ok. officially sick.

reports all sent. findings settled. incentives done. fpg amended. crew creation all done. inventory done. only left the payroll to check through later.

medications. please work with me tonight.

what an end to 2011. =/

NYE

1st movie in gold class ever! with *j! hahaha. after my overnight somemore. =P and i do like this movie. it's the usual feel good movie but it's something from the norm. a story of moving on. of overcoming challenges and striving for your dreams.

straight after we bought a zoo. caught sherlock holmes! XD all on christmas day! this is an interesting show. but i haven't watch the first one yet. and i super like the ending! such a twist! XD

a show i caught after deciding whether to watch for so long. i like the twist to the end. yes. it may be a star studded cast. but it's the storyline that had me following it through and through. i also wanna be amazed! =P all the more i wanna go new york for xmas and new year's eve!

got a tad pissed off over work stuff juz now. now ok le. but my body doesn't seem to be cooperating with me! damn! juz last through tonight till new year's day please! i still need to count stock! =( and all this people watsapp-ing me now are irritating the shit out of me. LEAVE ME ALONE!!

anyways. was talking to *i this morning. and yeah. it's funny how exactly 1 year ago he was rushing the place and i was still super new to being a rm. a year later we met and we spoke about how tiring work has become. about our lives. and it got me thinking again. what exactly did i achieve in 2011? besides being in the limelight of a new store. of being a new rm opening a store. besides work achievements. what did i accomplish in my personal life? nothing. i neglected my friends. my family. myself. and i feel horrible. work has always kept me from thinking about it all. but as it nears the end of the year. for the past few months. i don't feel the passion anymore. i am tired of trying to accommodate to those idiots. tired of trying to do everything alone coz i have a 1st asst who is not as capable as thought.

so in 2012. i only have a few resolutions.

1) since off days can't be totally be my off days. i muz plan and spend it fruitfully. whether to complete my paperwork or rest.

2) to manage the store differently.

3) spend more time with my family.

4) exercise more often. be it squash or swimming or cycling or running another marathon.

what is mine will be mine ultimately. maybe i am still not ready.

... ...

and i have a feeling my body is giving up on me already. been coughing non stop since i woke up at 7pm and feeling that my arms and legs all don't belong to me. gosh. muz this happen on new year's eve? xmas eve was the burn. new year's eve and i am sick? =/

=edited=
the year has finally taken its toil on me.

Tired

Woke up at this ungodly hour once more to take over my overnight manager so that she can sleep a bit before nabit later. Sighz. I hate waking up to go for work at this time. I'd rather be the one doing overnight and going home to sleep for a few hours lo. What to do? Nobody can exchange managers with me. Especially since bloody BC asked me to attach my managers out and I've no more left for exchange. lll-.-

So. Since that last post. Besides meetings that were completed. I haven't start on my bloody management schedule. And neither have I completed the plan to win.

Poof!

There goes my off tmr. =(

Psyching

I know I have a list of things to do. But I am so not in the mood. And most are due tomorrow or by Wednesday. How??

I need to send the action plans tmr. I need to do my management schedule by wed. I'm meeting my hgw kakis tmr for dinner. The ex cck4 team for dinner on wed. And tmr I plan to go for the logos hope bookfair. A movie then the dinner.

Sighz. I've never felt so not into work before.. =(

=edited=
And yes. You are fucking pissing me off. You don't do your part yet you expect the rest of us to? You think that you deserve to be promoted rather than Jackson? Think again. With your capability and mindset. Even Danilo have surpassed you. You? You're a wait to be told. Complacent. Irresponsible and negative bitch. I've seriously had enough.

SCDF

I guess I shouldn't have watched that show. I mean. Yes I know it's related to your job and I was curious to see what goes behind the scenes. But I guess it was a super wrong move. Coz it made me think of you again when I shouldn't.

Platonic friends. We're not even that so why do I keep thinking so much? Or izzit coz I genuinely missed hanging out with you?

27 hours without sleep. Why am I pushing myself to the limits once again?

Burnt

First overnight shift in a long time and on the 23rd of Dec. Best Christmas prezzie I received? A burnt on my master hand. Sighz.

Stupid Desmond commented that I've been working with that oil for the past 8 years and yet I could still get burnt by it. lll-.-

It kinda looks chao da now though. But not as pain as this morning. =/ what a wake up call in the early morning with Havi delivery. Guests in. And sizzling heat in the hand. I felt like a fish in a pan. Hmmmz.

What surprised me was when I posted the comment and photo on fb. And some people I need expected to ask. Did ask. *j text me. *y called me and scolded me over the phone. *he text me. Desmond. Michelle. Mum. Line. Chili. Prudence. Philip. Ben. Kaiting. Sister. Annie. Chris. My other mum. Hahaha. What a lot of live this Xmas! =P

Merry Xmas people! (and I hope I don't get burnt again or have another accident tonight!!)

