silly me is back from malacca. all photos uploaded. and i tell you. today was an awesome trip! coz i saw at least a hundred superbikes together on the roads! *heartz* was telling myself that next time when i go US. i wanna go on a road trip on a bike too!

all food craving settled. and i think i'm a bit burnt. which is interesting considering that i was trying to hide from the sun most of the time. but i feel that kinda sunburnt pain now. ah well. have put the cream on my shoulders le (when i was wearing a t shirt yet my shoulders also looks pinkish..) and now waiting for my mask to become cold before using. =)

ate a lot juz now. and bought my tibet trip's necessities le. all in except for a cap. and yeah. if the number of pax is not enough. instead of 2 june departure. it'll be on 8 june. hmmmz. how i hope 2 june will have enough pax.

kk. tired le. time to mask and then off to bed! thank god for a late start tmr! =P

Thank you

Heyz you. Thank you. Maybe I still wasn't able to explain fully how recent events have impacted me. Or how frustrated and stuck I feel when I don't know my goals anymore. And even though the conversation didn't start out about work. It's been some time since i spammed people's watsapp like this over stuff that matters to me. And even more so when that person is not from work. Thank you for letting me rant. =)

... ...

On a whim. I'm going in malacca now. Juz coz I wanted to satisfy my craving for chicken rice balls's chicken and the street jap food. And juz malacca in general. It's like my 2nd home already. Gonna be out by tonight.

All it takes are some cravings. Some silliness and some determination. And off I go doing the things I love. =)

... ... It's a beautiful sunrise over here at Kranji... ...

i could only say that i wish i had the courage to ask if you could spare me that few minutes and hear me rant. but i hold back. coz i fear that rejection again.

Institutionalized

Today was hell. Empc ops day. Malaysian team travel for McCafe. *t coming down to talk to me. Haiz.

Empc was not as bad as what I expected la. So not too bad. And I definitely learn much more from Jenny Kwa. I like! =P

The Malaysian team travel went well. With Rayson bring Phoon. Daniel and Vincent. So was interesting to answer the questions they threw. And even more so when most of answers matches what Rayson had to say during the presentation. Hahaha. Till the point that Rayson joked that he called me last night to calibrate frequency with me. =P probably McCafe has really become much of a hobby for me. And coz of that it shows in what I have to say. And when Vincent asked me to choose between MDS. McCafe and DK. McCafe wins. Hands down. =D so I told them about me and my friends going up to KL coz we heard of them having a McCafe (which turns out otherwise) but still enjoyed our trip up. And that I would wanna visit their 1st McCafe when it opens. So Phoon asked me to add Vincent on fb. Hahaha. Which I did.. I wanna be kept in the loop! =P

And after that before the recap with the students. *t came down and sat down with me. And she asked me a question that kinda caught me off guard. And in a way she's trying to convince me I know. But I'm still not buying it totally. I mean. After Mickey's that surprise question that caught me off guard too. And followed by this. I know they can see something in me that I myself can't and don't believe I can. But isn't it too fast? And who's there that's on a neutral stand that I can talk to? I don't want someone who will sway my aspirations or brainwash me to be who they want me to be. But I need someone to tell me how I should move on from here.

'Just keep an open mind ok. Good to know u at least hv a plan for yourself. Teaching is not a bad option too. If u stay in this organization, shld consider taking on bigger role. staying as a RM will not do justice to your capabilities.'

'Yes yes. To be specific, it's believe in your capabilities. U exude enuf confidence. Don't benchmark yourself with the way we traditionally groom ppl up.'

So who do I benchmark against to improve and grow? I'm super touched that she took the time to come down. Even if it's juz an hour. But it means that to people up there. I'm no longer a nobody. I'm a somebody.

And this was on top of the email Harvey sent about the RCIP. I can't even dig a hole to bury myself now. I'll still be seen.

And I was so tempted to ask her what potential they see in me. And out of so many RMs. Why me. I've heard this phrase since I was a CL working with Hun Loon. Maha. Kelvin Yeo. Rashid. And all my other managers back then. Through my assistant life in JSCC and CL3. But it died down and I felt that I've already reached my potential in CCK4 and CM. But I guess not. Coz they're telling me there's more in me that needs to be unleashed. And I'm still not sure if I want that part of me to be let out.

I wanna be able to still live my life the way I want to. Yet I don't wanna disappoint anyone who placed their faith and trust in me. And believes in me.

But am I ready?

ha. a quote that resonates deeply from within. *heartz*

been eating good food and trying to satisfy an unknown craving these past few days. and yet i'm still not sure what i'm craving for. lll-.- gosh. is there such a thing that you know you are craving for something but don't know what's that food? it's kinda frustrating lo. hrmphz.

been eating regular meals (quite) and i've tried nasi lemak. duck rice. subway. black tea. chin chow. vanilla coke. biscuits. smoothies. nuggets. fries. bee hoon soup. fried mee. and yet! nothing seems to work!! arrghz. tmr shall laksa for lunch. any suggestions for dinner/supper? =P hopefully laksa is my craving. if not then dim sum on saturday with my girls for lunch and some cheap but good eat for dinner with the crazy fellows! XD and maybe i'll be crazy enough to wanna for malacca for a day on sunday to eat my chicken rice balls! XD

and travelling? hahaha. it's been an expensive hobby but which has me very happy. looking forward to the bangkok next month and then followed by a monthend and then off to tibet! yeahz! (although i havne't paid the other sum of money la.. paying this monthend though =)) mickey has given me her blessing to go already also. so double yeah! =D

a super random post i know. probably lack of sleep la. need to clear stuff coz this thursday's empc ops day. and then the malaysian team is coming down to look at the mccafe. and after that jan's coming down also. =) haiz. long day on thursday!

