Guess which outfit did I buy in the end? =P

Long time since I last dressed up presentably to head out to somewhere besides store. *heartz*

Grey tee. White short skirt. Pink crocs! *beamz* also been a while since I only had my wallet. Phone and jacket with me and no bag! XD

Good mood? Definetely!

i tell you. this is crazy.

am planning for my trip in june. so i was doing my research online and was trying to resist the urge to buy the guidebook that i have been aiming for the longest time. reason? coz it's super expensive. $60 for each. and i had 2 i wanted to get. =/

and then i remembered amazon. and so i went and check out the prices for the 2 books i was keen on. and even though it was in USD. both together sets me back US$57. which means S$74! and that's including shipping from US! hahaha. i am a happy girl. *grinz*

so in the end i couldn't fulfill my resolution of eating good food this month. but i had comfort food and great company for meals. so i guess this online book buying counts? =P coz it still makes me happy. =)

and the best part of all? i'm meeting sister for movie in a while. and then it's dinner for 3! with mum.. and sister's craving's chili's so shall head there. i am happy. hahaha. =D

This made me smile. Ever happened. Twice! Best part? I fell for both of them!

That last book I was reading. It made me thought of you. Coz of all the memories it brought back. This's a reason why I dislike reading. Coz of the waves of emotions it'll trigger.

Crying my heart out at cck park and you were there. Juz coz I was feeling out of sorts.

Staring into space while you were on the phone at the bridge at Hort Park.

Sitting in the car and stoning near Henderson waves. (I've still not been there. =/)

Chilling out on my birthday at Villa Bali.

Sitting and watching the planes take off at Changi Airport while being a pillow.

Catching movies in my house. But we both know the focus was not on the TV.

I miss those times. But I'm happy that at least I have these moments to reminisce. =)

crazy. super duper crazy. my resolution was to read a book every 2 weeks. guess what? i completed 3 books this month and have another 1 that is left with another couple of chapters and another that is somewhere at the beginning. i am really such a bookworm. =P

Seriously. I've never thought of it that way. But ha. This did made me smile. And thought of you. =)

i really am such a bookworm. a good book is really tough to resist. and once i start and get lost in it. it takes so much determination to put it down. =/

Love late night shopping! Was supposed to buy groceries for mum. But all not available. In the end this was what I bought.. Seems like I have a lack of drinks at home? =P

... ...

Initially planning to sleep right after supper and a drink. In the end got stuck reading my book. Told myself. 'Juz this chapter. Juz this chapter..' And it went on for 4 chapters at least before I felt that I really am too sleepy to continue. =)

Time for bed now. It's going to be 2 good days off! =)

'Readers come in 2 forms. There are the convinced, converted, avid bookworms who will drop $100 or more a month on new books. We browse online and at physical bookstores... ...' - Akshita Nanda. Oooh! That's me that's me! *wavez hand wildly*

8/8. Gonna be over in 12h's time!!!

Randomly. I think I know why that day I wasn't that drunk despite all the vodka. Coz we had a lot of oily food to absorb it all. Hmmmz..

Had lunch at Malaysia Boleh today. Treat from the incoming HR director. =P

Had dinner at Din Tai Feng with alien. =P

Now k-ing with alien and les. It's been a long long time. *heartz*

... ...

Change of schedule. Again.

7/8

A lovely msg to send me off to bed. Tkz *d! =D

... ...

'Sex is the best way to keep fit.' lll-.-

但是我又何必呢? 为了一段以往的爱而留. 值得吗?

Yes. No doubt the pressure is building when I see my friends getting married one by one. But even though I've met the Mr Right but at the wrong time. I'm moving on. Or at least trying to. And it's so true that singlehood is still fun. Coz I can enjoy hanging out with whoever I please. =)

... ...

That day someone was talking to me. So when she said to meet my boyfriend and I retorted I don't have why not she look for me. She told me that *m can be my part time. I burst out laughing. =P

But yeah. He sent me to work that day. *heartz* no big deal but a gentleman gesture yes? =)

Time for bed. Been working morning straight for 6 days. 3 of which are openings. 1 more opening to go before my m3 then closing shift! Then off 1 day! *yeahz*

6/9

Known as one of the best places to skinny dip. Hmmmz. Thinking when would I have the courage to skinny dip? =/

Shagged. I'm such a morning person. NOT!

Coz of a precious 1h extra sleep I could have. I decided to cab. I dislike morning shifts. It's an agony to get up when the sun is not up yet. And to reach home after the sun has set. Damn.

Change of schedule. So 2 more mornings to go before my afternoon and closing shifts. Wish me luck!

5/9.