=edited=
How I wish I'll get a surprised visit tonight!

Show

Aiyoz! What kinda show is this??

I juz woke up from my sleep and switched on the tv to channel 8 show. Then I had to see the GM of Orient Hotel send a bouquet of flowers to Rui En and Pierre Png was juz sitting at the other side. The Pierre's mum scolded him for letting Rui En slip past again and again. Then the shop closed.

Pierre was sitting beind the desk waiting for Rui En to finish work and wanted to send her home. But Rui En told him off. 'you know I've liked you for so long. Yet you went hot and cold on me. Tell me in my face if you don't like me. I'll move on.' Pierre was caught off guard and when Rui En was about to leave he said. 'i realized I've fallen for you very long ago but Yiting came back. It's not easy to let go of a 8 years' relationship. I'm used to waiting and she's used to keeping me waiting.' Rui En turned back and told him. 'I'll wait for you. Until the day you fogey Yiting...'

lll-.-

What a time to be seeing this!

Digging up the past

Digging up the past is bound to hurt. But I'm not sure why i suddenly would do that either. I thought back to the past in crez. In poly. At work. And I realized that I do have regrets.

If it's meant to be. It'll be? No matter the time and changes? Will that still happen? Hmmmz.

Reading between the lines is never healthy. Coz it makes one think too much and too in details when that may not be the case. At least that's what I told sister. =) so it's best that everything is said out in plain and no misunderstanding or guessing will happen. =) once in a while guess is fine. Juz not too often I guess.

Was sharing with *d and sister the other day. Then we were so randomly talking and I realized I still love surprises. Hahaha! And I detest routine. And how I still love being treated like a little girl despite my outlook. And how I love that distance between us and the breeze that passes. =)

Yeah yeah. Me being the random me has set a few goals for next year and 2014. Hahaha. Will share when it's closer to year end! Ohohoh! And after talking to brother yesterday. I almost forgot Euro Cup is next year! I am so gonna catch the matches! =D

hee. a random show with a random friend. not too bad. and the ending was twisted! hahaha! i like! XD

been busy over the past 2 weeks and with my dear phonie out of service. =( these 2 days were unplanned off days. so i stuck around at home. settled some work issues. (more to settle tmr) and planned for 2012. tmr's gonna be a long day in some sense. ordering. 2012 presentation. then dinner with the pmo rms and 1st assts. fri and sat my turn to do overnight! =) sun morning going out with *j after work. mon going ah ma's house for xmas gathering! XD tues meeting my hgw girls. wed meeting my ex cck4 gang for dinner! XD thurs opening then pmo nabit. fri only time to breathe before sat overnight again to close the year! =)

shall probably do my reflection of the year in another week's time or so. i'm super looking forward to my cebu trip in jan though! leave's approved. tix bought. arrangement with gino made. time to act differently next year! XD

and this shall be my motivation for the next 3 years. i want to watch the world cup 2014 in brazil. LIVE. doesn't matter which match but i juz wanna catch it LIVE. a once in a lifetime chance. and guess what? my mummy has approved of me going alone already! as long as i join a tour! *beamz* so i have signed up on a few websites for tour information and when the tix are available. =D and i'll probably stay additional few more days to enjoy the sights. =)

so if i do my counting. i'll need about $5000 for the tour and probably $1000 for spending. total $6000 for the trip. if i can guai guai save that $200 monthly for my trip from january 2012 onwards. by 2014 i will make my dream come true! so yes. i will put my heart and soul to that! south africa can wait!

so.

my next year travel plans has been firmed up. january to cebu for sinulog. march to bangkok paid by company. june for ray's wedding in perak. october or november will be the other company trip. then dec probably a 2d1n in malacca when hrc officially opens (coz i want the opening bear and pins! XD) so i should be able to save till then! now it's time to tighten my spendings! XD

and if i do get the scholarship next year. i should graduate by then and be able to travel! anyone keen to travel with me let me know kk? but muz confirm can go one horz. no last minute please! =P and no. i'm not gonna pay for you! XD

and so my motivation starts. =)

sam tsui - hold it against me

hey over there

please forgive me

if i'm coming on too strong

hate to stare

but you're winning

and they're playing my favourite song

so come here

'little closer

wanna whisper in your ear

make it clear

little question

wanna know just how you feel

if i said my heart was beating loud

if we could escape the crowd somehow

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

coz you feel like paradise

and i need a vacation tonight

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

hey you might think

that i'm crazy

but you know i'm juz your type

i might be a little hazy

but you juz cannot deny

there's a spark in between us

when we're dancing on the floor

give me give me more, give me more

wanna see it

so i'm asking you tonight

if i said my heart was beating loud

if we could escape the crowd somehow

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

coz you feel like paradise

and i need a vacation tonight

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

if i said my heart was beating loud

if we could escape the crowd somehow

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

coz you feel like paradise

and i need a vacation tonight

if i said i want your body now

would you hold it against me

after that incident on mon/tue. i have decided. enough is enough. i will not sacrifice my family time for work anymore. neither will i sacrifice my health for work.

