2016 new year resolution was to hit 100 dives within the year. 

From Hantu and Sisters' Island within Singapore. Padangbai in Indonesia. Tubbataha in Philippines. Camiguin in Philippines. Tioman in Malaysia. Anilao in Philippines and the recently concluded Lembeh and Manado in Indonesia. I did it and more! :)

It's been a crazy diving frenzy in 2016 and meeting like-minded diving friends from around the world. 

Just the recent trip at Yos Dive Lembeh.. I've made friends with many different groups of people and also a group from Malaysia who 'adopted' me when all my dive buddies left for home and included me in their conversations and meals. :)

A big shoutout to all of you and thank you for making my (almost!) 2 weeks in Lembeh so much more beautiful! :D

To more safe diving in the years to come! :D

... ...

And to *o. Thank you. <3

Oh no! 好像要生病了. :(

Because I couldn't stand it anymore. I asked if there was room available back at Yos and moved back the very next day. Now I'm happy again.

Enough. I don't need to live with your negativity and toxic thoughts. No more next time. If you choose not to speak and just 板着脸 then so be it. I don't need to entertain you. Can't wait for 23rd onwards when it's me myself and I.

Someone told me this during one of the lowest period of my life: "Things can be different, depends on when you look at it and how you look at it. 

Look at the refineries at day time when you feel lousy, the fumes disgust you. Look at them at night, being disguised by the darkness and beautified by the lights, they amaze you." 

When all else fail. Myself have the power to change. 

I know I'm still not out of that rut yet and it'll take more time. But when 2017 comes. I must be ready for whatever it may bring. 💪🏻

My therapy. 59 hours more. ❤️ 

#nofilter #nikonNikelite #weekendescapde #throwback #private #divingaddiction #vitaminsea #pulauhantu #hantukakis #thethingstheshifusaysanddo

Such a vivid dream! Woke up a little stunned. Ha! lllo.O

Glad to know you're doing ok. :)

又来了. :( 

Texted her to tell her I going home le and called a cab. Then she texted 'here liao' and called me. lll-.- Defintely not what I was expecting. 

Not sure if I should feel happy or otherwise. And she asked why I never see her email. lll-.- 

I don't what is happening anymore. :(

彻底疯了.

Drinking at 1.25pm by myself. And best. As my drink arrived the table in front turned back and looked. The uncles at the next 3 tables turned and stared. 

我变了吗?

I thought back to who taught me how to drink teh-o. ;) Suddenly feel so auntie doing it. Hahaha. 

Alone having brunch and enjoying people watching. (While debating if I should get a bottle of Carlsberg after this like the uncle at the next table.) ;)

Metime. Well spent. <3

终于哭出来了.

当习惯变成一种依赖. </3

我也想有个人陪. :(

How can anyone feel so much in such a short span of time? It's like 31/2h I feel my world has turned topsy-turvy. 

From sharing my RLP experience. And when one of them said he used to work with *bl in NS. To hearing what WT had to say. To what was shared at the table at the wake. And of seeing Da Jie. Till when she sent me home and when she ranted out her frustrations and thoughts and anger. And when I saw your super out-of-the-blue msg. And when I came out of shower and he msged me. And then her msg. 

She mentioned about me being in the middle. And that when I have to pass msgs. And about them affecting my past week mood that badly. :/ 

I'd rather she not care about my feelings and do what she wants/needs to do. I will learn to manage it on my own. </3

因为我有棉花糖! <3 

I guessed I was a controversy back then. But that was the past. Now's the present. 

I'm treasuring whatever I have now. Coz I know every time I'm happy. Some happiness will be forcefully ripped away from me. </3

Ps. She stopped on the road so that I could snap a photo. ;P

She sent me home just now. 

And we were talking as usual in the car. Then I was telling her I can't remember everything that happened on Friday. And I woke up with a hangover. Hahaha. So did she. She popped medicine the whole day and her blood pressure was up also lo. ;/ 

Was talking about the birdies and my diving and of work. :) 

And before that we were saying something about working early tmr. Then I was like 'means I have to wake up even earlier!' 'No need ah.. Just let me know and I can pick you up. 15 mins away nia..' lll-.- 

Almost at Ring Road le and she said something.. My response was 'life still goes on..' She paused and said my optimism is not my usual self. Like at zero or even -1. :/ 

Yeah it's true. Diving lightened me up a little. But it's still not me at my best. I just wish she'll stop worrying for a while. It's hard to pull away when the other party's treating you like that. </3

My temporary therapy. 

Went diving yesterday night. Nothing much to see on both dives. But came up from each dive feeling better. 

Am I ok now? Not thoroughly. But definitely better than on Friday night. 

Thank you to the 夜宵kaki and *o for asking after me. <3

Hopefully this is enough for the next 12 days when I fly for my 2 weeks therapy. </3

It has been a week of hell and testing my patience. 

Yesterday was the last straw. 

And I guess it was so bad that mum and her were trying to talk me down coz it was super obvious from my reply. And then *c pointed to me during the workshop and asked me what's wrong. So after everything was done. We went and smoked. 

I just blah out like nobody's business. Only thing was I'm glad my angry tears didn't roll down. 

And then *o waited to ask me if I wanted to have dinner. Went with Senior and her. And I got to drive. :) Had Korean BBQ at Duxton (well.. It was either that or my steak at my happy place) and I asked if I could drink.. ;) Hahaha. Senior said ok and so yeah I drank.. She shared a little with me.. Like 3 glasses of shomex while I finished the rest of the beer and shoju. :) 

And towards the end.. She asked me what happened to *bl. I just briefly said it as it is.. It seems like something she wanted to ask for quite a while. 

So Senior sent us back to office to pick up her car and she sent me back. 

During the drive (and under the influence of alcohol).. I guess I mentioned briefly about my sabbatical and also the events that's happening today. 

And out of 4 people I spoke to about it. All asked me to follow my heart but only she told me to tell them the truth. But I guess I don't feel like it. 

I've disappeared from them for the past 2 days and it was only by accident that I opened up the group chat but didn't response. 

The past week was just too much. I need my vitamin sea.