Had a super bad night coz I juz couldn't rush the schedule out coz I had no mangers to schedule. Imagine that. I never had to come to this extend. I groom people not for you take but for me to keep. Not that I'm selfish. You don't deserve me grooming for you.

In the end. I resorted to informing you I couldn't find coverage. And you tell me not to worry. I still find myself. Thanks to friend and Jeb. Then you tell me attach someone who's gonna turnover to my store. Like seriously. You think any one can run JCP?? Throw my face. But since this is your decision. You will bear the consequences.

I cried myself to sleep yesterday coz I really felt super lousy not being able to produce a good piece of schedule.

Then today was not much better coz I till couldn't get help.

*m knew I was tied with both hands behind so he did what he could only do. Asked me out for a movie. A break away from it all. And I muz say the show wasn't as bad as what others make out to be. It's juz pure mindless action. But there were some plot here and there.

*w: if you're still reading this. I muz tell you the new Cathay in Westmall have awesome seats! Especially the 2 rows of couple seats behind. So spacious till I can sit cross legged with room to spare! =P

He sent me home as usual. And yeah. I'm thankful there's at least someone like him who knows when I need to let it out. And so we're trying to find a date weekly to meet and drink and talk.

But I told him it's not good being so nice to me. Coz I'll tend to get over reliant on him.. He knows. But he still insists we should carry on.

Then Des called. Or rather I got 2 missed calls from him. Guessed he saw me at WestMall la. And he thought *m was *w. Hahaha. No one has seen *w before besides lover and *y and mum. So there's always this mysterious guy hanging around somewhere. =)

No matter what. I'm gonna sleep now.. Even longer day tmr. TatA!

Super pissed max. When you need help I try my very best. But when I need help. You procrastinate and give hundred and one reasons how you cannot help.

First you didn't inform me and juz send that email out transferring my manager out. You jolly well know I'm gonna be down when I pull out to follow your dates. Never mind I ren. Then you tell me coz he's down but you overlooked my store. Wtf? Who is more important? A store with higher volume or your blue-eyed boy low volume store?

They don't train their managers or CLs. Why should I be giving up mine?

Now you give me another piece of shit to takeover the store. Like seriously?!?

Thank you to *y and *d.

One was immediate response to my post. The other was yest morning. And we met for dinner juz now. *heartz*

痛.
不是能表现得出的.

失望.
不是能说得出的.

完全碎了.

I'm feeling all cold and lonely now. Yes. It serves me right coz I'm the one who chose this path myself. Regardless of work or personal. And it's so tough to find someone to be there throughout for me. *didn't cherish what I had. This's the punishment*

Crying myself to sleep now.

原来我没想像中那么好.

Read a post and it made me question my own leadership and skills. Maybe after all. In comparison. I'm really a poor leader and coach.

And it's making me think. Is BC the job for me? Or should I have asked for out?

Interesting evening out with *h! Tried Gastronomia (like finally!) and Bar Bar Black Sheep. I muz say I like both their alfresco ambience.

But due to cheap beer (draft - $5 nett) on Mondays at BBBS. I'm now hooked to that place! If ever Monday I end work early from KAP next time. I know where to go! =P and who to ask along! =D

Kk. Gonna sleep le. It's gonna be a long week before Friday comes! Coz Friday night to Sunday morning I'll be hanging out with my fav girls! XD lovely lovely!

TatA world! Updates later!

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/how-to-tell-if-somebody-loves-you/

Early morning read..

好久没因爱而傻了.

Was juz flipping through the old albums of travelling. And I realized that *you've actually given me a lot more than I could ever wish for. I know I'm trying my utmost best not to cross your path again coz I never wanna be labelled as the third party. But thank you. Thank you for all the memories you've given me. And I'll miss all the times we spent.

http://www.solitarywanderer.com/2012/02/date-a-girl-who-travels/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/hemal-jhaveri/why-every-woman-should-tr_b_3046398.html

http://www.solitarywanderer.com/2013/02/reflections-on-solo-travel/

3 good reads. #WeGoSolo.

love this photo. coz it reminded me of the movie which i love. =P

anyways. was actually gonna blog about this question i read about solo travelling and how it makes you stronger. but went and watched the finale of dr. jin. and then was on fb and then started surfing the pages. and i came across a page which i should not have come across. coz all the more i scroll. the more my heart aches.

i know what i was feeling back then. and what i'm feeling now. i know that i don't have that kinda feelings anymore. and i won't have it again. but you know. it juz hurts. i guess there's not enough time in between us is there? and i'm not sure what i can do to make it all better.

travelling has become an escape from reality for me. a getaway from all the emotions that are threatening to unleash within and overwhelm me.

