And I am looking forward to tmr. Day trip out with *h and *c. <3 I still think she's cute. =P maybe coz I've been hanging out with her too much lately. Shopping. Eating. Talking crap. <3

... ...

And I should have really taken 184 instead of cabbing on a Monday morning. I hate the jam here. =(

So yes. Maybe I'm a little whoozy. But I didn't tell her that at all. Yet she insisted on me cabbing home. 'Either you cab home or I take bus with you. Or I won't go out with you next time.' And she started listing out the times I drank when I was with her. Which actually wasn't a lot. 3 times nia. Then kenna that hard state when I ordered my shoju.. And when I wanted to finish my drink and she stared at me even harder and dared me to.

No idea why I'm so comfortable with her and why I actually listened to her. 

But yeah. Cabbed home. Showered. Waiting for hair to dry before sleeping. =) 

I have never ever been so fucking pissed in my life. Or rather it has been quite some time. I am so pissed that as I'm typing this I'm fucking wide awake (when I need to work at 8am) and shaking. Get your facts right before you come to me. Juz coz I seldom type anything in the watsapp group doesn't mean you treat me like transparent. So what if you're trying to call me? I'm not gonna fucking pick up your call. Why should I? You dare you type into the group chat. I am frustrated. You think it's only you? I'm running a business. If you think you cannot cope with my small little puny volume then fucking get out. Don't fucking no balls and go and call my RGM and vent your frustration on them. I tell you. You've officially spoilt my mood and I see no reason why I should reply you even. You don't even bother to response to me. I choose to do the same. I've given you face time and time again and follow up with you personally so not to shame you. But today you have pushed me too fucking far. It goes the same as the rest of you. Don't fucking give me lip service and ignore. I will do the same back. When my store has already cleaned up the operations. I am not going to let you be the obstacle for my team to scale greater heights. I can tell you even if I fall asleep and wake up. My mood is not going to be good at all. So be smart. Don't fucking test your patience on me. And now you tell me MC. I make sure you fucking MC forever. I'm trying hard to hold and control my emotions. But they're probably asleep. I can't tell my RGMs even though I know some are still awake and texting me. I can't talk to the mother even. And I didn't even post on fb coz of image. So this is my only way of frustration. And trust me when I tell you to fuck off. Stay away from me. I am fucking mad right now. And this madness will last for another 12 hours at least. 

Maybe like Rainie and Alien. We were once so close but never together. But that doesn't mean anything. I know it's a fact you don't feel that for me anymore. And for me it's perhaps a bit more of the familiarity than anything else.

Was having dinner with *c the other night and we were talking. About her gf's twinnie. And I was saying that sometimes people end up being together with coz out of familiarity or that the person gave stopped looking and anyone that comes by will be the one they hang on to. 

No doubt an unfair statement. But that's what I feel it is. I gave up much back then (and feel I've lost myself). Now I come and think about it. I'm more confident. More independent. And nothing and no one will take my freedom away from me. 

It's nice when in a group and someone juz pays special attention to you. Like juz now. =P was having dinner with the HGW kakis. And then this super cute Italian host came over. The main point was to inform us that the main would be slightly delayed but he was looking right at me when he said that. And Michelle was saying that she could feel the current going on between us. Hahaha. We-ll. someone juz had to give him attention no? =) 

For the last weeks have been hanging out late. For dinners. Suppers. Drinks. And everytime I'm out late. I think of you. Yest at Gardens by the Bay saw *g and his wife. But who came to my mind was not them but you. Of how would I react if one day I was to see you with your other half. Would I choose to walk away? Or say hi? Would my heart be broken once again? 

Was drinking with the bro yest at Wala. Maybe it was us having a tad too much to drink.. Somehow started texting *c and we were asking her out for a movie. It was late. But yeah. No.. She didn't come but I dreamt of her. 

Like what my bro asked.. 'Is she having an affair?' I hope that's not what we are doing. But I've to admit that it feels nice to be taken care of. To have someone to share work and personal with. And after years.. Someone who picks up the tab and refuse to let me pay (though we rotate - her unwillingly). That when we had to spilt cab to get back.. The first cab is always mine. 

I ain't looking for someone to buy me diamonds.. Or branded stuff.. Or anything else I want. Coz whatever I want I can buy it myself. I'm juz looking for someone to share experiences and memories with. Someone who's there for me through and through. Being able to pick me up and send me back would be a plus. 

And somehow you'll always be at the back of my mind. No matter where you are now. No matter what you're doing. I juz hope you're doing fine. <3

I finished the book. 

'Sometimes you have to go back to be able to move on.' - Paige Toon. 

I am not going to go back. Not when finally my wound has start to heal and now that I reminisce back it's juz happiness and no more pain. 

Arrghz! How can this be! What sort of book is this?!? *fumez* 

Juz started reading this a couple of hours back and almost at the middle of the book. How can the guy she couldn't forget get married to his ex and that she gets herself a new bf?!? 

Arrghz! So angry at the book!

... ...

Or izzit trying to tell me something? =/