being around me then, because it's going to happen." (in reference to wearing the scarf more openly)

He moped around my apartment for far too long.  He was holding back tears and conversation was soooo strained.  As he was leaving, he of course got his two cents in about the oppression of Islam and the wonders of love in Christianity.  He told me he would keep praying for me and I told him there was no harm in prayer.

I hate hurting him again. and again. and again.  But it's like we'll have a short period where he can briefly forget that he thinks I'm damned but then I go and rip off the bandaid again. 

How do I continue to stay true to myself but help him to stop hurting so much?

Random Thoughts on a Wednesday Morning

1.)  So Eid may fall on Sept. 11 depending on the sighting of the moon and such.  There's been a bit of news coverage here about increased security measures on the part of Muslims since they anticipate some opposition to celebrating on this particular date. 

This is just ridiculous.  I don't know any American's who go out of their way on Sept. 11 to "remember" what happened.  They go to work and school just like any other day.  They may watch a short news special after getting home from work but that's it.  That's it.

We can't celebrate Eid, because this day is forever "sacred."  I don't want to downplay the lives lost, but there are lives lost every. single. day. and life goes on for the rest of us.  In my non-Muslim family, I have actually been invited to two events on September 11. 

One is a birthday party for my cousin who's turning 15.  OMG!  Celebrating on 9/11!  What horrible people!  Terrorists!   Anti-American, blah di blah di blah! 

Wait, no?  It's okay?  Ooohh.  They're not Muslim.  They can do whatever they want whenever they want (and wherever they want in regards to church building).

I was also invited to a bridal shower on that day.  I'm not trying to point fingers at them for celebrating on this day.  I think it's perfectly acceptable.  What I'm trying to point out is, it's natural to plan your life how you see fit.  If a wedding is coming up, a shower will be held on 9/11 without question.  If it's someone's birthday, the day of their birth does not change due to 9/11.  SO, if it's EID, it's going to be EID and will be celebrated as such regardless of any calendar date!

The double standards in this country are making me sick.


2)  Totally and completely unrelated.  I don't have much of a problem controlling my urges to eat during Ramadan, EXCEPT for when I'm baking and/or making a dessert!  I generally make desserts with great anticipation of licking the brownie bowl,  or eating the cake batter off the beaters, or eating like 10 cookies worth of cookie dough before actually baking any....

Now I make the batter.  Put it in the pan.  And place it in the oven.  *sigh*  I miss my raw desserts.

and it's Ramadan of all months

So, I may or may not have posted previously about photos of me off of facebook being used for slander.


But, yes, years ago, when still Christian, I had all sorts of photos up on facebook, some of me in bikinis, some of me with boys, and on and on.  My husband and I were already together at this point, but, being a western Christian not real into modesty, I didn't see any reason to "clean up" my photos.

Some Saudi "friends" took these photos to spread crap around the kingdom about me and my husband and our relationship.

This is part of the reason my facebook was deactivated until just recently.

So, as those of you following know, my husband and I had a legal wedding ceremony in June.  We hired a photographer.  Our photographer posts her photos in an online password protected gallery so that you can purchase them at your leisure. 

SO, we were shocked to be told today, that some (unnamed, I think they're protecting him) man from and still living in Saudi Arabia had access to these photos and was spreading slander about us and our relationship.

1) I am not wearing hijab in any of the photos, so to have them circling around KSA is not a good thing.
2) We are kissing in one of the photos, like, a "you may now kiss the bride" kiss.  My husband would NEVER kiss me on the lips in front of anyone, even his parents, even just a peck.  It's culture, so this is a big deal to them.  So this photo is being used maliciously.  The un-named man showed it to my husband's father taunting him "THIS, is your SON."  Which I translate to mean... "see what an immoral, worthless beast you've raised." 

We were stumped as to how he gained access to these photos.  But then some more information leaked, he googled OUR NAMES.  This man.  took the time. to. GOOGLE. our. names.  Do you see something wrong here?  Apparently, our photographer has a wordpress blog, and when you google our names her post of a summary of our photos comes up (it's not all the photos, thank goodness, not that their scandalous by my standards).  I had never even seen this website.  I have never even thought to google our names. Yet some random Saudi man is super interested in our personal lives?

I. am. p*****.  His intentions were obviously just to make trouble.  Who DOES that?  Especially during Ramadan?  You think he'd have better things to worry about than ruining someone else's reputation or status.

I e-mailed the photographer apologetically asking her to password protect or delete any posts with photos of us.  It's her business, so I feel a bit guilty.  I don't want her to think I'm ashamed of the work she did for us. 

UGH.  I'm trying to calm down but I just can't wrap my head around what kind of person would do this to us.

Disappointed

I did break down and break my fast early today, around 3, so that I could take Tylenol.  It seems like such a waste for two little pills...  Day 3 of my monstrous cold.  I can handle the runny nose, I can even handle the drainage down my throat, but my EARS.  I never get "sick" in my ears so I'm not used to this and am NOT handling it well.  It felt like someone stuck a knife in my eardrum and left it there.  I sat on the couch saying I can wait this out, I can wait this out, I can wait this out...and next thing I know I'm at the cabinet pulling down the Tylenol bottle.  I know it's alright not to fast if you're sick, but I'm still a bit disappointed in myself.  Ramadan is about more than not eating, though, it's about focusing on bettering yourself and your relationship with Allah and I could do none of the above with that piercing pain in my ear.  Insha'Allah tomorrow will be better for me and I will not accumulate any more days to make up. 