... ...

should i go hike up to bukit timah hill tmr? need to start acclimatizing ah. 11/2 more months to go! XD or would swimming be a better choice? hmmmz...

A year

Working overnight later and juz woke up. =D and then I was blog surfing till I suddenly had a craving for boon lay's nasi lemak. Hee! =P not sure what I wanna eat for breakfast tmr also. Shall plan and see.. =P

Anyways. While blog surfing and randomly reading back my previous posts. I realized the last time you and I met were a little over a year ago. How time flies..

And I realized that back then we said it'll only be possible to meet you 3 years later. Now 1 year has passed. 2 more to go. And in the year of 2014. That's when my trip to brazil for world cup is happening as well. =D so I guess somewhat it's true that we will only meet 2 years later ba. And maybe by then it would be either for your wedding or mine..

2 years is a long time and many things can change. 1 year that seemed so long has now become this short.

And so. Counting down to another 2 years before we meet again (if it ever comes true).

a movie that is simply worth the wait. i bought the book ages ago. but didn't have the time to read through. instead i caught the movie instead. and this. this is better than the vow. way way better. yes taylor schilling may not be as chio as rachel mcadams. but the plot and was much better. and zac effron in uniform and those tight fitting tees were *droolz*. =)

'how do you explain something you don't even understand yourself?'

sometimes love juz works so differently. whenever you wish for a relationship where you wanna love each other till the end of time. it juz doesn't happens. but whenever you turned your back on it and starts moving on. something is bound to happen and you're pulled back to where you used to be.

*n pm me yest asking about where to stay in singapore. apparently. i think he is planning to come over to stay. but then again. if he's coming in may. i'm gonna be super swamped with work. and if it's gonna be during my birthday week. congratulations! i'm gonna be outta town! mickey has approved my leave from 2nd june onwards! hooray! =D hahaha. i know i sound mean. but ah well.

mickey also approved my leave in october. juz that i need to tweak the date. coz mickey's going on sabbatical and i need to stay and take care of store first. cannot anyhow run. =) hahaha.

have started researching on tibet and the things to do and don't. and whether most importantly. if my camera can withstand the high altitude of the mountains. i'm kinda worried if i can tahan the altitude as well. coz after all. i've never been to such high places before. so i was telling mum i should start walking up bukit timah hill weekly to build my stamina and breath. and probably with swimming and all. and one week before the trip i need to swear off alcohol and probably some sweets. =P

i happened to be at vivo yest. and i walked into the canon shop to asked about my camera. and then i saw pictures taken in tibet. of the scenery. the people. the buildings. and man. i am so gonna brush up on my photograhpy skill before heading over! =D

and then i started thinking what i wanted for my birthday. and i guess nothing ba. now everything i want is a want. not a need to have. so yeah.

would probably like cash? a teapot and teacups set? kino vouchers? movie vouchers? and maybe some of *your time if you can spare. =)

anyways i won't be in town. so once i paid for that trip. everything's rather sealed and stamped. =) so yeah. i'm juz rattling off bullshit. please ignore me. =)

kk. time for bed! tmr is gonna be a long long day! =) nightz world! =)

Relief

After checkup: everything seems normal. The cysts have all shrunk. More like follicles now. Opened date for 1 year. After which I'll be considered discharge. =)

Mum's checkup seems to be ok too. Waiting for report to be sent to the doctor's. =)

*y and *j: thank you for your concern. *hugz*

D Day

2 more hours to the appointment. Getting the cold feet now.

Sick

Came back and knocked out straight after changing. And woke up feeling feverish. I don't know if it's the heat on my body getting to me. Or am I really falling sick.

Am feeling hungry too. So I guess I need to get out like now? =( can I have in room dining too? =(

Tmr's the check up. After which I'll disappear from the face of the earth ba. I don't know how's the news gonna be like. So I'm gonna watch a movie after that to cheer myself up. And maybe have a little good food if my wallet allows me to. Shall see how it all goes.

*hopez everything goes well tmr*

HR Penang 2

Dive in movie Tuesday: a movie in or by the pool.

This is what I call life. Mum went to order food. So I sit and wait for food to be served. Hahaha. And we chose by the pool coz we went and bathed le. =P

Beautiful sunset in the background. Movie by the pool. Good food by the side. *heartz*

HR Penang

Hellooooo from Hard Rock Hotel Penang's poolside! *grinz*

Today is the nua nua day. Hahaha. Only thing that cocked up was the airport security refusing entry to my aloe vera body butter. >=/ so now I'm officially without a moisturizer. Thank god the sun's juz nice so I doubt I'll get burnt today. Probably will buy later before dinner ba. =P

Lovely weather to nua after lunch at the pool and watching adults make a fool of themselves on the slides. Hahaha.