A valentine giraffe as it was aptly named. Memories from the past.

... ...

Fitful sleep. Only aware that I was woken up middle of the night by mum to ask what was the cure for hangover. Apparently the stupid brother got himself dead drunk on a school night and I heard puking non-stop from my bed.

Probably apprehensive about today. Or maybe on the other hand it's the training that's going to start in an hour's time.

... ...

Whatever it is. I do feel rested despite my late night and fitful sleep. Or maybe I'm running on andrenaline. Hmmmz.

4/10

Chatting with someone I knew years back but wasn't that close to all along. But surprisingly we have more things to say to each other through watsapp than face to face.

Once my travel buddy to Phils. Now a good friend. =)

Time for bed. Opening later. TatA!

I'm out at sea now. Looking for the boat.

Still feeling the sense of frustration and loss and overwhelming emotions. =/

It's only yesterday as I looked round the room did I realize how many managers I've worked with at one point or another and that they're now a RM or 1st asst.

Besides Maha being my RM back then. There's Annie now as RM at IMM. And next month Jeb will be promoted to RM at NTU.

Besides Ern Nee being my 2nd Asst when I was a crew. Now a 1st Asst at JW75. Assakin a fellow 2nd Asst at CL3. Now 1st Asst at BECC. There's the rest as 1st Asst. Ray at CCK4. Shuling at CL3. Joey at NTU. Shasha at JCUB. Danilo at IMM. Darius at TH21. Christy at JP.

Either I've been too long in the system or these people really are good. There's a couple who left who were 1st Assts too. So yeah.

Random thoughts.

3/10

痛.

睡一睡因该会没事吧.

Today muz be the most crap day ever. I realized I left house at 8.10pm or so and only came back in time to watch my show at 10pm. What did I do in between? Had a quick dinner. A drink. And stared into space. And a bit of reflection as seen in my posts.

Still frustrated and the frustration is heading nowhere. Bottling it inside is making me miserable. F.

‎': Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the one who takes care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the 3 hardest things to say are I love you, I'm sorry, and Help me. Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile and see how much pain they may be in.' - copied from auntie's fb.

People come here to cool down after a run. I sit here and stare into space blankly.

What I need is someone there at the end of the day. I don't need every single day. Juz a couple of days a week.

What I need is someone who is able to read my mood swings and understand when to leave me alone and when I need that listening ear or shoulder to lean on.

What I need is someone who puts me priority in his universe and spends quality time with me. I promise it's a mutual thing. I will put that someone center of my universe too.

What I need is someone who can make me laugh at the silliest thing in the world. And who cuddles me to sleep.

What I need is someone who will pick me up from work sometimes. Who can send me to work at others. And on a rainy day is there by my side with an umbrella or ready to brave the rain with me.

What I need is someone who is willing to understand my love to travel alone and trusts me to it. Someone who knows how important solitude is to me at times and respect me for that. I promise in return I will trust and respect you for that too.

What I need is someone who understands why I do the things I do. Yells at me for all the wrong and stupidest thing I could do. And loves me still despite all of that.

What I need is someone who is willing to live with me the rest of my life despite my nonsense and lets me go crazy when I feel like it. Yet is the anchor for me to the world.

Who is going to be that one?

A place I remember well. Chilling late into the night. Talking. It's different now. I'm sitting here alone. Refusing to go home so early. Holding back my tears. And hoping. Hoping you're here too. =/

一句问候. 一句关心.

'I need a listening ear..'
'Heyz.. You free..?'
'I feel suffocated suddenly..'
'I juz need to talk and let it out..'
'I'm sorry if I'm disturbing..'
'I know this may be a bad time..'
'Sorry.. I'm juz ranting..'

So many ways to open a conversation. But the one I want to open to is juz *you.

... ...

Kinda stomped out of the house juz now. Waiting for my dinner. Later will go sit and chill.

Frustrated. Pissed. Loss. Overwhelmed.

Topsy-turvey.

Not sure how to react. If I want to react.

To be known for training and coaching my people is one thing. To see my managers move up and out is another. To feel the heartache is gut wrenching. To be planning no longer for 1 year but 3 years is a challenge.

A challenge I hope I can live up to.

*That sentence she said. It doesn't sound good at all. Totally not good. I'm telling myself every day that anything can happen now. ANYTHING.*

2/10

Service charter meeting early morning. Management meeting after. Then off to Rommel's house for food and drinks as usual. I miss Phils! =( and yeah. Some cranberry and Smirnoff in my belly with a banana.

Time for bed! Long day later! =/

1/10.

