Thursday, 31 January 2008
Fucked Up
Tell me why. Somebody please tell me why. Why must i go through all these shit as men. Tell me please. Wad did i do to deserve all these. Officer, specialist, men. Officers are highest in command, while Men are the lowest life form. Men just have to obey superiors command, follow them with no questions asked unless in doubt. All orders are to be followed, unless those deemed morally wrong. In the end, Men are the ones who are always taken advantage of.
Medical status is something one get when sick. Its is an excuse from certain activities given by the Medical Officer, a military doctor. Medical status can range from light duties, excuse heavy load, excuse lower limb activities and for the most serious case, unfit for all duties. Unfit for all duties is the best. It means can go home. When a man report sick and take status, it is seen as chao keng. Humans are not machines. Even machines need to be sent for maintenance once in a while. Humans will definitely get injured and fall sick once in a while. It is because the privilege given to the status personnel has been misused very badly, it had became like the boy who cried wolf, rendered to be cannot be trusted. Whether you are really sick or not, people will never know. But when you are sick, who understand your pain, who cares about the difficulties you face.
Who knows how does it feel to wake up in the middle of the night with an asthma attack that leaves you very breathless, coughing and wheezing away. Who knows how does it feel to have the tightening and breathless feeling during an asthma attack. Who know how does it feel when your life maybe depended on that small canister that contain the medicine that can relieve asthma. Want to picture how does it feel? Imagine not being able to breathe when you need to. Imagine having to use a lot of strength to overcome the tightness in your chest just to suck in that precious gulp of air. Imagine having to live your life knowing that this may happen anytime, anywhere. Or having to live with this problem every day for 2 months or more with a bad cough.
That is my problem. Sure, of course i wouldn't have an attack all the time, if not i would have already been dead. That is the problem i face. Nobody will ever understand. I never liked taking status. I will try to tahan as far as i can. Maybe that is where i am wrong. Tahan Tahan Tahan. Who appreciates it when u tahan everything, just because you don't want to be a burden to others. Who will remember your efforts when you tahan till one day you ended up in the hospital. Nobody will ever care. That just think that you chao keng.
"Aiya. He so fit. Ippt gold leh. Can run so fast where will have wad asthma? Confirm chao keng one la." Come on. People who have asthma and cannot run fast is because they don't want to or don't want to be able to. Bu shi ni ke yi bu ke yi. Shi ni yao bu yao. Its not you cannot. Its you don't want to. Excuses.
Asthma. Why did i have this problem? It is a sickness that i will never recover from. I will have an attack whenever it feels like it. And the victim is me. I never ever had this problem out of control till i enlisted. I even went into hospital because of this problem and it is pneumonia . It was so serious that the Medical officer ordered a medical evacuation to CGH with the orders of, "Send out to CGH in wheelchair with medic in ambulance within four hours." It was that sickness that robbed me of my chance to go command school, to be an officer or a specialist. Nobody else will ever understand how bad i want to go to command school. I tried all was possible, but its was just in vain. Condemned.
It was something that happened half a year ago. Too bad. It has already happened. If i did not have asthma, i am very sure i will not be a man like i am now, but at least a specialist trainee. Even being an officer cadet would be very much within reach. Too bad. Life as a man. To be taken advantage of by superiors. Welcome to the real world.
Cal
found sought peace at 21:44.
Sunday, 27 January 2008
Nothing much -.-
Everyday is very much the same for me now. So, there's really nothing to blog about. Lots of sai kang to do, lots of attachments to do and thats my life as a boatman. Friday, i went to east coast park to support infantry with their coastal swim. It was a very tough swim for the infantry ppl as the current was against them for most of the time. It was also a tough time for me as the waves are quite fierce and i have to reverse my boat to shore instead of just head in to prevent my boat from getting flooded by the incoming waves. Quite fun, but a bit chao ta. Luckily i had sunblock on. Haha. Was supposed to go out with the coconut roy after i book out, but he flew airplanes at me. Wasted my cab fee also. So damn sianed and angry. Luckily i bumped into Angez at Junction 8, or more like she banged the the glass panel at me, when i was walking around aimlessly thinking for wad to eat. Thanks to Angez for accompanying me. If not i would have felt very down that day. ^^
Saturday was a boring day for me. Woke up late. Shiok. Stayed at home do laundry, cuz my mom is still in Malaysia, so i wash everything myself. Did some area cleaning, but everything is still in a mess. Haha. After that went for driving lessons. Terrible la. A while never drive i rusty liao. Cannot change lanes again. Haiz. Its really damn difficult when all the cars keep rushing at me. No space to switch lanes. Haha. Still quite far away from my driving license yet. Still have more work to do.
Booking in today night. No programmes on today once again. Think i just stay at home slack la. Wanted to watch AVP2, but think i will just have to give it a miss liao. Cuz nobody will watch it with me and its out for so long liao. So just forget it. Will be doing guard duty on the 7th of Feb, first day of Chinese New Year. So booking in on New year Eve by 2330hrs. Rawr. Guard duty is just sianzation. But nothing much also la. Chinese New Year is really nothing much for me anyway. So i just tah the guard duty la. So that my platoon mates whom Chinese New Year mean a lot for them can go have their Chinese New Year la.
