Last post of 2010

Another year has passed juz like that. To make a long story short. Here it goes:

Like any other year. This was one eventful year with many ups and downs and much tears shed. Be it of happiness or not.

Like many other previous years. Work has been smooth sailing with juz a tiny bit of hiccups along the way. Yet personal life was the one that dealt me the most blows and tried my patience.

I've like all other years before. Come out of 2010 a better. Stronger and faster yixiu. =)

Here's to the end of 2010 and may all the unhappy memories I have be buried and only revisited only when they need to be.

And that 2011 may hold more in store for me and that I may learn much more and walk out of 2011 with my heart and soul intact.

Happy new year everyone! =D

Reflections

Of course no one said it was easy when you have to let go and move on with your life. I know that fact too well. I may have seen this coming coz there's really a world of difference between you and I. So in a way thinking on the positive side. I am not as hurt as how I was. Coz we didn't really spend that much time together. And this is like the shortest relationship I have.

But I do not deny the fact that I did enjoy myself when you were there for me at the end of each day. No matter good or bad. It's a comfort knowing that you care. But somehow I wish and hope you'll treat me like a friend and not ignore me. As a friend I'll still continue to care about you coz I'd like to think of you as one rather than we had a past together. I hope our relationship will turn out like how *y and I are now and not how *b and I are.

Perhaps my thinking and what I'm looking for was different all along. Perhaps we were juz at the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps if back than I did not agree to be your girlfriend. None of this would happen and we would still be good friends. I don't know if you'll ever be able to let go of the past. But we all have a future to look forward to. And I hope in the near future we can be friends again. (and in a way I hope you'll continue blogging and not block me. Coz since I can't ask or talk to you as much as I like as like the past. I still wanna read about you. No matter how boring and all. Coz it's sharing and letting me know you're doing fine.)

I thank my mum for being there. And I think that was the wisest choice I made by telling her what happened coz though I cried a bit in the bus juz now. I feel a bit less emotional now. Probably and perhaps are the only words I can use coz I know you don't share unless we ask. So I'm not sure what's your feelings and thoughts during this time we shared.

I almost wanted to drop by your house juz now coz I read your status. But I was afraid of the outright rejection I would get since texting you already got me no reply. What more if I call you and tell you I'm outside your house?

The stronger someone look on the outside the more venerable the person is inside. And I am that kind of person. You may ask me what's wrong but I can laugh and bring it over. But no one has any idea how broken up I am inside.

People keep telling me someone better will come along one day. That special someone that will change the way I look at love. I hope you find that someone that you can connect with too. And I will bless the 2 of you from the bottom of my heart.

Perhaps the dream that day was a hint to what's coming. Coz though people says dreams are the opposite of reality. That dream has no you. But someone else. Yet the end comes that we are not meant to be.

I'll continue being strong. And probably need to find new hobby to occupy myself.

Ps. If things went the way it should. I thought of crashing your house to spend more time with you tomorrow. And that I would be able to share what happened today with you. But I guess this is all my wistful thinking.

As of now I have more things to handle and you presence is actually greatly appreciated. This is the toughest time before a store opens coz there's movements going around and some issues surfacing and shaking the morale of the team. So I juz need someone to be there for ne. Listen to me. Understand what I'm saying and juz lend me that shoulders to lean on coz I'm tired emotionally already.

But. What has happened has happened. I will move myself out of this broken place one piece at a time. And hopefully one day you will see me in one piece again.

Over

Thank you for all the memories and of pei-ing me go crazy. =)

It's over now and time to move on. I'll have no one to turn to at the end of each day now. But I will be strong and throw myself into work instead. I hope I can last till my short getaway though.

Ah well. No use crying yixiu. The cows will not come home anymore.

*someone: I hope you'll be juz fine too. Jiayou! =)

Good things muz end?

Muz all good things come to an end? I know what I want. At least I think I do.

It's your decision after all. And no matter what I want or how I feel. It doesn't matter any more. I'll respect your decision.