Thanks for the birthday wishes!  I think last year on my birthday I posted that I had mastitis, lol.  It's a bit of tradition for me to be sick on special occasions and such.

It's My Birthday

I'm 23 today.  I think me and hubby are going to the movies.  If I feel well enough.  This cold is kicking my butt.  I'm fasting because I'm able, but do you think not drinking will make it last even longer?  Also, not taking any decongestant during the day kind of stinks.  My ears are pounding so hard that every noise my husband, son, or guinea pig makes make me flinch and cover my ears.  My ears HURT.  Shoot...I bet the movie theater speakers will be more than I can handle.  Hmmm?

Yes, I'm whining.  But it's my birthday.  It's allowed, right?

I'm sick, but still fasting.  My son has been sick since last Tuesday, so of course, just as he's getting over it and getting VERY active again, I catch it and get very very sluggish.  Last night I doubted my ability to fast today but, mash'Allah it was fairly easy.  I think the cold has diminished my appetite making me not very hungry anyway.  Having a sore throat w/out any water isn't a lot of fun, though.


I had a WONDERFUL hijab experience today.  I took my son to the doctor today (of course, now that he's better) and really struggled with whether or not to wear hijab.  He's been seeing the same pediatrician since birth, so for about two years now.  You go to the doctor so often with your infant that everyone at that office is very familiar with me and my family.  His doctor is THE SWEETEST WOMAN EVER, so I don't know why I was scared of her reaction.  I know she's very religious (Christian) so I guess maybe I thought she'd be kind of like my family and feel "betrayed" by my choice.  Oh, my goodness...she just proved even more how sweet she is.  I've had other doctors notice my hijab with their eyes then quickly avert their gaze and go back to business.  Not Dr. Lily, God bless her, she just gushed over my beautiful scarf and how much she liked it and how I looked so pretty and...  if it was appropriate to hug your child's pediatrician I may have hugged her right there, lol.  It's SO nice to be reassured when taking this step.  I like to wear hijab, and I know it is a command from Allah, but that doesn't mean I'm always secure with how I look in hijab.  To have her not only treat me as she always has, but to even tell me that I looked pretty....Alhumdullilah, it made me want to wear hijab full time even more. 

Also, in the waiting room this woman was talking to me and my son as though we had been friends for years.  I noticed some others in the waiting room a little surprised by her openness with me, a "Muslim", but I was truly thankful for this random woman who choose to look beyond the scarf and see a human being/a mother.  We talked about children, baggy pants, and our families.  It's so nice to not be ignored.  When wearing hijab being ignored is better than being harassed, but being accepted is absolutely wonderful.

I've almost made it...

through my first day of fasting this Ramadan!  Alhumdullilah!

First off, a belated Ramadan Mubarak to all my lovely fasting friends!

Mash'Allah, this year fasting has not been the tremendous hardship that it was last year for me, even though it is earlier in the summer (i.e. looonger).  I woke myself up at 5 in the morning so that I could eat prior to fajr at 5:40.  My husband does not get up and eat suhoor...I didn't last year and barely made it through the day so I'm going to try to consistently get up and at least drink a whole bottle of water.  I'm still breastfeeding 5-7 times during the day and 1-2 times at night so dehydration is a real possibility for me.

Anyway, I ate my suhoor of 3 slices of leftover pizza, and a loooot of water.  I went back to bed until 9-ish.  Took a nap with my son from 12-2, and have been up PRODUCTIVELY ever since!  Last year I truly only had the energy to lay around, and felt faint quite often, I'm only now feeling a bit lightheaded and iftar is in 15 minutes at 9:00 p.m. 

Alhumdullilah things are going better for me this year.  I hope my milk supply stays up and I can continue to fast all of Ramadan!

Presently...

lost in a sea of ayatollahs/marja's(marajii).


I'm trying to find my real "place" within Islam and it's not that easy.  I expected a list of like 5 ayatollahs that people follow, kind of like the four schools of thought in sunni Islam.  Nope, I got a list of 69...and those are just the ones that are still living.

My husband follows Shirazi, although there are even multiple Shirazi's and I'm so confused by Arabic names that I only know it's the right one by recognizing the layout of his website.  If they ever redesign I'll think it's a different guy!

Too be honest, Shirazi's a little strict for my liking.  Like, about things like Chess...

When choosing your marja or madhab, do you have to agree with everything?  I feel like that's almost impossible.  But then I've been told you can't really pick and choose from all of them, you pick one and stick to it. 

It's confusing, because say I claimed to "follow" (I dislike that term) Shirazi...but yet I continue to play musical instruments, chess, and shake men's hands in formal situations.  There are religious leaders who permit these things within religious guidelines.  Shirazi is not one of them.  Just because I claim to be a follower of his jurisprudence, if I commit these "sins" (according to him) yet in actuality they aren't sins according to God, will it end up being a sin anyway because I was told it was but did it anyway?  I mean, it seems like restricting yourself so  much to just one train of thought kind of limits you.  People are people, which means they are flawed.  These people are ABSOLUTELY more knowledgable than me and I'm so thankful they do the hard searching for answers so that my life can be easier.  With that being said, I don't believe any one of them is going to be 100% on ever ruling.  How do you address this issue in your own life? 

This stuff gets me confused.  I want Islam to be easy, like it's supposed to be. Five pillars.  That's all.  Advice is MORE than welcome.