Thursday, May 31, 2007

holi-zzz

It’s that time of the year again. June hols. But somehow or rather this june hols is so BORING! Haha I guess because it means I have like what one month to bt2, two months to prelims and only 5 months to my freaking a’s. then again, who’s counting?

It’s just so odd then from the start of june hols it means endless amount of mugging. I mean june hols usually equates to shopping and shopping and some amount of work! Haha yea. But I don’t have much of an option, considering that I’m like grounded. Haha but my parents are not that strict, I think, considering they’re letting me go out for dinner with my friends tomorrow after the 29th vs. 30th soccer match. But I’m hoping they’ll let me go to the airport this Sunday to send off my funky choir people to finny Finland. Hey guys, have a great trip yea? Remember to get me something! Muahaha! And I don’t want a picture of Santa! Haha

Nic and serene just left for sabah today with funky daffy and erm darryl lim. Haha hope they’ll have lots of fun too! But there goes my gossip partners! Ahah especially nic! I’ll be deprived of our crapping session for days! Oh wells. And I hope serene doesn’t get me a picture of either an orang utan or rambutan. Haha see you soon girls!

I can’t believe it’s the great Singapore sale and I’m at home or in school mugging. Like hello! Since when clara doesn’t go for sales? Haha and just has been telling me he wants to change his wardrobe, and his sister here wants see what incredible buys my brilliant brother can get. Haha been wanting to get some black heels and jeans for a while and this is the best time, before the gst goes up too! Oh wells, but I’m still grounded. =( hoping mom will decide that I’ve been mugging too much and bring me out one day! Haha!

Was talking to my cousin cleon yesterday and he was saying that he wants to go outback again to celebrate the end of his Chinese o’s paper. Haha like after one paper also want to celebrate?! Haha oh wells. Maybe I’ll talk to just and see if we can bring him and keith out again.

Anyway, just want to thank my friends who have been keeping me sane while I go through some periods of insanity. Thanks guys! <3. and to my bestie cheryl, you better stop moving around of not I’ll go to your house and chain you down until your leg recovers! Haha! See yaz soon! =)

8:14 pm

Monday, May 28, 2007

fear

Being sick really allows you to reflect a lot. Got really pissed that I feel sick on the day or rather the day before the girls soccer finals and choir camp. Oh wells. I stayed at home sleeping, like a log. For like two days, I couldn’t do anything and I guess its forced rest that was long overdue and it enabled me to think a lot.

I realized that I a lot of things around me are coming or has come to an end. And it’s so hard. I was thinking of how in primary school we promised each other that we’ll still talk and keep in contact. But now, I’ve lost half of them. As I grew older and moved on to sec school and now jc, I realized that I really want those friends that I cherish to remain friends with me for the longest time possible. Cause whatever that I shared with them is a part of me, a part of who I am and I want to know that I never lost that part of me to someone else only to say goodbye to him or her.

Ok I guess I’m going around in circles. But I don’t know how to express or say it, but I guess there’s just this fear inside me that everything will leave me soon and for good. I don’t know why but I guess my dreams have part to play in this. Been having rather strange dreams lately and it caused me to stop and think a lot. Like what is truly happening around me, what impacts does it have and so on. People say that dreams are a sign to something, but to what? I really need to know, and with those dreams that I’m having, I’m desperate for an answer now!

But it all comes down to one simple conclusion, that a part of me fears the future. But how am I going to prepare for it? I can neither run nor hide. And I have no idea who to turn too. I don’t really want to tell my family cause I guess a lot is going on right now and they’ll probably tell me the same thing, which is to heck it all and just study. But is that what I should really do? And I’m afraid to tell my friends, even my best friends because I’m overwhelmed with fear that they’ll just walk away and take a part of me away with them, causing more questions to be left unanswered. How I wished that I was the old me, when I would just call up my friends and tell them anything, telling them how I feel without being afraid of something. I miss the times when I can do that, or even after school, just sitting around somewhere talking and slacking. But why am I so afraid of doing that now? What is wrong with me? And something tells me that dreams are not of any help either.

11:38 pm

Monday, May 14, 2007

the end of the journey

My journey for choir is done. Ok so maybe the school says otherwise, but to my parents and I, it’s over. Syf is over, so is choir. Come to think of it, ever since I found out that I entered SA via choir and not debate, I’ve been longing for this day to come. Now that it’s here, it’s hard to say goodbye, to an amazing journey.

First of all I must say that I’m really happy that we attained silver. I know in SA where sports reign supreme, this seems like nothing to many. But it means so much to me, simply because I’ve grown from it. Saints chorale went thought a lot. And I mean a hell lot. When I first entered, we just gotten mr tay; someone so new and fresh. And with seniors that equals to ex co, you can’t help but feel so demoralized. I admit, I lost my passion for singing in upper sec, when I saw choir practices as an obligation, and without it, I couldn’t debate. And debating was something I wanted since I was a kid, watching the inter jc debates on tv. I just never told anyone. And they were so much objections going on everywhere, especially choir. But I went on. When I applied to dsa to sa, it was a debate application, not a choir one. So yea imagine the insane stuff I went through. The complete shock and stuff. So I told myself it’s ok, maybe it isn’t so bad. But oh wells. As time went by, I really love the seniors; I had so much fun with them, the dinners and camps and crapping sessions. It was then I said, ok choir maybe not so bad.

