clara chan. 19. trying to figure things out.
Monday, July 06, 2009
fear, hope and whenever
Hey citizens of the universe. Haha I doubt anyone actually reads this anyway, not that I care about it. but in case anyone actually does, it’s nice to get a greeting right? Haha. Ok lame.
Anyway, school’s starting in like a couple of weeks and that equates to me officially being a sophomore. It’s extremely hard to believe that I’ve cleared my freshman year and being a sophomore is no longer something that will happen in the future but what I am. Freshman year was interesting but I shall not dwell into that cause it’ll take forever.
But what I find strange is that I’m nervous and fearful, exactly how I felt a year ago. But shouldn’t I be feeling calm and ready? Why the overwhelming sensation of fear? It’s just so weird, so unbelievable so oh my goodness.
I was just talking to my fellow soci mates during the bbq on Friday and they were all so pumped and excited for school to start even though it meant the once again heavy workload, the late nights and the all so familiar no life that we will have. So why am I the odd one out, feeling complete anxiety?
I’ve been cracking my brains trying to find a reason but all I get is even more question marks filling my head. So I guess I will stop thinking and just deal with this silly fear and move on.
Right now I just hope to be able to teach as many times as possible before school starts as I told myself that this will 99.99% be the last time I go back to pcps to teach as a holiday job. I really should start venturing into the world outside the comfort of the social institution called school and deal with real idiots who don’t share the same values as I do and/or are just a plain pain the butt who totally deserve nothing that they get and not have anyone to defend or help me like I do in school. So pei chun, call me, as often as possible cause I really want to soak up every moment I can teaching and interacting with everyone in school. And I really do hope that I can teach those funky kids in 6c just one more time before I start school.
I think I should hit the sack, my thoughts are just flying everywhere and I do not like it when I sound like a complete idiot. So till whenever. =)
2:09 am
