Fall is Here!

and with winter approaching, I'm going to attempt to crochet a hooded scarf. :) I figure with an undercap, it would work as hijab in the winter, and my parents wouldn't even complain.

Something like this:


I feel empowered knowing I can create this myself for $5 or less when stores are selling them for around $25.

Not to Infringe on the Fashion Bloggers Out There....

But, I'm left flabbergasted by people's idea of beauty, yet again.


My sister just came to me with her latest issue of Glamour or whatnot (I don't read it, lol, I think that's the one she buys, though). She was in shocked dismay as to what is the "new" style. By "new" style, I mean, yet another style that hit its peak in the 80's and died out through the 90's. Why do these horrible things keep coming back? Leggings, jeans that literally button at your belly button (and sometimes higher, shudder), acid wash jeans (acid wash anything should be outlawed)...

The newest addition to the list: shoulder pads. Because women look SO much better with broad manly shoulders! If you want to look like a football player in your shoulder pads and leggings, that's your business...but the fashion industry is not going to make a buck off of me from this fad, let me tell you.






+




=



I can only see this all heading in one direction.

Stirrup pants.


Oh. No. I just googled stirrup pants to get an image....turns out I missed the memo. They are ALREADY back!



We had progressed so far in the past 20 years only to lose it all. If we're going to revert to clothing from decades past, why not go a little further back, say 1900? You know, when women still had class and some semblance of modesty.



PHOTO DELETED FOR PRIVACY

And yes, that's me. Age 18. Acting. I miss acting, but it seems most plays would compromise my modesty...also, my husband has forbade me to play any more "love" roles...which cuts out a lot. As in, the above play. Ah, on trial to save my "love" from the gallows. I realize I'm not wearing hijab in the picture, so thought about not posting it. But, a simple google search would bring up the same photo on the theather website, and I don't even wear hijab to university yet, so I thought I'd go ahead. When hijab is more a part of my identity and my faith I will probably come back and remove it.

Just as with all my posts, I sidetracked from the main topic in the final paragraph. My English teachers would throw a fit.

Too Busy

I'm still lurking on people's blogs. Reading posts, and enjoying them, of course. But with school, tutoring, and my son I really don't have time to type anything of substance. :( I've longed to reply to some thought provoking posts, but I knew that thinking through and typing my response would take too much time.

It seems like everyday's just going through the motions.

I started tutoring today. He really can't read. But yet he loves to read. That's rare, I really want to help him, though. The program the school's had him in for over two years now obviously hasn't helped much. I've got 10 weeks to make a difference in this boy's life.

He said he wanted to read about spongebob. So I ordered a spongebob phonics set as soon as I got home. I WILL teach this boy to read.



In other news, hubby and I celebrated our two year anniversary. We had agreed to not get one another gifts...I really didn't get him anything, and he got me flowers and a beautiful bracelet. Very thoughtful, but now I feel bad!

His birthday's next month. I'm going to make him yummy food and a jell-o cake. I have had the misfortune of finding out that jell-o brand jell-o is not halal. :( So I just ordered a case of kosher (vegetarian) jello (kojel) off of amazon. 24 boxes, lol. It'll take me years to go through...

Update on My Son

The doctor's visit went well. She felt his stomach and felt no lumps or bumps, also, he didn't seem pained when she pressed on his stomach. These were apparently good signs.

I wasn't happy with her diagnosis (or lack thereof) though. She decided that they must have all been independent episodes most likely viral in nature.

So my son has caught a virus, three times in three weeks, and it only affects him for about 4 hours. AND it only affects him on days when he eats solid foods.

Uh-huh.

"Why does he refuse to eat all solids that he once enjoyed?" (by solids I mean purees, he still has no teeth and shows no interest in table foods)

"He's just very picky."

Uh-huh.

So, I didn't feel like I got much at the doctor's office. Don't get me wrong, I love my son's pediatrician, and she made me feel all sunshine and flowers in her office....

that is, until my son started vomiting again today. Today it was squash and pears...no grain products.

He is basically force fed solids every other day while I'm at school. It's progressed from eating foods and liking them, to forcing him to eat, to forcing him to eat and then watching him throw it all up about 2.5 hours later.

This is a frightening progression that I'd like to put a stop to. The vomiting is becoming more frequent and I'm scared. I don't know where to go from here. Any suggestions?

Doctor Tomorrow

My son has a food problem.

Vomiting.

Vomiting.

Vomiting.

The first couple times you assume it's a stomach bug. But one day a week (w/4 or5 vomits) is just too frequent.

Then I noticed a pattern. He always throws up about 2.5 hours after eating oatmeal.

Cut oatmeal out of his diet.

Today. Corn. First time.

2.5 hours later.....

vomit.

And 3 times since then.

I, of course, started my 'online diagnosis.' I think he has FPIES. Which would put a fairly significant limit on what he can eat.

Tomorrow we'll see what the dr. has to say. My proper 'online diagnoses' rating is probably about 50% accuracy.

Seeing him so weak and limp makes me want to cry. I feel so helpless.

