Breathe

B. R. E. A. T. H. E.

I am still in the momentum of getting back my working mood. I admit. I know the DK muz open at 8am this Saturday. I know the 4 of them have to pull out for OCC this Saturday. I know I need to complete the management schedule and submit by Monday. I know I need to plan all the dates next month by Sunday. I know I need to get all the crew to sign on the letter by monthend. I know I muz attach my managers out half month each to SSC and IMM. I know I have to meet that effing customer tmr.

But.

That does not mean both of you can ask me for the 2nd half of the month. That doesn't mean I have to give you totally 2 full weeks. That doesn't mean I need to get back to you by tonight juz coz you asked for it.

Coz.

You guys never bother to hire TMs to train up in your store. You guys juz leave all your OILs and ALs till year end without sparing a thought for others. You guys think that you ask me to give you the dates I will give you now. You guys think that juz coz I have a big team I have spare managers. You guys assume that I need not exchange managers with other stores. You guys don't take action so why should I care.

So.

I refuse to reply your msg of when I will attach a manager over. I will focus and concentrate on my DK first. And my own store issues. I refuse to think about scheduling when I have OCC preparations to think of. And I will refuse to tell you when I will give you the managers until I happy then I tell you.

Simply.

I don't give a damn about your store. You guys only ask for help but never help me. Especially you. So why should I bother? You take all you want but what do I get I'm return? More work to do. When the work belongs to you. Fuck la. Then now comes another idiot to the PMO. If you wanna be defensive. Be all you want. I don't care. But please teach your managers to be smart. Accept large orders and expect me to help. Why should I? Today is PSLE results release day. Then why did you promise the order when you cannot cope?

If I can't even take care of my own store. How to help?

I know my temper is getting much shorter this week. So stop testing my patience. I'm still having my frustrations so stay away from me. I am so tempted to go do something stupid juz to get away from it all.

... ...

原来你对我的好, 不只是对我而已. 其他人也有同样的待遇, 那我为什么会感觉到一阵阵的酸味?

... ...

而你那突如其来的一封短讯, 既然会让我振作起来多一点. 让我熬过了那一关. 也是一个提醒, 我真的为什么那么卖力? 为的是什么? 但是我还是要谢谢你. 经常在我最失落的时候, 你的简讯, 让我找回了自己.

... ...

It's time to look for a new motivation.

Worth it?

Came upon beloved's photos of her new place and made me had that flashback of the times we spent in her room and house gaming through the night and falling asleep in the cold. =) such good memories.

... ...

But it also made me have some flashbacks. Of the fact that you stayed somewhere near as well. And the times we spent in the area.

... ...

Suddenly mummy threw me off guard and asked me this question. '你做了24小时. 有睡到觉吗?' '没有.'

And it got me thinking.

Izzit worth it to sacrifice my sleep and body and mental strength juz for work? I mean. I appreciate the thought from my mummy. But all along. She has never bothered to ask or care. Perhaps I was too negative and she could feel that I didn't wanna share. Perhaps I should take a step back and see how I can manage like a RM.

There's so much commitment needed from me at this point in time that I'm not too sure how much I can really commit anymore.

It's normal in certain jobs that 24 hours without sleep is nothing. But for me? This is not the way it should be. Especially since I broke down in front of my team yesterday after that incident with that effing customer.

There's so much one could take. And no doubt I willed myself to be strong. There comes a time when you will juz breakdown coz everything is pressing down on you to the extent that you can't breathe. And how no one seems to understand you at all. And you feel so alone. So afraid. So tired.

I wish time could juz stop still for this minute. Let me wallow in my own pain. My own fears. My own doings. And then I promise I'll move on again.

super hate that drilling in the flat above mine. gonna go nuts soon! =/ super hungry now also. think i shall go back sleep first before going out for lunch with mummy. hungry hungry! =/

anyways. =)

yest *j asked to meet for dinner. hahaha. so we trooped down to ikea in an attempt to catch my meatballs! =D hee hee. it's always nice to have someone to come and pick me up from store. =) okies. shall concentrate on the FOR later.

wp cancellation done. pp done. feedback findings done. crew status done. ordering shasha done. housekeeping shasha and jack and ah bao done. cafe housekeeping done. left to go through 1 last round with danilo and go clear a bit of shit. heng got wen how. mei yee and mei fang to see see look look.. =)

jiayou! 1 last day of FOR before the meeting and the occ practice tmr. then i can rest well tmr night before sun's open door! and a breather on mon! shall plan for a swim!! XD

wed meeting *j to catch another movie! XD not sure if we can meet in the day also although supposedly we are both off. =D

dk's opening next sat le. time to look into my schedules to plan for my best people on floor! XD

rushrushrushrushrush!