coz of a semi finals. of a crew outing. of a store close early. i stayed in store overnight. and the opening attachment manager came late. and that was when i promised my baby bro i would meet him for brunch coz i haven't met him for months. and tue was supposed to go for the exsa.

when i reached home on tue morning. my body was totally against me. even though i napped for 1.5 hours and was to wake up and go brunch-ing with my bro. my body refused to move. i was juz lying there and unable to move. no matter how much i told myself i need to get out of bed. i couldn't do it at all. so i had to tell him sorry that i'm really tired. yes. he didn't blame me and understood that i was tired. but i cried. cried for why am i so silly to push myself so hard. cried for why i'm unable to spend time with my baby bro. and i told a lie. told mickey i wasn't feeling well and didn't go for the exsa. and refused to pick up all calls and refuse to reply msgs that day. coz i was that dead tired.

and from that day i decided. my own personal stuff will come first over work. i gave 8 years of dedication and commitment to the company. it's time i get some time to myself. no doubt i am single. but doesn't mean that singles have no personal life. i have neglected enough of my family. i was never close to them. but that doesn't mean i can't spend more time with them. ask myself. when was the last time i sat down to a proper homecooked meal with everyone present. when was the last time i ate out with my baby bro. when was the last time i brought my mummy out to eat.

1 more year. if 1 more year and if i can't get the uap degree. i will put some serious thought into resigning. it's time to find a job without overnight shifts and more stable hours. yes i may be bored. but i'm no longer young. it's time to spare some thoughts about my future.

and yes. instead of south africa next year. i will aim for brazil 2014. for the world cup. south africa will always be there. but world cup will always change. so it's time to save up for that dream of mine.

Platonic

Platonic friendship. A friendship that is purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of the opposite sex.

Had a great catching up session with Eve juz now over sushi and at coffee club earlier. No doubt the other 2 girls were sick. But she shared with me this experience of hers of a platonic friendship with a guy friend that lasted through both their marriages. And that got me thinking.

Would it ever be possible that we would be friends again? Under the circumstances that we both have moved on and it's been sometime since our last communication. Yes. After the truth. I have moved on and hasn't been that constant in trying to maintain the friendship or keep it going. But your once in a while msgs kept me going and that it's the friendship that counts. Slowing down my pace and reflecting back on the past. I don't wanna lose you as a friend. And I hope that somehow I can still stay as that special friend that you once mentioned to me.

In my heart. You've always had that share of special place and with the story my friend shared. It seems plausible.

So if I'm willing to go back as being friends. Would you be agreeable to it? It does not need to be that constant msging nor calling nor meeting like the past. Once a month or once a quarter would be good enough. Juz a simple meal or a short movie. I wouldn't mind it all. And when it comes to a time when you've found your other half and ready to settle down and start a family. If I need to disappear from your life. Let me know and I will. But I will give you my utmost blessings from my heart prior to that.

A friend is for a lifetime. And given the chance. After all the times we shared laughing and going crazy food hunting in the night. I would wanna continue doing it.

So. *w. Let me know what you think. Whether or not it is possible. Juz a friendship. Nothing more.

... ...

如果放弃这份友情, 我应该会后悔一辈子吧?

and i was off to malacca for 2d1n! super lucky to have found a place to stay! XD stopped at malacca sentral as usual and told the cab uncle to drop me at jonker. and juz nice. he stopped directly in front of... hard rock!!! XD so super happy!!!

the reason why i was in malacca... =) (i bought 1 landmark one for Jose but i lost his add!!! freak!)

so went searching for my hotel coz it was quite ulu. and came upon it by accident. think i was damn lucky! =)

so after finding the hotel and buying the pins. i felt kinda lost. coz my goal has reached and i don't know what to do anymore... but my tummy needed to be settled so off to my fav chicken rice ball store in jonker! he ji! XD i don't like the rice balls all along. so loose rice is fine! XD and coz i was a sole traveler. the lady boss sat me and another lady (also sole traveler) together and we bonded over the meal! =) she's Tamami from hokkaido japan. and it was her first trip overseas alone. kinda pity her so when she asked if she could tagged along with me the whole day. i agreed. and since my main goal was done. there was no harm was there? =)

and we went to jonker 88 for chendol and ice kachang!