i've started to tell white lies when i travel. especially so on my last trip. when people asks my name? yix. when they ask where's my bf? working i'll reply. and he lets you travel alone? yeah.. he's open minded this way i'll say readily.

it's actually kinda sad at times. but i'd rather travel alone than with people who are not my type of travelers. #WeGoSolo

sighz. seriously spoilt my own mood by reading that page. shall go sleep now instead. =/

Someone told me this tasted like Tanduay Ice without the alcohol - right after we both took a gulp out of it. X/

But at least he picked me up and sent me back. =)

Grateful for it. Even though I know this will not last. =/

hahaha. a photo asking for a caption from a stranger that got me posting in chinese. and i still think it was a hilarious convo. hahaha. a Hawaiian living in Taiwan now. love following his posts on FB and juz added his blog to my reading list. hahaha!

and i think it muz be the piccolo latte keeping me awake though i need to wake up by 7am to get my ass to store. =P

then was reading a couple of blogs on travelling. and i guess it's really true. i would love to start a travelling blog on tips. thoughts. events. photos. quotes. but i don't have the time. and it'll end up poorly maintained. ahhh... and the Harrison assessment was damn zun la. say that my loves are travel. writing and food. hahaha! maybe i'm really in the wrong line and one day i may end up as a photojournalist perhaps? or perhaps i should start a photojournalist blog. a picture a day or a picture a week depicting life/travel/food through the lenses. idea eh? or maybe i'll only start that when i become a stay at home tai tai with nothing to do. =P

that night as dave was sending me back after our gathering. we were talking about my job. he's seen me grown throughout the years we've known each other as well. and he was saying that if one day should i decide to leave mac. look for him. he knows of people who would hire me. hmmmz. i told him to keep that thought. give me a couple of years more. after sabbatical or something i may really think of jumping.

at this rate that i'm going. i'm really gonna miss all my overnight and closing shifts most. and i'm not that looking forward to waking up early in the morning and squeezing in buses with the office people. am tempted to get a car. but not sure if i'll be able to maintain the expenses though there's subsidy for it.

sighz.

what a load of thoughts running through juz as i'm about to turn in. =/

Unknowingly. Unwittingly. I've found another friend. And interestingly this friend is a Capricorn of the same year.

And more insanely. We're gonna meet for coffee/chillout next week once I get the training schedule for the director. Ahhhh...

Never a coffee lover. But something in me has changed. My first full cup of coffee. Piccolo no less. And this's definitely better than Oriole's.

Juz like how years back I was taught to drink tea. Lipton tea with 2 sticks of sugar no less from McDonald's.

*chilling out at Kith's cafe before my dance practice at KAP's storeroom*

was supposed to be doing some research on where to head out for dinner later before dance practice and after my high tea session that i was aiming to go today at plaza sin. and then i started blogsurfing. something i hadn't been doing for quite some months. and i always love reading the posts from this particular friend. coz she always starts my thinking process on life.

there was this story she shared about the rocks and pebbles in a bucket. cut a story short. rocks are the priorities in life that we place first into the bucket. it can be anything. from work to family to friends to anything. and pebbles are the next important things to us. and we fill up the bucket with a handful of sand and water in the crevices.

i used to place work before everything. that was a time when working was something new and it got me all hyped up and excited juz talking about it. it was a time where i placed all my friends and family behind it. and in the long run. i lost a number of friends to that workaholic me. i have to admit. it is pretty stupid of me back then. believing in friendships that lasts forever without having to work for it. and that my family would understand it all. i threw myself into work. and even back then. with my exs. work still came first. but back then everyone seemed so understanding and accommodating.

fast forward a few years down the road. because of that wrong start in work life. i've sacrificed my friendships. my family ties. myself.

there was zero work-life balance.

and it was that one incident where i almost couldn't make it for my bro's POP that got me thinking. a job is no doubt important. but at what cost? i had a friend who throughout these years will remind me once in a while (though a tad harshly) on what a workaholic i've become. and i've gotten an English name out of it. lll-.- but he's not all wrong. i am a workaholic. and i'm trying my best to start living life as it is. so please. give me some time.

i've to admit it really is tough to balance work-life. but i'm thankful for the 2 groups of friends outta mac that have supported me through. especially the 2 friends who were there all the time even though through the years we have moved very differently. but now that we are back to meeting regularly. thank you girls. thank you for learning and coping with my sometimes never ending calls and msgs. i do love you 2.

for my other group of kakis who always makes me forget about work and the much different background we're from. thank you. i love you girls too.

it's been a couple of years since my last r/s. do i have regrets? yes and no.