You guessed it...my dad, again. :(

I am not to move to a Muslim "stronghold" because then I will be doing lots of "Muslim things" and my son won't be raised "American" or Christian.

He was talking about Muslim communities in America...but apparently those people are not American-enough for him. We just spent the entire four day holiday celebrating our Italian heritage, our entire Italian community did. That's right, we live in an Italian community. Italian flags line the street, signs are sometimes written in Italian, and I bet you couldn't pronounce many of the last names of the people living here, including my last name. We eat Italian food, we mix Italian words into our speech, there was an entire display at the festival devoted to MY family. My grandmother and her 11 brothers and sisters. We have been raised to be proud of our heritage, but my son can not be proud of the Saudi part of him, because they're Muslim. It's almost a curse word to my father.

Was I not raised American because of the community I grew up in? Or again, is that just a Muslim thing? Muslims are not Americans?

My father converted from Catholicism to Protestantism upon meeting my mother, to the dismay of his relatives, I am sure. If he has religious freedom, why don't I? If he can be Italian and Protestant...why can't my son and I be American and Muslim?

He had the audacity to imply that I do not care about my son in regard to religion. "You obviously didn't think all of your past actions through, or you wouldn't be in this situation. Well, think through where you're going to live very seriously, because (your son's salvation) depends upon it."

As though I don't care about my son and his religious upbringing. That's what led me to Islam in the first place! I was worried about my son being taught the wrong thing! But my research led me to a different conclusion than I had anticipated, and for my son's sake more than my own, I knew I had to go down the straight path no matter how difficult the familial consequences.

I've been trying to think of the perfect time to tell my parents. I wanted to wait until after I moved out, but these uncomfortable semi-confrontations w/my dad are just too frequent. If I'm already living with constant conflict with my parents due to possible conversion, why not just get the truth out there. Yes, the conflict will be greater, but hopefully, it will be shortened. Heh, wishful thinking?

They're anniversary is this month. 30 years. They're celebrating out of town and I want to give them that time together without nagging thoughts of my damnation looming over their heads. I think maybe the very end of September/beginning of October. Typing that 'out loud' gave me horrendous butterflies. I'm terrified, absolutely terrified. I've already written 'the letter,' it's just the timing I haven't figured out. After their anniversary, but long enough before Christmas for things to settle down a bit?

What do you think? While I live with them, so I'm under their roof and the reconciliation process is forced to proceed, or once I'm living with my husband so that I don't have to face their disappointment, preaching, and heartbroken-ness day in and day out?

Scares me to death, it does.

Children

are just wonderful. They know no boundaries. They either don't realize people are different, or if they do realize, they don't see differences as a bad thing. When you are a child, seeing someone different makes them special. "Mommy there are two black kids in my class!" stated an ecstatic Nikki meeting her first African Americans in the first grade. " "Mommy, Amy has braces on her legs and they pull her in a wagon!" (Amy has since become my best friend, does not have braces on her legs any longer, was on the high school dance team with me and was my doubles tennis partner...true story)

Adulthood is different. You see someone different and you feel sorry for them. You think that your reality is so much better than theirs.

Everyone is curious when encountering differences...EVERYONE. But only children have the courage to march up and ask while all the adults act like they aren't eavesdropping to hear the answer.

Today I went to the park with my son. I wore hijab. I felt pretty when I left the house, jeans, black turtle neck, white eyelet shirtdress, and the brightest red/pink hijab you ever laid eyes on. I felt pretty until I got out of the car. Pushing my son around the park in his stroller I felt that the people I passed pitied me. I can't read minds, but you know when you stand out like a sore thumb. I didn't so much get the hostile vibe as the 'poor thing, must be hot in that getup...bet her husband/father made her wear it' vibe.

I got uncomfortable walking around, so I parked the stroller at a park swing, placed my son on my lap and watched the children play. A little boy sat down beside me. It didn't bother him that i had on an electric red hijab. Perhaps it even made him like me. Nevertheless, this little boy sat down. And I talked to him. His caregiver (who was at the end of her rope because he was giving her quite the hard time) ended up joining us. I could tell she was uncomfortable at first, wondering if the Muslim woman on the swing would be bothered by her small charge, and then wondering what in the world she would talk about while on a swing with a Muslim woman. She needn't worry, though, I love children, and I quickly started a conversation with her about our boys. I bet at first she was surprised at my English, but she hid it well if she was, and I'm pleased to say that when she took a call on her cell phone (that I'm sure she thought I couldn't hear) she said 'a woman on a swing' and not 'a Muslim woman on a swing.' This woman is a-okay, in my book. Maybe she had previous experiences, or maybe today was the first time that her eyes were opened to the humanity of Islam. Too often, I think, Muslim sisters keep to themselves for fear of discrimination. Some people misinterpret it as a feeling of superiority, though, and new prejudices and stereotypes are developed.