ta-da! pic time! XD

and then in the evening after roaming the place and shopping for facial masks and track shoes. we went back to her guest house at ringo's foyer to meet the rest for some cycling for dinner! =) super enjoyed the experience! and guess what? i met the howard that couzin was talking about so much previously and he remembered couzin too! =D so we were kinda like updating each other on how my couzin's doing... =P

and it's off to dinner! ... ... it's always this sight in malaysia that got me thinking of how much i really miss the times i spent roaming and exploring the streets of malaysia... from jb to johor jaya. to pontian. to malacca. sighz... memories...

and we continued cycling along the river in the night after a satisfying dinner... =)

my buyings in the afternoon! love the purple track shoes! XD

came back to sin with Dion. another friend i met in malacca coz he's coming over to sin and not sure of the way... Tamami is coming tmr as well. and i met mark over there with ruth as well. there's still some names i'm not too sure of. but ah well! it was a great trip meeting new people and i realized 1 thing! next time i go malacca. to and from melaka sentral. i can take a RM1 bus to get to jonker! XD

... ...

on the bus trip to and fro malacca and larkin. i thought back on things and reflected on myself. i am no longer a kid anymore. and i should not be a workaholic anymore as well. work things that can be pushed or coz it's my off or leave. i will ignore it. no point that i care so much yet others take me for granted. so yeah.

2011 is coming to an end soon. and with the next trip fast approaching on 12 jan to cebu. it's time to tie up all the loose ends and start afresh.

no more thinking back of what should have been or might have been. no more feeling hurt over people that had never belonged to me 100%. sometimes the greatest hurt comes from not knowing the truth. it has been 1 year. and tons have changed.

i am no longer who i used to be. coz in order to prevent myself from getting hurt again and again over silly matters. i decided to let it all go. and maybe it should start with some tougher measures instead of the ones i am doing now. hmmmz.

let's start with something stupid that i'll be doing tmr. =)

coz 1 of the people in the HRC malaysia posted a photo of 2 HRC pins in fb. i was super gian to go malacca. i knew they were opening a HRC in malacca but not sure when was the exact date till i googled and this was what i saw:

together with an artist's impression.

and so i decided to go on a day trip in and out. but after thinking and much consideration (on my pockets of course!) i decided to try my luck on this boutique hotel that cheekiemonkies stayed at the previous time. although it is $20 more than my usual stay at Aldy. but location and looks wise. i think it kinda won. hands down. =P

and so i booked on fri night. confirmation was on sat morning. and so i am going tmr! =D all alone! me-time!! =P *ssshhh* cannot tell my mummy. later she don't allow again. of course they only have superior rooms so it means i'll get 2 beds all to myself! XD and i asked mei yee to buy the bus tix for me yest. and so i will take from her today. yeah yeah! XD

HRC melaka! here i come! XD

been catching a few movies within the past 2 weeks.

the latest was on thurs after swimming with chili. alien. shark and *y. =) puss in boots! =P but somehow i prefer shrek more! =(

caught a show after my monthend overnight directly (meaning without sleeping nor change of clothes. =P) with alien and shark. a show ah pang initially wanted to catch. 50/50. the front was ok. but till the back it was a bit draggy...

and my much awaited breaking dawn part 1!!! with alien and shark! XD love their honeymoon place's the scenery! ♥ and am now super looking forward to part 2! XD

"原来，当你真的非常非常地喜欢一个女孩，当她有人疼，有人爱，你会真心真意地祝福她，永远幸福，快乐。"

a great show. an ending that caught me in tears. an unexpected movie with *j. what more do i need to say? nostalgia at its best. *w. watch this.

and there was immortals with alien and shark and ah pang. =) so-so ba. probably i expected more coz it was from the producers of 300. storyline could be better. but love the effects. =)

kk. kinda yawn-ey now le. opps! time to get my ass off to work. closing today and then tmr's bus's at larkin at 10am! XD hihi HRC melaka! XD

Breathe

B. R. E. A. T. H. E.

I am still in the momentum of getting back my working mood. I admit. I know the DK muz open at 8am this Saturday. I know the 4 of them have to pull out for OCC this Saturday. I know I need to complete the management schedule and submit by Monday. I know I need to plan all the dates next month by Sunday. I know I need to get all the crew to sign on the letter by monthend. I know I muz attach my managers out half month each to SSC and IMM. I know I have to meet that effing customer tmr.

But.

That does not mean both of you can ask me for the 2nd half of the month. That doesn't mean I have to give you totally 2 full weeks. That doesn't mean I need to get back to you by tonight juz coz you asked for it.

Coz.

You guys never bother to hire TMs to train up in your store. You guys juz leave all your OILs and ALs till year end without sparing a thought for others. You guys think that you ask me to give you the dates I will give you now. You guys think that juz coz I have a big team I have spare managers. You guys assume that I need not exchange managers with other stores. You guys don't take action so why should I care.

So.

