There's an old tradition saying that on every 29 Feb. When a girl asks a guy out. He cannot reject coz it'll bring bad luck. I've tried it 8 years ago when I was still in JI. And nahz. It doesn't work. And so I've stopped trying. =)

Anyways. Woke up hungry and craving for subway and gong cha now. Gosh. After that porridge in the middle of the night I'm hungry again. =P

And coz he couldn't be tagged so when I posted that status update. He replied on his own wall. Hahaha. Made me laugh. =)

Ok.. Maybe I shall go back sleep. And since asking someone out is not possible coz of work. Then maybe I shall DREAM about asking him out instead! XD

i have an long list of movies i caught over the past month or so. but i guess that have to wait. why? coz this's gonna be my first post in a leap year. ever! =) so if you are waiting to see what movie i've watched and will recommend. you've to wait a bit longer yeah? =)

29 Feb occurs once every 4 years. and once every 4 years. i always wanna do something crazy. like doing some extreme sports. or professing my love to that someone. hahaha. silly thoughts. =) but guess what? i did the random-ness. and craziest thing ever in a long long long long time! and that was coz ah pang jio me out for supper after seeing my pics on fb. i went along. at like 2am and juz came back home. super not me in some ways. after so long. but i guess today or yesterday was not a normal day for me. i ate a whole bar of chocolate by myself as well. which from the anti-chocolate me. was saying a lot.

the day before after what happened i wanted to lash out at fb. but i thought twice. so i lashed out on my blog instead. and to you. 谢谢你一直默默地在我身边，也谢谢你那突如其来的问候。♥ it totally caught me off guard but thank you for asking. =)

scrolling through my fb posts and i recently i've been enjoying my off days more. whether izzit eating good food. reading books or good articles. or doing some sports. it's been made more and life an easier to bear. =)

不能拥有的，是最刻苦铭心的？那曾经拥有的呢？永远只能是暧昧吗？

and the travel bug's been biting hard this few weeks. jan was to cebu. feb was kl and jb. mar would be jb. apr penang. may empty for now. june taiping and off to most likely langkawi. jul empty so far. august boracay and manila. and it'll be empty till nov. dec will be my yearly pilgramge to malacca again. =) so was telling *y and ah pang on occasions today that when i go langkawi this time round maybe i should really splurge. like S$400 a night in a room? since i'm travelling alone again. time to pamper myself. no? =)

ah well. okies. am getting yawn-y. time to head to bed before sending the leap day doing monthend. and i shall pop a bit of jack daniel's into my system so i can sleep more soundly later!

good nightz all. =D

and this is the fucking reason why i hate doing schedule at home when the fucking bastard is around. thinks he owns the whole world. for fuck sake. you are all but an irritating fly. you think so big shot of yourself and asks me to shut the fuck up? i guess eveything to you is noise coz i wasn't even fucking talking. how to shut up? ha! this is what comes out of people with high education level. well i'll be damned. let's see how you survive when you come out to the fucking society. i'll make sure i'll be around to laugh at you and your failures. ha!

Consequences

Have you fucking given a thought to the dire consequences your actions will have? Now coz labour percent is unable to meet and you asked us to manage and then step in and fucking tell me to use only 200 hours only. And today came in and told all my crew to go home. Then when the day your sales picks up. What makes you so sure the crew will still be around to help you capture the sales?

Labour percent don't meet means either overspending on crew hours or that coz sales is not coming in. So fucking use your brain. Now I have sales and you ask my crew to go home. Who do you think you are? Fucking president? Or a octopus? You can't fucking run 2 stations at the same time and is of such low productivity. How dare you ask my crew to go home?

People are with us coz they need the cash. If they don't then why are they still with us?

Sometimes juz fucking use your brain will you.

... ...

I am not ok. 我快要垮了.

Crisis

and it has to come to this. this crisis that we are facing now will determine the strength of my team and the heart of each.

there are people who are saying that the company sucks. that people will leave coz of what's happening. and that makes me question their integrity. sure you are frustrated at the stage that we have reached and even more pissed at the phase we need to go through. but after being in the system for so many years and yet you can't understand what's happening. then what for are you still here? i will not allow anyone to influence the team to lose the focus or become negative. and trust me when i say i'll be than happy to put you on unpaid leave till this crisis tides over. i will do whatever it takes. either you are with me or against me. it's this simple.

... ...

what started out to be an innocently happy day ended up as such. sometimes it really takes a crisis to bring out the ugly side of humans. and through this i'm sure i'll truly know who is with me. you guys only think of yourselves and how situations will benefit you. so who have ever thought for me? i'm the one who has to call my crew and explain to them all that is happening and pray they understand. i'm the one that has to face all my managers and act like this is something that happens every other day.

i am this close to breaking down coz of this stupid crisis. and all i wish for is someone to sweep me away to somewhere quiet and sit next to me while i stare into space and let all these emotions roll out. i feel useless. and helpless.

what wouldn't i give to sit by wcp or cck park or the bbq pit near my house right now and let everything roll out. but that person? out of the system please. i need an outsider to put me back into perspective.

