原来有一年了. </3

это был год. </3

真的有点没感觉. 

http://www.lovepanky.com/women/dating-men-tips-for-women/what-its-like-being-a-military-significant-other

Not a soldier.. But something similar. Now? No deployment.. Yet. 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/shauna-mccrohan/2016/03/to-the-man-who-wasnt-ready/?utm_content=buffer8be8e&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

</3

不应该有的感觉.

他今天生病了.

原来还会心疼.

会伤心.

会失望.

</3

Can't believe it's been a year.. And that every time we meet up. I still get that little fluttery feeling. Doesn't seem right.. But neither does it seems wrong. It's just that I probably know we'll never be together and that it's a one way feeling. =/

Izzit ok to feel excited and looking forward much to tmr night? Coz we're meeting for dinner.. It feels right yet wrong on so many levels. What's this? ="/ 

'The Effect' by Lucy Prebble. Part of the Pangdemonium 2016 Season of Love. 

As stated in the guide. 'The Effect is a remarkable and thought-provoking story of the function of the human brain and the heard. It stimulates us to think deeper about our psychology and how advancements in technology in this digital age can affect our emotional and behavioural patterns.' 

In short. It is about depression. 

Somehow or other. Mental health is something close to my heart. Something that always leave me with many racing thoughts that I can't wait to pen down no matter tired I may be. 

Many factors can contribute to mental health. And in this case. It can be hereditary or genetic. Or shaped by external factors - life events. In the past/olden days. I feel that the society views depression as a stigma. But in this current age and day. It has become more prevalent in a lot more people and we all have come to accept that it is normal. It's not easy to admit that one is in depression. Neither is it easy to reach out for help on your own. First steps are always the most difficult. But once you take the first step. The rest will come naturally. There is always a emotional support network around each of us. If only each of us know when to reach out for someone. =/

In the play. Nikki Muller plays Connie and Linden Furnell - Tristan. Both test subjects in an anti-depressant drug trial. Torturous to watch when Connie said that whatever she's feeling may be a fake - coz of the drug. But there was mutual attraction between her and Tristan. And when Tan Kheng Hua plays Dr Lorna who refuses to admit that she is in depression. The scene where she and Adrian Pang (Dr Toby) went through why and what and how. That was way too intense. The shouting. The turmoil of emotions. The breakdown. The schizo. It really was a stellar performance. 

And it just got me thinking. Perhaps I really should go into doing volunteer work of counselling (it has actually been playing in my mind for quite some time). But I am just fearful of not being able to let go of whatever I hear when I am on my own. And that it becomes my burden. I'm not sure if I'm able to take that much.. Although I would like to give it a try. 

Then I thought back about my own past. Nothing to be proud of. Been through some shit on my own. And there are things which I've never shared. Never easy to keep all to myself. So I'm surprised that I made it out ok. Though it took me years to heal on my own. I guess the emotional support I have around are steady enough to keep me going. 

And more thoughts came rushing in. That perhaps when things are really moving at the snail pace and me being me. Can no longer stand it. Should learn to let go. Especially when I have no idea why I was holding on in the first place. 

'A ship is built to be sailing the seas. A ship built and docked at the harbour is going nowhere.' 

I think it's time for me to move on and sail the seas. Yes. I need the harbour now and then to replenish my supplies. But what I need more is a sailor to be onboard the ship with me. 

Sail with me. 

Be the one who guides me when I take a wrong turn. 

Be the one who sets up the fireworks in celebration when milestones are achieved. 

Replenish my supplies when I need refuelling. 

Stay with me at the harbour when I am damaged. 

Sail with me. 

又是今天. 生日快乐. 

A dinner of steak.. A movie.. A train ride home. <3 

Thank you for sharing what you did. It's not easy.. But thank you for trusting me enough. <3

You just came across my mind this morning. Hope you're doing well. 

Beautiful sunset taken 3 years ago on my solo trip to Sipalay. 

It's been an awesome weekend. 

A weekend makan/drinking trip and staying in JB with the drinking kakis. =) Crazy fun shit. Till the next! 

This week's gonna be good too! Coz we're meeting for a movie. =D 

If you're not ready. Then please let me go. </3