Homecoming

Came back from Bangkok. Thinking of Philippines. Leaving for Tibet. Missing you. =/

Simmering

Simmering in anger.

I hate traveling with people I know.

Boiling

Fucking boiling mad now.

Bangkok

It's been about 6 months ago when I was headed to budget terminal for a flight out of town. This time round there's no difference. Only thing is. I'm going with a group of people I know I will have fun with. Sister. Mum. Boss. Chili. *y. Ling Ling. Only one missing is my alien. =/

And I'm currently waiting for the rest to show up so that we can go mum's house to ton. Dumb dumb flight is at 6am. So need to check in at 4.35am. So to save money we are ton-ning the night so can save money. =)

But coming back is at 11.35pm. Another kuku timing that will cost midnight surcharge. ="(

But yeah. It's happy being to get out of town. But a bit worried coz of SOR. And it's a reminiscence of when I went to Cebu in Jan. Sighz.

And oh! My luggage's super empty lo. =D really! Like a quarter filled?? =D but have to go and buy medication for my dad. So that'll take up some space.

Okies. Almost time for them to reach le. =)

TatA Singapore! (okok. In another few hours time la..) =P

yeahs! we couldn't catch titanic and sink together so we went jumping off a building instead! XD watched MIB 3with sister and brother the day before. nice show! XD

and it's juz another 27 hours more to bangkok and 11 more days to tibet! *heartz*

only thing i wanna rant about. so many things to rush before the trip! coz stupid monthend is on the very next day that we come back! =/

Out

I. Wanna. Go. Out. Now.

How I wished I have the courage to tell you how I really feel. And that I'd like to ask you out now.

everything is overwhelming me right now. lack of sleep. influx of store issues and customer feedbacks. almost on the verge of yelling and shouting at those idiots out there. give me solutions. don't give me problems.

i am coming closer and closer to giving up. looking at the dates next month. no doubt it's school holidays. on my birthday i need to work. on her birthday i also need to work. what's this? on the day i'm flying off. i need to work opening. what the fuck.

i am seriously getting this close to leaving. no doubt i should also find a solution to it instead of running away. but especially when now you have 10 RMs who left last month. another god-knows-how-many this month. i think it's telling us something. especially when all these RMs are those who have been working long enough in the system.

no words can describe my emotions right now. and i still have a ton of things to follow up before the trip on sunday. seriously? what the fuck.

Backpack

'如果我能回到从前，我会选择不认识你，不是我后悔，是我不能面对没有你的结局。'

Wanted to come back after coffee with sister to do schedule and some work. But got stuck watching tv with the beloved brother. Hahaha. From 11pm till now. Running man!!! XD super funny sia! Laughter in the middle of the night. XD

Was thinking earlier in the day that at the rate of traveling I'm going. I think I need to invest in a backpack soon. Coz if I'm going where I think I'm going next year. I'll need that backpack le. =)

And so I've decided to give my brain a rest tonight and start fresh tmr. My brainy need a rest. Tired and almost burnt out le. Now left this week to go. Last official day over le. Left this Friday's charity work and meeting the construction team. And then weekend to clear my schedule and hand over store to Fauziyah. Then it's nua nua trip to bkk! XD

Tibet. I'm coming soon too! XD

 went JB that day with the crazy fellows and caught dark shadows by johnny depp! XD nothing like a little perk me up and thriller/comedy. and i love the twist in the end! hahaha.

and then went out this morning to catch this show. when i was watching the trailer it made me thought of *v. coz juz that day he was sharing his travels in india with pictures. =) but i don't think this is a show you would watch.

i realized as time passes by this kinda shows are the kind that i love to watch. especially when i'm alone. =) coz i don't know much people who will like these genre of shows except sister. coz this's like salmon fishing in the yemen. lovely lovely show. =)

and this cast was superb. *heartz*

seeing japan through others. *heartz*

catching MIB 3 with sister tmr after the meeting. =)

counting down: 6 days more and 16 days more. =)

True

hahaha. so damn true. and so i've found something that'll keep me occupied. =)

went overnight into JB with the crazy kakis juz the past weekend and had fun eating around. hahaha. and then this crazy 1st asst of mine came and posted something on my wall that made me go lll-.- but ah well. =) a dream is a dream yeah?

planning my trip next year. still unsure where to go lehz. hahaha. maybe i really should go backpacking someday. =)

Mechanism

'Gemini's most powerful weapon: the auto-protection mechanism.'

