Sunday, April 27, 2008

random rants part 2

Hey hey, in another random mood again. Heh.

Random rant 1:
I think I’m developing an obsession with twins. Haha. The twins at my school are the cutest! From yu heng and yu ze to zac and zoe, it’s simply amazing to see that they have spent their wholes lives together, literally! And they are soooooooo cute! I have so much difficulty differentiating yu heng and yu ze cause not only do they look the same, well duh, they sound the same and behave the same! Ok I’m sounding like an idiot but yea, I love those twinnies! Hahaha. =)

Random rant 2:
School’s been great! Been working everyday day, which I totally love. =) sometimes admin, sometimes teaching. But it’ll all end on the 30th, but I’m hoping that it won’t. cause the office people are so much fun! Even though they are a lot older then me, ok maybe the technical assistant isn’t, but I hardly talk to him anyway since the previous one left, they are so funny! They say the darnest things and provide you with insights regarding school. How cool is that? so admin or teaching, it doesn’t matter. Call me =)

Random rant 3:
Met up with a couple of my friends. =) had movie with mel and lyn, teaching and dinner with lyn and cin, lunch and shopping with oh and dinner with cong and mel and visiting elroy! =) it’s really great to meet up with my friends and just talking. Even though we all have kidna taken different routes now in terms of post a’s activities, but it’s still cool that we’re able to talk and have fun. But I still have yet to meet up with people like the junior c cubers and the boys. Miss them lots. =(

Random rant 4:
I don’t know what else to random rant about. Haha.

Random rant 5:
Oh, just want to say this, no one bullies my family! And I mean no one. You bully my grandfather you get it from me! He’s like 78 and yet you still bully him. And you’re family! Who do you think you are man? I know things are tough for you too, but please lah, you do need to be so mean that an old man like him was laughed at? Even though it was over a cell phone, still how could you? and my mom bought that phone for him! How could you just take it away from him like that?! no more man, no more.

Random rant 6:
My eye candy left! =(

Random rant 7:
I love my family! =)

Random rant 8:
I love my friends! =)

Random rant 9:
I love my job! =)

Random rant 10:
But I still feel uncomfortable about uni apps! =(

10:03 pm

Sunday, April 20, 2008

it's been a while ever since i had anything other than words on my blog...

Dinner clique!and we were on our way to dempsy road from paragon!

dotties! with a very happening panda

pout

i look so terrible here! =(

all smiles! =D

choir con! i'm so proud of you girls!

farewell for kenneth, cong and elroy. =(

elroy's signature look!

love the fedora!

i'm finaly feeling better. but only an acceptance letter will make everything ok once more.

12:42 am

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

just a note

My worst fears came true. Yet I know I must continue striving. For a quitter never succeeds.

Thanks for being there, listening to me whine, cry and forgiving my terrible behaviour. Love you guys lots. =)

And sorry if I pissed you off at any point. I owe you guys a mill, no a bill, especially my family, oh and zhilun.

Life goes on, it always does.

11:53 pm

Sunday, April 13, 2008

i'm only human

When I first started blogging just over two years ago, I always had this image I wanted to portray. Then blogging was like something cool, with everyone was doing it for the fun of it and sometimes it was a way out. But somehow or rather, I always knew my blog would end up not being a chirpy place, but one that was truly where I could say something and pen my thoughts.

I vividly remember my essay in sec 4 on blogging, and how a character, then fictional, was lost in her world and needed an outlet where she thought she could be free. However, she realized blogging was doing her more harm then good, as she was in a constant fear of hiding; and she needed to be a certain someone as she was afraid of how people might perceive her.

And sometimes, I feel like I’m that character, and how it was so much fun and such a relief to say things out, yet, afraid. There have been numerous times that I wanted to shut this blog down, just because of that. And when I gave my students my blog add, I placed this pressure on myself to always be happy and be cheery, cause I do not want to harm them.

But I decided against it each time, simply because I’m human, and only human. I have emotions and I have thoughts. And no one’s life is perfect, everyone faces their ups and downs. So why should I be afraid of what people think, simply because I have the right to express my emotions and I made the decision to choose blogging as my outlet. And my students should know that, and they should know the real me, a human, not a picturesque fictional character.

So please pardon my faults and pardon my ever so often emo-ness. Cause life isn’t perfect, and I need to just take a breather before continuing my journey, learning to live life the best that I can.

The past week was tough, really tough. Even though I’m truly relief and grateful that the Goddess of Mercy returned my prayer regarding daddy, things have been tough regarding myself. And yes, it’s about uni applications, unfortunately.

