Spring Flowers

I was looking at a rose today and thinking about who I used to be and the ideas I used to have about the future. Although I feel like a lot of dreams have been stripped by reality. I have to ask myself why I didn’t fight harder to have faith in them…or to have patience. Patience to know through each disappointment and good is working together. That through it all I already have what I need and what I need is less then I think it to be. What makes a life disappointing? Is it the person’s view of the life, the decisions made, the changes made through it, the wisdom gained, the fun that was found, or the friends acquired? Who can say the exact moment they lose a dream? I think dreams can be taken from us slowly disappearing like fog in the morning, until suddenly we see clearly and what we see is realistic not tainted by our false hopes. I’m sure this sounds too honest to you...I hope it does. However, don’t misunderstand me. I think the fog of a dream was intended for us all and no matter how real life becomes to us we should fight to keep it close to remain surrounded in it. I hope to find my fog again. ..I hope you do too.

What?

Sometimes I wonder what defines me. ..what sets me apart. I think that so many people will easily believe that how we live our lives set us apart from others. The risks we take make us leaders. The way we handle disappointment or rejection makes us graceful. The way we interact will make us as mind-numbing or one of a kind to those around us.
We strive to be unique in so many ways. We put ourselves in boxes in order to make ourselves stand out or just generally define ourselves to make it easier for other to understand us. We play by the rules and change ourselves to make others feel comfortable. We write about ourselves on WebPages, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, Myspace. We choose songs that define us and art that suits us. We choose a type of style to dress in, a type of guy to like, and a type of music to listen to.
Sometimes I wonder what would be left of us without these things? Without these tangible objects and choices..who am I really?
Faith? My faith, in which I often mold to make people feel comfortable around me…I keep my opinion’s in with liberals, I try not to disagree with conservatives, I talk about my Nazarene history in the Nazarene world. I try not to push my beliefs on the people around me. Is this wrong? The funny thing about being judged is that it seems so unloving in the pursuit of a concept that is wrapped in love. What do I do? What do I do when all the people I love around me make bad choice after bad choice? What do I do when they refuse God, criticize Him, and make fun of Him? What do I do when I am judged by my Christian community for being around these people? What do I do when I feel like the Christian bubble is wrong, yet, I feel like the life is getting suck from me in the world. I feel like I have failed in so many ways…but don’t we all? Isn’t that the point? To fail, to cling, to cry, to want more, to feel lost, to feel found, to just feel…and hold on to faith and Christ through it all….through it all.
Coming up for air after a long dive into a swimming pool is necessary...that is how I feel after the past few months…like I’m drowning and struggling…. clinging to what I know. I don’t know if I am worthy of the air I gasp for all I know is that I want it….it is what defines me.

Teaching, Business attire, and Pancakes

I made it to Cheonan where I met up with the other teachers who will be teaching throughout the city. There are six new teachers who I am doing orientation with right now. I really like the city, although it is alot smaller then Seoul, it still has alot of great perks. There is a big plaza downtown with a huge "shopping center" where we can watch movies, drink coffee (Starbucks), and there is also a book store. It is a easy fifteen minute bus ride.
The first night I was here some other teachers/professors came over and introduced themselves to us. Last night I went over to their apartment were they made us pancakes. I am also sad to say that the Koreans dress much more professionally then we do. They always look very professional and put together...which is interesting compared to my style of dress...dont worry, I am trying.
Monday I start teaching middle school students. I am excited, I think I might like teaching....maybe.

Crickets and Yoga

OK so the city is huge...but not just huge it is colorful and there are blinking lights everywhere.  For me this is like stimulation overload.  Those who know me would tell you that I pay attention to small...sometimes meaningless details...flowers distract me, rain puddles, light posts, these things really grab my attention.  So as I am walking along the streets of Seoul with Jess, I am completely overwhelmed by all the lights and flashing things and crickets (who chirps so loud it actually freaks me out).  My friend Jess says that Korea is like "life on Steroids" and I completely agree.  

This morning we went to yoga class and it was so much fun, however I was completely inadequate.  They stretched with such grace and ease.  The teacher had to push on my back in order to allow me to stretch further.  Hey, at least I was a little more limber after the class.  

One last thing, I have a feeling that my parents have absolutely no idea how to read my blog, but they have to much pride to admit it.  Kyle you should probably show them how to read this.  

Faith Alone

SO I am running to my next plane as the final boarding call is sounding and I am thinking to myself..."When did I decide that this is what I wanted to do?". I begun to backtrack in my mind the days leading up to this frantic run and I realized that I never really truly decided. I guess that if I want to live my life in a way that allows God to use me I will never get to make up my mind on these crazy things. Yes, I decided to go to Korea about a month ago and here I am sitting in Seoul wondering what the heck is going on, but also consumed with peace that is focused on Christ. Thank God that He made me irrational and unconventional because if He hadn't I don't believe I would be here now. If I could just list three fears that I am feeling right now, I would have to say, that I wont be thankful when everything is going wrong, that I will become homesick and sad, that I wont live in the moment that God has provided. Now, I pray that God will direct my steps, emotions, and thoughts. Because, come on, lets just be honest with each other...this might be freaking hard....but completely awesome.

Honest Expression

This is my first post. Pressure? Yes, there is always pressure on the first post it leads the way for the post to follow. So I will keep this short and just about my life. I have recently graduated from college and my expectation for life is that God will use me in some way, hopefully authentically. I am leaving to go to Korea to teach English in 7 days. Right now I am sitting on the floor literally surrounded be my close friends. While I am so thankful to have a new experience and to be immersed in a different culture. I am sad to leave these people who I adore and love. So it is fitting that my first post is the ending of a great chapter of life. So yes, blogging... I was hesitant at first but now I hope that this will keep my close relationship close despite distance...Yeah, I'll probably be pretty sentimental for the next few months...So read or not its up to you.