What is Love?

What is love?

I do not know what is love anymore since the day I am back  to Malaysia. It has been a tough 2 weeks. Is that what a man will do/ worry about when he truly loves someone? Everything has changed. Hard times! very hard time! I always questioned myself if he still loves me like he did? I can't answer. I feel like I am no longer his girlfriend/ his lover, but his best friend/ supporter. It feels like I can only always stay by his side to support him in what he loves but he doesn't love me as girlfriend (though he says he does). The way he loves is different, and I am not sure is this the kind of love that I want and able to accept. I don't know what else can I do besides praying and asking God to show me the way and/or give me the strength to love Him so that I can love him more.

I am tired. Really tired! There are things that really challenges my limit. What if he doesn't change it? Does it mean that we need to call it off? The current situation makes me truly understand the phrase "A happy relationship happens when both parties do not let go of each other and try their best to work things out." I am not sure if I am doing this alone or I am giving more. I am really tired. The only thing that I can do is to surrender this relationship to God.

God, I surrender our relationship to You. Whether Your plan is to bring us together or allow us to learn some lessons from one another? Only You know the answer and Only You can show us the answer :) thank you in Jesus name I pray, Amen.

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When we lose one source of love, we tend to focus on the other source which might be the only one source of love. However, this is extremely unhealthy as we are unconsciously putting stress on one source (a.k.a the one person).

It is hard during this period, really hard. It makes me understand why psychologists and their theories strongly emphasize that family is fundamental for a human development. But what can I do when I keep receiving the response of indifference and the signs of not accepting me as part of family, even after I have apologized to her. If there is such unwelcome, then what's the point of staying? While for the moment, I will just keep praying and pray that I will have personal time with God when I am US.

I will be leaving to US in the early of May, that's too fast for me! So many things unsettled here. Or it is just I am too heavy to leave this county for so many months. Or because I lost my strong foundation and hence it stops me from moving further.

Alright, talk about something bright. I just bought a Bible and it has a pink cover :) Finally I got to have a personal bible. Maybe I can spend time with God when I am on the plane (where I am closer to God HAHA) and US. Well, the challenge comes with having a long-distance relationship for 5 months. Initially I thought I was okay, but now I seem to be insecure and worry about it. Just keep praying and praying :) Relationship has to go through certain challenges in order for the couples to grow in it.

Lastly, I can foresee I will have homesickness and pray that I will be okay. *wipe tears*

- Thank you for reading this weird post-

Reality

I always believe when people/ company put the label "SALES" means they really do sales on their products/ services.Okay, those who study business, finance or account might have known this is not the truth but as psychology students, we learn to reframe the system/ direction from the negative to the positive ones. Hence, I chose to believe that eople do business genuinely thou that might not the the actual true.

If you have followed or seen my recent Facebook activity, you will notice that I visit online shopping quite frequently and I have bought several dresses/ things from the online. There was this dress that I bought online that cost RM 35 (including postage) per piece. Well, quite decent price for a dress for that quality (in fact, the quality is much better than I expected).

One day, while I was walking in pavilion and spotte the exact  piece of dress. Guess what??? It was sold at the price of RM 145!!!! That is ridiculous.

Not only that, I saw another website selling the exact same dress at RM 42, and I was feeling grateful that I bought at a lower cost. The next day I saw this website putting up a poster "RM10 off for all dresses". My heart was speaking: Aiya!!! I should have bought here, rugi already! But when I clicked into the website, I saw the original price of the dress was shifted from RM 42  to RM 52, which means they are selling it at RM 42 (even though after the RM10 off promotion).

When we start to grow up, we will realise how terrible the real world is, how selfish people are, and perhaps how evil are human nature, but does it mean that we need to conform? Conformity is a better way of living and effective style of game-playing , but ask yourself "do you want to be in this kind of reality?" "but....... that is the reality kay, dont be so naive". My question to you is "Am i naive or Are you lazy to change it?" I do agree that it is hard to make the change, but change will happen if everyone is willing to put the effort.

The problem in this is we want the change but we do not want to put in the effort or give up in between the process of fighting. Think about it, if no one ever sacrifice himself/ herself for the change, the cycle will continue and THAT'S IT! Despite how much education we have received, we will be STUCKED in this toxic cycle.

 If you want the world to be a better place, YOU need to do something. 

If you want to have a better government, YOU need to do something.

Don't just sit down there and receive the fruits. 

This is the same principle as studying hard and scoring better. 

Don't blame the teachers, systems, or whatever when YOU have not done your part! 

YOU can reshape and reframe the reality.

It is just a matter if you want to and willing to :)

Like the old saying ,

 "small changes can make a HUGE difference"

Social Experiment

I created a Facebook account for the purpose of online business. However, the names and pictures are all fake so that I am not confused when I open Facebook in two different browsers. As usual, I am curious and want to explore more, so I put an angmo photo as my profile picture and see if it will attract more customers/ sales.

This is the photo that I google and put on that account's profile picture.

The day after I have created the account, immediately there are people pm me about something. I was so happy that I thought I have sales already but it turned out to be some doggy ham sap men asking about where "I" live, which type of guy "I" like and etc. Thou I know there are lots things like this in the social website but experience it in real is so much different (as in SCARY type of different!). Hence, I remove them as my friend immediately.

The next day (i.e today), I went to online and saw 310 friends requests. WOW! I thought that is a good sign because many people want to know more about my business. Ummmm....... 85~90% are men and they look "CREEPY". I stalked some of their profiles and found out they often went to those sexy website to look out for hot and sexy girls that are bikini or even naked. THAT REALLY FREAK ME OUT MAN!!!!

Spot the number of friends request (this number has been filtered thou)

Okay, now I shall rethink a way to settle this! Perhaps I should change the profile picture and see how people react. HAHAHA!!! Well, that is called SOCIAL EXPERIMENT RIGHT! :p