First of all, I would like to apologize to my family, and friends and my students. I know that my constant fear and worry regarding my future education has ruined your day some point in time and I’m truly sorry. I guess I have no right to be bothered about it as the grades I got are what I deserved and that whatever has happened is through my own doing. And everything has been submitted, no matter how hard I cry and worry, nothing can change the fact that the decision is not within my control.

I feel truly terrible whenever I see the looks on my parents face, when they see their 18 year old daughter freaking out over something they can do nothing about to make it better. And I assure you that I’m learning to make things easier, as it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t be worrying.

I’m extremely sorry to my students, for I snapped at you guys ever so often and I couldn’t give my best that day. But for those of you who knew, thanks for being ever so caring and extremely cooperative. I really needed that. and I promise you that it won’t happen again. For it’s a blessing that I’m able to teach, so I should and will always do my best in teaching you guys.

And to my friends, thanks a billion for listening to me and always checking on me to see whether I’m ok. I know some of you are going through what I’m going through too and it’s not easy. Yet, you still comforted me and were there for me, all the time. I really treasure you guys so much, cause friends like you don’t come easily.

To cheryl, nic, oh, jz and germs, I really need to thank you guys. For listening, for encouraging me, for just plain being there. =)

And Sam, I need to apologize to you, very badly. I know the past week was tough, very tough for you. Yet, I wasn’t able to be the best friend that I could be. I’ll admit that immense jealousy, disappointment and worry overwhelmed me. I didn’t know how to face you. I knew you needed us, and yet I was so caught up with worrying about myself that I felt that I neglected your fears and insecurities. And I’m really really sorry. And I want to thank you, for letting me have so much fun on sat that I clean forgotten about everything that day, except celebrate our friendship. And know that I truly am happy for you, I truly wish you the best and I really want you to not worry so much as well. Cause he’ll be fine. =)

Someone once said,
“Pick yourself up from where you have fallen. And in your guilt, think of the things that make you happy; love, life and everything that you embrace in your heart. You will realize that even ordinary men like you can grow wings of an angel and unleash colours you’ve never seen before.”

I’ll pick myself up, for there is more to life and more for me to discover. =)

11:10 pm

Sunday, April 06, 2008

into the week

Hey. Happening week I guess. Came down with the bloody stomach flu virus which gave me fever, body aches and made me puke all day even though I ate nothing. Eek. Made teaching that day a total hell. and I wanted to make mel’s last day fun. But I couldn’t even talk or walk. Sucks. Sorry girl.

Yea mel left pcps to for a more stable admin job. I guess it’s sorta the right thing to do considering she gets thousand four a month now, instead of the couple of hunndres pei chun pays us. But I miss having her around in school. And since Justin has tons of work to do, I have no one to talk to in school now. Maybe the office people. Haha oh and the kids too. But only during recess. =( but the kids are way too cute for me to not leave. So continue to call me! =)

The blasted virus made me reject 2 relief teaching jobs, missed out on an outing with oh and zhilun’s debut soccer match for this season. That TOTALLY sucks. Big time. Oh wells. The jobs are gone but at least I met up with oh yesterday and hopefully zhilun will play again, so I can go. =)

Catching up with oh was awesome. We just blabbed like no tomorrow. I miss being in school with her. Just the ding dong and the dong ding hanging out being silly. Haha. I always need people like her around to keep me sane. =)

Smss choir con was amazing! They have improved tremendously since I graduated years back. It’s always good to see things moving on for the better and the girls striving for excellence, like we all should. What has happened to smss debate after we left was just painful to hear. So the choir con was a fab reminder that things in smss are still cool.

But I missed out on og29 outing! =( it was canclled in the end but still! I wanted it to happen. I miss everyone so much. Og29 is the primary reason why school was amazing from the start to end literally. They were there before I knew anyone else. And were there to the very end. I miss those guys. =(

Uni apps are done! All I do now is hope and wait for good news. So please! =)

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot. And after hearing, seeing and reading stuff. I’m starting to wonder. I want to know what kind of person I am. What kind of daughter, sister, granddaughter, employee, student and friend I am. Politics kills. So it’s always better to know the truth and nothing but the truth. But it’s hard to get there. And I’m starting to question myself. Like am I the best person that I can be? Am I sacrificing some people that I shouldn’t for others? Do I actually know what the hell I’m doing? Sometimes thinking too much kills you. And when I look at the kids in school, they seem so happy. Like the only thing that bothers them is whether they will be able to play catching during recess. And I’ve been having weird flashbacks into the past, when I was a kid. and what a total bitch I was. Just because I thought I was doing the right thing then. I totally hate myself over it. and I guess that’s why I put so much pressure on myself now. How I have the need to make people happy. And how I find it hard to say no to people even thought things are getting overboard. And I ask myself, am I doing the right thing. And honestly, I have no freaking idea.

Oh wells. I better go off now. See yaz.