Would be lying that I’m feeling nothing after that 4 hours of HTHT after everyone has gone home. I’m not confused (not really), but just a lot of thoughts running through the mind. But ok la. 

YOU. YOU STOP BEING SORRY. 👿

I’m glad it happened actually, and like you said, they’re feelings pent up for years and it was a release on that night. I know nothing is gonna change for me, except maybe that we should have more frequent 3 pax gathering on top of the bigger group ones. The friendships stay, we all know how far we have come - 13 and 12 years each. 

For the fact that you guys are the only guy friends I’ll ever be open to. Or what I call my best men. 🤭 We will never end up as partners/better halves, but that doesn’t mean I will stop feeling the way I do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ok la, time to let this messed up brain go sleep le. After that HTHT, I only had 2 hours sleep before working long hours. 

Thank you 小乔 for bringing the sensitive topic up, and more so that we’ve all let it out now. ❤️

也不知从何时起，我最想听到的是你的一个问候。😔 

 Still emo-ing. 😔

Emo-ing over the missed AFMG, emo-ing over gonna miss having the F2F session with my idol from US who’s in town, emo-ing that I stopped putting that smile or bringing that happiness to you, emo-ing over the left behind scars. 😔

The scars are not ugly, or huge, or painful, but it makes me sad everytime I put the cream on it. And I will just tear. 😔

It’s ok to be not ok, right? 😔

After 12 years, it finally caught up and ruptured, causing pain that brought me back to exactly that fateful day 12 years ago (and also in Oct). 

Proud of my own practicality coz it happened at work, I just downloaded what need to be done to my teammates (and coz there were 3 guests waiting to meet me), and grabbed myself to A&E. 

I went private, just coz 2 days before, *o hurt his arm so bad that he thought of going A&E (suspected fracture), but the wait time at NTF was 6 hours 😱 So I drove us to Gleneagles on his insurance agent’s advice, and all in all took just an hour (just strained ligament, no fracture, thank god!)

What I didn’t know was that this trip for me would have me staying in hospital for 2 nights, just coz an emergency surgery was needed while I was on 2 packets of drips. 

Of course being in private comes with a cost (praying hard insurance and Medisave covers it all, thanks Michelle! ❤️), but even so, at the speed the issue was fixed, I will still pay though my nose for it. And coz it was private, food was amazing, service level was top notch (thank you Siam and Erica and all from 826!) and I basically just slept and slept and slept (and got woken up every 2 hours to take blood pressure - and I rmb there was one in the middle of the night that my pressure dropped way below, and freaked the nurse out 😅). 

Today is stitch removal day, all done and dusted in 30 mins, and an ultrasound scheduled for this Saturday just to make sure my ‘insides are good to fly’ on Monday. 😂 

Been trying to do some work, but the level of concentration is low, and I can only sit still for 3 hours max before needing to lie down. Slept the rest of today away, waking up with a headache (coz dehydrated), and now sitting in bed and watching the rain and cars go by, missing the team and the people who are partying at AFMG 😭

No white water rafting next next week, gonna be a while before I can do strenuous activities and carry heavy stuff (like more than a laptop in a backpack). Sighz.. Just wanna get well so I can fly fly fly and enjoy my dive trip in Dec. 

Emo-ing.

 Trying to internalize it all. 

A work conversation that was from 6.45pm to 11.30pm.

Chicken sandwich from the bakery at 7.20am. Hotdog bun at 12.30pm. And that’s all I had today.

I’ve had enough. 

我累了。

This can only mean…….. 🫠

Woke at 7am, procrastinated in prepping for the immersion, finally got out of bed at 9.45am and started work at 10am. Ending work day at 1.03am. No power naps today, just 30 mins for lunch, 30 mins for dinner. 🫠

Not looking forward to the weekend with one New Look on Saturday and a working Sunday to pull the monthly reports. 🫠

Never felt so in the box before. Today must be that record. 

This probably the worst week ever, worse that RLP. 

Mon: 8.45am to 6.30pm, farewell dinner till 10pm.

Tue: 8.45am to 8.45pm.

Wed: 9am to 11pm with 2 power naps. 

Thu: 10am to 1.03am with total 1 hour break. 

Fri: 9am to (minimally) 7.30pm. 

You. You will bring me out for happy food on Sat. Don’t ask me to decide. I cannot. And I don’t want Ippoh again. 🫠 

And don’t you dare come and tell me work’s not worth it and chill. Unless you’re gonna 养 me (and I’m high maintanence I know), if not, your advices are not welcomed. 

 

Didn’t feel so good on Fri, so cleared my 1/2 day leave then. Took meds and rolled in bed watching 沉香如屑. Nua on Sat (till dinner with birdies), Sun was nua whole day. I can count the number of steps I took out of the room 🤭 Cleared all 38 episodes of part 1, caught 1 episode of part 2. A little draggy, but I do enjoy the show. Sighz. ❤️ 

Today was 3 calls, and then slacked. 🤣 Went for a swim, came back, did laundry,

 and cooked my only meal of the day. Now nuaing again on the sofa enjoying my playlist from the Beam, shaking legs and blogging (coz I’m lazy to journal) 😂 Working tmr at JE and then meeting 小乔 for dinner. Then Wed I’m on leave again. Where shall I go? 😏

Hui Lin jio-ed for badminton on Thu at TPY, so yeah, found my racket and looking forward! Just need to plan how to get home after without grabbing. 🤣

Exercising makes me happy and clears thy mind. And makes me sleepy too. Gonna head off to bed then before an early start tmr!   