I refuse to reply your msg of when I will attach a manager over. I will focus and concentrate on my DK first. And my own store issues. I refuse to think about scheduling when I have OCC preparations to think of. And I will refuse to tell you when I will give you the managers until I happy then I tell you.

Simply.

I don't give a damn about your store. You guys only ask for help but never help me. Especially you. So why should I bother? You take all you want but what do I get I'm return? More work to do. When the work belongs to you. Fuck la. Then now comes another idiot to the PMO. If you wanna be defensive. Be all you want. I don't care. But please teach your managers to be smart. Accept large orders and expect me to help. Why should I? Today is PSLE results release day. Then why did you promise the order when you cannot cope?

If I can't even take care of my own store. How to help?

I know my temper is getting much shorter this week. So stop testing my patience. I'm still having my frustrations so stay away from me. I am so tempted to go do something stupid juz to get away from it all.

... ...

原来你对我的好, 不只是对我而已. 其他人也有同样的待遇, 那我为什么会感觉到一阵阵的酸味?

... ...

而你那突如其来的一封短讯, 既然会让我振作起来多一点. 让我熬过了那一关. 也是一个提醒, 我真的为什么那么卖力? 为的是什么? 但是我还是要谢谢你. 经常在我最失落的时候, 你的简讯, 让我找回了自己.

... ...

It's time to look for a new motivation.

Worth it?

Came upon beloved's photos of her new place and made me had that flashback of the times we spent in her room and house gaming through the night and falling asleep in the cold. =) such good memories.

... ...

But it also made me have some flashbacks. Of the fact that you stayed somewhere near as well. And the times we spent in the area.

... ...

Suddenly mummy threw me off guard and asked me this question. '你做了24小时. 有睡到觉吗?' '没有.'

And it got me thinking.

Izzit worth it to sacrifice my sleep and body and mental strength juz for work? I mean. I appreciate the thought from my mummy. But all along. She has never bothered to ask or care. Perhaps I was too negative and she could feel that I didn't wanna share. Perhaps I should take a step back and see how I can manage like a RM.

There's so much commitment needed from me at this point in time that I'm not too sure how much I can really commit anymore.

It's normal in certain jobs that 24 hours without sleep is nothing. But for me? This is not the way it should be. Especially since I broke down in front of my team yesterday after that incident with that effing customer.

There's so much one could take. And no doubt I willed myself to be strong. There comes a time when you will juz breakdown coz everything is pressing down on you to the extent that you can't breathe. And how no one seems to understand you at all. And you feel so alone. So afraid. So tired.

I wish time could juz stop still for this minute. Let me wallow in my own pain. My own fears. My own doings. And then I promise I'll move on again.

super hate that drilling in the flat above mine. gonna go nuts soon! =/ super hungry now also. think i shall go back sleep first before going out for lunch with mummy. hungry hungry! =/

anyways. =)

yest *j asked to meet for dinner. hahaha. so we trooped down to ikea in an attempt to catch my meatballs! =D hee hee. it's always nice to have someone to come and pick me up from store. =) okies. shall concentrate on the FOR later.

wp cancellation done. pp done. feedback findings done. crew status done. ordering shasha done. housekeeping shasha and jack and ah bao done. cafe housekeeping done. left to go through 1 last round with danilo and go clear a bit of shit. heng got wen how. mei yee and mei fang to see see look look.. =)

jiayou! 1 last day of FOR before the meeting and the occ practice tmr. then i can rest well tmr night before sun's open door! and a breather on mon! shall plan for a swim!! XD

wed meeting *j to catch another movie! XD not sure if we can meet in the day also although supposedly we are both off. =D

dk's opening next sat le. time to look into my schedules to plan for my best people on floor! XD

rushrushrushrushrush!

the next 4 days are gonna be super hell. let's see.

tmr is morning FOR starting at 6am till 4pm. after which i will stay in store to clear some stuff and all those profit plan things. and crew wage structure. then fri is 5pm start FOR till 12am. 12am to 2am is recap of FOR with team. 2am to 4am is management meeting. 4am to 6am is supper/breakfast. then sat morning 11am to be at wcp with ling ling and mei fang for occ practice till 3pm. sun open door day followed by dinner with the shark and alien and most likely chili too. =D

and then i breathe on mon.

the only rush part is tmr night after the FOR coz i need to rush a lot of paperwork and those will kill me bad enough.

but i guess i will survive like any other time. =)

... ...

still not totally in the mood back to work today. but i guess i think it's really time to let go and come back to reality. needs time to adjust back my body clock to singapore time. but these few days it would be good to stay in aussie time. =P

kk. time for bed. need to wake up super early tmr. and am really touched by the reply by my team juz. *touched* i juz hope it is what it is. =)

tatA!