Feels like heaven and yet not. Feels like Singapore yet not. Sighz. I miss this feeling of a getaway with no worries. And with free wifi. At least it means I'm still in touch with work and won't need to clear shit when I go back. =)

Kk. Time for a nap and some stoning time! =P

in between my 8 straight hell working days. i managed to squeeze in some time for a spontaneous movie date with *j. street dance 2. love the salsa. love the fusion. what else can i say? =) not really a real plot but hey. it's a dance show. what gives? =)

caught battleship yest after my high tea session with ieat at shaw bugis. what can i say? the cinema spoiled my experience. =/ it wasn't that fantastic. and although i was right in the middle. the cinema was too big for the experience. but the show itself was so-so. only perk? taylor kitsch was soooo hot! *droolz* and wearing those uniforms. man. i so wanna be in the ship as him! =P oh. and did i mention i love men in uniforms? =P

  

i'm sorry i didn't wait for you coz i doubt you'll be free enough to watch with me. i caught it with sister after jcube GO that day at the newly opened jcube imax instead. loves the slight twist to the ending. and how painful it was trying to recover a love once lost. 'can the love of a lifetime find a second chance?' well as all stories goes. it can. but in reality? i doubt so. once it's over it's really over no matter how much you wished and how long you wait. =/

 been a great weekend off and picking up some new stuff. time to sleep coz the trip's tmr! sun sea sand. *heartz* =) an escapde of sorts. =) before coming back on 18th.

19th is the check up. 8.50am at NUH. will you be there? ="(

Beloved

Beloved: we may not be as close as before and many changes have happened. But no matter what. Here's wishing you a smashing birthday with lots of love! *muackz*

finally reached back home. showered. and sitting down. after a 14h shift. super shagged. still have emails to reply. =/

feet hurt. back aching. eee. i'm getting old. =/

anyways. there was this himalayan tea customer who juz made my day juz now! XD super happy.

FB

Cow's tales. Chamomile mask. Harry potter and the sorceror's stone. Chicken strips. Mosturizer for my legs and Jack Daniel's equates to time for bed. TatA world. =)

=edited=
I finally finished writing in my journal of 2 years 2 months and 4 days. Time to start in a new journal.

*i wish you would show some concern over my check up. *i wish you would send me off before my flight to Tibet on 2 June. *coz that's the only birthday present I would want more than anything this year. *and this's the first time I'm gonna spend my birthday alone and in a foreign land.

today was jcube's GO. and after that went chilling with mum and sister. and things that they were talking about got me thinking.

was thinking that maybe it's time i seriously think about what i want. and then while showering juz now. i had a super random thought. maybe. juz maybe. i should wait out till next feb. and maybe by then i would come to a conclusion. maybe i would juz maybe would even think about migrating.

sometimes. it's better to find someone who loves you more than you love him. coz as a girl. who wouldn't wanna be loved and treated like one instead of someone who's too independent for her own good?

why keep hanging on to someone who would never be? yes. there is only one love in this lifetime. but what if this one love never found a way back ever again? what if it took a car accident and a second chance before things happen? would i want that to happen all over again?

i'm always swaying between leaving and staying. but recently. i can't find any reason why i should stay. besides the fact that i still love you and that you still hold that special place in there. but does not mean you can come and leave as and when you like. it hurts. do you know that?

i'm not looking for a second chance. coz i know it's not possible anymore. neither do i wanna get my hopes up high but get disappointed all over again. it's not the first time. and maybe i wouldn't be surprised if it happens again.

... ...

i would love to be able to turn back time and go back to that time when i was the world to you. and you to mine. who wouldn't love to turn back time? but i guess sometimes... things juz ain't that simple. what bullshit about 'what belongs to you will come back to you'? i don't believe in it anymore. why should i when i've been hurt umpteen times.

and then juz a few days ago. i thought about how happy i was back in cebu juz 3 months back. time really flies. and i've never really enjoyed a trip as much as that. beautiful beach. perfect food and drinks. and wonderful company. maybe sometimes. a long distance relationship may juz work out.

i don't know. i don't like to be kept hanging. make it clear for goodness sake. and let me lead my own life all over again please. don't hold me back if you're not planning to stay along with me.

... ...

i wish i could lose my memory and start all over again...

The lucky one

"You should be kissed every day, every minute, every second.." - The Lucky One.

The next movie I'm gonna catch. 19 April. *heartz*

Off day

There goes my day off. Another manager admitted to hospital last night and there goes my plan to go home early.

Juz reached home. And here goes my plan of going out to catch the vow. *super upset*

I don't care. I hope I wake up in time at least to catch the last screening. =( please please pretty please.

Let me watch the vow please. =( I seldom have such an urge to watch a show on its first day of release. =(

Rumbling

Heyz. Please be good. You've been rumbling and giving me pain these few days. Not good not good. I don't wanna do the surgery. =(

... ...

Countdown: 3moredays! *heartz*