No doubt a book like watching soft porn (as agreed by beloved and me). Darker was a better read than Gray. =)

I actually finished the book within a day. In between of feeding my brother and father and taking care of mum and watching TV. I did it! Been very long since I last read like this. Hands unable to be peeled from the book. =D

It made me realized what a bookworm I still am. And how happy being curled up with a book and some tidbits and a drink (non alcoholic for once!) has made me.

But while reading. I suddenly recalled back the day when I came back from Kukup years back with *y. And at the Singapore custom I got your msg. And I remembered how unbelievable it seemed that juz a day and night could make. I could recall that shocked and slightly angry (?) tone of the msg you sent.

Honestly. I've long forgotten about it. But probably it was part of what I read that made those thoughts resurface. No offense yeah? It's juz memories.

And this trilogy. Seriously. I thought Blush was bad enough (and I bought that with beloved and Karin years back). But this. This was waaaaay worse. To think they compared it to Twilight. This was nowhere near the innocence of that!

And god. It made me think of the acronym again. Fb. lll-.-

Thank god I didn't go out though the weather's terrific.

Mum's down with a bad tummy and fever. Time to reverse the role.

Get well soon mummy!

Am really so so lazy. But I need to go out later to pass the money to office.

So. Shall I go trekking then stop there? Or should I go office then head down to bugis to shop a bit then to marina for the exhibition then gardens by the bay? Or should I juz go office and back?

What I need to do: go office to submit the money.

What I want to do: see the exhibition. Buy a bag. Watch a movie. Go rws watch incanto. Go gardens by the bay. Go swimming. Go trekking. Play squash. Arrange my books. Buy a camera.

Ah damn.

Guess I'm really bored. I'm really in bed again doing nothing. Shall attempt to doze off a bit while thinking what to do tmr. TatA!

Feeling so lazy and nua-nua today. Supposed to wake up at 12pm. Rolled till 2pm then got up. Read my papers. Surfed a little net. And am now feeling sleepy again. Gosh. Sitting on the sofa and stoning. Should I go back to bed?

Then tmr. Tmr I'm off too. What should I do? First time that 3 days off and I'm in singapore and worse. At home doing nothing. Hee!

'Easy breezy travel:
1) take a break from technology
2) stay off the beaten track
3) keep fit on your trip
4) pay less for high end hotels
5) get connected locally
6) get help on your plans
7) share a car' - Huang Huifen

'I understand your anger, your sense of betrayal. You supported me forever. Through all of this and you believed and I lied to you and I'm sorry.' - Lance Armstrong. An apology that leaves many cold.. ..

a year ago. everything was so different. a year later. i can't be there. but i will do what i can to do get into the mood of the celebration from 1510 miles away.. *heart breakz* i lost myself in the beauty of Phils last year. the reason why i'm always travelling back. to a place i've come to love. regardless of the culture. food. drinks. beach. people. ♥ i promise i'll be back. ♥

exactly a year ago i went Cebu for Sinulog. and it was an event/festival that has since then stay forever etched to my mind. i went there without expecting anything. and came away with more than what i could take. and it was the first time that i experienced heartbreak upon leaving the country. seriously. i remember tearing in the departure lounge and while walking up the plane. i remember crying my heart out in the plane.

a picture that best depicts the happenings of the day. viva pit senyor! a festival that was on a much bigger scale than our chingay. of different origins. of a different religious beginning. and the night ended with fireworks at the mall.

and i remember the blue skies and perfect sunny weather that made me left a part of me in Bantanyan. and the reason why i've come to love this country so so much.

after Bantayan. nothing else has come close. not even Coron. El Nido. Puerto Princesa. no doubt they are of different league. but nothing else matches this. even this upcoming trip i doubt that it will be anything close of a fight. sighz.

... ...

today or rather yesterday was a super weird day. reached home at around 4am plus 5 after work. and then watched gentlemen's dignity till 10am before i decided to sleep. woke up at 4.30pm and was pleasantly surprised by a msg. ♥ unexpected but nonetheless touched. ♥ continued watching and in between caught queen of sop. but received a msg that had me scrambling to find coverage of managers. best part? my BC is outta town. AY is of no help. so i did things my way. and i do wanna sincerely thank my team.

for Jeb. Rommel. Gavin. for the immense support they gave me during those few hours. you guys may not understand how much it meant. but to me. it meant the world. and i believe karma will get back to those who did it. but really. truly. thank you. and thank you for taking care of me and asking me to not go back store and enjoy my weekend off. it meant a lot to me. coz i know i need the strength and focus to last through till the monthend. 10 days straight of working. ♥

Every rainy day made me think of you. And the day we went to Changi and Bedok.

Don't ask me why.

Detests doing work last minute. Be more responsible will you?