=edited=
i need a hug.

Drinking

A place you may like even if it's a bit crowded. Sometimes a tad rowdy and full. But a good place for a chill. Especially on a weekday where there's lesser crowd. It's the ambience I guess.

Ever some ah pang introduced me here. It's been a place I come quite often. But today is one of the rare times I'm drinking so much. Especially with my baby bro.

Then he drank too fast now dozing off while I'm still enjoying the drink. The breeze. The music. The ambience.

I know you don't really drink. But hey. When you're in the vicinity. It's worth a drop in.

Overtime. At holland v. *heartz*

爱

爱的越深，伤得越深。

当你碰到那一个他，不在乎时间的长短，一旦爱上了，真的那么容易说放手吗？你们不需要有一个永远讲不完的话题，不需要每天见面。只需默默地留在你身边，无论路有多难走，你们还是会一直走下去。

当你认定了他，他却离开了。真的会有第二次机会再相遇吗？

一直没放开过你，我真的那么笨吗？

Time flies

Meeting *d for breakfast before my meeting starts. And coz he's not here yet. My mind started wandering.

The last time I sat in this corner of the hawker was like 31/2 years ago or so. After my overnight shift and we met for breakfast. I remember that you forgot to put in your cashcard as you were passing through the ERP to here. And that you ordered enough food to feed 4 person. And as usual you brought your New Paper along and I remember that we sat for quite long here before you sent me back home. Couldn't remember if we slacked and watched a movie after but yeah.

Time does flies and much had happened between then and now. It's part of reminiscing the good old times and then looking forward to a new future once again.

Changes happen for a reason. And with every change one is taught to learn and grow from it.

... ...

Feeling super sleepy coz was out almost whole day yest. And ended up drinking.. Oops! XD

轰轰烈烈

轰轰烈烈的爱情。

你是我想有那一段感情的人，但我们真的有些遥远。不管我多么的想你，我知道我们是不可能的。但我却放不下你。

感觉有那么容易说放就放的吗？

Happy Valentine's Day

1 year ago we were msging and talking quite often. 1 year later and so much has changed.

I remembered the time when you promised to buy me flowers. Which you did.
I remembered the time when you made me promise to call you so that you can pick me up if the other person wasn't sending me over.
I remembered the time we met after my shift for breakfast.
I remembered many things.

But none are important now. *y and *j. Thank you for wishing me happy valentine's day. =)

I wish like a kid I'll get flowers today again. But nahz. I think too much. Gonna sleep now. Happy Valentine's Day people. *heartz*

Sacrifice

And once again coz of work I sacrificed my time with my family. And once again I questioned the smartness of my decision.

I was working opening today. Supposed to handover at 2pm so that I could do my stuff and all. In the end the mgr called to say she taking urgent leave. WTF. Initially my plan was meeting my bro for dinner. Guess what? I can't meet him and I have no dinner till now.

True. No doubt I could call for attachment for today. But who can spare? And who will wanna work such a late shift when tmr's meeting's at 8.30am at WCP? So I cover lo.

Then I started thinking. Why should I sacrifice so much for work? Izzit worth it? I've been asking myself this question more and more recently. And I've no answer to it. Where would all the sacrifice get me to in the end? Or rather. What would I get in the end?

I remembered the last time I posted something similar to this I had a reply from *w. Why should I work so hard when I don't feel appreciated and when I know the company won't thank me for it? I feel so sick.

Sick knowing that next month is gonna be hell. Sick knowing that I juz sacrificed my family time working.

Izzit all worth it? Again and again and again and again I ask myself. But do I get any answers? No. Or at least not yet.

Maybe one day. When I had enough. That's the day I'll call it quits.

=edited=
And this morning on the way to work I had another thought. If things do happen and feelings do change. Will I be willing to migrate overseas and give up everything I have here? Will I be able to give up on my rock? My family?

The best part? Not coz I love the person enough to move. But coz that person loves me enough for me to move.

Will I give up my feelings and move on to another person who loves me more than I do him? Will it be possible? Or is this juz a selfish thought?

=edited edited=
And as I age. Family time seems so much more important. Outweighing everything else. Especially when my dad's condition's deteriorating day by day. When ailments have caught up with my mum. When my bro will be all I have left.

Honestly? I'm scared. Scared of the day that someone close to me will e gone in a swift. That I'll really be left all alone. That there's no regretting the times I could have spent with them. That I'll juz become an empty shell and refuse to move on.

When that day comes. I dread it.