I can guess your reaction as you read that one liner. 'bullshit.'

... ...

Read that off a friend's fb and thought to myself. How true it is. Seriously. And that auto-protection kicks in coz I know I'll get hurt in the end so in order not to. It works.

It takes time to pull down someone's defenses. And once it's down. You become more vulnerable to hurt and disappointment I guess?

The protection is coming back up again I know. And the reason?

and it's juz so true. that's why i've dedicated this year to myself and my travels. =)

received a morning msg that made me smile to myself throughout the day. '... let's plan a trip together someday if we have a chance ;)...'

i know the chance will never come. but being remembered is something else altogether. =) but then maybe there would a chance one day. with someone else instead. *beamz*

work today has been crazy with that stupid customer again. sighz. but other than that not too bad la. but i still prefer running in the store. =P

looking forward to my short getaway this weekend with my crazy kakis. *hoepfully tmr's travel's good and ends early* and then 10 more days and 20 more days and counting down! whoo whoo! XD

although something in between is not what i'm looking forward to la. =/

Tears

那些不争气的眼泪居然就这样滑了下来...

Juz over labour hours and GCPMH. It's enough to kill me. Fine. If you want me to manage and CUT more hours. I will. In the end when QSC suffers. I'm not gonna react. I'll leave it as it is. Sometimes finding out more before jumping the gun doesn't hurt you know.

... ...

Maybe it's time to leave.

a wave of emotions coming over me: i've been blessed to have met so many influential people during my years in the system. *heartz*

many have come and left. and more are leaving. but all those people have left a remarkable impact in shaping my life. flipping through the GO photos. i realized how far i've come and how much faith and hope others have put into me. and looking at the turnout of the G&A at my GO. i'm very much comforted. it's been quite sometime since i last saw a turnout so great (other than the JCP one) and i'm really touched till this point in time for all those support and guidance.

i miss the old team. *heart breakz*

... ...

the above was meant to be posted up last night but somehow there were some problems uploading it from my phone.

and yeah. it's been one hell of a day and i've got my work cut out for me. also heard from mum that 10 RMs have left the system. and more to come. sighz. G&A are having major changes has well. is this anything to do with the leadership?

how long more will i stay? i'm not sure either.

... ...

read an article predicting the winners of euro cup and the current favourites are spain and germany. hahaha. he supports spain. but i still love my germany! XD

anyways. time seems to be flying. and in another 10 more days i'll be in bangkok. and then after which will be my tibet trip.

i'm so getting into a comfortable routine with my work now that i think when i come back i'm gonna have a hard time adjusting. sighz. ah well.

time for bed and to stop my brain from thinking so much. tatA.

hahaha. went office today for accountability and guess what. never talk until my store lo. waste my time. lll-.- then went to find mei chun to gossip and ask some stuff on cafe. hahaha. then saw daniel. phoon. vincent. and phoon came over and talked to me. it's nice seeing them again. =)

anyways. randomly. this mei chun told me that i can find a friend to go travelling with lo. lll-.- and she was grinning away lo. *super dotz*

... ...

'once you've made up your mind. it's easier to let go'.

and yeah. i guess it's kinda working now. or izzit coz i've a new crush? hahaha. super short term crush. but still a crush nonetheless.

... ...

vincent: bon voyage! =)

F you

不是所有的付出会有回报，不是所有的感情都会得到回应，我知道，所以我不后悔对你付出了那么多，但从今天开始我要收回对你的感情，好好爱自己。从今天起，这个世界上就少了一个那么爱你的我，不管你在不在乎。

*j told me to hope for a miracle or for someone else to come along. Do I want to when the benchmark has been set so high? Yeah. Probably I want. Coz I don't wanna wait for *you anymore.

And I met this guy that was my ex regular customer 6 years ago. And now he's also waiting for uni intake at NUS for architecture. And he remembers that he's the same age as my bro. =) time really flies.

Vincent again!!

Today was a good day with getting the cake for mummy during lunch as a elated mothers' day prezzie. And also in view of me forgetting her birthday. =/

Then finished my pnl. Napped a while and went to meet Vincent to plan for the training.

And I finally found another soul who likes to travel alone! And it's to those places I've always wanted to go. He shared the photos of his travel to India. And man. It juz shook the traveller bug inside me out.