Bikes

I miss the Harleys. The Super 4s and the R6s in Surfers' Paradise. =/

They should rename it as Bikers' Paradise. =) no doubt it's been some time since I last sat on a bike. The last being ah pang's super 4. But it's a feeling never forgotten. =)

It's time to get back to work and all the reality. But then again. Less than 2 months from now I'll be flying off again! This time to Cebu to catch the Holy Week with Gino! XD looking forward to that slacking time before the craze of CNY hits and the forever short month of Feb to begin.

Gonna meet my HGW girls soon. And shark and alien. And hopefully the rest of the crazy peeps! Oh! And to go out with *j too! =D

Dec is gonna be hell too with all the events and trainings to be done. But yeah. I will survive! =D

如果

Feeling emo-momo now. Not sure what happened too. Touched down at 5.25am this morning and after breakfast with mum it was time for home and bed. Slept through lunch till 6pm when I woke up for dinner and it's now back to sleep.

Need to submit profit plan tmr at 4pm. Gonna visit sister in SGH at 12pm tmr. And I refuse to do any work today. Super tired.

Not sure what happened. But it does feel good when I was watsapping you in gold coast and you replied those msgs with that emoticon. And also juz before I left the iMessages you sent with that same emoticon. I know I shouldn't think too much. But I dreamt of you juz now. And when you asked me why I'm so moody. How could I possibly tell you?

I never expected to be this close to you. I never expected to go out or meet this often with you. And I would have never expected that we would still be texting daily as long as I have reception. There's a lot of things I never expected. And the other was having this silly crush on you.

There's no way I can tell you this. And no way can I tell you why I'm emo-ing. Coz it's all about you.

If.
If I've never met you.
If I've never known you.
If I've never added you as a friend.
If I've never gone out with you.
If.

I miss you. But you?

as promised with *j. we went to catch footloose on sunday after i cleared some work stuff in store. nice old country film set. and the songs were juz so catchy! was still singing after we left the cinema on a high! =D

on a whim. went to catch the adventures of tintin with *j again today. 2 movies in 2 days. and juz before i am flying off. =) i like the show. it was similar to polar express kinda animation. and i like to see what i read in comics come to life. =D

... ...

tmr's the day. sister is now admitted to hopsital and unable to make it to gold coast with me. =( so i will have no roomie i think. all alone. =(

have been looking forward to this trip for quite sometime. and i realized juz how much travelling really means to me. and i had flashbacks of my first few trips aboard. =)

the first one when i went hk and macau on the school trip and *g came and picked me up when i landed with beloved and many years' friend. =) the very first one on my own with jovi to taiwan on a plane. i went to the airport alone. but *w rode there after work juz to keep me company for a bit while waiting for jovi to reach. it was only half an hour or so. but it meant a lot to me back then. i also remember skyping late at night in taiwan with him. =) then there was the one after rlp when i touch down and *someone was there to pick me up. he was going to surprise me by bringing me to lau pa sat for satay but he seemed to overlooked that i was dragging an almost bursting luggage so we went fajar for zi char instead. =)

it's been half a year since my last flight out and sometimes. somehow. somewhere. i juz hope that you can send me off or pick me up again...

silly thoughts. okie. time for bed. still got service class to conduct tmr morning. and i haven't pack my luggage yet! if *j sees the msg she is so gonna kill me! XD

as promised to myself. i managed to catch this show somewhere last week. =) it's interesting how often that i'm catching shows of this genre. probably coz i saw the trailers and i thought it would be nice.

'one day': probably not a that fantastic a show. i love the storyline but was caught shocked at the twist in the end. very much of a british slang and how time really seems to fly. reminded me of another show. 'morning glory'. to you: wait for the dvd or watch online. not worth watching in cinemas. =)

went greenridge with mummy for lunch juz now and went to the rental shop to see what would be good to watch. =) and i saw this show that i have yet to watch. a show that was comparable to 'friends with benefits'. similar storyline and predictable. but no longer in cinemas. (such an old show!)

super love this. somewhat felt it's better than 'friends with benefits'. 只有心中有故事的人，才能体会之间的感触。watched this on lappy with my sennheiser headphones connected. machiam surround sound (over the thunder and rain outside). shiok! =D to you: find a way to watch this. not as hilarious as 'friends with benefits' but still good. =)

... ...

and interesting how a post of 'I QUIT!!!' can render so many comments from people who used to be part of my life...

fagan. jolyn. annie. hun loon. janice. kaijing. rudy. shujun. the most shocking ones were fagan. hun loon. rudy. these were people who are not that active on fb. but yet bothered to leave me comments. much much appreciated.

was out from sat night to yest night. and once i stepped back to singapore the msg i received pissed me off totally. it seems like everytime when i leave singapore i come back to clear others' fucking shit. then when i'm off in singapore. eveything is fine. then this equates to me having no life. might as well end this all!