Children are our common ground. Children are not born with prejudice or fear. Children can bring us all together.This is my amazing friend Khadija. She is a refugee. She has been through more hell on earth than I will insha'Allah ever experience. I was looking for pictures of children online but then thought of the amazing children I worked with at Refugee Family Services. I volunteered there for only a week, and I will never be the same. I would love to move there and work full time after graduation...but I don't think my husband was very fond of that state. I also know my family would complain about how far we'd be.... I'd really like to be there, though, if not there, then another place like it. I have never met such amazing people before in my life. Ahhh...reminiscing...sorry. :)

So Many Things Going Through My Head

It seems there's no time to post between school and my son. I barely even get to see my husband anymore now that we've both got completely different schedules. (except for our awful 'masculine' literature class...shudder)

I really don't have it that bad. I've got Tuesdays and Thursdays off from now until October. Okay, so it's not that long, but still, I'll take what I can get, of course!

I was in the process of typing a post about hijab, and now I want to type about nostalgia, and I also had something in the works about Alzheimers.

Oh, and I wanted to fill you all in on my Arabic class.


BUT...it's 2 in the morning. My son's been in bed for hours and I should've gone then, as well.

Insha'Allah I'll find time sometime...but I still really want to finish the Qur'an over Ramadan and I'm not doing very good. :/

Too too busy.

So, all I'll type...It's Labor Day Weekend! No school again until Wednesday. My town is hosting a festival. This festival celebrates the town's Italian heritage and immigrants in general. The street is lined with Italian flags and 30 different flags are all flying in immigrant square next to the coal fountain and drinking fountain brought from Italy. We have it every year on Labor Day weekend. It's a big deal to me (I am Italian, second generation Italian-American), and my husband doesn't understand it (and if there was a KSA festival he wouldn't go?). Tonight was the parade and he did not attend with me. I, therefore, hung out with my parents since my friends are all 21+ and spending the weekend drinking (Italians are known for their wine). After the parade we went down to the festival grounds. I saw a couple friends that I kind of lost contact with after my son was born. Some, the contact was lost partially (or fully) on purpose. But it was nice to be civil, exchange pleasantries, give short 'where I am in life' updates, and move on. The highlight of my night came in the form of three Japanese girls. If you knew my town, you'd realize how strange a sight this is. My town is white through and through...African American's are rarities and are all assumed to be 'half.' Sounds awful, but it's the truth. (and we wonder why my husband's wanting to move elsewhere)

Anyway, while ordering a Pepsi I stumbled upon a friend of my brother's and his girlfriend. The girlfriend, who was a freshman in highschool when I was a senior, said, "How do you like your Arabic class?" I say, "It's really fun...wait, how do you know I'm taking Arabic?" She explains that she's a friend of my teacher's (Layla, who I found out is from Bahrain). She then introduces me to her Japanese roomate and two other Japanese study abroad students that are at our university for the year. They oo'd and aah'd over my son and gave him the title of 'cutest baby in the world.' They were soooo sweet and interesting to talk to. Of course, my love for all things cultural is why I'm minoring in ESL. I get along with foreigners better than I get along with Americans half the time. They were just so genuine and honestly wanted to talk to me as opposed to the obligation felt by my peers mentioned in the above paragraph.

It was just nice. I wish I would have gotten their phone numbers, or e-mail addresses, or at least the number of the girl that went to my high school and is friends with my Arabic teacher. I am in the market for friends, as you know, and this was the best opportunity thus far. But...I missed it.

I'd like Muslim friends. But I don't wear hijab and when I see hijabis on campus and try to smile they generally just ignore me. I also have a fear that even if we were to become friends, that once they found out I was Shia that they would start thinking bad things about me. There's a Muslim American in my Arabic class that also doesn't wear hijab. She was raised Muslim by African American parents. I think I want to talk to her. Share my religious journey with someone in person. You all are great, but nobody in my real life (aside from my husband and his family in KSA) knows....it's a lonely journey.

I remember now...I also want to write a post about gossip.

ALSO, offensive float in the parade...only it was probably only offensive to me. A lot of churches participate in the parade, therefore I saw a number of 'Jesus Saves' floats, each one making me feel more guilty than the last for 'forsaking' Jesus. I was feeling guilty until a float came by with a teen in a white strapless prom dress next to a teen in a tux. Behind them, a man dressed like Jesus with his arms crossed over his chest in a 'I'm just that good' kind of way. In between them, a fountain spray of purple liquid. Motto "Jesus's first miracle, turning water into wine." It's an Italian festival, and there is an emphasis on wine, (hence, the museo del vino...i.e. wine museum...and the wine garden, where all my friends probably were, and the stomping of grapes...which is fun, squishy, and disgusting all at the same time) SO, I think they were playing off of the Italy/wine thing...BUT, degrading Jesus into simply the guy who provides the open bar at the wedding really ticked me off. Not only was there a fount of 'wine' on the float, but there was like, club music playing in the background. It just totally gave off the 'Life with Jesus is one big party' vibe to me. Ugh. Sometimes I still worry if I made the right choice religiously, but one thing I'm sure of, is that the respect and modesty in Islam far surpasses that of modern, mainstream Christianity, and I really really like that. Insha'Allah I will grow in my faith everyday and have more and more eye-opening moments.

Now it's 2:45. Bedtime.

Ma'alsalamah Ladies