But I knew what I wanted, which was council. So I pushed for it. I need to clarify that i did not join council to get out of choir. I knew I couldn’t. during my own council interview I did say if I can’t join council because of the bond, I can complain and all, but I won’t break what I’ve signed. I joined council because I really wanted to serve and be and part of something that allows me to learn more besides singing. The exact same passion was there, the one I had for debate. I knew I had to try no matter what. I know that a lot of people were upset with me but I went for it. And even though it created a mountain of problems, I don’t regret.

But then again, this is about my choir journey not council. I’ll deal with that during stepping down. But I guess all the biasness that came from the choir made me feel so unwanted that I decided to heck it all. But this year is different, with my dearest chans, steffie and nat, I knew that choir was going to be even more fun. And it was! I’m so glad for all the new j1s, for the new friends I made.( shout out to suri, tasia, kenny, rong ming, chin yen, anna and shi ping) They reignited my passion for singing and for once I wanted to be back at choir, so to be with them. On Syf morning, the emotions flowed and I realized that the day I wanted to come so badly, to end my bond with choir was finally here and saying adieu was just so hard. And when all of them left for lunch except me, mel, vonne, shi hui, lydia, elroy, kenneth, zhi cong, sam and cheam, that was the hardest. We became the closest of friends in choir and I don’t want to say bye to them ever. I love you guys. Si min was at bio spa lah! Haha I love her too. I knew at vch we gave it our all, we had absolutely no regrets. So silver it is and it shall be. I’m really glad that we all learnt that it is the process that matters. It was what we have learnt and grow from it that matters and they were all thankful for everything that we’re blessed with.

“Syf is not a competition of choirs, is a competition with yourself.” I really agree with what mr tay said. And I now know that my journey for choir, for syf is over and it has ended the way it should be and the best way, with no regrets. =)

10:48 pm

Sunday, May 06, 2007

VIVA VOX II-A NIGHT OF CHORAL REVERLY

chan.c and c.chan! being wacky on the bus! i love chans!

after concert with my dearies!

all smiles!-sajc chorale

together with my dear choir ppl pre concert

with mel mel! my best choir buddy!

Yup so via vox 2 was yesterday and got to admit that I felt so horrible after that. I did not feel the euphoria that I had after completing viva vox 1 last year. But oh wells. It was the first time I felt so nervous and I was freaking out so much that I couldn’t sing some parts. But whatever I could, I gave it my all. so no regrets.

It was my last concert ever, and come to think of it I’ll miss it so much. Despite all the craziness I had to go through and the complaints, I know that I’ll really miss it; I’ll miss the people and the fun and yea maybe the pumping too! Haha!

I really want to thank all those who came down to watch the concert, especially my parents, friends and teachers. A huge thank you to my council friends who came down to usher then watch too! =) And thanks so much for the flowers! I really really love them! I’m going to dry them and keep them! It was kinda sad that my best friend Cheryl couldn’t go because some dumb-ass bus uncle confiscated her ez link card. Oh wells. Thanks Cheryl! She even bought me my fave flower! Thanks bestie! Loves!

I realized that after syf, it’ll be no more choir for me and I’ll miss everyone! Especially the dear choir gang! Oh man I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU TO BITS! All the wackiness, before and after school meals, the cam-whoring and whatever. I’ll miss you guys oh so much! I cannot imagine surviving choir without you guys and being on stage with you was the best ever.

Before the concert I went out with mel! My best buddy in choir and in school! We had subway! Yum yum! Then we went to school to chill before meeting the rest. At the cathedral we had another run through and mel and I mispronounced tons of words! oh no! We had the whole choir laughing their asses off man. But mel and I practiced like mad to make sure we got it right. But still I pronounced embedded wrongly! I can’t believe it! I remember zhi lun messaging me before the concert saying that if I said something wrongly just smile and apologize just don’t sing wrongly. Haha guess what? Not only did I forget to apologize, I sang wrongly for one part too! But oh wells, it’s all over and what’s done is done.

Had supper with my friends later at glutton’s bay. Was nice, just chilling and eating. After that I finally headed home to rest. But it so dumb! Cause we walked back to the train station with alderic and Yvonne, ray and mel and with the new couple yew liang and mabel. So the other peeps decided to go play pool and pang seh me lah! Can you imagine three couples plus one clara?! Ahah so dumb. Lucky I had my phone with me and was happily messaging my friends. =) and a huge thank you to my neighbour zhi cong! Who went to eat with the choir people and waited for me at the train station for almost half hour while I walked there from esplanade. Thanks! I owe you one!

And oh I have a huge pimple thanks to makeup! Another reason why make up remover is my best friend in my make up kit. Haha but thanks to miss tsang for doing my make up! =)

Oh wells Viva vox 2 is something that I’ll never forget. To my choir peeps, last lap to syf, let’s do it. And I love you guys! =)

Ps: to yew liang and mabel, we’re not mad and we’re really really happy for you guys! Don’t worry we always love you guys as our crazy friends! Cheers to your relationship! =)