i am pissed. frustrated. disappointed. all rolled into one.

to the point that up to now i am not replying any msgs on my phone. no matter the importance. and i am not picking up any calls. why should i? you guys can vent your anger and frustration on me. then juz coz i am the boss i can't do any of these? that i have nowhere to vent it all out. 难道我就不能任性多一次吗？

i was pissed off during the occ last friday. and i refuse to step out of the managers' room. for what should i? juz coz i was the host? when the fucking organizer can don't plan anything well and go for an interview and the fucking next in line organizer pushed everything to me to get me to ask her to do? fuck la. you guys are like how senior! redeeming point was that after the event when i tried to make a short clip out of all the photos and sent it out. the recognition coming back was well worth all the effort.

shall stop thinking about things that pisses me off and go back to catch some sleep before starting monthend tonight. sure got more things for me to get pissed over.

tatA!

Al azhar

Sitting here at Al-Azhar at this time at a small table near the satay stall reminded me of the last time we met here and chatting for a couple of hours.

I've alwayz loved this place in many ways. Coz of the memories. The food. The routine.

So why am I sitting here alone? Coz sister impromptu asked for a meetup and so I'm here waiting. =) drinking my fav teh tarik. =)

I went to watch a movie this afternoon. As promised I will write a short review on it to tell you if it's worth watching. =)

... ...

Juz met *j for some Chinese orchestra performance by SP and I enjoyed it. Juz not the emcees though. I could do a better job! Even *j agreed! =P gonna meet her for trekking tmr and then brunch-ing and museum-ing too!

Alright! Shall stop here before sister arrives! XD

and this got me thinking of my friendships with some.

probably it's all my fault. i am in shift work and i can't accommodate to a lot of my friends. and when my schedule comes out monthly. it's even harder. and so after a while i stop trying to plan for meetups coz i'm juz so drained. and i know almost 99% of the time my friends won't be able to fit my timings. so i gave up.

looking back. izzit sad? definitely. but even if we meet up now. i don't know what i'll say anymore. coz the working has changed my stance and mindset on a lot of things. and how i look at things are no longer the same. and there doesn't seem to be any more common ground to talk about. so should i bother? i don't know. do i wanna bother? i'm not too sure either.

and then there are friends who out of the blue that suddenly meet up every month or so. no doubt these are friends that i'm not that close with. but i guess friendships can be built the same way they can be torn down?

sighz.

i miss my girls. but i guess all of them seems to have moved on juz fine without me. so why should i make myself the extra by joining in? =/

pain was still there a bit yest. on and off. but i refuse to take the medication. hrmphz. hopefully now it'll get better. i don't want the pain. =( coz the busy period is approaching soon le. from today onwards and all hell will break loose. =/

events have been lined up back to back. starting from today. mdp sessions. chit chat sessions. pds sessions. house meetings. cl meetings. cafe challenge. profit plan projections. shift certification. open doors. mccare day. lws preparations. espresso class preparation. occ preparation and actual event. cafe challenge. and all my paperwork not cleared yet. gosh.

... ...

1 year ago. this was the day. 1 year later and i still think about you sometimes. 101010. i hope you are doing fine.

and this was when i was hit with the fragility of a relationship once again.

Pain pain. Go away please. You've already scared me this afternoon. Juz go away ok? I promise I will take care of myself more and not stress myself too much. I have another event later and it has to be a success coz sister's now in hospital also.

I don't wanna go a&e again. I don't wanna be put on the drip again. I don't wanna have to do all the xrays again. I don't wanna go through the pain.

Please juz disappear ok? I promise I'll be good and go for my checkup in March next year. And I promised sister I'll go with her for our yearly checkup at Gleneagles this coming December le.

Pain pain. Please leave me alone ok? =/

this show is good. waaaaaay good. the beginning was a tad slow and draggy. but the back fights were awsome!

hugh jackman was so rugged and so cute!! XD and the story line was well thought out. the end was super touching and i almost teared lo. nice nice show. and i like atom too! and max as well! =D

interesting how a character can mould and change to another total opposite. and no. i'm not talking about anyone else. i'm talking about me.

have been meeting up with the hgw people almost every other week recently and yeah. my tastebuds are starting to get attas again. =P is that good or bad? hahaha. with them i can ba. and there's dave around. sure even more attas de.

then with ah pang's intro. i'm hooked on overtime. lll-.- going again next week to chill with my team. =) probably will take it as management dinner cost ba. let's see how it all goes. =)

aromatic starker at overtime at holland v. =P

tandoori foie gras anyone? =P

korean pork belly bbq.

escargots!! XD

drinks tasting with the hgw gang. =D

my own me-time at oriole... =)

sun with moon jap dining at wheelock..