yes coz sometimes i'll juz love to have someone who's there juz for me. and someone who can share all of me with. no coz i guess i'll never be able to find a like-minded soul who would embrace travelling and good food and reading as much as i do. and i don't wanna be restricted in what i love to do.

life is all about taking risks and exploring the unknown.

i've learnt to be independent and overcome that obstacle of being alone most of the time. and i'm sure i'll more of that to come.

family has become a part of me again. and i'm not going to have to choose between work and family again. coz if i have to. it's an easy decision to make. no prizes for your guesses though. =P i'm proud of my bro. he took part in his friend's video shoot on 'Rethink Pink' and i'm glad that he's not homophobic. thank you. i don't need him to embrace it. but at least he doesn't shy away from it.

ok. enough of my ranting early in the morning. time to get a move on for the event and dinner and practice! =)

看到你有种莫名的痛. 不知如何开口. 你曾经是我的避风港. 但现已不再是了.

It's a weird sense of loss. For someone I used to share my every thought and emotions. There's no one there any more. He isn't my bf anymore. And that's the hard fact of life. Especially when I'm the one who broke it all off.

It would be so much better if I didn't see him juz now.

I had a hell of a straight 9 days. More to come.

I juz need a shoulder to lean on. 我累了.

*m. Thank you for calling me and making sure I didn't fall asleep in the bus. I'm still damn shagged. Nothing is being processed.

Did I mention I spent a bomb on my upcoming trip?

Not juz a bomb actually but more than that. Also a bomb of my leave. Imagine. 4th till 20th. $5.2k excluding expenses and tips. And the preparation I've been doing like trekking. Swimming. Jogging. And the things I've bought in preparation to the trip. Trekking boots. Gloves. Socks. sunglasses. New camera. All the toiletries and first aid. Thicker clothes. Insurance for both me and my camera.

I guess that this IS the trip of the year. And my first time on my own and out for so long.

And here's a sneak of what my new baby can do at night. Wonders! Nikon P330. *heartz*

Spotted a familiar looking bag in a place near there......

How I learnt to be independent. Now I need to learn how to be more independent.

Homemade orange juice from my 3rd home! *heartz*

... ...

Bloody hell. The dates put 8.30am. Email 9.30am. 7.30am I reach and sit here till now. Breakfast also done le lo. Super sian. Waste of time. Juz when I was so tired and could have slept 2h more! Freak.

How true..

有些伤，有些痛需要的不是时间，而是你我之间的距离。

Feeling much better after a good meal. *burpz*

And he sent me home.. =P

As much as I know there are people not happy with my promotion. What's a fact. Is a fact. If you said you've applied. But fact was you were not even short listed. Who gave you the right to bring me down? If you think you're so good. Then prove it. Don't juz talk.

If you're that senior and thinks you should be where I'm gonna be. Then do it. Don't juz talk. Years of experience is juz a bonus. Age may be a factor. But I don't see you seniors being more wise or matured sometimes too.

You promote people based on capability or years of experience?

Damn pissed off with people who brings me down. You are good? Cone give me a run for my money. I'll wait for you.

First meal of the day. After waking up proper at 6am to start work at 8am.

I am no a superwoman no more. Neither am I a Wonder Woman. I'm juz an ordinary girl who needs her rest and someone to rely on.

Fuck. How small in Bukit Panjang? I'm standing next to that creep at the same stall! Fuck.

so another day off. what did i do? resolution number 2. =) a trek.. to dairy farm nature park. supposed to be going up bukit timah hill. but coz of the morning rain (and of course partly my love for my bed.. =P) i had a shorter time allowance for the activity. =)

the way into the heart of nature..

a lost 'soul' along the way.. hahaha.. was thinking how did the person ever get out!

a view of Singapore quarry.. 3rd time here. 1st time alone.. =)

and a fella who caught my attention for a good 5 mins.. =)

and this kinda road. it always reminds me of the terrain in Siquijor. and of the many times i fell off the bike. =P

and to top it off. an iced Roobois lemon tea from Cedele at Rail Mall. =)

Saw a red Harley passed by. And got me started thinking that how safe the riders are when their bikes are those sports bikes. From Harleys to Ducatis to R8s to Super 4s. Or perhaps it's the cost that made them more careful. And how those who speeds are usually those riding class 2B bikes.

And then I saw a bike accident.

The bike was the first thing I saw. Rider was lying a few meters away from the bike. Face down but was struggling to get up. Thank god at least he's moving. And he was wearing a full face helmet.

Drivers stopped their vehicles and got down. Running over to him.

I do hope he's ok.

My crew say the darnest things: next time when I need to wash my 'baby'. I'll always remember you.. - Li San

Feeling blue and have this crazy notion of catching G.I Joe like now. Anyone? =/

Happy birthday *m.