the next 4 days are gonna be super hell. let's see.

tmr is morning FOR starting at 6am till 4pm. after which i will stay in store to clear some stuff and all those profit plan things. and crew wage structure. then fri is 5pm start FOR till 12am. 12am to 2am is recap of FOR with team. 2am to 4am is management meeting. 4am to 6am is supper/breakfast. then sat morning 11am to be at wcp with ling ling and mei fang for occ practice till 3pm. sun open door day followed by dinner with the shark and alien and most likely chili too. =D

and then i breathe on mon.

the only rush part is tmr night after the FOR coz i need to rush a lot of paperwork and those will kill me bad enough.

but i guess i will survive like any other time. =)

... ...

still not totally in the mood back to work today. but i guess i think it's really time to let go and come back to reality. needs time to adjust back my body clock to singapore time. but these few days it would be good to stay in aussie time. =P

kk. time for bed. need to wake up super early tmr. and am really touched by the reply by my team juz. *touched* i juz hope it is what it is. =)

tatA!

Bikes

I miss the Harleys. The Super 4s and the R6s in Surfers' Paradise. =/

They should rename it as Bikers' Paradise. =) no doubt it's been some time since I last sat on a bike. The last being ah pang's super 4. But it's a feeling never forgotten. =)

It's time to get back to work and all the reality. But then again. Less than 2 months from now I'll be flying off again! This time to Cebu to catch the Holy Week with Gino! XD looking forward to that slacking time before the craze of CNY hits and the forever short month of Feb to begin.

Gonna meet my HGW girls soon. And shark and alien. And hopefully the rest of the crazy peeps! Oh! And to go out with *j too! =D

Dec is gonna be hell too with all the events and trainings to be done. But yeah. I will survive! =D

如果

Feeling emo-momo now. Not sure what happened too. Touched down at 5.25am this morning and after breakfast with mum it was time for home and bed. Slept through lunch till 6pm when I woke up for dinner and it's now back to sleep.

Need to submit profit plan tmr at 4pm. Gonna visit sister in SGH at 12pm tmr. And I refuse to do any work today. Super tired.

Not sure what happened. But it does feel good when I was watsapping you in gold coast and you replied those msgs with that emoticon. And also juz before I left the iMessages you sent with that same emoticon. I know I shouldn't think too much. But I dreamt of you juz now. And when you asked me why I'm so moody. How could I possibly tell you?

I never expected to be this close to you. I never expected to go out or meet this often with you. And I would have never expected that we would still be texting daily as long as I have reception. There's a lot of things I never expected. And the other was having this silly crush on you.

There's no way I can tell you this. And no way can I tell you why I'm emo-ing. Coz it's all about you.

If.
If I've never met you.
If I've never known you.
If I've never added you as a friend.
If I've never gone out with you.
If.

I miss you. But you?

as promised with *j. we went to catch footloose on sunday after i cleared some work stuff in store. nice old country film set. and the songs were juz so catchy! was still singing after we left the cinema on a high! =D

on a whim. went to catch the adventures of tintin with *j again today. 2 movies in 2 days. and juz before i am flying off. =) i like the show. it was similar to polar express kinda animation. and i like to see what i read in comics come to life. =D

... ...

tmr's the day. sister is now admitted to hopsital and unable to make it to gold coast with me. =( so i will have no roomie i think. all alone. =(

have been looking forward to this trip for quite sometime. and i realized juz how much travelling really means to me. and i had flashbacks of my first few trips aboard. =)

the first one when i went hk and macau on the school trip and *g came and picked me up when i landed with beloved and many years' friend. =) the very first one on my own with jovi to taiwan on a plane. i went to the airport alone. but *w rode there after work juz to keep me company for a bit while waiting for jovi to reach. it was only half an hour or so. but it meant a lot to me back then. i also remember skyping late at night in taiwan with him. =) then there was the one after rlp when i touch down and *someone was there to pick me up. he was going to surprise me by bringing me to lau pa sat for satay but he seemed to overlooked that i was dragging an almost bursting luggage so we went fajar for zi char instead. =)

it's been half a year since my last flight out and sometimes. somehow. somewhere. i juz hope that you can send me off or pick me up again...

silly thoughts. okie. time for bed. still got service class to conduct tmr morning. and i haven't pack my luggage yet! if *j sees the msg she is so gonna kill me! XD