I juz hope you don't regret it.

i think i'm posting a tad too frequent on my blog nowadays. guess that's what happens when i'm on the roads more and less time at home to switch on my com. so i blog from phone lo. and it comes to the point when there are things i wanna say but not fb so i've to post it here ba.

today's been a long day with the interviews. second chance. oje. follow up on trainings. and then finally met karin to go k. =) so i juz finished my shower and am blowing my hair dry while using the com. =)

i guess i'll go to sleep once i'm done coz there's no more entertainment and yarz. why should i wait for something that will never happen? sighz.

i guess at times i am really thinking a lot and keeping things to myself le ba. as promised. i will keep myself busy tonight and the whole of tmr so i won't think so much.

we-ll. i'll try. that's all i can say. hates it when i have to do that.

Trying too hard

I guess I try to hard. And then I end up disappointed.

=edited=

The phone rang and the number was private. And I was hoping it was you. but it ain't. *hopez dashed*

And then I read this article and thought how true it was and was so touched that the tears juz rolled down.

Sighz

What an end to a day. The day is over juz like that. No announcements. No last minute surprises. Nothing.

So it seems like every occasion there's no biggie to it. So probably there's really no reason for celebrations.

So maybe I really am asking too much ba. I actually have much things to say. But I never knew where to start. I actually wanted to ask you more things but you're like not comfortable sharing. Then so be it ba.

The world doesn't revolves around me. I am not the axis of your life. Sighz.

had a happy happy christmas! =D

was working yesterday. but went over to beloved's place to meet the girls for takeaway dinner and some cards exchanging. =) was supposed to be watching movies. and playing card games. but we ended up juz drinking and chatting. =D yepz. so it was a happy get-together with my favourite people in the world. =) only thing that could make it better was if *someone had a bit of time for me to chat to. anyway.

slept over with karin at beloved's place and although we got up early we got out of bed after much reluctance at 1pm. hahaha. and went down to lot 1 for lunch at sakae teppanyaki. shopped around for our stuff and of course my purchase of the day is the acer ferrari laptop. hahaha. =D

now at home and trying to get it ready for work on monday. hahaha. =D

i hope i can manage to call *someone and chat with him. if he's not too tired that is. =(

Emotions turbulance

I think I shouldn't have read back the past entries. Coz it got me thinking again. Not a good thing. Is it time yet? Or have I even done it?

finally an off day after 8 straight working days and of running here and there. =)

i didn't do much nor go out. i merely stayed at home and cleared my luggage from my rlp class last month. =) and watched 2 movies with *someone. knight and day and death race. well. at least it was time well spent. =)

kk. my rc's done. things for tomorrow's meeting's also planned and done. now back to clearing my rubbish and then it's off to bed at 9pm. coz i promised *someone. =)

so looking forward to friday coz i'm meeting my girls! =D hee!

Thank you!

*someone. Thank you for waiting for me. For taking the effort to meet me after work even though it was so late. For shopping with me for my work stuff. For sending me home. =)

Really thank you. It makes me feel loved. =D

Be strong!

I know I am busy. I know I don't have much time. I know I'm demanding. I know i talk too much. I know i'm trying to share a lot. But I'm trying my best to fit into your free time no matter how tired I am.

Sighz.

It making me feel lowly.

Interesting twist...

Today started out on the bad side. Coz i've a beanie who's supposed to go for class today that tell me her uniform is not dried. In the wash. Etc. Fine.

Then when the class started with introductions she was like pushing away and so unwilling to participate. Waste my time. Never mind. During the first half of the class she was so quiet. Then after she warmed up it was hell for me.

She was so disrespectful to Mei Chun. And she asks the most ridiculous questions ever and challenge Mei Chun. I mean good challenges are fine but she went overboard. My temper is not very short. But today was stretching my limits totally. I almost strangled her and wanted to ask her to get out le lo. Arrghz.

And she wanted to leave early coz of church. And she didn't inform beforehand. So I asked her to explain to Mei Chun coz she's the trainer for the day and this was her answer when Mei Chun asked her why she muz leave for church. 'I don't care if the rm let me leave or not. I will still go.' WTF!