Nothing to say liao. Rawr!
Cal
found sought peace at 11:00.
Monday, 21 January 2008
Back From Penang
Just came back from Penang. Dunno wad to say also. Went there for my cousin's wedding. She look so damn different after the make up sia. So pretty. Haha. Okay la. Like wad ppl always say, girls will always look very pretty on their wedding night. Haha. Anyway. Yeah. Went there to and fro by AirAsia flight. Taking plane is danm fast, slightly more than 1 hour reach liao. Last time take train or coach take one whole day or one whole night. Now, with budget airline, taking plane is more affordable and more convenient liao. Taking plane is so much better, other than the time saved, it is also not so tiring. Yay. Love taking plane. Haha. Penang is so fun. But the weather now is damn bloody hot. Back liao. Hope its better here. Haha.
Took half day off tml. Or rather today. Book in by 12pm. Time to go slp liao. Tml then see how.
Cal
found sought peace at 00:43.
Sunday, 13 January 2008
-_-
Time passes very quickly. Its time to go liao. This week will be a very packed and terrible week up ahead once again. Lots of things to do. Tuesday and Wednesday i will be having a 5 boats attachment to 665 SIR, a reservist infantry unit. Monday and Thursday will have a lot to of stores maintenance to do, as we has recently failed a stores and equipment inspection. Friday is leave, flying off to Penang to attend my cousin's wedding, and then back on Sunday to book in again. Rawr. So packed and busy. No time to pack my stuff for Friday yet. Wad ever. No time to talk so much as yet. Booking in liao. Bye.
Cal
found sought peace at 21:31.
Shag!
So damn tired. Thats wad happens after guard duty. It sucks. The feeling sucks. Shag. Today is all that's left of my weekend. Wad ever. Time to slp. RAWR. Nite.
Cal
found sought peace at 10:34.
Friday, 11 January 2008
Just a Man.
Terrible. One word to describe this week. Yep. That is life as a man. Kenna eaten by higher ranking people. Thats why must be high ranking. I'm fine with helping. Just ask nicely, and dun have to order me around. You are not even my sergeant, why should i listen to you when you cannot even control your own men? That is platoon 2. Most of them are going to ORD in a month. So they refuse to do any work. In the end, we helped them do everything. Never mind. They are going to ORD soon. Respect.
The worst problem comes from within my own platoon.
Wad is Pride? Why strive to be the best? You are just a man! The best of all the men is still just only a men. Pride? People Rest I do Extra. So, why work hard and achieve the best? Its life. Its unfair. Is it worth it? Slack one corner and things still get done somehow. If that is so then why toil and work hard? Nobody appreciates anyway. Crap.
Booking back in later tonight. Guard duty. Weekend guard duty sucks. One whole weekend burnt. No time to go chop my passport for extension also. Busy busy busy. Lots of things to do. Next Friday over the weekend i will be going to Penang for my cousin's wedding. Took leave. Luckily its already approved. At least one less thing to worry about. Rawr.
Nothing to say liao. Stressed. Going crazy. No use ranting. It won't change the situation anyway. Lan Lan Suck Thumb lor.
Cal
found sought peace at 20:30.
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Wasting my life away.
Let me think. Wad did i do this long weekend that i had. Wow. Amazing. Except for going for 2 driving lesson, a bit of shopping myself, i stayed at home. If i was not playing computer, i was sleeping. This week, i booked out on Wednesday night after an attachment with the Armour Brigade. Quite interesting la. They drove the tank into the water to cross the water body. I was in my boat covering safety for them. Friday was supposed to book in for OC COC parade. In the end it got canceled. So i stayed at home lor. Wow. Thats 4 days long weekend for me. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Booking in tonight.
I practically did nothing once again. Army is wasting my life away. The poly people are graduating soon in February. Very soon, they will be in the university. I still have to wait till February 2009. I should be somewhere studying, if not working at the very least. Army can be said as 'working', but its a real waste of time. Yea. Nothing to say liao. Time to book in once again. Wait till the day when i come out and do nothing once again.
I think i got guard duty this coming Saturday. So, ya. Wad else can i say? Bye.
Cal
found sought peace at 20:06.
Tuesday, 1 January 2008
Happy New Year!
Its 1st January 2008 today. Nothing much actually, just that its a new year. Some things change, others remain unchanged. For me, having to book in tonight remains unchanged. Sian. Haha. Not to worry, as i will be booking out on Thursday soon enough. Friday and Monday is off day for me. So, long weekend coming up ahead. Tml will be a 15 boats attachment to some infantry unit. Should be doing a coastal hook as usual. Early morning tml we will be setting off. So, have to book in early and slp early tonight. Not that i have not been sleeping enough, but being able to sleep is a kind of a privilege. Haha.
New year resolutions? No difference. It has long lost its meaning. Ya. But wadever.
Booking in soon. Bye!
Cal
found sought peace at 19:49.