Now I'm super looking forward to my trip to Tibet in June. And him. His trip to Osaka this month. =) and it'll be time to exchange stories and pictures again. =D

... ...

It's tough trying to find another friend who loves traveling. Much less alone. And when the person is a guy. And Asian. Hahaha.

Okies. Time to sleep. Need to prepare for his training tmr.

And oh. I don't think I'll ask *you to send me off for my trip after all. Coz ihavedecidedtomoveon. =) hopefully this time it works!

Vincent!!

'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.' - Vivian Greene

Hee! Rayson and Mei Chun juz made my day today together with Vincent! Hahaha. So tmr is my off day but I'm meeting Vincent tmr to prepare for the training on Sunday and Monday. And in turn it let's me practice my skills and knowledge on McCafe again. Hahaha. Am super looking forward to later's meeting and also half of my own me-day. And of Sunday and Monday's training in store. =D

Harsh

'旅行是为了发现更多的可能
旅行是为了寻找真正的自己'

Traveling has definitely widen my horizons and somehow. It gave me the courage to tell *you how I finally felt. And yeah. *Your response was much as what I expected. But unlike the previous. It doesn't cut me as much. And in a way it seemed more of a relief than anything else. And so I've decided *you're not worth my effort after all. Coz I don't need someone like *you.

'我已找回了原来的我'

Sunset

A beautiful sunset from my windows. And it made me thought of you and the week we spent.

The time when I thought I could move on. When I could really find someone new and forget about the old.

A pinkish-orange hue changing to lavender before turning in to black. *a change of heart perhaps?*

... ...

2 Singaporeans juz died in Tibet yest. *shiverz*

Sleepy

Meeting last minute kenna cancelled. So wanted to go swim. But drizzling. So lazy me decided to sleep instead. To make up for my past few late nights. =D

Good nightz world!

so what do you do? hang on? or move on?

... ...

random-ness: hahaha. i was re-reading our conversation of yesterday night this morning and i laughed out loud again. seriously? i missed your crappiness. and yeah. you can take that as a compliment again. XP

debating.

what if one day i decided to tell you that you are *you? what would change?

... ...

and you ah. stop scaring me can? so random.. =P

=edited=

avengers is like transformers. the effects. no plot juz mindless actions. and in lido imax 3d. superb! XD although it was in the middle of the night show at 3.20am. =P

Cry

And I cried.

I never knew how strong the connections I have to my books. Until I cried again after reading this current one. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. The tiredness that caused it all. But no. Coz I FELT. Felt with my heart for the characters of the book. Yes call me silly. Call me stupid. But I do feel.

How does it feel to have loved and lost and yet trying to be brave and move on?

... ...

I wish I had the guts to ask you to travel with me to central Europe with me next year.

Imissyou.

Crazy

Super random and crazy! Going out now to meet friend for movie! XD and then I was suddenly reminded of the crazy times with *w when we usually go out late at night. *random-ness* XD

Loving you

After falling in love with you. No one else comes close. There's been a couple more guys after you. But none made me as happy as how you did. And sadly. In some ways. Unconsciously I'll always compare them to you. It's been years yet I haven't fully moved on from you yet.

Suddenly thought of you while looking at my home screen wallpaper.

I miss having you as the sun in my life. I miss your hugs. Your laughter. Your sacarstic remarks. Your smacks. Your voice. All in all. I miss you.

Istillloveyou.

Me before you

Started reading another book. But like my usual habit. Jumped to the last few chapters and read. And cried. Now I can't wait to complete the book proper. *heartz*

Unfilial

不孝.

love the pic above. so i set it to my homescreen juz now. *heartz* but nahz. no one to fiercely love. now or even ever ba. =P

read this 2 short excerpts from fb today after work. and it juz got me thinking.

'to a rider or a driver. the safety of the life and well being of the passenger/pillion will always be the main proproty in their head and thoughts before themselves. not to compromise safety though as no matter how safety they are. there will be unreasonable/reckless road users around. for the riders. the risk remains sky high than the drivers. everyone have to play their part and be responsible on the road no matter what the conditions of the road. traffic and weather will be like. stay safe people.'