It's fine she doesn't treat me like a rm. But that is not the way to talk to Mei Chun! Where's the respect sia?

And I know she has been giving problems at cck4 too. But coz the managers know she's my beanie everyone puts up with her. And she doesn't respect the shift leaders either! I know I've been trying to cover her ass but the results are still not showing!

So after class today and after consulting Mei Chun. My team and beanies. We have decided to let her go. This will be my first crew turnover and it's not coz the crew wanna leave. It's coz she's gonna bring trouble for us.

I don't want her to spoil the teamwork at cck4. Neither do I want my managers to suffer coz of her. Much less said the beanies. So the decision is final. I've told Mickey about it as well and she agrees.

... ...

And then I met *someone for and imprompto dinner juz now and chilled a while. Release my anger. =)

And I went back cck4 to collect some things and was talking to George and Shuling. Hmmmz. Things have definitely changed. Sighz.

On my way back on the lrt while uploading pics on fb this little girl came over and squeezed in beside asking what i'm doing. Ended up she was playing vegesamurai on my phone while I was reading her sleeping beauty storybook. Hahaha. And she asked me to read out loud to her. And man! Is her English fluent! *impressed*

Yepz. So the day started out bad but ended with an interesting twist. =)

i think i am dumb. i also don't know why i will click on that link and read the posts. coz now they pisses me off totally. juz like how some rms does.

my day like yest started out well. with reading *someone's blog and the fb updates. =)

then today was a long day with the meeting at wcp and HR updates at kap. and i tell you. the meeting was fine. the art and craft was ok. the exchanging of presents are ok. then i went with mum. han. jason and joseph to makan lunch at west coast market. and then some of the things they said made me laugh. hahaha. that was a good thing. and i also know with my promotion and opening stores have given some senior rms unwanted stress coz vikki used me as an example.

then come the HR updates. some rms asked stupid questions la. it's inside the store brief still ask. my tian. brainless sia. then ask stupid things when it's sated clearly what and how it should be done. then i told my 1st asst. she smack me and laugh and said i was mean. hahaha. maybe la. but really brainless lo. somemore degree student sia. (no offense to the rest of you out there. it's juz that some people that makes me go *smackz head*).

then i was happy coz my baby brother came back from 3 weeks in brunei in one piece! although he almost died coz he ate a poisonous plant. well. at least he survived. thank god. and then we went bpp for jack's place (his treat!=)) and then walk a bit then come home.

and i was still in a good mood! and *someone sms me and i was still happy. until i read those posts. so yeah. i don't know why it has such an impact on me. perhaps it's better i block that person? sighz.

and i'm like totally no mood now le. heng i finished my work already. but seriously. i don't know why it's affecting me so much. juz feel like emo-ing. sighz.

totally sian 1/2. sighz.

=edited=

and i simply hate rms who are so calculative. bloody shit.

Good day! =D

Today started off well. Ended off well today. No tears. No arguments. No disagreements. No feeling of sadness. Juz the feeling of wanting to be a kid at Christmas for once. =D

Anyone wants to pamper me? =D

Testing testing...

Ok. This is my first time trying to write a post from my phone coz I'm still out of the house and I thought it was quite cool if I could blog on my phone. Which will also mean more updates from whenever I feel like it and don't wanna post on fb. =)

Anyway. Today started out fine. Still fine till now with all the cafe training for half of my team and the allocation of tasks. =)

Kk. Think that's all for now. May blog later. See how it goes ba. =)

ok. i think i have rested enough for a day.

tonight and the rest of tmr will be a time to crack my head and try to lighten the situation of opening the store early and getting the team ready for action.

of course i know the teamwork will not be there yet. we will be at the stage of forming with artificial harmony. but i couldn't care less. i juz want to open the store with the number of crew we will have and make sure things go smoothly. the storming stage can come after chinese new year. so that we can all work things out then.

a few things on my mind now:

1) hiring

2) orientation

3) training

4) pulling out of CLs

5) calibration of standards

6) shopping at SP2 for cafe items

7) tabulating the amount to be reverted out for each store

and yes. i will start planning all by tonight. so yeah. it'll be a long night and day.

jiayou yixiu! =)

kill me please. someone. please.

my bc juz called and tell me the opening date of the store might be pushed forward by 8 days! freaking 8 days! arrrghz! that means 1 less week to hire the number of crew to staff up the place! wtf!

arrghz! ok. now i feel the stress. so now the projected opening is on 13 jan instead! arrghz! why did i take the challenge to open a store? oh. it's not my choice. coz i thought opening a store would only come 3 years down the road.

now there's only my 1 cl. 1st asst and me. and no managers and no crew and no other cls. wtf! arrghz.

think i shall vent it all out and then keep quiet for the next 2 days to sort out my thoughts and plan what i should do next. arrghz! where's the ears and shoulders when i need them? arrghz. angry angry!

good day so far. minus my so-not-cooperative voice. =( and yeah. going to sleep soon le. coz that fellow says i muz sleep by ten! =( even if my rc is still running. heng my rc i start for another period le.

and that jolyn damn funny la! during today's nabit this was our conversation through sms:

J: wow! she talk like you lei. that jaya.

X: dumb la... where got? =P

J: haha. got lei... so like you la... goodness.

X: i know you miss my presentaion la... =P

J: haha... faint la... the one sitting beside me is my boss the one beside her is sk... see today they lock me up...

X: hahaha... i know... so you can't run ma!

J: ya... like a jailbird!!!

♥ still believing ♥

14 mins to blog as my rc continues to earn me money.

today has been a long day from 9am till 9.30pm. running around cl3. cck4. cl3. hfc. kap. cck4. juz all to make sure i talk to my people and make sure they stay with us. the stress is starting to come in le. 8 days gone and what have i achieved? time to pause and reflect on myself le. and plan my to do list for the next week. hmmmz.

don't know what hit me. probably lack of sleep and water. so my body is rebelling now. damn that flu. it's making me damn xin ku now. i want warmth. i want love. i want hug. i juz want someone to show concern and care. not juz as a friend but more. i know how to take care of myself. but everytime i am sick. i juz feel like a little girl all over again.

sighz.

yixiu grow up ba. no one will be there since you're always so busy and running around. it's time you plan to fit into others' schedule. not others into yours.

sighz.

i am sick. =( nose's attempting to run away to finland to see santa. throat's getting sorer. i'm getting giddy. but *someone made my day.

coz coz coz i was going home from cityhall and the *someone sms me and kept me company all the way through. and coz i asked for a hug the *someone turned up at bpp instead. =) touched touched. =) for the first time in a long time someone was there when i was sick. and we had ramen. and then he insisted on sending me home. =) hmmmz. he learns fast. =)

during the meal i said something wrong and he was kinda upset. sorry wor. =(

but yeah. all in all it ended alright. no hug. but but but. =*

then yeah. i like the songs i'm hearing now. hahaha. nice nice! =D

i still don't feel the stress yet lehz. how how how? no pressure and i'll under perform! =(

and yeah. i'm going to sleep soon. once my rc is ok. otherwise *someone will nag me again. coz we're chatting online now too. hahaha.

good night world.

good night love. =)

so very shagged. i juz want *someone to try to understand and be there for me. =(

went for the mccafe star awards on monday. then before that *someone came and picked me up. =) *heartz* then we went to jp for haagen daz.

and then we decided to order the christmas fondue. =)

i love the santa decor lo. but where's my snowman? (refer to menu pic) =(

so *someone drew a snowman for me using marshmallow and chocolate fondue. hahaha. a bit ugly. but never mind la. =)

santa in the dip! =D

and these were the flowers we picked up for the award ceremony. =) nice nice!

the ceremony went well. but aiyoz. west zone a bit dead lehz. =( like only vikki and i were the noisy ones lo. hmmmz. i think i need more training to be more thick-skinned le. =(

and shark! congratulations once again! =D