You're not a kid anymore that needs looking after. We are the kids that need instructions and emails for us to communicate. And let me tell you. Your communication skills really sucks. Don't talk to all to us about gcpmh yet nothing gets done. Yes we consult. But what do you do?

I don't like to scramble for things last minute when I'm unaware of them. If it's a given deadline that I'm scrambling for it's ok. But this? This is ridiculous.

We all have shift work to do. Please be a little more considerate. Thank you.

Hahaha. Juz of a dish he cooked. This was the spam I had.. =P

Ah. Thank god I'm not using M1! XD

I wonder how it feels being the accused defending yourself when you're well versed in the words of law. Hmmmz..

I don't have an hour to reflect. Excercise and learn.

But at least I've about 30 mins for some reflection and breakfast. Or maybe not so much of reflection. More to stone and clear my mind. And in a park no less.

And no. I'm totally not sorry for my outburst last night.

It seems like yesterday (or this morning rather) was the final breakup. Probably it's a good thing that I initiated it again. If not this will go to no end.

And YOU. Fuck you. You think you know me so well? Juz coz we went out a couple of times and had a couple of drinks? You're nowhere close. You're as superficial a friend as my next acquaintance. What the fuck was that tag for? The words or the picture? None make any fucking sense. I don't need someone as unknowledgeable and unaquainted as you to give me this kind of shit. You're THIS fucking close to stepping on my tail and THIS fucking close to making me classify you as aquiantance in my fb. So if you're wise. Fuck off and leave me alone.

因为你的存在, 我才有现在的忧.
因为你的存在, 我才有现在的痛.
因为你的存在, 我才有现在的悲.
因为你的存在, 我才有现在的我.

I need tom yam soup now. Like NOW NOW.

Samaritan anyone?

a much loved pic taken during my stay in cameron highlands resort.. sun streaming in. grand piano by the side.

... ...

all accommodations confirmed. left to pay.

... ...

now fan-ing over my trip in june. i juz need to get away. to somewhere i've yet to explore. =/

... ...

mixed feelings.

'What is work for? Is it a necessary evil - to survive or to be rich? If you have so much money you don't have to work for the rest of your life, would you work? Does it matter what career we choose, if each paid us the same?

'Instead, many of us chase jobs for their financial rewards and status-enhancing qualities. We have no work life balance. We want more and more, and end up less and less satisfied. We suffer burnout, disillusionment and broken relationship as a result.' - Laurence Lien

torn between going out to catch the movies or to stay home and do my work. there's 4 shows i wanna catch. the intouchables. amour. rust and bone. and les miserables. 

anyways. my present to myself for my birthday i've received le. =)

... ...

i don't know how much longer i can stay here. but it's not my choice anymore. too many people are leaving. and sometimes. when things happen. they happen for a reason. i juz hope i'm prepared for it when the time comes. it's still something i didn't tell much people besides that 2 groups of people that i've come to love and respect much. and of course the fellow who has motivated me thus far. 

... ...

accommodations emails' have all been sent out. this is gonna be another trip i'm super looking forward to. i've been really guai this year (12 days so far only though..)

of really keeping to my resolutions. of forgetting him. of not missing him. and of staying put in singapore.  

i juz hope that i can keep to all till year end. probably tough. but most probably workable too. 

... ...

it's been a long week of me avoiding someone. *eeeeew* and i guess i've learnt something from here. 

Again. Happy belated birthday.

1st trip of 2013.

Flights booked. Accommodation in the midst of booking.

It's going to be a good trip! =D

Did a spot of trekking this morning. Followed by dropping by some hidden haunts before having porridge. *heartz*

Now sitting by the door reading papers and listening to Kiss 92.

Surprisingly. This radio station is my kinda songs. So does that mean I'm 30-35 or what? Hahaha.

Kinda sleepy now. Think though shall bathe and send the email over before a nap. And I'm gonna cook tonight (I think). =P

'And yet there is still work to be done. We have spent generations constructing elaborate systems if patriarchy, caste and social and sexual inequality that allow abuse to flourish.' - Sohalia Abdulali

有时候就因为那一刹那的在乎.

... ...

Am looking forward to tmr. And yes. I've bought myself a birthday present. And yes. I'm going to ask Albert to approve my leave for March so I can book my tix and accommodations le.

trying to multi task. mission completed. only left my old baby yet to reformat before throwing it away.

laughter is really the best distraction after a long weekend at work. 

... ...

best. this crew juz stepped on my tail. 

you wanna change to day shift and no more overnight. fine. now back to split you make noise and say you wanna do 6pm to 2am? fine. i see how you die. i'm going to give others a chance at day shift. still split. but guess what? no 6pm to 2am for you. welcome back to overnight. *fucking pissed off*

i think i'm being too nice. if you think you cannot cope with this shift. swap then. i'd rather hire m crew in this case. fuck. 