'people think a soul mate is your perfect fit. and that's what everyone wants. but a true soul mate is a mirror. the person who shows you everything that is holding you back. the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

a true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet. because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. but to live with a soul mate forever? nah. too painful. soul mates.they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you. and then leave.

a soul mate purpose is to shake you up. tear apart your ego a little bit. show you your obstacles and addictions. break your heart open so new light can get in. make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. then introduce you to your spiritual master. - elizabeth gilbert'

so after i read the first one. which was posted by *him. (and yeahs! he's officially engaged! XD) it got me thinking of how true it is. when i'm a pillion i don't know how a rider feel. only that they are quite 'guai' coz they tend not to speed. but when i'm a driver and especially when the car is bigger and/or at full capacity. i do become more careful. coz every single breathing body is a soul that was brought into this world. and these are people that trusted me enough to sit in the vehicle i drive. although i do know there are a couple of people who will flat out refuse to sit in any vehicle i drive coz they say i'm reckless. but than again. i've more than a couple of people who says i'm too safe a driver. lll-.-

the second was posted by a secondary school friend. and i thought how weird the logic was. (although it may be true in some sense..) do i want a soul mate in the first place? i'm too sure either. is he a mirror who shows me what's holding me back. who tear down my walls and smack me awake. well. i used to have a friend like that la. and sometimes this person. out of the blue will send watsapp msgs that seems to equate to smacking me awake ba. to live with a soul mate forever? nahz. never thought about it at all. coz i didn't know he was my soul mate. so if you take out the equation of living with a soul mate and input living with someone like him. yeah. i was silly enough back then to believe that things would all work out. *shrugz* showing me my obstacles and addictions. hahaha. yeah. more than once ba. and scolding me for it all. break my heart open and make me desperate and out of control that i've to transform my life? to turn into a night owl is that counted? =P but who's my spiritual master? or what's that supposed to mean? i haven't met one yet. maybe in tibet? =D and he will leave at the end of it? i guess he's already left in some sense of the word. juz that few random msgs that pops in once in a while making my day. and for that i'm grateful enough that it wasn't a total distancing.

anyways my trip to tibet may be postponed to 8 june instead coz not enough pax on 2 june. sighz. so there goes my birthday plan ba. i'll only know the confirmation next monday. so if i'm leaving on 8 june. it's a friday. how can i even dare to wish that *you'll come and send me off? sighz. even if it's meant as a birthday wish? wistful wistful thinking as usual.

a couple more friends are getting engaged/married this year. gosh. is this like the trend now? 6 in total le. and another friend with a fiesty little girl on the way due in june. =) can't wait to play with the girl! although i know the other friend will say i'm in charge of changing diapers. hahaha. at least good practice what!

and randomly yesterday morning on the way to work i read another article on philippines best beaches and islands: http://www.cnngo.com/explorations/escape/philippines/philippines-best-beaches-and-islands-632923 and it got me missing bantanyan so badly again. and made me itch to go to boracay and palawan more! i wish that *you like travelling a little bit more. so i'd try to ask if you'll wanna go along in october. but sighz. another wistful thinking.

i think i have too many wistful thinking nowadays. not good not good! and yeah. time for bed le. tmr another long day to go. and many more to come. and no! i will not become becky hor! (you know who you are..) i do have plans for my days off and after work activities kk! still got shows i wanna catch. things i wanna do. places i wanna go. =)

so yeah. tatA! time for bed now. good nightz all! sweet dreams! =)

*random-ness* 1yearwithoutyou.

Missing you

有时突然会想起，
曾经的那个你。

虽然，
我们现在以不见面不说话了，
但心里还是少许的挂念你，
只在心里。

好好想想，
毕竟我们相爱过，
分手也只是缘分，
该离开的还是会离开，
不必过与挂念，
只要记得就好。

虽然现在不知你怎么样了，
心里的你还是停留在我们分手的那天。

虽然不知你是否恋爱了，
当你始终是个不错的人，
只怪我没福分陪着你吧。

有时还是会觉得，
如果我们现在还是朋友会怎样呢？
或许我们会是彼此最好的朋友也说不定。

打从心里的祝福你，
也问候你：你过得好吗？

Monthend

For the first time in many many many months. I'm not doing monthend! Hooray! XD although I'm working early morning later la.. Oops! XD

So I after checking the stuff. I came home and did my poster. And then surfed around and cooked my own supper! Hahaha. Reading makes me happy. And it feeds my brain too! =P

Now getting sleepy le. Think the medicine is kicking in. So time for bed le. Counting down to my off day on Sunday! XD