Promotions

Sometimes I really don't understand myself at all. I'm like the only one developing my people and going them up for greener pastures out there.

First the support to open Jcube. Then now an upcoming promotion. And perhaps movement for 1 to another higher profile store. 1 BL promoted to TM already. 3 CLs in the pipeline to be TMs within the next 3 months. Am I like giving birth or what?

And people can be choosy about who they want or not want. What about me?

This month is barely survivable. Next month is going to be hell. Gonna be running 1 + 1 + 3. With 2 babies and most likely another 1. Sighz. We'll see. If Hawa can do it. So can I.

Valentine's day

Traveling overseas with people out of my store is also wrong? Sometimes I really don't understand you guys. So you're telling me I can't meet my friends after work? That I should not even have friends at work? Then why work? And think about it. I am still immatured sometimes. I admit. But gimme a break will you? I'm 25 for god's sake. How matured do you want me to be? There are bound to be times that my emotions will get the better of me. And I'm already trying to hold it all back. But have none of you realized that? And who can I go to when I breakdown? 2012 is the start of a new year yet you doubt me. That I'm the one influencing his decision. Please la. Even though cafe is my passion too. I'm not that stupid to ruin someone's future like that. If you still doubt me. I really have nothing more to say.

I really don't understand what's the point of fb sometimes. Isn't it juz a social networking platform for you to vent and random mumble through? Then why should you read so much into it? Most of the times the stuff I posts are personal related. I'm not that dumb to post unhappy work stuff after that 'I QUIT!!!' post. Yet you guys can read so differently. Might as well deactivate my account right? It's my avenue to share my photos with friends and my thoughts. Yet I get criticized. Might as well not post or become a silent stalker.

Sighz. I don't know how much more of this crap I can take. =X

Then there's earthquakes in Cebu. I hope nothing serious will happen. *prayz*

And again another year has passed. Valentine's Day is coming. But funnily. I no longer have any feelings for it. Maybe I don't have the heart to love anymore? Maybe there's no one worth it anymore? Maybe that someone has already slipped passed? Maybe I'm meant to be alone till old age?

In a confused state of mind. Coz somehow you still matters to me. Unknowingly for the past 3 years or so. You've always been living in that one corner of my heart. How can I get you to shift out? I know for sure now coz of the much less frequency of contact things are getting better. But.

Sleepy. Time for bed. Juz finished my PnL projections. Good nightz world.

Caught off guard

Sometimes I wonder. When will I seriously stop be reminded about the past. And to stop wondering what could have been or might have been.

a super short post coz i am damn sleepy. but have to do this before my next trip tmr night. or rather late tonight. =)

watched this with bro yesterday. besides the plot and the twist at the end. if you'd watched the front 2. watch this! damn good!

and caught this with *j juz now after the run. predictable plot but a fun family kinda show.

gonna sleep soon! super shagged! =(

Missing you

Youaretheonlypersoniwouldtypelikethatfor. Imissyou.

Childish

Was selectively reading a few of my old posts and chances about a couple which were so immatured and way childish.

Almost 2 years ago. I was thinking of settling down. Looking at flats. Thinking of getting a car. Of wedding venues an guests list. And of a honeymoon location. Reading back my posts now I realized how childish and naive I was.

What I wanted back then was to settle down and have someone there at the end of the day for me. But when that relationship ended and I went into another one. It got me thinking.

And 1 year plus since my last relationship. I didn't have the notion of settling down already. Probably I haven't met the right guy. Probably I've met him but the chance has slipped past. Probably I'll end up all alone the rest of my life.

No doubt I still want someone to be there for me. But not everyday. Once in a while. Every other day. A meet up. A call. A text. That'll be good enough. Coz having routine really freaks me out.

Ah well. When the day comes it'll come. When it doesn't no point looking so hard. Shall treasure the time the me-time that I can still have while I can. Without having to report to anyone at all.

Silly me. Silly thoughts.

Time for bed. Early and long day tmr.. TatA world! =)

went and caught midnight in paris after the crm meeting few days back. another movie that was nominated as best picture in the upcoming oscars. and yeah. it's a show that was whimsical with a hint of nostalgia. a piece on time travel and paris in the 20s. i wasn't all too familiar with the characters that were thrown into the movie besides salvador dali. ernest hemmingway. pablo piccaso. but it was a fine arty farty film.

a film that showed gorgeous scenery from around paris. of how every midnight a little adventure happens and how in the end we all want to live in the 'golden age'. and how every one in the 'golden age' wants to live in another 'golden age'. a film with brains and intellectual. and much enjoyable when you juz sit and let the film suck you in. what started out boring and kinda dry ended a bit too abrupt for my liking though. but all in all a good film to lose yourself in.

but to you: i don't think this is your kinda show. probably you can skip it.. but then your fav actress's in it... hmmmz..