The 2 male platonic friendships I look forward to for catching up! They either listen to what I have to rant (小乔 more than Pang - but both without complaints 🤭), or that the topics we talk about are everything under the sun. Though just 2 hours catchup (dining time 90 mins this time) with 3 soju (yeah!!!) between us, the no drama, chill vibes just gets to me. 

Love these peeps who are around for 1/3 of my life, with the past 7 years of so of us getting closer! ❤️ 

Thanks Pang for driving us back! ❤️ 

Holding you both to my k and drinks and food session at my place! ❤️ 

A mixed feelings kinda day yest. 

Woke up and did the usual morning routine on the phone, and then I saw your nick appear at IG under ‘…from your contacts, is on Instagram as…’ and I was like ‘Oh! He’s on IG..’ 

Couple of hours later you texted. I read. But I didn’t know how to reply. 

Later that night, a baby bat flew into my place, and after posting, some say it brings luck (which I bought some numbers and 1 of the number jumped today but ended in both starter and consolation 🤭). 

And yes, I replied your text, after 5 years of radio silence. I also don’t know why I did it, but I do know that there is finally no more guilt towards *o when I did, so maybe that’s why I did it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Not looking for anything, it’s been 10 years since we last met, not sure how I’ll react, given how much both of us have grown. Not expecting any explanations or reminiscing of the past, coz what’s past is past, I don’t wanna go back there. Don’t feel like you owe me anything, coz it’s nothing anymore. If the texts comes, I’ll probably take it as that you’re an online friend. How I will respond, I have no idea too. So do pardon me if I ghost on you when I’m at a loss of speech. I’ll respond when I’m ready. I’m also unlikely to text you first. So please don’t get your hopes up. 

… … 

Looking forward to timeout with my 2 drinking kakis tmr at our usual place. Just realized 3 of us have never been there together. Always me with one or the other. Definitely looking forward! ❤️

After being Covid positive for 5 days and stuck at home for that same number of days (plus 2 days), it was a welcome change to finally be able to have the gang over for dinner! ❤️

It was an agreed upon Kobe beef dinner since December, when this dinner was supposed to be on 29 Jan, 2 days after I realized I had Covid. Call it gut feel, but coz was supposed to meet Jas and the SJCC group for dinner, but due to a sudden sore throat, I decided to swab myself before the meet up and ta-da! 2 lines. 😅

The fever was the killer, but thank god for tele-consultation and home delivery of meds. Was in and out of sleep for 2 days or so. And after was just mild symptoms like normal flu. Thankful for the vaccines and booster in this case I guess! 😂

So once cleared, it was to play host and cook to the gang, there were starters, mains, desserts, and of course drinks to accompany the courses. 🤣

We last met in December, less 小乔, but the conversations just didn’t stop. Mum reached first about 4ish, we started chatting, then 小乔 came at 4.35pm (you just had to be exact yeah?), *o came back about 4.45pm, Pang came about 5ish. And everyone was chatting, hanging around, walking around.. And we only packed up and stopped the convos at 1am. 

We finished all the food, 2 sakes, 1 moscato, 1 gewurztraminer, a mini magnum each (except *o), and Pang had 2 bottles of Asahi. 😅

We agreed this was a definitely cheaper meal as compared to outside, and with no time limit. 😂 For the fact that we had Kobe beef, ikura, foie gras, drinks, for $80 each, and that I didn’t have to wash up, it was well worth it! ❤️

Love the conversations we had last night, and now in hindsight, thank god I didn’t agree for Clarence to be around, coz I’m pretty sure the conversations would have been very much different, and we would have ended the night much earlier. 

Thank you for all the goodies, from angbaos, to oranges, to bak kwa and the back massager (you never follow instructions ah 小乔! 😆) .

Happy to be hosting the gang, and for the many years of friendships that went through the test of time. We were just colleagues turned friends, and the kinda friend that it’s not necessary to be meeting every week, every month, even though we try our best to catch up monthly. ❤️

Sending lots of love to this gang! ❤️

无意间发现我们居然在十四年前认识

认识后的第一个宵夜就是一天后

之间

一起吃饭、看电影、喝茶、闲逛、闲聊

的时间

加加起来

也只不过几个月

但却在这几个月里

都是满满的回忆

像是一个五味瓶

样样齐全

这也是我成长最快的时候吧

学会了爱

懂得了醋

学会了忍

懂得了珍惜

学会了放手

懂得了可贵

也从那时起

之后的两段感情

也会拿着跟你比

我们从来什么都不是

但他们还是被你比下去

七年的空窗

我意识到了自己

也找到了现在的幸福

在这一刻

只想说

如果你还没看开

如果你还没放手

如果你还觉得有歉意

如果你还没找到你的幸福

加油！