chillout with the hgw girls at marina mandarin lounge. =)

etna italian. =)

apple and salmon salad at tcc MBS.

punjab grill again..

high society..

random pics of how attas my tastebuds are becoming. =D

then the food tasting we had today? dorothy asked us how long have we known each other and how. and we thought back. we actually started back in 2007. what a long time!! 4 years has juz flown past like this. eve has gotten married to jon. naddz and mathias are still going strong. dave's daughter is super cute. and got to know alvin in person with michelle and jieying. =) no doubt we don't meet that often and all. especially me and them coz of my sucky schedule. but recently somehow we realized that we could all hang out together and interestingly? it's always about food. GOOD FOOD. and most often than not we spent too much time laughing as well. it's never about work or personal. juz random crap. but then again. where to find makan kakis like them? adventurous yet picky. not that we always go high end places. we go local zi char too. XD

planning on another dim sum trip coz i wanted to go and the rest juz wanted to join in the fun. so waiting for a date from michelle then off we shall go! XD if not dave's gonna bring us to try cheeseburger popiah at hotel michael? *lookz damn lost* hahaha. i juz follow lo. for once when i go out with this bunch of foodies. i never have to worry about the quality of the food or whether i'd like it or not. it's a definite yes. =)

suddenly after going out with them i seemed to have much to say. =)

been spending much me-time too. so much so that *j said i was becoming a zai nu. -.- i mean i juz felt like doing things alone. being alone in my own world. doing what i want. whenever i want. call it emo. call it loner. whatever you wish. i don't care. =)

went shopping alone that day and burnt a hole in my pocket. hahaha. bought a new backpack and signed the world of sports membership to get the 20% discount on my bag and it came with a bag of goodies. then went marks and spencer for my biscuits. piglets. chips. went kino and bought 2 books and 3 mags. went dvd crazy at hmv and bought 4 dvds. ate at sun with moon. and then went oriole's for some reading and snacks. =P and then was off to the studio for drinks tasting and then back to overtime to meet sisters for drinks. and i think the people at overtime can recognize me le lo. =P

tmr or rather later will be spending more me-time at wcp rotting away. =)

this month's quite a slack month so i should make full use of it by resting at home and being a couch potato. =P

i've been like catching shows lo. variety shows late at night. e.u. painted skin. sunshine angel. junior masterchef - australia. mao xian wang. and what nots. hahaha. i wanna be a cushion!! XD

so far only 2 more dates this month. 1 with shark. chili. *y. alien for JB!! and 1 for alien's birthday!! ohohoh. and 1 for my hgw kakis. =)

maximizing my sleep these few days. and my body system has gone haywire in the sense that now i'm not sleepy. but can't wake up too early. die la. sat how to run?? =( can i permanently work closing and night shifts?? XP

i kinda missed working at this kinda time. coz i usually will hang out till early morning before getting my ass home. or will get my ass home and this is the time to maple!! XD it's been so long since i last mapled. guess there really isn't much time already ba.

bro's recruits are POP-ing soon. and then he tell me they'll add him on fb. lll-.- meaning this sister has to approve all the requests for him and it'll be flooding his inbox in my phone. -.- his ORD is next year. and i'm supposed to take leave for him lo. -.- funny lo him. sighz. for the next 4-5 years i can't leave this job le. (unless it's a much higher paying job.) reason? this sister has to pay for his uni education le. -.- ok la. actually we've discussed this some time back. and to take the burden off my parents. the 2 of us decided this sister shall pay through cpf and he'll pay me back after graduation. and this sister only knows it's ex to study this subject in this particular uni. but now this sister juz got a heart attack. $11k per year. gosh. where the hell is this sister gonna pluck the money from? i know my cpf has money la. but not to this extent what. -.- die le la. he better be thankful lo. -.- why do i have to be so nice to this freaking brother of mine ah? sighz. he better work hard and not play a fool. -.- ok. half year more to prepare my poor heart. -.-

next year. my turn to go UAP. i wanna go get that degree too. so i need to slog and manage from now till nov and make sure my results improve and i get a sp rating. THEN i get a chance of going for the UAP. and i don't need to pay. hahaha. but i have to pay for my bro. so basically if i do get it and start slogging next year. both my bro and i are gonna end up as degree students! =D although i will graduate first la. UAP degree is 2 years course. his is 4 years. bachelor ma. =) i will jiayou de. nothing to lose and everything to gain. =)

thinking back. i left school like 5 years ago and have since lost touched with my books and study ways. ok la. probably not that bad coz of bsmc. asmc. empc and rlp. and all those workshops and what nots. but good la. time to buck up and get my goals done. =)

hahaha. it's raining le. that's what mummy's telling me. so off to bed i shall be. and later shall go store to pick up my crew and then off to wcp! =)

tatA world! =)