Beautiful skies. *heartz*

Agreed much.

But then why do I feel so a strong urge of hate? Dislike? Disappointment?

... ...

My turn to emo today. And had my craving satisfied at Din Tai Feng.

It's been a long day. Now on the way home. Tmr last opening. Probably Tuesday should really go for a massage. Tmr night need to chiong ptw also. Damn sianz. =/

... ...

Messed up thoughts. Shall attempt to calm myself down.

... ...

On another note. Met *m for a couple of hours today. =)

Happy birthday baby brother! *heartz*

This is my birthday present to myself this year. *heartz* shall buy tmr or on Tuesday.

Theonlything? Iwishihadthecouragetoaskyoutowatchwithme.

In the past I wouldn't have qualms about spending late nights out and working opening the next day. But seriously. I think I'm getting on in years and doing so this morning is like asking me to take my life. God.

No more adrenaline to keep me awake. I'm sure I need a hot tea later to keep me awake. (But as if tea works for me..)

Then again. Some sacrifices are worth it. Coz there are juz some friends who are worth that loss of sleep (mind you.. I put sleep as a important part of my life!)

5 days into the new year. And I guess I'm doing ok so far? =)

应该因为开始习惯了. 所以感觉也没那么痛了. =)

... ...

It's been a great meet up with my 14 years friends. And it's well worth the lack of sleep for work tmr! *grinz*

Good night world! *heartz*

5201314. *heartz*

Good break! =D time to find food!! *tummy growlz*

Aceh city to ban women riding pillion 'astride'. They have to sit 'side-saddle' as sitting astride will 'provoke male rider' - Agence France-Presse

Thank god they are not doing this in Singapore. But then again. I would have no chance of being a pillion again. No? =/

juz coz i was trying to clean up my old laptop before selling away and customizing this new baby of mine. i chanced upon photos that brought back much memories and a wave of emotions juz washed over me. nothing bad. juz reminiscing the good ol' times. =)

now trying to set this baby up-to-date with whatever nots that i have accumulated over the years. but i muz say this baby is so lovely to use. =P so smooth and light. and i guess it's a good deal after all? =D and it's big but light enough to travel with me. not i would want to risk it though. =)

and so here's to all those memories. cheerz! 

time for bed coz i need to work on my 2nd resolution of the year before doing some work and meeting my 2 girls for dinner at 8.30pm tmr! =) tatA! =)

The 1st of my 3 new year resolutions. *heartz*

怪怪的一夜. 无意中所买的东西. 已到了退休的那一天. 想找个肩膀靠一靠. 但已没人了.

2012: a good year for me.

I did what I love best. Travelling and writing. *heartz* it's been a monthly travel plans which opened my eyes to more fascinating things and left me longing for more.

It taught me courage (to travel alone) and to spend that little bit more time with myself. It took time but I was back to reading the papers and it's becoming a routine I'm getting back the hang of.

Work wise every year is a challenge but I seemed to have come out stronger. Better.

But whenever that work is smooth sailing or rather. Going the way I want it to. My life (in terms of relationship) leaves some to be desired.

There's not going to be a best of both worlds. So if I have to sacrifice that and get everything else. I'm happy. =)

... ...

Been sleeping since 3pm till now. And going back sleep in a while since I'm working opening today.

Spent the end of 2012 directing traffic and cursing at that brainless car who parked at my DT lane. But it was the one of the best view where I could see the fireworks. *heartz* no doubt it was short and not as awesome as the one at Marina Bay. It's still fireworks nonetheless.

The beginning of 2013 was spent counting stock and sleeping by the bun trolley. And I juz realized. I didn't have a proper meal yesterday. Hmmmz. =/

... ...

2013: a new year. But I don't have much resolutions. Juz more of things I wanna do. So here goes the list! =)

To have good food once a month. =) and having *d knowing me quite well now. He knows that my definition is not juz good food in any hawker center. But trying out of restaurants that is good despite the price. =P

To excercise regularly. Not juz on an ad hoc basis. So here's to more swimming and squash and trekking sessions!

And I'm not sure if it's a sad thing or what. But I'm done with my resolutions! =D

... ...

Really got the urge to go back Cebu for Sinulog. Which is not good at all. =/

... ...

Gonna sleep again le.

Here's wishing all a happy 2013! =D

11/2 day without going home. Juz coz I was camping in store. Seriously. Countdown in store. Good sales. Fireworks.

Happy 2013 people! =D